So what I want to know is when did thongs go from this...
Fortunately, there is Wikipedia. You can tell some enterprising (no doubt male) writer/researcher spent many long, hard hours coming up with this entry for "Thong (clothing)."
(Who knew that thongs, the clothing, were directly descended from loincloths and jock straps? Or that the word thong is from the Old English thwong, a flexible leather cord? Learn something new everyday. Though I think I will pass on the leather thongs, thank you very much. Oh, and for my two female readers who might actually care about the history of thong sandals, and remember when we used to call them that, you can read more here. Not to ruin the excitement but they were derived from traditional Japanese sandals.)
So why do I care about thongs of any kind? Well, I don't really, except that I read this post on my friend Dave S.'s blog yesterday, about the Republican National Committee's outfitting of its "Caribou Barbie" (aka Sarah Palin) with $150,000 in new duds -- and thongs happened to come up (or down) in the comments, which got me thinking.
I admit, I have at times been a bit curious as to who or what kind of person (besides strippers, call girls, prostitutes, and unselfconscious Brazilians) wears thongs and why. Why bother wearing anything? And why would you want a piece of (often itchy) fabric wedged between your buttocks like a piece of dental floss (hence the term butt floss), which, btw, would probably be more comfortable. (Note: the answer "so Bill Clinton will nail me" is no longer valid.)
First, a confession: Around my birthday about five years ago, after losing many pounds and wanting to spice things up a bit/show off my svelter figure, I told my mother, who had asked me what I wanted for my birthday, and happens to live in Paris, the lingerie and sexy undergarment capital of the world, to get me some thongs. Clearly a sign of a mid-life crisis. However, my mother was happy to oblige and purchased several lovely pairs for me, which, I should note, would have barely fit Malibu Barbie let alone me (and I am pretty petite).
After trying on two of the pretty strips of fabric, and experiencing immense discomfort, I believed my thong-wearing career was over. Or so I thought, until a couple weeks ago, when I noticed (gasp!) unsightly panty lines after donning my new workout/yoga-style pants. Not wanting to go all Britney, and after trying on several more modest options, I reached far, far back into my underwear drawer and retrieved... the thong. Enough said. (And no, Tommy, I WILL not be posting any pictures of myself in any type of thong. EVER.)
Though the experience did raise the question: aside from Victoria's Secret models, does anyone (let's stick to females, please) actually look good in a thong? 'Cause most of the women I've seen sporting thongs on the beach or at some pool or in the locker room at my gym should definitely not be. While I applaud their self confidence (or are they just delusional?), I could not and will not be doing the same any time soon.
And with that, I thong you for your attention and will be getting back to work.