American Idol Season 9: The Top 10 Guys Perform (UPDATED)

Though I use the word "perform" loosely.

Anyway.... Another week, another American Idol blog post. And if Benjamin Franklin (or was it Albert Einstein?) is correct that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, yet expecting a different result, watching yet another week of American Idol, especially after last week's awful performances, is yet more proof that I am insane.

Also possibly insane, or still channeling Paula Abdul, Kara DioGuardi. (Is it just me, or is she actually starting to look like Paula, too? I guess someone has to flirt with Simon and be his foil, but ugh.)

All right, on with the show. First up...

Michael Lynche: After that performance, I would say it's Michael Lynche's world, at least for now. And that's a good thing because I would hate to be the guy or gal to tell Michael Lynche, who can press four Ryan Seacrests, that his performance sucked. And the score for Mr. Lynche: A-.

And now the rest...

John Park: John Park is bringing me down. Maybe he should have sung the song in Korean. He was better than last week, but not by much. As Randy said, it was flat... pitchy... nothing special. As Simon said, I think Purple Haze will be getting its lead singer back. (Please.) My grade: C+.

Casey James: He doesn't watch TV AND he's handy, too?! Kara's husband, you are so yesterday. Seriously, does it really matter what or how this guy sings? (I personally am not into blonds, at all, or Casey, but I bet there are plenty of chicks who think this guy is hawt and will vote for him no matter how he does.) I thought it was a good performance. Not great, but good. A solid B. But what I think doesn't really matter, does it? Randy and Ellen loved it -- and Kara's just making nice-nice to hubby. As for Simon, the spouse predicted the "bar band" comment. But I would be shocked -- SHOCKED -- if Casey James doesn't make it into the Top 12.

Alex Lambert: I don't know whether to laugh or to cry, and he hasn't even started singing yet. Forget about the Florence Henderson hair, or that he throws up before performances (and football games ) -- we all get an attack of stage fright or performance anxiety -- but he still speaks in the language he made up as a little kid? All that said, I was -- wait for it -- pleasantly surprised. The kid's got a good voice. But like Simon said, he's missing that killer instinct -- and if he's going to make it on this show and in the music industry, he's got to find it, or at least a helping of confidence. Alex Lambert, you get a B+!

Todrick Hall: I liked him better when he was a dancer trying to be a singer. (And for the record, I was a big Paula Abdul fan back in the day.) Feh. Listen to Randy, dude. A great song doesn't need to be -- and shouldn't be -- rearranged. Just sing the dang song -- and don't be afraid to move. On a personal note, I don't know what happened to this guy. He was so good in the auditions. I really thought he could be THE ONE. Now I'm thinking he's the one who's going home, along with John Park.

Jermaine Sellers: Yo, yo, yo, dawg, what's going on? There are far too many of you guys killing me with mediocre performances. And this was at best a mediocre performance. It was pitchy and breathy and all over the place. Yuck. C- (and that's being generous).

Aside: Is it just me or is Simon's neckline getting lower and lower? If this keeps up, we'll be seeing his pupik by the time we hit the Top 10.

Please, Andrew Garcia, save us... Not drowning, but kind of treading water. Nice voice, but bad song choice -- and, all together now, pitchy. Should have stuck with the break dancing, dude. And at the risk of completely turning into Randy Jackson, it was just all right for me. Ellen's right, he set the bar too high with his version of Paula Abdul's "Straight Up." It's been all down hill from there. C

Aaron Kelly: I cannot believe I am about to type this but... he makes me miss David Archuletta. Another mediocre performance. And really sharp -- as in pitchy, not dresser. He's got a good voice, just not good enough. And no stage presence. C+... maybe a B-.

Tim Urban (aka Tim Jonas): (Hanging head.) What is there left to say? (The spouse just turned to me and said: That was like sitting through the high school talent show -- and not in a good way.) The sad thing is, he will make it through to next week because he's cute. The judges only have themselves to blame. Should have kept Chris Golightly. WAIT. WHAT?! SIMON LIKED HIM/IT?! Whaaaaaa? If I'm being generous, I give that performance a C-.

And finally...

Lee Dewyze: Well, he has the voice of an angel -- or Eddie Vedder. And, like Randy (again), I LIKED IT. I may be wrong, but I can totally see Lee Dewyze as your -- and my -- American Idol. He's got the voice, the look, and the smolder factor. I give it an A-, but that's just because I know he's got more in him.

That's it for tonight. Will update the post Thursday or Friday, after the results are announced. After that, I don't think I have the stomach to blog about American Idol for a while. Maybe when they get down to the Top 12 or Top 10....

UPDATED 3/4/10: As predicted, John Park and Jermaine Sellers are gone. And is it just me or was that group number -- "I've got a feeling" -- utterly pathetic? Good thing Idol Tour tickets aren't on sale yet.