Saturday, April 2, 2011

How to embarrass your teenage daughter

I realize there are many ways -- intentional and unintentional -- to embarrass one's teenage or pre-teen daughter (or niece), but these are some of the most effective.

Herewith, 10 sure-fire ways to embarrass your teenage (or pre-teen) daughter:
  • Post embarrassing baby (or toddler) pictures on your Facebook page or blog.
  • Wear clothes much more appropriate for a woman half your age, making sure to show lots of cleavage and leg, to school events.
  • Sit behind your daughter and her friend at a movie and lean over and provide running commentary in her ear. (Bonus points if she's with a male friend.)
  • When picking up your daughter from school or an activity, be sure to call her by her childhood nickname at a volume that everyone for 50 yards can hear.
  • Attempt to kiss and hug her -- making loud kissy noises (e.g., "Mwah! Mwah!") -- in public.
  • When she's with a group of friends, utter helpful comments about some of her favorite musical groups or songs. (E.g., "Lady Gaga's 'Born this way?' Totally a ripoff of Madonna's 'Express Yourself.' Or "Do you want me to explain to you and your friends what that Rihanna song 'S&M' is about, honey?")
  • When going clothes shopping with her, make sure to comment loudly about the really loud annoying music and the pictures of the nearly naked models on the walls so the whole store can hear.
  • Post cutesie (or inappropriate) comments on her Facebook wall.
  • Grill her new boyfriend, including asking questions like, "Do you plan on having sex with my daughter?" (This is for parents of older teens, but it can't hurt to start young.)
  • Sing along with the radio in the car while driving her and her friends to activities.

Got a tip I didn't include? Leave me a comment. (Note: Keep it clean, people.)


Anonymous said...

You forgot dancing.

Ange said...

Oh my, I have totally done all of the above! "Powder Puff" didn't appreciate it at all!

The Embarrassed One said...

Bonus points on number three if you insist on coming along with your daughter on her first date. ;-)

Betty Cracker said...

Don a zebra-print Snuggy and interrupt a 'tween gathering to announce that you've learned to play "Stairway to Heaven" on the ukulele. When they howl in protest after the first few bars, loudly say "Denied!"

They will not get the Wayne's World reference, but you and your husband will snicker over it all evening, and your daughter's friends will commiserate with her for hours for having such silly, embarrassing parents.

J. said...

@Anonymous: How could I have forgotten dancing?! Thank you thank you thank you. (For those of you who doubt this, trust me, few things embarrass your daughter more than watching mom and/or dad try to shake their groove thing. Been there, done that.)

@Ange: And how did Powder Puff turn out?

@TEO: But I really do want to see "Hop." :-(

@Betty: I already feel sorry for Miss Cracker, though she's probably used to it by now. ;-)

Dave S. said...

My children have asked me to stop singing in the car. Those who have heard me sing in the car know this is a reasonable request.

Sugar Daze said...

Excellent list! I in fact have a file of future blackmail pics of my kids on my laptop that I am saving for use when the moment strikes!

Filing away this post for future use too! ;)

Anonymous said...

I know someone who had a "new moon" ceremony for her daughter's first period. Invited all her woman friends. I don't know how it went over, but I would totally die if my mother had done that. I heard about it at a pot luck dinner. I was embarrassed just hearing about it from the excited moms. I'm a half generation above the daughter (I was 30 to her 13), so who knows. Maybe I'm just out of touch!

Donna said...

Personally, nothing embarasses my 15 year old more than commenting on the following things:
1) How darn cute some of the guys in her school are - especially very loudly in their presence
2) Comment on her development in public
3) PDA with her step-dad in public
4) INSISTING on being the chaperone to every school function and trip

Gosh, I love my teen!

Elisabeth said...

Hi there! I found you through a comment on CW and am I ever glad I did! While my daughter is only 6, I can't wait for the day when she'll be old enough to cringe at my cabbage patch or runnin' man dance skills in place of laughing and joining in! *wistful sigh* and to show off her first bath pictures, PDA with Daddy, chaperoning school events.... And then there's my son to start in on... :D Thanks for the list of reminders. I shall keep it handy!

J. said...

@Sugar Daze, Clearly I should have written "Be sure to clip and save!" in the post. ;-)

@Anonymous #2: Did you come via CakeWrecks? I thought the PMS cake was hysterical but even I wouldn't go that far.

@Donna, Thanks for the tips! :-) Duly noted.

@Elisabeth, Yes, it's never too soon to start collecting future blackmail. Trust me, you will be happy that you did. And thanks for clicking on my link in CakeWrecks! I love that blog.

Karate Los Angeles said...

You also forgot meeting the boyfriend in a robe and curlers...

Anonymous said...

Sit next to the marching band they play in, when they are in the stands at the football game. Then wave to their friends, who actually think you are pretty cool because you will give them a ride at 11:30 after competitions and they don't have to bug their own parents.