Will it be the (NY) Titans vs. the (TN) Titans this Sunday? And other things on my mind...

First, the Jets, and this Sunday's big matchup against the Tennessee Titans.

Think of the mayhem and witty repartee that matchup would elicit from the CBS crew covering the game, especially the color commentator, if the Jets decided to wear their New York Titans uniforms! (Laura S., cover your ears.) It would be the (New York) Titans vs. the (Tennessee) Titans, both of whom are first in their respective divisions (albeit the ones from Tennessee are undefeated)!

Btw, for those who did not read my previous post on this subject, where I asked "Yo Jets, what's the deal with the 'Titans' uniforms?, I get that the Jets (who play in New Jersey, though originally played in New York, at Shea Stadium) started life in 1960 as the New York Titans. And I get the whole nostalgia, yearning for the glory days, it's a great marketing opportunity/sell more stuff thing. But let us recall, dear Jets management and sports fans, it was not the New York Titans who won Super Bowl III. It was the New York Jets.

And this whole throwback uniform thing has got to stop. Well, after Sunday anyways, that is assuming the Jets do don their Titans regalia, which they probably won't. I mean, did you see the Pittsburgh Steelers throwback uniforms the other week? Pathetic.

More importantly, you do not see the Baltimore Ravens donning Colts uniforms (even though, technically, they were the Cleveland Browns). No. Nor do you see the Houston Texans donning Oilers uniforms (though technically the Oilers are now the Tennessee Titans, as opposed to the New York Titans, who are, as we know, now known as the New York Jets, even though they play in -- everybody now -- New Jersey). As for the current Cleveland Browns... I'll just leave that one alone.

Getting back to the Jets... As I was saying, I get the whole nostalgia + cool new uniforms = $$$ thing (though I doubt that New York Titans jerseys and paraphernalia are exactly flying off the shelves), but enough already. Or enough after this Sunday.

Please, Eric Mangini and Mike Tannenbaum, grant me this one little wish and have the Jets wear their New York Titans uniforms one last time? Then, boys, it's back to business and to being Gang Green, not Gang Teal and Gold, OK?

Btw, I am not 100% sure about this, but I am pretty sure the Jets Flight Crew (aka the Jets cheerleaders, pictured above, obviously before winter came early) never donned Titans uniforms, though someone please correct me if I am wrong. And don't they look fine?

No matter which uniforms they wear this Sunday, though, I wish the Jets luck in their matchup with the (soon to be defeated?) Tennessee Titans, though the spouse and I have a soft spot for Titans QB Kerry Collins, who once played for the New York Giants. Still, if Brett Favre doesn't throw a pick (or three) and doesn't get sacked, and the Jets defense holds, I think the Jets could just clip the Titans.

Other Things on My Mind (in No Particular Order)...

* Dave S.'s theory of grocery bagging, which I don't have a problem with, as long as he's the one left holding the bag(s).

* Cupcakes! My friend, Cat, who lives in Paris, recently started a cupcake business and blog -- and the cupcake pictures alone (which she took) have me continually checking the site.

* When the will-she-or-won't-she drama over whether Hillary Clinton will be Obama's Secretary of State will end. (Please tell me this psychodrama will end BEFORE Thanksgiving. Please?)

* Why lawmakers (i.e., Congress) are holding the auto industry to higher standards (something they should have done YEARS ago) than the financial services industry, which has also done a good job of pissing away money, and taking consumers for a ride.

* Wondering if there is a new post up on my new favorite humor blog, I'm Not Feeling You.

* Anderson Cooper. (Blog post to come soon, Lizzy.)

* The Puppy Cam!

* People who walk behind moving cars (namely mine), i.e., see you moving but decide to walk or run behind you as you are backing out anyway and then get annoyed with YOU.

* And, should I be concerned that my spouse now has a Facebook page?

Have something on your mind that you want to share with the group? Go ahead and leave me a comment.

How to turn your bedroom into a sports bar

Thanks to the infinite wisdom (NOT) of Jets' management, the spouse and I had a difficult decision to make today: Jets or Giants? Or so I thought.

Yes, in theory, we could have gone to a sports bar to watch both games, which are being played, for the first time in over 20 years, at the same time on the same day (albeit in different stadiums) -- while drinking beer and eating lovely free nibblies. But our not-old-enough-to-stay-home-alone-for-three-hours child had a friend coming over, so we couldn't.

But that did not stop the spouse, a self-described geek. Oh no. Thanks to having not one but two Sony TVs (albeit previously in different rooms -- and only one of which is HD), a little coaxial cable, and a splitter, the spouse was able to have both the Giants (vs. the Tampa Bay Buccaneers) and the Jets (formerly the New York Titans*, who are playing the Tennessee Titans, formerly the Houston Oilers) broadcasting simultaneously... in our bedroom.















Add some beer, some nuts, and some chips and... voila! You, too, can have a sports bar in your bedroom!

For the record, the spouse tried to get the Jets game on the HDTV (left), but claimed it would only show the Giants game.

Also, for those who are thinking of trying this at home, a note of caution: Do NOT use the same brand of TV if you can help it. Because both of the TVs the spouse used are Sonys, and the remotes have the same codes, every time you use the remote on one, to, say, change the channel or raise or lower the volume, the other set changes too, so you have to do that stuff manually. It is also next to IMPOSSIBLE to watch two games simultaneously. John Madden is a god.

*A note about today's Jets -- or should I say "New York Titans"? -- game: WTF?! Again with the New York Titans uniforms?! Especially against the Tennessee Titans, I mean "Houston Oilers"? Way to go, Jets management! Even the poor commentators were/are confused, referring to Tennessee as "the Oilers" at least a couple of times.

UPDATED 4:08 PM: FINAL SCORES: NY Giants 24, TB Buccaneers 0; NY Jets/NY Titans 24, TN Titans/Houston Oilers 17. A most excellent day for NY/NJ football teams.

The sports bar is now closed... and we return to our regular bedroom.

Yo Jets, what's the deal with the "Titans" uniforms?

Excuse me, NY Jets management, but when I last checked there was already an NFL team called the Titans, and they play in Tennessee, not New Jersey (where, for those geographically challenged, Giants Stadium is located). Those Titans also happen to be 5-0 going into Week 6.

So what's the deal with calling yourselves the "Titans" and wearing those totally metrosexual-looking teale and gold uniforms? Is it an aspirational thing, guys? Are you hoping to be like your brethren in Tennessee?

As much as I and NY Jets fans everywhere would love to see you win five games (if not 15), YOU ARE GANG GREEN, for chrissakes, not Gang Teale. Man up, people!

Please, Mike Tannenbaum, bring back the green and white uniforms.

IMPORTANT NOTE/UPDATE: To read the latest about the Jets' throwback uniforms, click here.

Can the Jets OutFox(borough) the Patriots? And Will Sarah Palin EVER Shut Up?

Yes, ladies and gentleman, only on this blog, J-TWO-O, do you see two of the most important questions of our time (okay, this week) addressed simultaneously.

First, the Jets (and the Patriots). The last time the New York Jets held a share of first place in the AFC East this late in the season was 2004. And four years is a loooong time for football fans, especially Jets football fans, who are not a patient (nor a polite) lot.

But with New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady still being nursed back to health by the lovely Gisele, several other key Patriots players out for at least the regular season, and the Jets, with new QB Brett Favre at the helm and just signed cornerback Ty Law (a former Patriot) on a winning streak, anything is possible, even in Foxborough.

The game will be broadcast live starting at eight tonight on the NFL Network, and on Channel 11 (WPIX or "the CW," as it is now known) in the New York Metropolitan area. And I will be watching (until I fall asleep, probably at the half or sometime in the third quarter).

As for the Governor of Alaska... Is there no stopping or shutting up this woman?! Clearly, God works in strange and mysterious ways. Or maybe He/She just got tired of listening to Ms. Palin using His/Her name in vain and just stuck on His/Her hPhones and tuned out.

Attention all male pundits, politicos, reporters, news show hosts and member of Fox News (both male and female): Please take a cold shower, lay off the Viagra (or Cialis), and stop shoving your microphones in this woman's mouth. Please? Instead, go order yourself an extra large pizza, with all the toppings, get yourself a six pack or some really good microbrew, and watch tonight's football game instead. Now that's something worth tackling.

UPDATED 11/14/08 AT 8:23 A.M.: We're number one, hey! We're number one, hey! Okay, in the American Football Conference East. Who'd a thunk it, though, huh? But the Jets managed to eke out a win over former Super Bowl champs the New England Patriots last night, 34 - 31 in overtime (though I was long asleep by then) on the Patriots home turf. Well done, Gang Green. Now onward and upward, to Tennessee and the undefeated Titans (the real ones, though I personally think it would be hysterical if the Jets wore their New York Titans uniforms next week). Stay tuned, Jets fans... (Now if only someone would put Ms. Palin in her place.)

Giants win. Jets blow it.

I love my New York football teams, yes, BOTH of them (even though they both play in New Jersey), but yesterday's outings were not exactly awe inspiring -- or inspiring a whole lot of confidence that the Giants or Jets will go all the way to Tampa (as in the Super Bowl) this year.

Maybe the Jets should have stuck with those "Titans" uniforms (even if they do look like something designed by the runner-up on "Project Runway"), cause wearing them last week, the Jets looked way more like winners (or more like the real Titans, in Tennessee, who are now 6 - 0) than they did this week. And while I prefer the more masculine/traditional green-and-white Jets uniforms, this week's narrow loss to the Oakland Raiders (the Oakland Raiders!?) in Oakland, 16 - 13 in overtime, just should not have happened.

The Oakland Raiders?! The team sucks, man (though their logo is kinda cool). And this Sunday's matchup was one of the ugliest football games the spouse and I have seen in recent memory, with more penalties than a hockey game. Pathetic. Though kudos to Jets kicker and former NY Giant Jay Feely for kicking the game-tying field goal at the end of the fourth quarter. You rock, man.

Thankfully, well, for us Giants fans, the G-Men, while not looking all that super (despite winning the Super Bowl last season) got the job done, defeating the San Francisco 49ers 29 - 17 at the Meadowlands. And while QB Eli Manning didn't have his best day or game this season, he is currently the Manning with the better record (shocking as that may be, as Peyton Manning and the Colts lost to Green Bay 34 - 14 and dropped to 3 - 3 in the AFC South).

But thanks to the efforts of Brandon Jacobs, Plaxico "Bad Ass" Burress, and Michael Johnson, who twice intercepted the ball for the Giants, the Giants now go to 5 - 1, and remain in first place in the NFC East.

Now us fans will have to wait and see if the Giants can defeat a real team as next week they take on the 5 - 1 Pittsburgh Steelers in Pittsburgh.

As for the Jets, if they can't beat Kansas City (1 - 5) at home next week, coach Eric Mangini should start looking for a new gig.

Now that's what I call a party animal... Plus NFL playoff predictions

Being someone who cannot hold her liquor (what in the old days was referred to as "a cheap date"), I was quite impressed to learn of the tiny Malaysian pen-tailed tree shrew's ability to subsist "on a diet roughly equivalent to 100 percent beer"... without ever getting drunk. Now that's my kind of shrew. [Insert "shrew" jokes here.]

Per the article, "The discovery is particularly intriguing because the tree shrew is believed to be very similar to the last common ancestor of all living primates. The researchers hypothesize that this ancestor may have consumed alcohol at moderate or high levels, which could explain why humans have some tolerance for alcohol." (Clearly, the researchers have never been to a Jets home game.)

And speaking of football.... As many of you know, this is a very important weekend for professional football, that is, if your team is in the playoffs, which mine -- the New York Giants (although they play in New Jersey) -- is. However, I am so nervous about this weekend's big game (Sunday at 1 p.m. ET on FOX) that I am hesitant to make predictions or even talk smack against the other team (from the misnamed "City of Brotherly Love." Brotherly Love my Giants-thong-wearing ass).

To date, my track record for making playoff predictions is worse than the 2007 - 2008 Mets' bullpen's ability to win a game. I was SURE it was going to be the Colts and the Giants in the Big Game, Manning a Manning. But Peyton and the Colts let me down. As did Matt Ryan and the Atlanta Falcons... and Chad Pennington and the Miami Dolphins. Indeed, the only game we correctly predicted the winner of in our Super Bowl Pool was (shudder) the Vikings - Eagles matchup, and we LOATHE the Philadelphia Eagles, though not as much as we loathe the Dallas Cowboys (though I used to like Tony Romo, before he started dating Jessica Simpson).

My first round playoff picks picked off (so to speak), I still have the Steelers, Panthers, and Giants -- and believe the Tennessee Titans will clobber the Baltimore Ravens (though I currently don't have a bet on that game).

And if my beloved Giants (Brandon Jacobs is back!) lose to the Eagles on Sunday, I may be heading to the Museum of Broken Relationships, to donate my Brandon Jacobs t-shirt and my Giants thong.

But if they win, I will party like a tree shrew. Go G-Men! Go Big Blue!

Mrs. "Smith" Goes to Washington

My fellow Americans, I am off to visit our great capital of Washington, D.C., for a few days, to visit with friends, see inside some of our great institutions, experience history, and measure the drapes.

And as we prepare to vote on November 4, I'd like to share this (slightly doctored) quote with you, from Mr. Smith Goes to Washington (a wonderful film), spoken by the movie's hero, Senator Jefferson Smith, a do-gooder and reformer who was quite popular with the young people:

"There's no place out there for graft, or greed, or lies, or [negative campaigning, or] compromise with human liberties. And if that's what the grownups have done with this world that was given to them, then we'd better... see what the kids can do. And it's not too late, because this country is bigger than the [Bushes, the Clintons, the Republicans and Democrats], or you, or me, or anything else. Great principles don't get lost once they come to light. They're right here; you just have to see them again!"

Until next week... (Well, unless the Jets wear those lame Titans uniforms again, in which case I have a blog post waiting to go.)

The NFL Playoffs Have Gone to the Birds

The Giants SUCKED. The Titans SUCKED. The Panthers SUCKED. The Colts SUCKED. I am DROWNING in my Super Bowl pool. Wasn't it enough, Lord, that the Mets flamed out (again) and lost the division to the Phillies? Have you no sense of justice? Feh. (And I am still upset about the Jets, who appear to be cursed.)

What is about these fine-feathered teams? Don't Panthers kill birds? And shouldn't a Giant be able to shoot down an Eagle, and a Titan a Raven? What's next? Will the Steelers be struck down by lightning (aka the Chargers)?

Oh sure, Philadelphia fans, gloat while you can. Bask in that Brotherly Love. Next week, you are going down.

I am now officially rooting for the Baltimore Ravens and the Arizona Cardinals.

Less than three months 'til opening day of Major League Baseball...

UPDATED 6:26 P.M.: While I cannot entirely blame the Giants' defeat today on Plaxico Burress, I do blame a portion of it on Mr. Burr-ASS. After the Giants wide receiver shot himself in the leg, the Giants, perhaps in sympathy, repeatedly shot themselves in the foot.

Football! Beer! Sex! Pumpkin pie!

Finally, a blog post for everyone.

First, football. (And ladies, if you are not interested in me talking about a bunch of guys with no necks and upper arms the size of your waist in too-tight short pants constantly touching and trying to tackle each other all for a little pigskin, just scroll down the page a wee bit. I promise you will not be disappointed.)

So football. As many of you already know, yesterday afternoon the big story here in the New York City Metro Area (and probably in Tennessee, too, albeit for different reasons) was the New York Jets mowing down undefeated Tennessee for a Titan-ic upset (think crop duster and Cary Grant in "North by Northwest"). The stunning 34 - 13 upset now gives the Jets an 8 - 3 record, leaving them securely atop the AFC East. (Well, at least for another week.) Who'd a thunk it?

And, while I admit I am a wee bit disappointed that the Jets did not wear their New York Titans uniforms, I am not disappointed in the least with Brett Favre (who now has the most passing touchdowns in NFL history, passing Dan Marino -- and yes, probably the most picks, too), Leon Washington (that guy can MOVE), Laveranues (I rest my case) Coles, and the rest of Gang Green's performance today. Well done, Jets, well done.

As for the New York Giants... 10 and 1, baby -- and still leading the NFC! Giants. Could. Go. All. The. Way. (The crowd goes wild. Okay, I go wild. And the spouse. And, okay, probably several million Giants fans watching the G-Men put away the Arizona Cardinals last night, Eastern Time). Final score, 37 - 29. And they got it done without my man, Brandon Jacobs, who sat out the game with a knee injury; without Plaxico Burress, who had hamstring problems; and without David Tyree, the guy who made that amazing (and memorable) Super Bowl XLII catch. But you would have hardly known anyone was missing the way the Giants played yesterday.

I am definitely smelling Super Bowl (though it could just be leftover beer from last year's team-changing Big Game, which was also played at University of Phoenix Stadium).

And speaking of leftover beer...

As some of my readers may remember, this summer, while biking in the Pacific Northwest, I was introduced to Fat Tire Amber Ale, and quickly became addicted*. This addiction quickly turned into obsession when, upon my return to the Northeast, I discovered, you cannot get Fat Tire in the Northeast. Bereft and distraught (after discovering I could not even get New Belgium Brewing to ship me a case, nor could I find someone online who would ship me some), my dear friend, T. from B., who as far as I know isn't even that into beer, then took it upon herself to purchase and have shipped to me 20 22 oz. bottles of this nectar of the beer gods.

Beautiful, are they not? Talk about Drinkability. Mm mm.

Well, sadly, we are now down to eight bottles, two of which we are saving to give to my stepfather, who relishes a good beer, in a couple weeks. (And no, T. from B., this does NOT mean you need to order me more. Your original gift was more than generous.)

Besides, you know what too much beer leads to, right? Sex. Well, if you are lucky, guys. You know what else can lead to sex? Doing the dishes. (Hey, my man Obama is no fool.)

Just look at that picture. Is that sexy or what? Ladies, you know what I am talking about. The best part? I did not even have to ask the spouse to clean those filthy oven racks. He just donned his bright orange latex gloves and started scrubbing away, while our oven was self cleaning and we were watching the Jets game (see above). I think that behavior deserves a reward.

Which is why I made this:

That be mighty fine pie -- topped with the best homemade whipped cream you never had. (My secret: rum. And vanilla. Hmm. Guess it's not a secret anymore.)

Okay, technically, I made this delicious-looking (and tasting!) pumpkin pie because our neighbors (both of whom are Giants and Fat Tire fans) invited us over for a pre-Thanksgiving Thanksgiving feast yesterday, and we were tasked with bringing a pie and a vegetable. (I made a big autumn salad, even though it feels more like winter.) Also, the kid's been pestering me to make a pumpkin pie for years.

In all, it was a mighty fine Sunday. A win-win-win. (Great football. Great food. Great fun.)

Coming up next on J-TWO-O, things I am thankful for. Stay tuned...

12 NOON OFF-TOPIC UPDATE: This just in: Tiger Woods will no longer be forced to drive a Buick. According to reports, GM will no longer use Woods as a pitchman after this year, which is reportedly fine by Tiger as he hated being taken for an eighty-something driver and wearing those funny driving caps.

*A clarification: I am not technically addicted to Flat Tire (or any other beer or form of alcohol), though it sure felt that way during the latter part of the summer. It was a TURN OF PHRASE, a bit of hyperbole. Happy now, J1?