Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Rick Springfield, David Bowie, and Duran Duran, all in one place!

It seems that everywhere I go lately, it's the 1980s all over again. While taking my daughter to her tae kwon do class this evening, we came across Rick Springfield singing "Jessie's Girl" on the radio. (Damn, Rick Springfield was hot.) And earlier today, at the gym, I heard both David Bowie's "China Girl" (a classic) and Duran Duran's "Hungry Like the Wolf" (ditto). So, I figured I'd share. (Btw, I don't know about you guys, but I miss the old MTV, the one that showed great and, okay, not-so-great music videos, and only music videos. I still love Toni Basil singing "Mickey" in that cheerleader getup.)

Note: I wanted to share the original video of Bowie singing "China Girl" (which you can watch here), but got the old "embedding disabled by request" message. So you'll just have to settle for this live version, from Bowie's "Serious Moonlight" tour, which I saw when it was at Madison Square Garden.

Got a fave 1980s video or song you want to share? Leave a comment (preferably with a link).

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Why women have sex

Apparently there are other reasons -- 236 of them -- besides "to get him to help out more around the house," according to a new book out titled Why Women Have Sex: Understanding Sexual Motivations from Adventure to Revenge (and Everything in Between. (Though according to a University of Michigan study, 9 percent of women indulge in "economic sex." Hey, if it gets him to do the dishes and fix my computer....)

You can read a quick overview of the book, which reveals some of the authors' more interesting findings (it helps ease migraines!), at

You can also take this quiz to find out how much you really know about women and sex.

UPDATED: Forgot about this classic New Yorker cartoon friend of the blog "Vubbie" (aka "Anonymous") sent me a while back.

Sunday, September 27, 2009

How to turn your bedroom into a sports bar

Thanks to the infinite wisdom (NOT) of Jets' management, the spouse and I had a difficult decision to make today: Jets or Giants? Or so I thought.

Yes, in theory, we could have gone to a sports bar to watch both games, which are being played, for the first time in over 20 years, at the same time on the same day (albeit in different stadiums) -- while drinking beer and eating lovely free nibblies. But our not-old-enough-to-stay-home-alone-for-three-hours child had a friend coming over, so we couldn't.

But that did not stop the spouse, a self-described geek. Oh no. Thanks to having not one but two Sony TVs (albeit previously in different rooms -- and only one of which is HD), a little coaxial cable, and a splitter, the spouse was able to have both the Giants (vs. the Tampa Bay Buccaneers) and the Jets (formerly the New York Titans*, who are playing the Tennessee Titans, formerly the Houston Oilers) broadcasting simultaneously... in our bedroom.

Add some beer, some nuts, and some chips and... voila! You, too, can have a sports bar in your bedroom!

For the record, the spouse tried to get the Jets game on the HDTV (left), but claimed it would only show the Giants game.

Also, for those who are thinking of trying this at home, a note of caution: Do NOT use the same brand of TV if you can help it. Because both of the TVs the spouse used are Sonys, and the remotes have the same codes, every time you use the remote on one, to, say, change the channel or raise or lower the volume, the other set changes too, so you have to do that stuff manually. It is also next to IMPOSSIBLE to watch two games simultaneously. John Madden is a god.

*A note about today's Jets -- or should I say "New York Titans"? -- game: WTF?! Again with the New York Titans uniforms?! Especially against the Tennessee Titans, I mean "Houston Oilers"? Way to go, Jets management! Even the poor commentators were/are confused, referring to Tennessee as "the Oilers" at least a couple of times.

UPDATED 4:08 PM: FINAL SCORES: NY Giants 24, TB Buccaneers 0; NY Jets/NY Titans 24, TN Titans/Houston Oilers 17. A most excellent day for NY/NJ football teams.

The sports bar is now closed... and we return to our regular bedroom.

Atone here! Sinners welcome!

In honor of Yom Kippur, the Jewish Day of Atonement, which begins at sundown today and ends at sundown tomorrow, I invite readers of all faiths and beliefs -- Jews, Catholics, Protestants, Buddhists, Hindus, Muslims, Zoroastrians, Rastafarians, Pastafarians, Agnostics, Atheists, whatever -- to leave a sin (anonymously or otherwise) in the comments.

To make it easy, let's just stick with the basic Seven Deadly (or Cardinal) Sins, which are:


I myself have succumbed to three or four of these this past year* (and no, rooting for both the Jets AND the Giants is not a sin) -- but hope to get my sinning down to just one or two categories in the new year. (Hey, no one is perfect.)

And because laughing is not a sin (at least not that I know of), some Yom Kippur humor for your viewing enjoyment.

The Colbert ReportMon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Atone Phone - Emmy Awards
Colbert Report Full EpisodesPolitical HumorHealth Care Protests

The Colbert ReportMon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Atone Phone - Larry King Calls
Colbert Report Full EpisodesPolitical HumorHealth Care Protests

*While confession is good for the soul, it's not always so good for the marriage or friendship.

Friday, September 25, 2009

An open letter to the NFL re this Sunday's Jets, Giants games

I cannot believe you scheduled the Jets and Giants games for the same time -- 1 p.m. ET -- this Sunday. WTF?!

And don't give me the Yom Kippur excuse. I know Yom Kippur begins at sundown this Sunday, September 27, and goes until sundown Monday, September 28. For chrissakes, everyone (OK, almost everyone) knows that.

Hello?! Yom Kippur has been going on for over 5000 years! Get a calendar. Not like you can't Google "Yom Kippur" and find out when it occurs for, like, the next hundred years. But every time Yom Kippur falls on a Sunday, you guys (yeah, I'm talking to you NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell and/or whomever does the scheduling) manage to screw things up. And we New York Jets and Giants fans are fed up.

And why just reschedule the Jets (to the 1 p.m. slot)? What, there are no observant Jews in Buffalo, Seattle, Cincinnati, San Diego, or Phoenix? Are you kidding me?

I am very, very annoyed -- as, I am sure, are a lot of Jets and Giants fans.

And to those of you who say, "J., why don't you and the spouse just go to a sports bar to watch the games?" I would LOVE to go to a sports bar, but we have a kid, whom we can't leave alone for three or four hours. And I'm not sure it would be kosher to spend the Day of Atonement in a sports bar.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Underwear for the left-handed man -- a cheeky idea whose time has come

I didn't realize that men's underwear was biased towards righties, but apparently the (left-handed?) designers and marketers at Hom have a better grasp of this (ahem) issue than I do, as well as the balls to rectify the situation.

Per an investigative report in the London Daily Telegraph, "While boxer shorts usually have a central opening, Y-fronts and trunks traditionally have a right-handed opening, making it potentially more tricky for left-handed men when they are standing at a urinal" (or need to whip it out for some other pressing reason).

To which I say: Who knew?

But thanks to Hom's new underwear, now lefties everywhere can whip it out the way God intended them to. Southpaws rejoice!

(Btw, you can pick up a pair of the Hom H1 Original Maxi Trunk or Hipster for lefties online at and at other fine stores.)

UPDATED: "Be twice the man in Y-front"?! Anybody care to explain?

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

"Cougar Town" is one town I do NOT plan on visiting

Why are Hollywood and the tabloids suddenly so obsessed with stories of older women dating younger men anyway? More to the point, why do all these shows and the tabloids make the idea of an attractive (or not) woman of a certain age dating a younger man so creepy and cringe-inducing? (Btw, for the record, I prefer the term MILF to cougar, even though they are not synonyms.)

The reality is: Women come into their own later in life than men. Women live longer (and men die younger). Middle-aged (and older) women are far more interesting and experienced than younger ones. So what the heck is wrong with a woman dating or marrying a guy a few years younger? Why does the media have to make it so... so... ICKY? Guys date or marry younger women all the time -- often MUCH younger women, young enough to be their daughters or granddaughters. Now THAT is creepy.

So NO, I will not be watching Courteney Cox (who, while I am in catty mode, I would like to note is older than I am, though still looks damn good) in Cougar Town this evening.

Instead, I will be watching Glee, on FOX, which promotes good old American values, such as promiscuity, adultery, and lying -- but (at least currently) does not feature any cougars.

Oh, and that song, "Stacy's Mom"? Totally OFF my playlist.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Hammer time: Tom DeLay shakes his thang on "Dancing with the Stars" premiere

They say politics does strange things to a man. And now we have even more proof, in the form of former House Republican Majority Leader Tom DeLay, who last night got in touch with his "feminine side" to perform a Cha Cha with Cheryl Burke on Dancing with the Stars (DWTS).

While you might be inclined to skip ahead to the actual dance sequence, don't. Then you would miss such priceless rehearsal moments as Tom DeLay learning how to shake his wild thang (which, in this case, would not be his moneymaker) and go left. (Btw, if you check out the video on YouTube, be sure to read the comments. Some of them are priceless.)

I have (hate?) to admit it, but I found DeLay endearing. He may also have just single-handedly saved the Republican party, or at least brought in a whole new block of voters.

Monday, September 21, 2009

Jets deserved an Emmy for yesterday's performance against the Patriots; ditto the Giants vs. the Cowboys

Forget the Emmys, people. Last night the real drama was taking place in Dallas, in Jerry Jones's $1.3 billion Cowboys Stadium, where an NFL record crowd of over 105,000 watched in stunned silence as the Cowboys lost to the Men in Blue 31 - 33 in the final seconds of the game. (There's a great little video summary of the game over on the home page of, called "In the nick of Tynes," which unfortunately did not contain an embed code.)

As a result of last night's win over their divisional rival, the Dallas Cowboys, the New York Giants now are alone atop the NFC East with a 2-0 record. To which I saw: WOOHOO! (And yes, I plan to enjoy it while it lasts, which will be at least a week. : )

Also making headlines -- and deserving of an Emmy for most dramatic turnaround after the half -- are the New York Jets, who stunned the New England Patriots yesterday with a 16-9 win. Two words (and they ain't "Mark Sanchez," though he was pretty great): DE-FENSE. And the Jets had it, in spades. Though Patriots' quarterback Tom Brady (aka Mr. Gisele Bundchen) getting four delay of game penalties didn't hurt the Jets either. (See boys. This is what happens when you bang supermodels. It weakens your game.)

I have to admit, I was pretty nervous going into the half, but what a difference 20 minutes makes! Pretty much bottled up by the Patriots in the first half, Jets' quarterback Mark Sanchez came out with his "guns" blazing, throwing some real beauties, including a deep strike to Jerricho Cotchery that went for 45 yards and a pass to Dustin Keller that resulted in a touchdown.

As a result of yesterday's huge win, the New York Jets are now alone atop the AFC East leaderboard with a 2-0 record. To which I also say WOOHOO!

Until next week...

Saturday, September 19, 2009

Presenting Son of Catzilla! The Sequel! Starring Felix T. Cat

(Okay, technically, it's The Adopted Brother of Catzilla! But Son of Catzilla! just sounded better.)

Our story begins innocently enough, in a typical suburban house, on a typical suburban street, in a typical suburban town, on a typically quiet Saturday morning...

Until... something dark and malevolent is awakened inside of Felix, adopted brother of... Catzilla!

And suddenly no one is safe from his wrath. Run for your lives, little Iwako Japanese hamster erasers!

Oh no! It is too late.


Friday, September 18, 2009

Sex! Pirates! Football!

This blog post has something for everyone! (Don't like a topic? Scroll down.)

First up, SEX!

Though this should really come as a surprise TO NO ONE.... Once again, a married with children "Family Values" Conservative Republican lawmaker, Michael D. Duvall, of Yorba Linda, CA (aka the OC), has been caught with his pants down.

In this particular incident, Assemblyman Duvall really only had himself -- and his big fat mouth -- to blame. The goods: During a legislative session this summer, which, btw, was being taped on the legislature's in-house TV station, Mr. Duvall, in his infinite wisdom, bragged, in front of a live mike, to his colleague, about his two spanking hot mistresses -- one of whom is (was?) an energy lobbyist he worked very closely with as -- ahem (you cannot make this stuff up) -- vice chair of the Committee on Utilities & Commerce.

TPM has all the juicy (and I mean "juicy") details here, including a (censored) YouTube clip of the incident.

Btw, unlike a certain adulterous governor of South Carolina, Mike Duvall resigned -- albeit only after the story broke this month.

[Note: I know my Anonymous Conservative Republican friend will be jumping up and down about my seeming singling out of a Republican and not listing all the dumb Democratic pols who've been caught with their pants down. And to him I say: It's my blog, and I can write what I like. Don't like it? Get your own blog.]

Next up, me hearties... tomorrow (Saturday) is Talk Like a Pirate Day 2009!

What's "Talk Like a Pirate Day," you ask? Aarrr. Just go to the "one and only, official, accept-no-substitutes Talk Like A Pirate Day Web site" to find out! And be sure to check out the Top 10 Pirate Pickup Lines, which include "Have ya ever met a man with a real yardarm?" and "Pardon me, but would ya mind if I fired me cannon through your porthole?" (Hmm... I wonder if Mike Duvall used one of those...)

And last but certainly not least... FOOTBALL!!!

This Sunday, both New Jersey -- I mean New York -- NFL teams have HUGE matchups. HUGE, people. At 1 p.m. The New York Jets (of East Rutherford, New Jersey) take on the New England Patriots at home in the Meadowlands. I think (hope, pray) this will be a close one (with the Jets beating Mr. Gisele Bundchen and the Patriots) -- and a true test of the Jets new defense, coach (Rex Ryan), and QB (Mark Sanchez) -- and will be GLUED to the TV.

Similarly, in another huge divisional matchup, Sunday night the New York Giants (also of East Rutherford, New Jersey) will be taking on the Dallas Cowboys down in Dallas, at the monstrous new stadium down there. And again, I think this one could easily go either way (as do the oddsmakers), though, OF COURSE, I am rooting for the G-Men. Go Big Blue! Earn that $106.9 million, Eli Manning!

Got an opinion on either game or team -- or any of the above? Leave me a comment... on the blog. Bonus points if your comment makes you sound like a pirate!

Wishing you a sun-filled weekend....

Thursday, September 17, 2009

There is nothing sexy about doing laundry...

contrary to what this 1998 Super Bowl ad for Doritos, featuring former Miss USA Ali Landry, might have you believe.

I am at the point where I have lost count of how many loads of laundry I have done this week. (Got one in the dryer right now!) And trust me, I don't feel the least bit sexy. Though maybe it's because I'm not using the LG WM3431 Front Load All-in-One Washer/Dryer or popping Doritos 3Ds.

UPDATED: As I have now been reminded, laundry can be sexy (ditto ironing, vacuuming, and doing the dishes), when done by someone else. Exhibit A...

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Dirty Blogging: An homage to the late Patrick Swayze

Alternate title: To Patrick Swayze Thanks for Everything, J-TWO-O

Though, for the record, I only saw a few of Swayze's films. I did not see Dirty Dancing, though I have used the film's signature line to my own ends numerous times. (The latest: Why is Swayze being cremated? Because... no one puts Swayze in a coffin.) I did, however, see Ghost, at least a couple of times (and may have taken a pottery class as a result). And I have now seen this classic SNL clip of Patrick Swayze and Chris Farley as dancers auditioning for a spot at Chippendales a few times.


From the various tributes I have heard and read, Patrick Swayze, who lost his battle with pancreatic cancer yesterday, seemed like one of the good guys -- and certainly had the time of his life making movies for the big screen and TV and training show horses. Still, 57 is too young to die, no matter who you are.

Adios amigo.

Let's see what Carol Merrell* has in the box...

Hmm... Let's make a deal: One new pair of shoes for one lovable black cat. Seems like a fair deal to me!

It is amazing to me how over three feet of cat can squeeze (or curl up) into one foot of shoebox.

*If you got the reference to "Carol Merrell" (whose last name is really spelled "Merrill"), or if you didn't, click on the link to find out some fascinating facts about the former Let's Make a Deal model and the show (the version with Monty Hall). Btw, production on the NEW Let's Make a Deal, with Wayne Brady as the host, begins today, with the first episode scheduled to air October 5. More details here.

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Giants disappoint despite 23-17 win over Redskins

When your quarterback (Eli Manning) is the highest paid player in NFL history (having just signed a contract extension giving him $106.9 million over the next seven years), you expect a high(er) level of play. To put it bluntly: Despite the Giants' winning score of 23-17, Eli Manning simply did not deliver in today's too close game against the Washington Redskins. And the rest of the New York Giants didn't inspire a whole lot confidence either, except for kicker Lawrence Tynes, who scored three field goals for the G-Men.

It was like Freaky Friday -- or Sneaky Sunday -- here in the Tri-State area, with Mark Sanchez and the Jets looking and playing way more confidently against the Houston Texans today than the Super Bowl XLII-winning New York Giants.

Yeah, I'm glad the Giants won. (A W is ALWAYS better than an L.) But Big Blue better figure out a way to come up bigger if they want to make it to the playoffs this year.

(No pictures. Was eating dinner. The spouse made a heavenly cauliflower soup, I made some crispy bacon, and J-THREE-O made garlic bread. Yum.)

Mark Sanchez pilots Jets to 24 - 7 victory over Houston Texans

Wow. What a game! What a rookie! And not only does Jets quarterback Mark Sanchez know how to fill out a uniform, he knows how to throw and pass a football! Touchdown!

Sanchez, in his first NFL start, away, while he made a couple of rookie mistakes looked like a pro -- and threw way fewer picks than Brett Favre.

Running back Leon Washington was amazing, as was fellow running back Thomas Jones. And the Jets defense? Brilliant. Jets defensive tackle Kris Jenkins is an animal!

Yeah, yeah. I know it's only one game -- and the first game of the season -- but I am PSYCHED, people.

And yes, those are my pictures. And they're so grainy because I took them while screaming at the TV. GO GO GO GO JETS!!!

If this keeps up, the spouse may need to get me a Sanchez #6 jersey for my birthday (which is 11/6) -- and new vocal cords.

Friday, September 11, 2009

Break out the NFL thongs! It's football season!

Ah fall, when a middle-aged woman's fancy turns to... football. In this woman's case, the New York Giants and the New York Jets, who open their respective seasons this Sunday.

First up, the Jets take on the Texans in Houston at 1 p.m. (For those who care, the game airs on CBS, with Jim Nantz and Phil Simms providing the usual drivel.) This will be the first NFL start for Jets' rookie quarterback Mark "Even Cuter than Tom Brady!" Sanchez, and I can't wait.

Then at 4:15 p.m. ET over on Fox (oh joy, Joe Buck and Troy Aikman -- bleh), the Giants will be hosting the Washington Redskins -- and we will get to see if quarterback Eli Manning is worth the $106.9 million the Giants are paying him (over six years).

Am desperately trying to get the daughter a playdate as for some strange reason she has no interest in football. (We already told her, weeks ago, that mommy and daddy were not to be disturbed during game time.) My other dilemma? Deciding which thong to wear.

Anyway, I will be posting my impressions of both games either Sunday night or Monday morning.

Play ball!

Thursday, September 10, 2009

American Idol shocker: Ellen DeGeneres replaces Paula Abdul as judge

Huh?! Wha?! Ellen DeGeneres, the comedienne, semi-spontaneous dancer, and Emmy award-winning talk show host is American Idol/FremantleMedia's answer to Paula Abdul, Emmy award-winning choreographer and Grammy award-winning singer?! Ellen DeGeneres can't even sing!

I am SHOCKED, people, SHOCKED.

Ellen DeGeneres as a new judge on America's Got Talent, OK. But DeGeneres as the fourth judge on American Idol? If they wanted to add a little comedy to the show, they should have recruited Norman Gentle (aka Nick Mitchell). At least Norman/Nick can sing.

For more on this breaking story, read this and this. (Just click on the hyperlinks, Mom.)

Seriously, what is going on over there? Didn't Kara "Studio 57" DioGuardi show Idol producers the error of their ways last season? "No Boundaries"?! WORST. IDOL. FINALE. SONG. EVER. And that's saying something. And will we now have DeGeneres kissing DioGuardi, a la Simon and Paula? (You're welcome, Simon.)

SIGH. At least I have Drop Dead Diva and Glee to console me....

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

God, I miss Bill Clinton

Say what you will about the man (actually, please don't), but dang if Bill Clinton doesn't know how to work an audience -- and make you hang on his every word (unless you are a Conservative Republican and/or male).

I happened to catch CNN this morning, just as Fredricka Whitfield cutaway to the former President delivering a tribute to late CBS newsman Walter Cronkite, who died earlier this summer, and I could not change the channel. Bill Clinton's speech was not only poignant and thoughtful, it was funny.

I am a fan of President Obama, and think he is a good orator, but he pales next to the master.

If you missed Bill Clinton's speech and/or care to have a listen, here's the clip:

Monday, September 7, 2009

Mattress hopping

Or one couple's search to find the perfect bed.

After now having tossed and turned on more than a dozen mattresses in less than 24 hours, here is what the spouse and I have concluded about buying a mattress: There is no perfect bed, at least in queen size. But there is some amazing mattress marketing out there. And really, being a marketing consultant and writer, I should know better. But I've been a bit sleep deprived.

A little background: I weigh around 90 pounds (no, that isn't a typo -- and no, I do not have an eating disorder, I am just... petite) and tend to sleep in one position and am a light sleeper. The spouse, who is about eight inches taller than I am, and weighs around 175, tosses and turns, a lot, especially when he is worried about work, which is pretty much all the time these days. So, I haven't been getting a whole lot of sleep the past few months.

So, rather than shop for a new spouse, I figured let's get a new mattress, a decision reinforced by the arrival of the new issue of Consumer Reports, which has a great little article all about mattresses and customer satisfaction, which says that a new mattress (any new mattress) improves the quality of one's sleep -- except, perhaps, during the period one is shopping for a new mattress.

"Buying a mattress is no bed of roses," said Tod Marks, senior project editor for Consumer Reports. (Yeah, tell me about it, Tod.) "In fact, there are plenty of thorns. Comparison shopping is almost impossible and you're apt to make that expensive decisions after trying out a bed for just a few minutes in the store. And if you're unhappy with your selection, you could be out hundreds of dollars if you want to make an exchange."


After reading the Consumer Reports article and doing some research online, the spouse and I felt the Tempur-Pedic, with its "authentic Swedish TEMPUR® material," (it's Swedish, ya? So it has to be good, right? WRONG) would be just what we were looking for. And we were happy to discover that our local Sleepy's ("Trust Sleepy's, for the rest of your life!") carried the full line of Tempur-Pedics, along with many other brands, so we could comparison shop right on the spot! No driving around!

When we arrived at the store, the two salespeople were busy helping other couples, but told us to feel free to try out the different mattresses, which we did. Repeatedly. For, like, an hour. Seriously, by the time someone could help us, I don't think there was a mattress in the store we hadn't tossed and turned on several times, much to the amusement of the salespeople and our fellow mattress hoppers. (The next morning, the spouse informed me that he had a dream where I was barking "Toss, turn!" at him the entire night.)

Oh, and the Tempur-Pedic and it's authentic Swedish TEMPUR material? It's all fine and good if your partner sleeps like a log (literally), but the second he moves, it's more like a Swedish earthquake, which is pretty much what we found with all the other mattresses in the store (minus the Swedish part). Until we found the Sleep to Live system. (Btw, the term mattress? So passé. What you need, my friend, is a sleep system.)

Yes, my friends, "only Sleep to Live offers you the latest science and technology that'll help you get the nourishment your body needs out of every hour of sleep." Compared to the Sleep to Live system, all other sleep systems are just... mattresses (I speet on the word), which rob your body of the support and caressing it so badly needs.

After having our sleeping postures analyzed by a machine and trying several different Sleep to Live systems, we were ready to buy a 400 Series Green Queen, and, after some hemming and hawing, did. Until a slip of the tongue led us to realize that all the mattresses -- I mean, sleep systems -- we had been bouncing around on were KINGS, which the salespeople somehow forgot to mention. And when we tried a queen, it was no better, nay worse, than our current mattress, a 10-year-old Select Comfort. So, we asked to void the sale, which they did, but only after an excruciating 10 minutes of the saleswoman frantically trying to convince us otherwise.

That led us to Select Comfort, which happened to have a store in a nearby mall, where we went this morning and spent (read wasted) another hour tossing and turning on mattresses. Apparently Labor Day Weekend is the Christmas of the mattress industry, so once again we had to wait -- and mattress hop -- for over half an hour.

And, of course, we wound up falling for the Sleep Number Innovation Series i8 Bed, where "Elegance Meets Technology"... and apparently a $2800 price tag. Which, sleep deprived as we were (are), we were almost willing to pay. Until, after chatting with the nice saleswoman, she happened to ask if we knew whether we still had the foam strip inside our existing 5000 Series (now known as the p5, because people kept thinking the mattress cost $5000), because that -- or the lack of it -- might be the reason, she explained, that the spouse kept rolling into me and I felt the bed shaking every time he tossed and turned. She was even obliging enough to take apart one of the mattresses on display in the showroom to show us what she was talking about.

The spouse and I could have pinched ourselves. A little foam strip? That could be what our problem was? No way could that cost $2800! We practically ran out of the store. Though when we got home, I was too tired to check.

However, after having a hearty lunch and getting a little fresh air, I couldn't wait to tear the bed apart and inspect what lay beneath our pillowtop. Sure that the real problem was that that little pesky strip of foam, I gaily threw off the duvet, the sheets, the 10 pillows, and searched frantically for the zipper, and... the foam was fine. Sigh.

Maybe Rob and Laura Petrie had the right idea. : (

Note: If any of you have a (PG or G-rated) mattress suggestion, lemme know.

Saturday, September 5, 2009

Feline waterboarding? (No really, it's funny.)

Alternate title: Cats do the darndest things.

Major tip o' the hat to Facebook friend MPB, who posted this YouTube clip of Woody the Cat taking a shower on her page. (And TEC, tell your husband this is precisely why Al Gore invented the Internet, so people could post videos of their pets and children doing funny things and people like us could comment on them.)

Though I have, occasionally, seen Felix put his head under the faucet, he prefers to just sip not dip.

Friday, September 4, 2009

Is Levi Johnston Sarah Palin's Sarah Palin?

Somewhere, Meghan McCain is rubbing her hands with glee. Levi Johnston has struck again, this time in Vanity Fair, bashing Sarah Palin's good name, or rather good parenting.

I think this line from Gail Collins' NYT column yesterday, "The Revenge of Levi," pretty much sums up the situation:
Given the fact that Johnston is a 19-year-old high school dropout whose mother was arrested last year on six felony drug counts, it is conceivable that he is not the perfect arbiter of normal families. But even if he were an Eagle Scout with a scholarship to Harvard, can you imagine anything worse than discovering your daughter’s teenage ex-boyfriend has been given a national platform to discuss his impressions of her mom’s parenting skills?
Actually, I can imagine something worse, Gail: discovering that the Republican candidate for President has given a national platform to a former hockey mom from Alaska who thinks she's an expert on foreign affairs because she can see Russia from her window. (As more than one person infamously quipped in response, "I can see the moon from my window. Does that make me an effing astronaut?")

But getting back to Levi Johnston, the Grandbaby Daddy, who has about as much credibility as Joe the Plumber (okay, maybe a bit more when it comes to the Palin family), Sarah Palin created this monster by dragging him into the national spotlight in the first place. (And I will not get into the Family Palin's hypocritical support of abstinence only education here. But let this be a lesson to all you mom's reading this: You could wind up being a grandma in your 40s, with a grandbaby daddy like Levi, if you don't educate your daughters properly about sex.)

And unlike Sarah Palin, Levi Johnston was dragged somewhat unwillingly into the media's glare. So really, she only has herself to blame. Though, like Gail Collins, I almost feel sorry for her. Almost.

This just in: Levi has apparently agreed to pose for Playgirl, albeit in skivvies. And no, I will not be checking out his spread.

In other news... Michael Jackson, now dead and buried.... Mark Sanford still governor of South Carolina.... Rod Blagojevich's tell-all hits bookstores September 8.... Jon & Kate still filled with hate.... And a very HAPPY BIRTHDAY to friend of the blog Dave S.

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

You could win an ultra chic, ultra comfy recliner just by reading this post!

Okay, technically it's a "glider," but no matter what you call this uber comfy chair, it's perfect for nursing a beer or a baby -- and it could be yours, for FREE!

Here's the dealio.... Our good friend, "Jake," who owns the store Mini Jake, the coolest, hippest children's (and parents') store in all of Brooklyn -- deemed New York Magazine's Best Kids' Furniture store in 2008 -- has this new promo for the month of September, the Great Glider Giveaway, and he asked me to spread the word. And I am always happy to help a friend.

Per Jake, the Monte Luca Glider is "a super comfy, great looking $950 chair we're giving away that you or your husband could fall asleep in surrounded by an empty six-pack of Pabst Blue Ribbon [or the beer of your choice]. And it's good for nursing moms too!"

You hear that, people? It's a chic yet super comfy $950 value, perfect for nursing a beer or a baby -- and it could be yours, for FREE, just by entering the Monte Luca Glider Giveaway Sweepstakes over at Mini Jake. You don't even need to live in Brooklyn, or New York. You just need to fill out an online entry form (click the link in the previous sentence to access it) by September 30.

Btw, while you are there, check out all the other cool stuff Mini Jake has on offer. His toys and other items make lovely gifts -- for kids of every age.

Oh, and if one of you wins the glider, you have to invite me over so I can check it out. I'll bring a six-pack of Pabst Blue Ribbon.

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

It's the most wonderful time of the year (aka the back-to-school blog post)

Yesterday our daughter went back to school, after nearly three months off, and while I love summertime, and my daughter, it was time -- for all concerned. But instead of using words to describe my feelings about the first day of school, I will let this Staples commercial speak for me. (Btw, those kids in the commercial? I am pretty sure they have graduated from college by now.)

For the record, the spouse and I will not be spending our new-found free time updating our Facebook and Twitter accounts every 30 seconds from our mobile phones (and not just because we don't have Verizon Wireless).

Another reason why this time of year is so great? Football season! Less than two weeks 'til Giants and Jets opening day! Woohoo! Now if Fat Tire Amber Ale was only sold here in the Northeast... life would be just about perfect.