Monday, October 29, 2012

Everyone knows it's Windy

In light of Hurricane Sandy's imminent arrival here in the Northeast, I thought a little music was in order. And what better way to say hello to a hurricane (and goodbye to your power) than with "Windy" by The Association.

Honorable mention also goes to the Eurythmics' "Here comes the rain again"...

And 10,000 Maniacs' "Like the weather."

Where on earth is the sun anyway?

Here's hoping Sandy loses steam quickly and causes a minimal amount of damage.

Be safe everyone. See you on the either side of the 800-mile storm.

UPDATED: Have another suggestion for a Sandy theme song? Please leave a Comment -- with the name of the song and a YouTube link.

Friday, October 26, 2012

Blow me

Just when you thought hurricane season was over... along comes Sandy, what some East Coast weather forecasters are calling "The Storm of the Century." (Sometimes I think Schadenfreude is a requirement for being a meteorologist.)

Already, Hurricane Sandy has wreaked havoc upon Jamaica, Cuba, Haiti, and the Bahamas, killing 21. Now it's headed northeast, whirling past Miami and Palm Beach, Florida, toward the Mid-Atlantic region and Southern New England just in time to turn the lights out on Halloween. (That Mother Nature, she sure knows how to deliver a trick!)

Here's a map of Sandy's progress and current projected path. (Right now forecasters are predicting the storm to slam into the Mid-Atlantic region and Southern New England Monday night or Tuesday a.m., bringing high gusts of wind and inches of rain, downing trees and power lines and knocking out power to millions along the Eastern Seaboard. Boo.)

As someone who lost power for six days after the first puff of Irene and again two months later, at precisely this time of year, when we had the Snowpocalypse, and again recently when another storm blew through (albeit only for a couple of days that last time), I do not share the macabre glee of the weather forecasters and networks at the thought of another major storm wreaking havoc upon the Northeast.

However, there is one potential silver lining (albeit a tarnished one) to Sandy: instead of a shitstorm of campaign coverage and ads that make us want to run and hide until after November 6, now we have an actual shitstorm to deal with! Plus, if we don't have power, we can't receive any annoying robo-calls or watch Super PAC ads!

Joking aside, I pray that Sandy loses steam before coming ashore -- or blows out to sea -- sparing the Mid-Atlantic and Northeast states. But in the meantime, we'll be filling our bathtubs and water bottles and doing all of our laundry Monday (as we have well water and are the only house on the block without a generator).

UPDATED 10/28/12: Wondering if or when Sandy will be coming to a neighborhood near you? Just type your zip code into the NBC News Hurricane Tracker to find out! Also, I don't know about all of you but having been through several severe storms and having lost power on several occasions, I am at the point where I find the constant updates and phone calls about Hurricane Sandy annoying. WTF are we supposed to do (other than have water and flashlights and batteries and non-perishable foodm etc. on hand), get chain saws and start sawing every suspicious tree limb and tree near or next to a power line? In other news, our Superintendent of Schools just called to say that there will be no school this Monday and Tuesday. 

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

More pet shaming

As a cat owner, it is amazing to me what dogs will put up with -- especially come Halloween.

You would never (okay, almost never) get a cat to parade around in a costume. Especially one that involved wearing a wig and a pair of glasses on its butt.

Yet that boxer actually looks happy about it! Shameful.

Though this may be my all-time favorite Halloween dog costume:

It's the ultimate Chia pet!

Yes, cats have too much dignity to allow themselves to be dressed up in some ridiculous costume -- or do some of the other totally undignified things that dogs are always doing.

That is, I though so, until I saw this embarrassing video of a cat playing fetch with its owner. Fetch, I tell you! Sure, any cat worth its whiskers would happily chase after a ball or other small object its human tossed, but to actually return said object to the human?! Shameful.

(For more awesome cat videos, check out the finalists for the "The Friskies" award.)

UPDATED: This may require a separate blog post, but I just had to share. From Friend of the Blog Donna, "Sexy Pet Halloween Costumes." 

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Think pink!

Now, I wouldn't presume to tell a woman 
what a woman ought to think, 
But tell her if she's got to think: think pink!

              --Maggie Prescott, Funny Face

As many of you no doubt know, October is National Breast Cancer Awareness Month, the symbol for which is a pink ribbon. And to support breast cancer awareness, education, and research, many businesses around the country offer pink products for sale during October and donate a portion of each sale to worthy charities. So this year, now that I am a business owner, I decided to join in and commissioned special pink Prepster Pineapple t-shirts.

And now through October 31st when you purchase a pink Prepster Pineapple t-shirt*, I will donate $5 of each sale to breast cancer research -- and will personally match the amount.

Don't need any more t-shirts right now? I understand. But please consider making a donation to the charity of your choice to help scientists discover a cure for breast cancer, which affects 1 out of 8 women in the United States.

And... think pink!

*T-shirts are $26 and are only available to customers in the 50 United States. Shipping is a flat rate of $6.

Monday, October 22, 2012

Romney's five-point foreign policy plan

Just in time for tonight's third and final presidential debate, which is on foreign policy, sources reveal Mitt Romney's five-point plan regarding foreign policy!

[H/T to]

Also just in time for tonight's foreign policy debate between former Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney and President Barack Obama (moderated this time by Bob Schieffer of CBS News and broadcast live tonight from 9 to 10:30 p.m. ET), a brand new presidential debate drinking game, brought to you by The Cloture Club!

Hint: For those wishing to get inebriated, just down a shot any time you hear the words Benghazi, Libya, or Iran.

Sunday, October 21, 2012

Goo goo g'joob

Meet Mitik, the world's cutest walrus calf.

Mitik, known as Mit, was found on his lonesome in the Arctic Ocean around Alaska, separated from his herd this July. The Alaska SeaLife Center took the baby walrus in, and the New York Aquarium stepped in from there, flying out staff member Martha Hiatt to look after the walrus calf on his long journey east.

Mit is now a happy resident of the New York Aquarium on Coney Island, as you can see from the video.

I can honestly say this is one Mit I approve of.

More about little Mitik's adventure here

Saturday, October 20, 2012

Mangia Italiano: Arthur Avenue Food Tour

For years, the spouse and I have wanted to go to Arthur Avenue in the Bronx, often referred to as "The Real Little Italy of New York." So a few weeks ago, we signed up for a guided walking/food tour of Arthur Avenue -- which took place today. Unfortunately, the tour was a huge disappointment*, so the spouse and I broke off from the group a little over halfway through and explored Arthur Avenue on our own.

Following are some of the wonderful shops we visited (both with the group and on our own).

First up Tony & Tina's Pizzeria, where we sampled burek.

Next we visited Borgatti's, which was packed with pasta lovers waiting for their freshly made raviolis, egg noodles, gnocchi, and other pasta.

Then it was onto Addeo & Sons Italian Bakery where we sampled prosciutto focacia and chocolate bread.

Shortly after visiting Addeo & Sons we split off from the group and stumbled upon Calandra's, which had the most delicious smoked mozzarella.

Then we stopped into Calabria's Pork Store...

 So I could take a picture of their hanging salamis (?).

Next, it was into the Arthur Avenue Market.

Our last stop: Cosenza's fish market, where we slurped down half a dozen fresh oysters shucked in front of us.

I only wish we had not wasted so much time with the tour so we could have explored on our own longer! Oh well, next time!

*Too many people, too slow -- it should not take an hour to walk from the Fordham Road Metro-North stop to the start of the Arthur Avenue shopping district, i.e., less than half a mile -- and we were served very little food, and this was supposed to be a food tour! If you are thinking of visiting Arthur Avenue in the Bronx, skip the guided tour and explore the area on your own. You can obtain maps and suggestions online -- or just use this blog post as your guide!  You'll save a lot of money and aggravation.

Friday, October 19, 2012

Romney handed binder full of jokes

Last night was the 67th Alfred E. Smith Memorial Foundation Dinner, which is sponsored by the Archdiocese of New York and raises money for various healthcare-related causes*. Named for Al Smith, the first Roman Catholic candidate for president, the dinner has become a must-attend event for presidents and presidential candidates (both Barack Obama and John McCain attended in 2008), who entertain the crowd of political, media, and religious luminaries with jokes poking fun at themselves and their opponents (but not in a cruel or vicious way, supposedly).

Last night, the keynote speakers at the annual Al Smith dinner were former Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney and President of the United States Barack Obama.

Here is what Mitt Romney, who had been handed a binder full of jokes earlier in the week, had to say those assembled in the ballroom of the Waldorf-Astoria Hotel in New York.

And here is what President Barack Obama had to say:

Republicans will no doubt say Mitt Romney was way funnier; Democrats that Barack Obama was. (Yes, even humor is partisan, folks.) Obama seemed more comfortable, relaxed, getting his funny on than Romney but Romney did a good job delivering his lines, though he spent more time poking "fun" (often sneeringly) at his Democratic opponent than at himself (or Obama did of Romney).

More about the 67th Alfred E. Smith Memorial Foundation Dinner here.

*Which will come in handy if Romney is elected president.

Thursday, October 18, 2012

Is that a tropical storm in your pocket or...?

I love weather humor.

Watch as Fox 13 meteorologist Dan Pope gets pumped up about Tropical Storm John. 

Glad that we don't have to worry about excess moisture, Dan.

Tee hee.

It's a bloody conspiracy!

I've heard (and spoken) many adjectives for menstruation, but "wonderful" was not among them. And so it surprised me to hear that anyone, especially a man, would describe that special time of the month that way.

Clearly, the man in question had never been with a woman during that special, special time, or the period just before. But to think there was some grand female/advertiser conspiracy to make men think that getting one's period was a cause for joy and celebration -- and rigorous sporting activities -- is bloody unbelievable.

Clearly Bodyform, a UK manufacturer and marketer of "hygiene" products for women, was padding the truth -- hoping to make impressionable young men wish that they, too, had a uterus. (Dam penis!)

Well, now in an unprecedented move, Bodyform has apologized for misleading the aforementioned man, a bloke by the name of Richard Neill, and impressionable young men everywhere.

I don't know about the rest of you, but I feel so much better now.

[H/T to friend of the blog VB for sending me this article from Jezebel.]

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Why should you vote for Mitt Romney?

If you answer "yes" to two or more of the following questions, you should (and are no doubt going to) vote for Mitt Romney.

Do you make over $1 million per year and hate paying taxes, especially if it means your money is going to help other people (directly or indirectly) who make less money than you do?

Do you think public education is mainly for people who can't afford to send their kids to, or whose kids aren't bright enough to get into, private school?

Do you have your own private security force and crew of volunteer firefighters (i.e., you and your family do not need the help of municipal policemen or firemen)?

Do you enjoy driving on potholes and find it thrilling to drive on a bridge or through a tunnel that could potentially collapse at any time (due to a lack of regular maintenance and repairs)? 

Can you afford to send your children to college and graduate school without any kind of government loan or assistance?

Are you and your family in perfect health -- and will remain in perfect health until you die? Or can you afford to pay insurance, even if you or a family member have a pre-existing condition or become critically ill and are denied insurance coverage?

Will you never need unemployment money, even if you lose your job and are unable to find a new one within six months or a year?

Do you believe we should bomb the heck out of Iran and any other country that threatens U.S. interests abroad -- while believing it is essential to cut government spending (which would include assistance for veterans)?

Do you believe that women who are raped and become pregnant were really asking for it and should therefore be forced to carry a fetus to term?

Do you believe that the separation of Church and State is an outmoded idea and that religion should trump civil law?

Do you work for the Koch Brothers and cannot afford to lose your job?

Does the idea of a guy with brown skin, who didn't get that way via a tanning parlor or summers in the Hamptons and weekends in Palm Beach, being President of the United States scare or anger you?

Btw, if you answered "no" to two or more of these questions, you should not vote for Mitt Romney (and Paul Ryan) but should vote for President Barack Obama. 

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Romney's tax plan explained!

For a detailed explanation of how the Mitt Romney - Paul Ryan tax plan is able to cut taxes by $5 trillion without raising taxes on the middle class or exploding the deficit, click here.

Or you can watch former President Bill Clinton explain how Mitt Romney's tax plan works, below:

As YouTube commenter Bill Tierney wrote, "No one explains political arithmetic better than President Clinton."

[H/T to John Cole of and J-TWO-O commenter Fact Lovin' Democrat]

Monday, October 15, 2012

Brief guide to the second presidential debate of 2012

Or "Mitt Romney vs. Barack Obama, the Rematch: The Tussle in the Town Hall"*

You've got questions. I've got the answers.

Q: When is the second presidential debate of 2012 again?
A: The second presidential debate of 2012 takes place on Tuesday, October 16th, at 9 p.m. ET -- and goes until 10:30 p.m.

Q: And who will be moderating this debate? I hope it's Martha Raddatz again. She kicked vice-presidential ass at the last debate.
A: Sadly, only one debate per moderator (which, in the case of Jim Lehrer, is a good thing). This debate, which is being held at Hofstra University in Hempstead, New York (aka Long Island, or Lawn Guyland), is being moderated by CNN's Candy Crowley, an award-winning political reporter and host of State of the Union with Candy Crowley (who is not to be confused with conservative Fox News babe Monica Crowley).

Q: So what's the format of this debate?
A: Per the Commission on Presidential Debates: "The second presidential debate will take the form of a town meeting, in which citizens will ask questions of the candidates on foreign and domestic issues. Candidates each will have two minutes to respond, and an additional minute for the moderator to facilitate a discussion. The town meeting participants will be undecided voters selected by the Gallup Organization."

To which I say, Did you people at the CDP and Gallup not see the Saturday Night Live skit about undecided voters?

Seriously, a bunch of people who cannot or will not make up their minds, who are forcing the candidates to pander to their idiocy, are in charge of deciding the fate of this country?

Moving on...

Q: Where can I watch the second presidential debate?
A: Really? Do you have electricity? Do you own a television, or a computer with Internet access, or a smart phone? Then you can watch the presidential debate. FWIW, my favorite way to watch the debates is via Twitter. The commentary is brilliant, and it provides near instant fact checking (see below).

Q: What if I don't want to watch, or can't stand watching, the second presidential debate? Is there anything else on?
A: Well... there is Chopped over on the Food Network, which seems somewhat appropriate... King of the Hill over on the Cartoon Network (again, appropriate)... The World Series of Poker over on ESPN... The Men Who Built America over on History (do you sense a theme here?)... and something about Alaska over on the Discovery Channel... as well as reruns of House and The Real Housewives of New Jersey (check your local listings!).

Q: Any drinking game suggestions for this debate?
A: It depends, how snockered do you want to get? If you want to get good and drunk, take a sip (or a shot) of booze every time you hear the words tax cuts, the wealthy, the deficit, Benghazi, Libya, Iran, and Obamacare. Of course, you'll probably be passed out by 9:30, or in an emergency room due to alcohol poisoning (hope you have good health insurance!).

Q: Will there be fact checkers at this debate?
A: Like most voters care about facts. (That would be sarcasm.) While there will not be fact checkers present at the debate to taser the candidates when they lie (though Martha Raddatz did a pretty good job of keeping the veeps in line with just a look and a word), the usual, non-partisan suspects -- Politifact,, and the Washington Post’s Fact Checker blog, as well as many news outlets -- will be reviewing all statements made by Mitt Romney and Barack Obama for accuracy and reporting in via their websites and Twitter.

Q: So how do you think Mitt Romney and Barack Obama will fare in this debate?
A: It's just a hunch, but I'm guessing Mitt Romney won't act like he just snorted coke (seriously, did you see the man's eyes last debate?), or BBQ sauce , though you never know. And President Obama will not look quite so bored or disinterested, though I don't expect anyone to say he killed it, unless by "it" you are referring to Osama bin Laden.

*H/T to Chuck Todd for the "Town Hall Tussle" reference

UPDATED 10/16/12: For those interested, here are some of the rules for tonight's presidential debate. (Click on the link.) Also, the New York Yankees are playing the Detroit Tigers in Game 3 of the American League Championship Series, starting at 8 p.m. ET over on TBS.

Sunday, October 14, 2012

Cats vs. Dogs

There's a battle being waged in this country, people. Not a battle between Democrats and Republicans, or even good versus evil, but between cat people and dog people. And the fur is flying.

Granted, this battle for feline or canine supremacy has been waged for hundred of years. But now the folks at Purina want to settle the score by asking Americans, "Is America a Cat or Dog Country?"* (Click on the link to vote.)

And while there are more dog-owning households in the United States than cat-owning ones -- 46.3 million households vs. 38.9 million, according to the 2011-2012 APPA National Pet Owners Survey -- that in no way means that dogs are better than cats.

Indeed, I believe I speak for cat owners and cat lovers everywhere when I say, Cats rule, dogs drool! And here's the proof.

You need more evidence? Here is scientific proof (sort of) that cats are better than dogs!

Heck, even dog owners think canines, especially their own canines, are't terribly bright. Hence the popularity of sites like Which doesn't speak highly of dog owners. Seriously, you wouldn't see cat owners posting about cat shaming. (Oh wait...)

Don't get me wrong. I like dogs. They are loyal and (usually) sweet and (usually) trainable. But so are cats (except for the trainable part, though I have seen some amazing trained cats). And I have yet to meet a cat that chewed shoes, tore the place apart when his human left him alone for a few hours, destroyed objects at random, and had to be housebroken.

But if you want to make an argument for dogs, feel free to do so in the Comments.

*Though isn't part of what makes America so great is that we value diversity and tolerance -- that is, cats and dogs, hamsters and rabbits, guinea pigs and hedgehogs, snakes and turtles? Isn't there room enough in this great big country of ours for pet owners of all types? (Except for people who own chimpanzees and tigers; they're just crazy or stupid.)

Friday, October 12, 2012

Enough with the presidential polls already!

Seriously, enough. This whole polling people about whom they are going to vote for president has gotten way out of hand, as Jon Stewart so brilliantly demonstrated on The Daily Show Wednesday night. 

Did we really need to know two years in advance -- heck, one year or even six months or three months in advance -- who people planned to vote for? And who are these people? I don't know about all of you, but I don't answer my phone unless I know the name or number that flashes up on the Caller ID screen. And if for some reason I do pick up the phone and it's some pollster, I typically dismiss the person.

So who are the pollsters polling? Yes, yes, I know about the whole "registered voter" versus "likely voter" versus "undecided voter" thing. But what about "lying voters," which must make up a large percent of those polled (i.e., people who just want to f**k with the pollsters, and I've known a few)? So how do we know we can even trust these polls?!

And the frickin' survey results rarely change! Yes, they may vary by a few percentage points, but we're pretty much talking margin of error. And should we really trust people whose opinion changes every time they see a new ad or watch a debate? More importantly, weren't most people's minds made up long ago?

So please, Pew, Gallup, Rasmussen, ABC, NBC, CBS, CNN, Wall Street Journal, New York Times, and the rest of you, we the people are begging you, give it a rest. We don't need a poll every other fickin' day.

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Guide to the 2012 Vice-Presidential Debate

I just love a debate for and about vices, don't you? And I bet the vice-presidential debate will be way more entertaining than the snooze fest that was the first presidential debate.

As per usual, as a public service announcement, I have put together a brief Guide to the 2012 Vice-Presidential Debate. And if there are any questions I did not answer, just leave me a comment.

Q: So, who's running for vice president again?
A: That would be current vice president and proud Amtrak rider Fightin' Joe Biden in the Democratic corner, and Marathon Liar Man Paul Ryan, Congressman from Wisconsin, in the Republican corner.

Q: And when and where will they be debating?
A: The debate will take place Thursday, October 11, between 9 and 10:30 p.m. Eastern Daylight Time and will be held at Centre College in Danville, KY -- or as NBC News Chief White House Correspondent Chuck Todd put it, "an hour from anywhere." As with the presidential debates, the vice-presidential debate will be aired on all the networks (ABC, CBS, NBC, Fox, PBS) as well as on the the cable news channels (CNN, CNBC, Fox News, MSNBC) and streamed live on several news sites (pick your national newspaper or political blog) -- though for a really good time, follow the debate on Twitter.

Q: Excuse me, did you say Centre College in Danville, Kentucky? WTF?
A: I know. It seemed like an odd choice to me too. But apparently two former vice presidents attended the school -- John C. Breckinridge, who was the country's youngest vice president, under James Buchanan (before the Civil War broke out), and Adlai E. Stevenson, who was VP under Grover Cleveland. (More here.)

Q: Who's moderating this debate? Any chance it'll be Jon Stewart or Stephen Colbert? I really like those guys.
A: I like them, too. But sadly, the answer is no. While Jon Stewart would have been my pick, the Commission on Presidential Debates selected Martha Raddatz, Senior Foreign Affairs Correspondent, ABC News (who couldn't possibly be as bad as Jim Lehrer, could she?).

Q: And what will the vice-presidential candidates be debating?
A: Per the CDP: "The debate will cover both foreign and domestic topics and be divided into nine time segments of approximately 10 minutes each. The moderator will ask an opening question, after which each candidate will have two minutes to respond. The moderator will use the balance of the time in the segment for a discussion of the question."

In other words, it will be a no-holds-barred smackdown. All that's missing will be a ring and funny costumes (and Linda McMahon refereeing).

Read more here:

Q: So why is this debate important?
A: Because it is the duty of candidates running for President and Vice President of the United States to give the late night talk show hosts (particularly Jimmy Fallon, whose "Mister Romney's Neighborhood" is must-see TV), Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert, and the folks at Saturday Night Live new material. And the vice-presidential debate should not disappoint. [Alternative answer: It isn't really, though some folks think it's important we know the guy who would take over running the country in the event something happened to the President.]

Q: Will there be fact checkers at this debate, you know, to keep those politicians honest?
A: LMAO. Uh no, but the usual suspects -- Politifact,, and the Washington Post’s Fact Checker blog, as well as several news outlets, including The Associated Press and ABC News -- will be monitoring and tweeting or blogging about any untruths in real time (or within 24 hours after the debate has aired). Like it matters. (Weeping)

Q: What about vice-presidential debate drinking games? Any ideas?
A: Excellent question! I recommend you check out the Cloture Club's Vice President Debate Bingo Drinking Game. (With six vice-presidential debate Bingo boards to choose from, everyone can be a drunken loser -- or winner, depending on your point of view.) There is also's Biden-Ryan Vice Presidential Debate Drinking Game. FYI, if you're looking to get really snockered, just take a sip or a shot of booze any time either candidate says middle class, the wealthy, tax cut, or small business. I guarantee you will have a hangover come Friday morning.

Q: What else will be on Thursday night?
A: You've got Beauty and the Beast on the CW (which is not code for the vice-presidential debate), Return to Halloweentown on Disney (also not code for the vice-presidential debate, though the thought of watching Biden and Ryan yapping for 90 minutes is pretty scary), Gone in 60 Seconds over on ABC Family (hey, are these channels trying to tell us something?), baseball playoffs over on TBS, Jersey Shore on MTV, and Project Runway on Lifetime. (In politics, one day you're in, the next, you're out.)

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Turning tricks for treats

Alternate title: Victoria's Secret: Putting the Ho in Halloween

It (somewhat) saddens me to say that one of the all-time most viewed posts on J-TWO-O is the one titled "You can't spell Halloween without Ho," about the sexification (which, technically, is not a word... yet) of Halloween and, more specifically, Victoria's Secret Halloween costumes.

While I would like to think it was my sparkling writing and wit that made the post so popular, I believe it has more to do with my screen capture of Victoria's Secret Halloween costumes. Indeed, if you Google "Victoria's Secret Halloween" or "Victoria's Secret Halloween costumes" and look under Images on the first page, my image of Victoria's Secret Halloween costumes appears right in the first row, and is ranked higher than anything on the Victoria's Secret site. (Sniff. I am so proud.)

Of course, that image is two years old, a lifetime in fashion. So, as a service to perverts and masochistic women everywhere, I decided to see what Victoria had on offer this Halloween season -- and make a new screen capture. You're welcome, world. [Click on the image to get a larger view. Then use your back button to return to the post.]

Let's see now.... So this year, it appears, Victoria's Secret is honoring our brave men and women in uniform! However, I am not sure if the Sexy Little Sailor and Sexy Little Sargeant outfits (both on sale for only $68... what, not $69?) are military issue, though I am sure they would pass inspection from Major Horndog. (God, I love blogging.)

What else... hmm... ah yes, the Sexy Little Police Officer, which comes with marabou handcuffs. Though why the Sexy Little Mobster doesn't come with a gun ("stick it up," indeed) is beyond me. I am also slightly concerned about the messages Victoria's Secret is sending via their panties. A skull and cross bones? BOO? GIMME YOUR CANDY (printed on the backside)?

Also, the whole Sexy Little French Maid thing? So cliche. (On the other hand, if Maria Shriver had worn that getup around the house, maybe Arnold would not have had sex with the actual maid.) And really, a feather duster? Whatever tickles your fancy.

As for me, I'll probably be wearing my Little Flannel Pajamas Halloween evening, which, I am happy to say, the spouse finds more than a little sexy.

Monday, October 8, 2012


Maybe it's because, as a child, my mother often called me J. Ellen Pumpkinhead (hey, it was better than being called Flossie fat legs), but I have always loved pumpkins -- pumpkin pie, pumpkin bread, pumpkin muffins, pumpkin lattes. And I particularly love a good, well-carved, scary-looking pumpkin. And what better place to find a crop of scary-looking pumpkins than at the New York Botanical Garden's Haunted Pumpkin Garden, which runs through October 31st (aka Halloween).

These two scary fellows were my favorites.

I also liked the spooky little mushroom pumpkins...

and the pumpkin that said pumpkin.

And what would a haunted pumpkin garden be without a scaredy cat?

I love pumpkin season!

Friday, October 5, 2012

Yet another '80s new wave music video Friday

Anyone else notice the increased use of 1980s new wave music in commercials the last few months? And I'm not just talking about those Target back-to-school ads. Then this morning, in the space of less than half an hour, I heard "It ain't what you do (it's the way that you do it)" sung by Bananarama and Fun Boy Three, three times -- as it was featured in the new HP Officejet Pro printer ad that is everywhere.

Which, of course, got me thinking about 1980s new wave music, which got me thinking, for some reason, about "AEIOU sometimes Y" by EBN OZN...

I seriously loved that song back in the day. Though I do not miss '80s hair and clothing. WTF were we thinking, people?

Anyway... EBN OZN (though the power -- or algorithms -- of YouTube) led me to Romeo Void and "A girl in trouble (is a temporary thing)"...

another great song. Which led me to Bow Wow Wow's "I want candy."

I want candy! Actually, I just want breakfast. Probably an apple with peanut butter, which is like candy. Anyway, I am off. But feel free to share some of your favorite '80s songs in the comments section -- and let me know what '80s songs you've heard in commercials recently.

Thursday, October 4, 2012

Cat shaming

"Sometimes I dream that I am a dog."

[Picture of our black cat, Felix, who fell asleep on our bed watching the presidential debate last night. Can't say I blame him. Felix is over three feet long when fully stretched out. He loves people and having his tummy rubbed. I'm telling you, the cat is part dog.]

UPDATED 10/7/12: A friend just mailed me this picture of her black Lab, Vinny, asleep. I rest my case.

Btw, if you would like me to shame your cat publicly, send a photo of your felonious feline, along with a caption, to me at

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

O Mitt Romney Style (political parody)

This Gangnam Style parody by, titled "Mitt Romney Style," is brilliant.

Why is it so brilliant? Because in the original Gangnam Style, the singer, PSY, is making fun of wealthy, status-seeking, out-of-touch people who live in Seoul's Gangnam district, i.e., people like Mitt Romney!

And speaking of Gangnam Style parodies, here's one for all you Star Trek fans, titled "Klingon Style."

Any of you speak Klingon? If so, let me know if the translation is accurate.

Monday, October 1, 2012

A guide to the first 2012 presidential debate

Or, everything you wanted to know about the first presidential debate of 2012, but were too lazy to look it up on the Internet yourself.

Q: So, who's this debate between, again?
A:  President Barack Obama (D) and Republican presidential nominee Willard "Mitt" Romney, who will be debating former Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney, who will be debating the former head of Bain Capital Mitt Romney.

Q: And when is this debate?
A: The debate takes place at 9:00 p.m. Eastern Time on Wednesday, October 3,and is scheduled to end at 10:30 p.m. ET.

Q: Where can I catch the debate?
A: Much like the flu, the presidential debate will be hard to avoid, at least between 9 and 10:30 p.m. ET on Wednesday, October 3. Indeed, if you own a television, a radio, a computer, a tablet, or a smart phone, you can catch the presidential debate. Indeed, all of the networks -- CBS, NBC, ABC, Fox -- as well as CNN, C-SPAN, MSNBC, and probably a half dozen other cable stations, will be airing the presidential debates live, as will National Public Radio (NPR). And the debate will be streamed live on the Internet. Just pick your news site. (Not interested in watching the debate? No problem. You can watch Trading Spouses: Meet Your New Mommy over on Lifetime, Family Guy on TBS, or Dirty Dancing over on ABC Family instead.)

Q: Who's moderating the first presidential debate?
A: Jon Stewart. Sorry, just wishful thinking. It's actually Jim Lehrer, the Executive Editor of PBS NewsHour (formerly known as The MacNeil/Lehrer NewsHour, back when news was actually news and people still watched the news on a television).

Q: What will the candidates be debating?
A: The candidates will be debating six domestic policy issues, specifically the economy, the economy, the economy, health care, the role of government, and governing. (And no, I am not making this list up. Jim Lehrer did.)

Q: What is the format of this debate?
A: The debate is, in theory, divided into six time segments/topics, each of which will be allotted approximately 15 minutes. Per the Commission on Presidential Debates, "The moderator will open each segment with a question, after which each candidate will have two minutes to respond. The moderator will use the balance of the time in the segment for a discussion of the topic."

Q: How can we tell if the candidates are lying?
A: Their noses will grow. Actually, I was hoping there would be fact checkers on the scene to taser candidates when they told outright lies, but I've been told that could kill Mitt Romney. Instead, Politifact,, and the Washington Post’s Fact Checker blog, as well as several news outlets, including The Associated Press and ABC News, will be monitoring the debate and alerting followers to any untruths or partial truths.

Q: More importantly, what color tie will each of the candidates be wearing -- and will they be wearing American flag pins on their lapels?
A: You bet your patriotic asses they'll be wearing flag pins. I believe that's now mandatory attire. Regarding tie choice, this is just a wild guess, but I'm thinking President Obama will be sporting a blue tie and former Governor Romney will be wearing a red one (or a green one, cause that's the color of Capitalism, bitches).

Q:Will Michelle Obama be there? And, if so, will she be wearing a sleeveless dress?
A: I don't know about you but I would pay to see Michelle Obama wrestle Ann Romney... as in wrestle... in a ring... Have you seen the First Lady's arms? They should be registered as lethal weapons. (I'd suggest Linda McMahon as the ref, but I suspect she'd throw the match for Ann Romney.)

Q: Any more questions?
A: Leave a comment.