Tuesday, August 7, 2018

Old age is a bitch

Does your spouse forget things? I'm not talking about birthdays or the day of your anniversary. I'm talking about physical things, like keys and glasses, or underwear and belts.

My spouse is famous, or infamous, for forgetting and losing sh*t. I can't tell you how many pairs of sunglasses he has lost or misplaced (because I forget the number). And guessing what he'll forget or lose on a trip has become a kind of running joke, to the point where I literally sit on our bed while he is packing his bag and ask him if he has packed [reels off list of items]. And he will smile at me and say in a slightly patronizing way, "Yes, J_____, I have [reels off list of item." And then, of course, we'll get to wherever and he will have forgotten something.

[Though, to be fair, when we got back from our trip to Canada last week, I realized I had left my brand-new cream-colored capri travel pants at one of our hotels, even though I always triple check our room before we leave. Fortunately, I was pretty sure where I had left them, and the hotel is mailing them back to me, albeit for $25. Still, cheaper than buying a new pair, which I did anyway.]

But yesterday the spouse topped himself. He didn't just forget to pack enough underwear or a belt. He forgot his entire suitcase. Which I discovered at six this morning, outside his office, in our driveway, when I opened the shades. He only discovered his error at 10 o'clock last night, twelve hours after he left our house, when he got to his Airbnb outside DC, where he had a big important meeting this morning -- and claims it was not his fault. He thought his colleague, who was driving, had put the suitcase in his trunk. Though I don't know how either of them could have missed the suitcase sitting in our driveway. (Old age is a bitch, man -- one that requires bifocals and hearing aids and cell phone reminders.)


Fortunately for the spouse, there was a 24-hour Walmart near his rental. So off he went, I'm not sure what time, and purchased a new wardrobe, along with a six-pack of beer, for the princely sum of $114.

Not bad, eh?

And now he will have a good story to tell at the meeting. Just hope he doesn't have to stay an extra night.

Thursday, July 19, 2018

Ya got treason

[With apologies to Meredith Wilson, Robert Preston, and The Music Man]
Well, either you're closing your eyes

To a situation you do not wish to acknowledge
Or you are not aware of the caliber of disaster indicated
By the presence of a traitor in the White House.
Ya got treason, my friend, right here,
I say, treason,
Right here in the Capital City.
With a capital "T,"
And that rhymes with "P," and that stands for Putin!

And all week long in your Capital City
Journalists be fritterin' away,
Fritterin' away their days,
Tryin' to get a straight answer from Sarah Sanders.

Oh, yes we got lots and lots a' problems.
Right here in the Capital City.
Problems with a capital "P"
And that rhymes with "T," and that stands for Trump!

Now, I know all you folks are the right kinda voters.
So I'm gonna be perfectly frank.
Would ya like to know what kinda conversation goes down,
How the White House is gonna cover up the same old lies to the American people?
Sure you do!

Oh we got treason,
Right here in the Capital City!
With a capital "T"
That rhymes with "P"
And that stands for Putin,
That stands for Putin.
We've surely got treason!
Right here in the Capital City,
Right here!
Gotta figger out a way
To keep the country from going down the tubes
Treason, treason, treason, treason... 

Thursday, July 12, 2018

But what about Benghazi? Favorite political cartoons.

Donald J. Trump has been the gift that keeps on giving to editorial cartoonists (and late night talk show hosts). Though I'm pretty sure all of them would agree they would prefer to have a president whose every utterance didn't send them careening to the drawing board.

In fact, there have been so many terrific editorial cartoons skewering Trump and the GOP the last two years that if I embedded all of them, you'd be reading this post for days. Actually, you would probably stop reading it after a few seconds.

For that reason, I've narrowed my list down to five. There are probably funnier or cleverer ones (feel free to link to them in the comments), but these five, some of which came out before Trump took office, resonated with me so much that I decided to save them for future use.

[Click on each cartoon to enlarge it. Then click your back button.]

Enjoy--or try not to weep.

Wednesday, June 20, 2018

Let's make America great again

Let's make America great again.

Let's teach our children that lying and cheating are bad and reward hard work and telling the truth.

Let's make America great again.

Let's preach love and kindness and understanding and show hate and bullying will not be tolerated in our country.

Let's make America great again.

Let's make our education system the best in the world by giving teachers the tools and support (and salaries) they need to do their jobs -- and celebrating learning and intellectual curiosity, not ignorance.

Let's make America great again.

Let's make sure all Americans have the healthcare they need, both physical and mental, without them having to worry if going to the doctor or hospital will financially harm or bankrupt them -- or forcing Americans to choose between their health or the health of a family member and eating or paying the rent. And while we're at it, let's make getting and paying for healthcare easier, so Americans don't have to spend hours trying to figure and fill out complicated insurance forms.

Let's make America great again.

Let's re-institute the FCC Fairness Doctrine, so television and radio stations cannot spout lies and falsehoods and mislead the American people.

Let's make America great again.

Let's make sure fewer children and adults die needlessly by signing into law sensible gun safety legislation.

Let's make America great again.

Let's give power back to the people by limiting big business's and wealthy donor's role in our elections -- and by outlawing gerrymandering.

Let's make America great again.

Let's embrace those who honor democracy and human rights and work together to spread the message that love trumps hate.

Saturday, February 10, 2018

Mutual of J-TWO-O's Wild Kingdom: Birds of Sanibel Edition

Greetings fellow nature lovers!

This Friday I had the good fortune to go on the Stokes Private Birding Tour of the J.N. "Ding" Darling National Wildlife Refuge, sponsored by the "Ding" Darling Wildlife Society, of which I am a member.

Donald and Lillian Stokes are noted bird watchers and the authors of the Stokes Field Guide to the Birds of North America. And I, along with a few dozen other people who like to watch and photograph birds, got a lesson from Lillian Stokes on how to take a good bird photo.

It was a great morning, with the weather warm, the tide low, and birds aplenty. And despite the problems associated with trying to photograph birds -- they move a lot and us loud, pale apes frighten them -- I managed to take over a dozen good photographs. (Unfortunately, my Nikon DSLR is apparently not a morning camera, and refused to take a good photo, but I had my wonderful little Canon SX720, which takes amazingly good photos for a camera its size.)

Here are some of my favorite bird photos from the Stokes Private Birding Tour of Ding Darling. (Sadly, there were no roseate spoonbills, but you can't have everything.) Enjoy!

White pelican and great blue heron

White pelican in flight

White pelicans

Snowy egret

Puffed up snowy egret

Snowy egret in flight

Snowy egret in flight

White pelicans

White pelicans and little blue herons

Mottled duck

Tricolored heron

Male and female mottled duck

Snowy egret in mangrove

Tricolored heron


Tricolored heron in mangrove

Cormorant (this photo cracks me up)

Friday, October 20, 2017

What can I say?

What can I say (or write)... that won't cause someone to write something nasty on one of my social media pages, even if what I wrote is innocuous or correct (i.e., factual or truthful)?

I've been struggling with that question for a while now, ever since a neighbor accidentally came upon a blog post and decided to write something nasty on the blog's Facebook page (later to delete it).

As it says right at the top of the page, J-TWO-O is a satirical blog. And for those of you unfamiliar with satire, satire is "the use of humor, irony, exaggeration, or ridicule to expose and criticize people's stupidity or vices, particularly in the context of contemporary politics and other topical issues."

Not everyone gets or appreciates satire, though, which is why I also wrote (when I started the blog nearly 10 years ago), "I started this blog to amuse myself, my friends, and my family. If you are not amused, just click on some other blog."

Unfortunately, we have entered an age of un-reason, or willful ignorance and "alternative facts," and incivility, where instead of people agreeing to disagree or politely disagreeing, they hurl insults and death threats at people they disagree with, often anonymously.

It's gotten to the point that I often think, Why bother? Who needs the aggravation? So, even though there are many topics I would love to write about (e.g., Harvey Weinstein and the culture of sexual harassment), or write more about (politics), I'm not. Why spend the time when either no one is going to bother reading what I wrote or, worse, the people that do hurl abuse at me?

So this is probably the end of J-TWO-O, though not the end of my writing. Indeed, for years (decades) I've tried to write a book, but have never gotten past the first few chapters -- until this summer. Now, in just a few weeks, my first novel will be published, via Amazon. It's a cozy mystery that takes place on a tropical island -- and has absolutely nothing to do with politics (or thongs, another favorite topic). I think it's going to be a hit, and I'm about to start on book two.

Wish me luck! And thanks for reading J-TWO-O.

Thursday, September 7, 2017

What I've been reading: Books to fall in love with

It's been a few months since my last book post, so I thought I'd share with you some of the books I've read since then. As per usual, I've listed the books alphabetically by author and included a brief summary. (If you want to learn more about the book, read the reviews on Amazon or Goodreads.) And I invite you to share the name and author of any books you've read that you recommend in the Comments section. (NB: To see previous book recommendations, click here, or click on the Book Nook label at the end of this post.)

The Windfall by Disha Basu. Fiction. A modern-day rags-to-riches (or middle class-to-riches) story set in India. When Mr. Jha, a hardworking accountant who makes a decent living but is far from rich, winds up selling a software application he developed for millions of dollars, he rejoices. But as he and his wife soon learn, money cannot always buy you happiness (though it can buy you a nice house -- with air conditioning, a nice car, and first-class plane tickets to the United States, things that Mr. Jha greatly appreciates). At times amusing, but often sad, the book is an interesting look at what it means to be well off, or rich, in India these days.

Book Scavenger by Jennifer Chambliss Bertman. Young adult fiction. This book was recommended online by many adults, mainly librarians and educators, for other adults who love books and/or to read with their children or grandchildren. So I figured I'd check it out. The book revolves around Emily, an avid reader whose family constantly moves and has just settled in San Francisco. Emily is obsessed with an online game she and millions of other young readers play called Book Scavenger, where players hunt for books hidden in the real/physical world by other players, through clues they post online. However, when Emily accidentally stumbles upon what she is pretty sure is a new Book Scavenger game, she gets more than she bargained for -- and suddenly it's up to her to save Book Scavenger. When thinking about this book the words charming and endearing spring to mind. Highly recommend to parents of kids 8 -12 -- and big kids, too.

Al Franken, Giant of the Senate by Al Franken. Nonfiction/Memoir. WARNING: If you are a Republican and/or get your news from Fox and Rush Limbaugh/Conservative radio hosts, you will probably hate this book. This review isn't for you. The rest of you, read on.

I usually don't like memoirs, but I LOVED this book. (I also liked Franken's earlier books, Rush Limbaugh Is a Big Fat Idiot and Lies and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them.) And I was not a fan of Franken when he was on Saturday Night Live. But I really like Senator Al Franken, and I hope he runs for President (though he won't). If you appreciate people, especially politicians, who give it to you straight (stick to the facts and call out lies and the lying liars who tell them), and can tell a good story, and/or you are curious about what it takes to win a senate race these days, READ THIS BOOK. It may be a cliche but I laughed and I cried while reading the chapters of this book -- and I would totally campaign for Franken if he ever ran for President (though again, he won't). And no, Al Franken is not paying me to write this review.

How to Find Love in a Bookshop by Veronica Henry. Fiction. A lovely, lovely book. A love letter to bookshops and the people who work and spend time in them. I only wish there was a Nightingale Books in my little town. A story of friendship, love, realizing what it is you really want and going for it, and community. A delight. 

Eleanor Oliphant Is Completely Fine by Gail Honeyman. Fiction. Eleanor Oliphant was doing just fine, according to her, even though she really wasn't. Introverted by nature and afraid to get close to people, her life begins to change when she and a coworker, the new IT guy (who could use a new wardrobe and smells of cigarettes), help rescue an old man who has fallen on the sidewalk. An unlikely friendship develops and, with the help of her new friends, Eleanor begins to come out of her shell and discover the life she had been missing. Bittersweet, heartwarming, and heart-wrenching, I found myself relating to Eleanor, and I bet a lot of women I know will too.

The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern. Fiction. I honestly cannot remember why I did not read this book when it came out in 2011. It has so many of the things I look for or enjoy in a book: good writing, an interesting plot, magic/fantasy (I'm a huge fan of magical realism), a love story. But I'm glad I finally read it. As for the plot, it revolves around a magical circus, a la the Cirque du Soleil. Only this circus, called the Night Circus, is only open at night -- and boasts actual magic. In reality the circus is a game board, in which a life and death game of magical one-upmanship is being played, and as the game drags on, lives and livelihoods -- and hearts -- are at stake. A beautiful novel.

The Essex Serpent by Sarah Perry. Fiction. The book takes place in the late 1800s, in England, and tells the story of a scientifically-minded London widow who decides to go to coastal Essex to seek out what has been dubbed the Essex serpent (similar to the Loch Ness monster), believing it to be a kind of dinosaur. While in the countryside she meets, falls in love, and butts heads with a local vicar whose religious views are at odds with her scientific/intellectual ones. And one is left to wonder, who or what, is the real serpent in this garden? An interesting read, but I didn't love it. Others might though.

A Gentleman in Moscow by Amor Towles. Fiction. I was not a fan of Towles's first book, The Rules of Civility, so I was loathe to read his latest novel. But after my mother-in-law and a good friend HIGHLY recommended it, I decided to check it out. And boy am I glad I did! I LOVED this book. Loved, loved, loved. The story of Count Alexander Rostov (the gentleman of the title), who, in 1922, is exiled to spend the rest of his days inside the Hotel Metropol in Moscow -- or risk being shot. Rostov, who is well known to the staff, by whom he is respected, is not one to make waves. So he agrees to the sentence, even though he is forced to give up his luxurious suite and move into the attic, and embarks on a new life as a denizen of the grand hotel, making new friends (and enemies) over the years -- and observing the evolution of Soviet Russia from the inside. A fascinating, beautiful, heartwarming, amusing read. I highly recommend.

NB: I also read Daniel Silva's latest Gabriel Allon spy thriller, House of Spies, which I thought was okay (not great), and Kevin Kwan's Rich People Problems, the final chapter (?) of his trilogy that began with Crazy Rich Asians, coming soon to a theater near you! (I loved Crazy Rich Asians; the sequels, not so much.) And I read Neil deGrasse Tyson's Astrophysics for People in a Hurry, which just made me feel stupid (and sleepy). (Liked the astronomy parts, just couldn't get into the physics.)