Michael Jackson's "Billie Jean" video finally explained

Thought you all would enjoy this latest Literal Video of Michael Jackson's song "Billie Jean." (Major shout out to Kevin K. of Rumproast, who called this to my attention.)



Hey, these lyrics make more sense than

For Forty Days And Forty Nights
The Law Was On Her Side
But Who Can Stand When She's In Demand
Her Schemes And Plans
'Cause We Danced On The Floor In The Round
So Take My Strong Advice, Just Remember To Always Think Twice
(Do Think Twice)

My favorite lines in the Literal Version of "Billie Jean": "Hit my groin, jacket's on, spin around" and "My collar's made from a tractor tire. Gonna raise it higher. If you don't like it, talk to the hand."

To see other great Literal Videos, click HERE. :-)

Sometimes I think Marvin the Martian was right

about the lack of intelligence on the Earth.



As Bugs Bunny said, "The trouble with this world is everybody is out to get everybody else."



Sending you peace, love, and understanding -- and a little humor -- this weekend...

And now a word about the weather

Actually, make it an abbreviation: WTF?!

I get that meteorology is an inexact science, but jeebus, people, can you not predict a MAJOR SNOW STORM less than 12 hours before it hits?! (I happened to check Weather.com last night and the local forecast said NOTHING about a snow storm or even flurries this morning.) This has got to be some kind of new low in weather forecasting.

Just how bad is it out there (here)? Take a look for yourself. (I took these pictures around 12 noon ET -- and there was NO SNOW this time yesterday afternoon.)

I am in a particularly cranky mood because today is National Go Back to Bed Day (per the spouse), yet I was unable to because I had to get the kid off to school -- only to have the bus not show up and then find out shortly after she got to school that there was early dismissal today (which is at 10:30 a.m.). So no going back to bed for me. Just a lot of snow -- and a lot of shoveling later. :-(

[Note to my friends and readers in Florida and Southern California: Don't. Say. A. Word.]

What President Obama and Congress really need to do

Get some Balls.


[H/T Powaqqatsi]

Like the ad says, "Things get done when you've got Balls."

Right now, however, it seems that the Republicans are the only ones with Balls, which is not that surprising considering Cindy Hensley McCain's company is the distributor.

On a more serious note, I hope President Obama and Congress manage to pass some sort of real health care reform this year and, more importantly, focus on getting Americans back to work in decent-paying jobs.

Putting people back to work and ensuring that millions of Americans can get the medical help they need without going broke? I'll drink to that.

The secret to losing weight

Forget those crazy fad diets. You want to know the real secret to losing weight? Stop hanging out with your friends -- or at least stop eating and drinking with them.

Think about it: When do you do the most unconscious and/or caloric eating -- and drinking? When you are hanging out with your friends. (Btw, this applies to women and men equally.)

Don't believe me? Talk to the producers of and contestants on Lifetime's new hit "reality" show DietTribe. Or read this article from TIME about a report released by the New England Journal of Medicine that scientifically proved that friends make you fat.

Oh and Starbucks and Dunkin Donuts? They are not your friends. Sure those Gingerbread Lattes (350 calories for a grande), Peppermint White Chocolate Mochas (400 calories), and Java Chip Frappuccinos (460 calories) make you feel good, especially in winter time while chitchatting with a friend, but drink a few of them every week and neither of you will look so good. Same deal with alcohol.

But getting back to your human friends, here's another bit of not-so-shocking diet news: Your girlfriends are not really your friends, at least when it comes to dieting. Sure, they may say they totally support your quest to shed a few pounds, but they don't really want you to be skinny -- or, more accurately, skinnier than they are.

Btw, I'm not saying to lose your friends or stop hanging out with them. I'm just saying that if you are serious about losing weight, don't eat or drink with them. Instead, suggest the two or three of you go for a walk or a bike ride or do some activity together that does not involve drinking or eating.

Want me to reveal a few more secrets to losing weight, which I know for a fact really do work? Of course you do.

Stop eating your kids' leftovers and snacks. That theory that if it's not on your plate it doesn't have any calories? BS. So next time you make your kid breakfast, lunch, and/or dinner and the little cherub leaves half of it (or even a quarter of it) on his or her plate, just scrape it into the garbage. DO NOT EAT IT. And spare me the "But it's wasting perfectly good food!" or "What about the starving children in Haiti?!" excuse. I'm telling you: If you want to lose weight, scrape whatever remains on your child's plate at the end of a meal into the garbage -- NOT into your mouth.

Similarly, get your mitts off your kids' snacks. (And while we are on the subject of snacks, check out this New York Times article about Americans' obsession with snack food.)

My suggestion: If you are tempted to eat your kids' snacks, don't buy them in the first place -- or have your spouse hide them.

And for God's sake, stop baking cookies or brownies with your kids every (or every other) weekend! That's just asking for trouble.

And another thing, quit inhaling your food. It takes 20 minutes for your brain to realize you are full. So when you eat quickly, i.e., in five or ten minutes, you tend to eat more.

Don't have time for a leisurely meal? Just WAIT at least 20 minutes after you've had that initial sandwich or salad or whatever before reaching for more food.

Finally, lay off the diet soda. While you may think drinking diet soda instead of regular soda will help you lose weight, drinking diet soda can actually lead to weight gain. Don't believe me? Look at how many overweight people drink diet soda -- and are still overweight.

And before you start sputtering about all those gorgeous Diet Coke and Diet Pepsi and Coke Zero spokesmodels, do you honestly think those people actually drink the stuff on a regular basis -- and/or don't have a staff of trainers and chefs to help them keep their lean physiques? Puh-lease.

A final note: For those of who are bitching thinking "But J., you are skinny! What do you know about the Hell that is dieting and trying to lose weight?" I know a lot more than you think. Indeed, before I moved to Stepford [not where I live's real name], I was 10 sizes larger and 20 or 30 pounds heavier (which is a lot on a petite 5'1" frame). Indeed, when I was in my teens and 20s (and older) I was so "chubby" that people made fun of me and guys wouldn't date me.

It was only after I stopped with the crazy fad diets (I still miss you cookie-and-yogurt diet!), gave up drinking Diet Coke (I had a liter/day habit), stopped going out to eat all the time or grabbing takeout (the only items in my fridge? Diet Coke, milk, and popcorn), wolfing down my food (those competitive eaters had nothing on me), and started paying attention to what I was sticking in my pie hole and exercising for 45 to 60 minutes three times a week that I was finally able to slim down and, more importantly, keep the weight off.

How did people get married before the Internet?

One of the most popular videos from last year was "Jill and Kevin's Big Day," where about-to-be married couple Jill and Kevin, as well as their entire wedding party, boogied down the aisle to Chris Brown's song "Forever."

If you are not one of the millions of people who caught this video on YouTube (or The TODAY Show), here you go:



But "Jill and Kevin's Big Day" pales -- and I mean PALES -- in comparison to "Jeff & Erin's EPIC Wedding Trailer: Save the Date":



Talk about making all of us who sent simple "save-the-date" cards (or emails) feel inadequate! I can only imagine what their wedding and baby videos will be like! (We didn't even have a wedding video.)

While I am a big fan of YouTube (and am in the middle of writing an article on the power of video), I believe some things, like your wedding and your children, should just be shared with family and friends. Though "Save the Date" is one AWESOME video.

The Shiba Inu Puppy Cam is back - and the puppies are cuter than ever!

And now, my beauties... a blog post with personality in it, but attractive to the eye, and soothing to the brain. Puppies... Puppies. Puppies will put them in a happy place....

It's ba-ack. For those who fell in love with San Francisco Shiba Inu Kika and her six adorable Shiba Inu pups, and were, like me, bereft when the little pups were adopted and the Puppy Cam went off air, rejoice! For now there is Puppy Cam 2.0 (once again presented by Ustream.tv) featuring Kika and her new litter of three male and two female Shiba Inu pups.

Have at it...

Broadcasting Live with Ustream.TV

Jets fans, let us pray

In honor of this Sunday's AFC Championship game between the New York Jets (of New Jersey) and the Indianapolis Colts (at 3 p.m. ET on CBS), I have composed the following prayer for Jets fans to recite before the big game.

The Jets Fan's Prayer

Our Jets team, which art in Indy,
hallowed be thy run game.
Thy defense come.
Thy will be done on the Colts,
as it was on the Bengals and Chargers.
Give us this Sunday our next big win,
and forgive us our sacks and penalties,
as we block and intercept those who seek to score against us.
Lead us not into defeat,
but deliver us to the Super Bowl.
Amen.

Go Jets!

Take the J-TWO-O "I'm tired of hearing about..." poll!

Please take a few seconds to take the latest J-TWO-O poll, titled "I'm tired of hearing about..."

You can check as many (or as few) boxes as you like.

All poll results are anonymous.

Also feel free to suggest additional "answers" in the Comments section of this blog post (below). NOTE: Do NOT click on the "Comments" link on the actual poll. That will take you to another site.

Online Surveys & Market Research

Amazing new energy-efficient dishwasher!

The purr-fect solution to high energy bills and dirty plates. Brands include KittenAid, Maytongue, Catmore, and Meowe. (Also comes in Dog.)

Just say "here kitty kitty," set it on the "lick" cycle, and your dishes will be clean in no time!

Pick one up at an animal shelter near you!









































Note: Model shown is the Felix the Cat in black.

Call me old fashioned but...

I believe in the Golden Rule (the "do unto others..." version, as opposed to the one that says "he who has the most gold makes the rules").

I believe it is better to give than to receive (at least most of the time).

I believe that if you don't have something nice to say, you shouldn't say anything (unless you are Conan O'Brien or Ricky Gervais).

I believe you should write a thank-you note (or at least a thank-you email) when someone gives you a gift or does something especially nice for you.

I believe the words I'm sorry should actually mean something, and not be followed by a preposition or accompanied by a press release.

I believe that people should get married first, then have children.

I believe that children should be seen and not heard when in public places that cater mainly to adults, like restaurants and shops.

I believe "low-fat brownie" is an oxymoron (and just moronic).

I believe a woman's bikini should have a bottom and a top. [H/T Larissa]

God must be a Jets fan

Though He may love the San Diego Chargers more.

How do I know God is a New York Jets fan? Or that He, in His infinite wisdom, wants me to watch this Sunday's AFC Divisional Playoff Game between the Jets and the Chargers in its entirety?

Why else would Lady Gaga suddenly and mysteriously fall ill Thursday evening -- and suddenly and mysteriously cancel her concert this Sunday, the one my daughter and I (and my friend G., who is also a big-time Jets fan, and her two girls) had tickets to attend, even though Lady Gaga was well enough to perform live on Oprah Friday?

What else could it be but that God wants me and G. to watch the Jets game this Sunday, right? That's got to be it!

Oh wait. I just had a terrible thought. Maybe God is really angry with Jets coach Rex Ryan for showing so much hubris, and with all of us Jets fans for showing too much pride in our team (pride being one of the seven deadly sins), and He wants to smote us (or the Jets), or at the very least teach us a lesson? Oh God, that would be awful.

Wait, I've got it! Fellow Jets fans, let us pray.

Dear Lord, we are gathered here together to pray for the New York Jets. May they win this Sunday's game against the San Diego Chargers. And if, by some miracle, you know, like the one You bestowed upon the New York Giants in 2008*, the Jets make it all the way to the Super Bowl, we Jets fans promise to be humble. Amen.

(I know: Who am I kidding? But can't blame a Jets fan for tryin'!)

GO JETS!

UPDATED AT 10:20 AM: This New York Times article, titled "Jets Fans Crave Victory, But Despair Is Never Far," pretty much sums up the mentality of most Jets fans. (For the record, the spouse and I, although Jets fans, picked the Chargers to win in the football pool. Also, author Corey Kilgannon clearly doesn't listen to Joe Benigno, of Joe and Evan, on WFAN, otherwise he'd know that Joe and Evan occupy the midday slot, from 10 a.m. to 1 p.m.)

*and the 1969 Jets (thank you, Powaqqatsi)

UPDATED 8 P.M. ON JANUARY 17: OMG! JETS WIN 17-14! IT'S THE UPSET OF THE SEASON!!!

Going Gaga (UPDATED: Lady Gaga CANCELS concerts)

This Sunday I'm taking J-THREE-O to see Lady Gaga (nee Stefani Joanne Angelina Germanotta) in concert, and I've been really wrestling with my decision... as to what to wear. Leather or lace? Metal or rhinestones? Plastic or spandex? Bikini or one piece? After all, I don't want to stand out too much.

Suggestions?

Btw, these are my two favorite Lady Gaga songs:





My one regret (other than possibly scarring my tween daughter for life)? While I am excited to see/hear Lady Gaga in person (I've heard she puts on quite a show), I am majorly bummed that I will miss the final quarter of Sunday's Jets vs. Chargers game, though I made the spouse SWEAR he would text me the final score. Go Jets!

UPDATED: OMG! Even Barbie has gone Gaga! Check out these amazing picks of Barbie as Lady Gaga here.

UPDATED 1/15/10 at 5 p.m.: Lady Gaga just canceled her three upcoming concerts, including the one I was taking the kid to. Of the three she canceled, only the one we were to attend is not being rescheduled. SUCKS. :-(

Apparently nannies only exist in fairy tales and bad chick lit

So when did the word "nanny" or admitting to employing a nanny become dirty, one of those things that must not be said or discussed in public or polite company?

Back when I was growing up, almost every middle-class family employed a nanny or mother's helper or housekeeper or sitter (or had extended family) who would help look after the kids, even if the mother didn't work full time. It was no big deal.

But today no successful woman it seems will cop to having help.

And if I hear one more high profile woman (yes Michelle Obama, Mika Brzezinski, Norah O'Donnell, and Katty Kay, I am talking to you) declaim on television and/or in glossy magazines and books how today women can now do it all (or to cite Morning Joe co-anchor Mika Brzezinski's best-selling new book, do "All Things At Once"), without mentioning that it takes a village -- or at least a nanny or a mom who doesn't work or some kind of outside help -- I am going to scream.

More importantly, these supposed role models for "having [or doing] it all" are doing a tremendous disservice to young women (older women too) by not admitting -- or stating -- on TV and in women's magazines "Thank God for my [nanny, housekeeper, mother's helper, daycare center, stay-at-home spouse, mother, sister -- insert caregiver or multiple aides here]. Without her [him or them] there is no way I would be the success that I am today."

Or at the bare minimum acknowledging that they have help (and often lots of it) -- and that it's practically impossible to be successful without it.

Btw, there is absolutely nothing wrong with women getting some help on the home front, or putting their kids in daycare or aftercare, so they can work. What's wrong is women creating the fiction that you can somehow do it all if you just set your mind to it. That's as big a fairy tale as Mary Poppins.

Fat-bottomed girls rejoice!

Not only do fat-bottomed girls make the rockin' world go round, they also tend to be better able to fight off heart disease and diabetes than their apple-shaped sisters and brothers, according to a new study out of the Oxford Centre for Diabetes, Endocrinology, and Metabolism.

So in the words of Sir Mix-a-Lot, shake that healthy butt! Baby got back!

Breaking News: Sarah Palin joining Fox News. Simon Cowell leaving American Idol. Mark McGwire admits to using steroids.

In other "breaking" news:

* The rich are getting richer.

* The poor are getting poorer.

* It's Monday.

Btw, all of the above stories are true -- and all appeared on the front page of several newspapers and websites today. (And news organizations wonder why people don't take them seriously anymore.)

Re today's breaking news...

As for Sarah Palin's Fox News stint, Sean Hannity has already volunteered his lap help. (Or she could become Conan O'Brien's new sidekick, if he leaves NBC for Fox this spring -- or else his new master thespian.)

As for American Idol: Let me know if you'd like me to cover American Idol again this season, which starts up again, sans Paula Abdul, tomorrow tonight.



As for Mark McGwire, I know you all are as shocked - SHOCKED - as I am by this breaking news. Can't wait to hear what drugs advice he'll be giving Cardinals batters as their new hitting coach.

Whose hummus reigns supreme? Battle of the chickpeas gets nasty.

As many of you know, there has been a long and heated battle raging for decades -- nay centuries -- in the Middle East, a battle of epic proportions over a very sticky subject. I am, of course, referring to the Middle East Hummus Wars, being waged between Lebanon and Israel.

"People actually call me from Lebanon on a regular basis just to say that their hummus is better," Jawadat Ibrahim Ibrahim, an Arab-Israeli restaurant owner told CNN. "If you live in the Middle East, before you've learnt to talk, you've learnt to love hummus -- so I just want the world to know that mine is the best."

Which is why this past Friday, Ibrahim and a group of fellow hummus-loving Arab-Israelis from the village of Abu Gosh launched a counter-hummus offensive, creating the world's largest plate of hummus, weighing in at just over four tons.















Per a CNN report:

There was so much hummus that the only "bowl" able to hold the ocean of dip was a satellite dish six meters in diameter, kindly provided by a local telecommunications company.

Despite their victory, it is doubtful that the Israelis will hold the hummus record for long as a group of Lebanese chefs, who previously held the hummus record, have already sworn vengeance.

To which I say, just remember what happens when you fight hummus with... well, hummus:

It's going to be a Wild (Card) weekend

Big, big, big weekend football fans. Especially for us Jets fans -- and you Eagles, Cowboys, Patriots, Ravens, Packers, and Cardinals fans.

My prediction: while the Cincinnati Bengals have the better record (10-6 versus the Jets 9-7) and home field advantage and are favored by the odds makers (albeit by only three points), I think the Jets have a real shot at beating the Bengals this Saturday at 4:30 p.m. EST (on NBC) in the first round of the NFL Playoffs. Especially if the Bengals play like they did last weekend.

(And while realistically I don't think the Jets are going all the way to the Super Bowl, at least this year, I wish Joe Namath would just SHUT UP.)

[Slightly O/T: The New York Times has an amusing article about Bengals' wide receiver Chad Ochocinco, who turns 32 on Saturday, in today's online edition, which you can read here.]

As for all those other teams, per the spouse and my 2009/2010 NFL Post-Season Playoff Bracket Pool predictions, in addition to the Jets beating the Bengals, we predict that the Patriots will beat the Ravens in the other AFC Wild Card match-up; and that the Cowboys will beat the Eagles (and you have no idea how hard it was for my Giants-loving, Cowboys-hating spouse to write that in) and the Packers will beat the Cardinals over in the NFC playoffs -- with ultimately the Chargers playing the Vikings in the Super Bowl.

Don't get me wrong, I like the Colts and the Saints, a lot (though not as much as the Jets and the Giants). But, in the case of the Colts, I have this niggling little feeling that the Chargers, assuming they beat the Patriots (or the Ravens) next weekend, which I do, could beat the Colts.

Similarly, while I have absolutely nothing against the New Orleans Saints (other than that they decimated both of my teams, i.e., the Giants and the Jets, this season), I think the Vikings are the team to beat right now (barring something happening to Brett Favre, Adrian Peterson, and Percy Harvin).

So who will you be rooting for this weekend? Let me know via the Comments.

UPDATED 1/9/10: JETS WIN! JETS WIN! Final score: Jets 24 - Bengals 14. As a result of the Jets' win over the Bengals, Chad Ochocinco is changing his name to Chad NoShowCinco.

World's most annoying cat

I love my cats. I really do. They are, despite what dog people think, incredibly affectionate and amusing and loyal. If they were not, I wouldn't put up so many blog posts about them (and cats in general). But sometimes... sometimes... cats can be really annoying, especially when one is trying to work.

While Felix has many quirks, he generally leaves me alone when I am working -- or naps quietly in my lap as I type.

















Flora, on the other hand, is quite possibly the world's most annoying cat*, at least if you are someone who uses a computer for a living, or prefers an unobstructed view of your monitor, or likes to type on your keyboard without being pawed to death.

And weighing in at 15.5 pounds with fully operational claws, Flora is not the easiest cat to shoo away.



































































*though Simon's Cat may be a close second

Brain freeze

I know that, technically, we're only a couple of weeks into winter, but I've had enough. My nose is red, my fingers are cold, my head hurts, and I can see my breath -- in the house. Enough.

Even the snow has gotten old. (Sure, it's pretty and fun when it first falls, not so much when it turns your driveway into a speed skating track.)

Seriously, I cannot remember the last day the temperature here got above 40 degrees Fahrenheit -- with the wind chill.

And speaking of wind chill, I would like to start a petition that if it feels like 20 degrees then weather forecasters should just say it's 20 degrees. Enough with "It's 32 degrees outside but with the wind chill it feels like 20 degrees" BS.

And another thing, why is there a blizzard or snow storm only on the days we have plans? What's that about?

Much as I love polar bears, I could use a little global -- or local -- warming about now. After all, what have the polar bears done for me lately?

Okay, your turn to bitch -- in the comments.

Btw, this blog is now two years old and this is my 400th post. Yowza.

Best chocolate snack EVER

I know: Yet another chocolate post. But I'm a firm believer in you can never have too much virtual chocolate. And this chocolate snack is simply too good not to share. (How good? Let me just say, I had originally planned on calling this post "Like crack, only chocolate.")

First, a little background: As many of you know, when not writing about truth, justice, and the American way -- and, okay, football, underwear, sex, cats, and pop culture -- I am a mild-mannered small business and technology reporter. And way back in December I wrote an article on inexpensive yet highly effective strategies small businesses were using to attract new customers (as well as repeat customers).

One of the businesses I wrote about, Koa Coffee Plantation, which is located in Hawaii, sent me some samples of their delicious coffees and chocolates as a little thank-you -- or mahalo -- present. (Note to my editors: Koa Coffee sent me the samples after the article was published, and they send little mahalo gifts to all journalists, as well as to their affiliates, at the end of the year. So my journalistic integrity is still intact -- or was until this blog post. ;-)

As a result of Koa Coffee's largesse, I now have two additional strategies to add to my list of inexpensive yet highly effective customer acquisition strategies: 1) give free samples; and 2) have a product so irresistibly good that people become instantly addicted and have to have more, becoming customers for life.

I also have a new favorite (highly addictive) chocolate snack: Koa Coffee Plantation Chocolate-Covered Macadamia Nuts.

Do not let that unassuming green wrapper fool you, my friends. Or put another way, don't judge a chocolate treat by its wrapping. Pop one of these semi-sweet-chocolate-covered orbs of Hawaiian goodness in your mouth (though you will not be able to stop at just one) and you, like the spouse and I, will be hooked.

Indeed, the Koa Coffee Plantation Chocolate-Covered Macademia Nuts were so good that to stop ourselves from instantly devouring the entire bag on the spot, I had the spouse place the bag on a really high shelf, where one (okay, I) needed a step ladder to reach it.

Ha!

Why "ha"? Because every time I walk into the kitchen, I find myself making a bee-line for the step ladder, dragging it across the kitchen floor to the cabinet where we stored the Koa Coffee Plantation Chocolate-Covered Macadamia Nuts, climbing up and grabbing the bag, ripping it open, popping one of those delicious orbs of chocolaty nutty yumminess into my mouth, savoring its semi-sweet chocolate shell for as long as I can, and then lasciviously biting into the crunchy macadamia nut center. (Sheesh, I sound like that owl in those old Tootsie Pop commercials.)

And for the record, the Koa Coffee Plantation Chocolate-Covered Kona Coffee Beans aren't too shabby either. Indeed, I still have a buzz from the half-dozen I scarfed over an hour ago.

God only knows what will happen when we start drinking the coffee Koa Coffee sent me, which Forbes called "the best coffee in America." (The only reason we haven't ripped into it yet is I am determined to finish off our current supply of Starbucks French Roast, which is almost depleted, first.)

All I can say is thank goodness Koa Coffee included a bag of decaf (which we have tried, and it may be the best decaffeinated coffee ever).

Btw, I am not getting paid to write this. Nor is there a free giveaway involved. (Sorry guys.) Their stuff is just that good.

Aloha for now...

Are all Jets fans masochists? (UPDATED)

Or just the majority?

(Btw, you can substitute in "Redskins" or "Lions" or "Chiefs" or "Raiders" or "Buccaneers" or "Bears" or "Bills" for "Jets.")

Clearly the folks over at NBC Sports, home of Sunday Night Football, who are sadists, hope so. Ditto the NFL, which moved today's New York Jets vs. Cincinnati Bengals game, the last one of the regular season, from 1 p.m. to 8:20 p.m. ET, no doubt in hopes of attracting a larger audience of masochistic Jets fans -- and sadistic Bengals fans.

I hope the Jets KILL the Bengals. I hope the Jets defense sacks and intercepts Bengals QB Carson Palmer (if he plays tonight) again and again and block and trip up wide receivers Laveranues Coles (formerly a member of the Jets) and Chad Ochocinco (the player formerly known as Chad Johnson) so the Bengals don't score a single touchdown. But in my heart, if I am being honest, I know the Jets have maybe -- maybe -- a 50-50 chance of winning this game, if the Bengals leave in their starters.

Yes, the Jets have possibly the best cornerback in the NFL right now in Darelle Revis (who is going to the Pro Bowl) -- and the rest of the Jets defense ain't too shabby. But I just don't know if Jets QB Mark Sanchez (cute and eager though he is) and the rest of the Jets offense has what it takes to get the job done. But my fellow Jets fans, do correct me if I am wrong.

Btw, Jets management announced this week that tonight's game, the last ever at Giant Stadium, where the temperature is supposed to be a balmy 22 degrees Fahrenheit (7 degrees with the wind chill), will be alcohol free. That should make all those Jets fans attending the game extra happy.

UPDATED 1/4/09: Today I am a happy Jets fan/masochist as last night the New York Jets of New Jersey CLOBBERED the Cincinnati Bengals 37-0. (Watching the game, I wondered if someone had secretly replaced my New York Jets with some other team, or at least the quarterback, cause this New York Jets team looked unstoppable.) Way to go Gang Green! Until next week...

I want my HGTV -- and Food Network (UPDATED 1/23/2010)

For those of you who live outside of the Greater Metropolitan New York Area (i.e., not in New York City, New Jersey, or Connecticut) and thus are not slaves to Cablevision (or have a life) the fact that Cablevision and Scripps Networks are currently in a pissing match and as a result Cablevision -- with only a few hours notice -- dropped both HGTV and Food Network last night at midnight probably makes little or no difference to you.

But for those of you like me and little J-THREE-O (think of the children, people, the poor innocent children!), who developed a real appreciation for food and cooking and began trying all sorts of new things after watching Food Network, this is DEVASTATING news. Devastating.

Okay, let me put this a way you men will understand and appreciate: No more Food Network means no more Giada De Laurentiis bending over a hot pot several hours a day. Capiche?

On a more personal note, without House Hunters I have no idea what the spouse and I will do at 10 at night.

So if you are a Cablevision customer and want your HGTV and Food Network back, click here to send an e-card to Cablevision.

Btw, I do NOT put all the blame for this on Cablevision, though the spouse and I have ZERO love for the Dolan family (who are responsible for the recent Knicks debacle). There are always two sides to a story. And while we can (happily) live without most of the programming on Food Network (and HGTV), we really wanted to watch the "Iron Chef America Super Chef Battle," featuring Bobby Flay, Mario Batali, Emeril Lagasse, and White House Executive Chef Cristeta Comerford, Sunday night.

So please, Cablevision and Scripps, for the children (and, okay, the rest of us), bring back our HGTV and Food Network.

Thank you.

UPDATED 1/4/09: This just in from The New York Times:

"The Food Network costs distributors 8 cents a viewer on average now; Scripps wants a roughly 300 percent raise, according to people briefed on the negotiations. That might seem drastic, but 30 other channels, some with lower ratings, already earn that much. “We were really, really undervalued,” said Brooke Johnson, the president of the Food Network.

"For ardent fans of “Iron Chef America,” the Food Network is undoubtedly worth 25 cents a month...."

For more on the cable debate -- and why your cable (and satellite) bill is going to go up again -- read this.

UPDATED 1/9/10: Per Bobby Flay, the Iron Chef Super Chef Battle will be rebroadcast Sunday, January 10, at 8 p.m. ET on WPIX Channel 11 in the NYC metro area as well as on Hartford Channel 20 (WTXX). New York, New Jersey, and Connecticut Cablevision customers/Food Network fans rejoice! More here.

UPDATED 1/23/10: I am happy to report that Cablevision and Scripps worked out their differences (basically they split the difference) and Food Network and HGTV are now back on the air (as of Thursday night). To learn more about the negotiations, read this. Btw, Cablevision customers, expect to see an increase in your cable bill next month (as if it wasn't high enough).