Death by Chocolate

Okay, maybe "death" by chocolate is a bit strong. But if I had had one more piece, bite, or sip of chocolate yesterday afternoon on our Boston Chocolate Tour of Beacon Hill, I would have surely gone into a sugar coma. Indeed, my blood sugar is still recovering. (My daughter, on the other hand, felt she had died and gone to heaven after spending 2.5 hours sampling all sorts of fabulous chocolates on our Boston chocolate tour.)

So how much chocolate did I consume over the course of 2.5 hours? Too much. But rather than describe each stop or chocolate confection in words, I will share with you some pictures I took on the Beacon Hill Boston Chocolate Walking Tour (because a picture is worth 1,000 calories).

Our first stop was boYO, for Boston Yogurt, where we were served oreo frozen yogurt (which the group felt was good but a bit too tart)...















The next stop on the tour was Beacon Hill Chocolates, a lovely little chocolate shop chock full of all milk, dark, and white chocolate treats, some of which are pictured below.

We got to sample the Beacon Hill Signature (Dark) Chocolate and the Gentille, a "rich and creamy milk chocolate mocha ganache mixed with coffee bean pieces and coated in Belgian milk chocolate" (which were gobbled up too quickly for me to get a picture of them).

















































A few doors down was Twig, a florist that also sells candles and... (wait for it) chocolate! Among Twig's several chocolate offerings was this heavenly smelling MarieBelle Aztec Hot Chocolate, which we didn't buy. But we did buy a package of the Taza Guajillo Chili Chocolate Mexicano (not pictured -- but which you can see and buy if you click on the link). OMG. Soooo amazing. (Talk about hot chocolate!)






















Just a couple doors down was Isabelle's Curly Cakes, a cupcake bakery run by Isabelle English, daughter of chef Todd English (which was good, but it paled in comparison to my friend Little Miss Cupcake's Sugar Daze in Paris).






















At Isabelle's Curly Cakes, we sampled the Triple Chocolate cupcake, which was topped with a Cocoa Puff streusel. (While I was not cuckoo for the Cocoa Puffs, I liked the chocolate butter cream frosting -- and thought many of Curly Cakes' other cupcakes looked and sounded better. But many others on our tour loved the cupcakes and bought some to go.)






















And just when I was absolutely positive I could not possibly eat one more piece of chocolate we arrived at 75 Chestnut for our Chocolate Soup (below) -- which is one of the most amazing chocolate desserts I have ever sipped (or eaten). Espresso? HA! That's for wimps.

















But we were not done! (Groan.) We still had two stops left on our Boston Chocolate Tour, including Boston's own Finale Desserterie and Bakery, where mercifully I only had to consume a single bite of brownie, albeit with chocolate ganache on top. (As delicious as they all looked, no way could I have consumed one of these delectable chocolate dessert pastries pictured below. Maybe next time.)















On the verge of going into a sugar coma (did I mention I'm hypoglycemic?), we arrived at The Melting Pot, our final destination, for... yes, more chocolate! Specifically, chocolate fondue -- four different kinds.

I bravely dipped some banana and strawberry into the dark chocolate and marshmallow fondue placed in front of me, but I drew the line at dipping the chocolate-covered (and regular) marshmallows and cheesecake and brownies on offer, or trying the other three chocolate dipping sauces. (J-THREE-O and her friend had no such qualms.)

Finally, chock full of chocolate, and barely able to move, we said our goodbyes, hiked back down Charles Street, retrieved our car, and motored home.















I will never eat chocolate again. (Or at least not for the next 24 hours. ;-)

Is there such a thing as too much chocolate?

Rather than wax rhapsodic about turkey on this day of turkey, aka Thanksgiving, I thought I would discuss a food that we daily give thanks for, chocolate.

Ah, chocolate, made from the seeds of the tropical cacao tree, instrument of pleasure and even, occasionally, pain. Associated with virility and fertility, this product of the cacao bean has a long, rich history going back hundreds of years. And in Chicago this Wednesday, the spouse and I, along with our daughter, brother-in-law, sister-in-law, and two fellow (unrelated) chocoholics got to experience if not the ultimate chocolate fantasy certainly a chocoholics dream afternoon.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you a Chicago Chocolate Tour, 90 minutes of chocolaty goodness in the Windy City (aka Obamaland) condensed into one blog post.

After meeting up at the main floor Concierge Desk at 900 N. Michigan Ave., on Chicago's Magnificent Mile, we headed upstairs to Teuscher Chocolates of Switzerland, home of "The best Champagne truffles on the planet," per Zagat -- and the J-TWO-O family:

Then we braved the wind and cold to go to More Cupcakes, a feast for the eyes and tummy, run by a mother of five. There we sampled chocolate/chocolate cream and chocolate/vanilla bean cupcakes:

After stumbling out of More Cupcakes in a sugar- and chocolate-induced haze, our band of merry chocolateers headed to Sarah's Candies & Pastries, the creation of longtime candy and pastry lover Sarah Levy (who is only in her 20s -- and proof that chocolate is the secret to happiness), where we got to watch a nice man enrobe candied orange peel in chocolate -- and then eat some.

After all that chocolate, things began to get a little fuzzy (and a little too milk chocolaty) for me. We headed to Water Tower Place, to Lindt, where I vaguely remember standing in front of The Wall of Truffles and eating an extra dark truffle and being cajoled to eat/buy more chocolate, and then stumbling out of the shop in search of some water, in a chocolate-induced haze.

Then we headed downstairs to the Frango store, where I did not even attempt to eat the chocolate-covered minty creations, though my daughter gamely downed both the original and limited-edition candy cane variety of Frango Mint (which has just not been the same since Macy's took over Marshall Field's, a Chicago institution).

Stumbling out of Water Tower Place we headed across several blocks to our final chocolate destination, Argo Tea, where we drank what can best be described as "liquid candy cane" but was some kind of white chocolate mint tea concoction, and were given samples of brownies, which, like the Frango Mints, I shoved into my goody bag.

Engorged with chocolate we waddled back to 900 N. Michigan and to our car -- and headed off to Whole Foods to do some last-minute Thanksgiving shopping.

And speaking of Thanksgiving, as I sit here in my heart-covered velveteen purple pajamas, I wish one and all a very happy and healthy Thanksgiving (one hopefully filled with at least a little dark chocolate, which as we now know is filled with healthy antioxidants).

Best chocolate snack EVER

I know: Yet another chocolate post. But I'm a firm believer in you can never have too much virtual chocolate. And this chocolate snack is simply too good not to share. (How good? Let me just say, I had originally planned on calling this post "Like crack, only chocolate.")

First, a little background: As many of you know, when not writing about truth, justice, and the American way -- and, okay, football, underwear, sex, cats, and pop culture -- I am a mild-mannered small business and technology reporter. And way back in December I wrote an article on inexpensive yet highly effective strategies small businesses were using to attract new customers (as well as repeat customers).

One of the businesses I wrote about, Koa Coffee Plantation, which is located in Hawaii, sent me some samples of their delicious coffees and chocolates as a little thank-you -- or mahalo -- present. (Note to my editors: Koa Coffee sent me the samples after the article was published, and they send little mahalo gifts to all journalists, as well as to their affiliates, at the end of the year. So my journalistic integrity is still intact -- or was until this blog post. ;-)

As a result of Koa Coffee's largesse, I now have two additional strategies to add to my list of inexpensive yet highly effective customer acquisition strategies: 1) give free samples; and 2) have a product so irresistibly good that people become instantly addicted and have to have more, becoming customers for life.

I also have a new favorite (highly addictive) chocolate snack: Koa Coffee Plantation Chocolate-Covered Macadamia Nuts.

Do not let that unassuming green wrapper fool you, my friends. Or put another way, don't judge a chocolate treat by its wrapping. Pop one of these semi-sweet-chocolate-covered orbs of Hawaiian goodness in your mouth (though you will not be able to stop at just one) and you, like the spouse and I, will be hooked.

Indeed, the Koa Coffee Plantation Chocolate-Covered Macademia Nuts were so good that to stop ourselves from instantly devouring the entire bag on the spot, I had the spouse place the bag on a really high shelf, where one (okay, I) needed a step ladder to reach it.

Ha!

Why "ha"? Because every time I walk into the kitchen, I find myself making a bee-line for the step ladder, dragging it across the kitchen floor to the cabinet where we stored the Koa Coffee Plantation Chocolate-Covered Macadamia Nuts, climbing up and grabbing the bag, ripping it open, popping one of those delicious orbs of chocolaty nutty yumminess into my mouth, savoring its semi-sweet chocolate shell for as long as I can, and then lasciviously biting into the crunchy macadamia nut center. (Sheesh, I sound like that owl in those old Tootsie Pop commercials.)

And for the record, the Koa Coffee Plantation Chocolate-Covered Kona Coffee Beans aren't too shabby either. Indeed, I still have a buzz from the half-dozen I scarfed over an hour ago.

God only knows what will happen when we start drinking the coffee Koa Coffee sent me, which Forbes called "the best coffee in America." (The only reason we haven't ripped into it yet is I am determined to finish off our current supply of Starbucks French Roast, which is almost depleted, first.)

All I can say is thank goodness Koa Coffee included a bag of decaf (which we have tried, and it may be the best decaffeinated coffee ever).

Btw, I am not getting paid to write this. Nor is there a free giveaway involved. (Sorry guys.) Their stuff is just that good.

Aloha for now...

The best little chocolate shops in Paris

So many chocolate shops -- and patisseries -- in Paris, so little time. (Seriously, there must be a chocolate shop and/or pastry shop on every block.) That's why I highly recommend doing a Chocolate Walk and/or Taste of Paris walking tour next time you find yourself in the City of Lights and Chocolate.

We did a Chocolate Walk (with Paris Walks) on our last trip to Paris, in November 2009. So this time we did a Taste of Paris walking tour (again with Paris Walks) -- and made sure to visit a few chocolatiers and patisseries we didn't get to our last visit. My insulin is still recovering. But in the words of Edith Piaf, je ne regrette rien.

Following are some of my favorite sweet destinations in Paris.

With a name like La Maison du Chocolat, it's gotta be good, oui? Oui. And as per usual the truffles, and the chocolate eclairs, did not disappoint. (Bonus: La Maison du Chocolat has three shops in New York City!)














Another must-sample chocolate/pastry shop, Patisserie Stohrer, the oldest patisserie in Paris.


















However, my now favorite chocolate shop in Paris is L'Atelier du Chocolat, whose Feuillants d'or (dark chocolate covered in crushed pralines... shudder)... I have no words for (but my mother is seriously going to score major mom points if she brings me back a bag).


















And if you like your fine chocolates paired with a fine wine, look no farther (or further) than Saint-Honoré Paris Chocolats & Vins at 37-39 rue Saint-Honoré, the first chocolate and wine bar in Paris. (Quick, someone, get this business a website!) It was only because we had been gorging ourselves for two hours on fine cheese, fois gras, and chocolates that I could not choke down more than a couple of pieces of their delicious-looking chocolates and wash them down with a bit of red wine.














Finally, what can I say about the macarons and pastries of Ladurée (without sighing)? They are simply... heavenly. Sigh. (I lovingly carried back a box of two dozen assorted macarons on the airplane, which lasted but a few days.)














Honorable mentions: Jean-Paul Hévin (see my previous Paris chocolate post) and Pierre Hermé (though we prefer Ladurée's macarons).

[Amazingly, despite gorging myself on rich food and pastries and chocolates for eight days, I managed to lose a pound. Must be something about France.]

You're baking me crazy!

So as some (most) of you know, I am the mother of a teenager who loves to cook and bake, a lot -- specifically gluten-free, dairy-free, and, often, sugar-free goodies. Combine that love of baking with a raft of school closings and two-hour delays the last week or so, et voila! Our kitchen has become a bakery.

First it was croissants and pains au chocolate (aka chocolate-filled croissants)...

Which took a few days to polish off. (Hey, man -- and woman -- cannot live by croissants alone.)

Then the teenager made peanut butter cookies with homemade dark chocolate kisses (what she called "peanut butter blossoms"), as she wanted to try out her new chocolate kiss mold...

Sadly, most of the peanut butter chocolate cookies were packed up and taken to school (as are all of her baked goods), to be enjoyed by the teenager's friends and teachers. Sniff.

[Interestingly, the teenager rarely eats her own baked goods, except on special occasions. The spouse and I, however, do not have that much willpower, and often serve as taste testers. A rough job, I know.]

Then this morning I came downstairs at 6:45 to find her whipping up a batch of chocolate meringue cookies... for tonight's Thrive Tribe potluck supper, for which she'll also be making her felafel... (Though the spouse did manage to sneak one of the chocolate meringue cookies for breakfast.)

If this keeps up, we may start charging her a facilities fee. (And will need to go on diets come spring.) But I guess there are far worse hobbies. And, as the teenager constantly reminds us, all of her baked goods are healthy.  :-)

Happy National Chocolate Ice Cream Day!

In case you missed the memo, today is National Chocolate Ice Cream Day, which should make J-THREE-O very happy. (She looooooves chocolate ice cream. Me? I am more of a chocolate chip fan.)

It is also Daniel Boone Day -- the day when American pioneer Daniel Boone "discovered" Kentucky.

But wait, that's not all. Today is also the beginning of Shavuot, the period commemorating God giving the Israelites the Torah on Mount Sinai and the first harvest of the season. And how does one commemorate Shavuot, you ask? By eating at least one dairy meal. (Mmmm... chocolate ice cream.) I kid you not.

So in honor of National-Chocolate-Ice-Cream-Daniel-Boone-Shavuot-Day, I will be eating a big bowl of chocolate ice cream in my coonskin cap watching a replay of various Kentucky Derbies while reading some Old Testament. (The Book of Daniel, perhaps?)

Enjoy!

Sinkhole de Mayo... Green puppies... Blog or chocolate?

It is always entertaining (well, mostly entertaining) watching MSNBC. You just never know what the cable news network will feature as "news." This morning, I got an unexpected two-fer. Apparently, down in Daisetta, Texas, there is a 260-foot-deep sinkhole that grew to the length of three football fields over just two days -- literally swallowing (or attempting to swallow) the town of Daisetta. (No mention of any giant worms.)

While I am sure this is no laughing matter to the good citizens of Daisetta, it is pretty awe inspiring. The funny part? Due to the fact that the sinkhole occurred in May, the locals refer to it as... wait for it... Sinkhole de Mayo. Get it?! Sinkhole de Mayo?!

Moving right along...

Also in the news (and I'm not talking "News of the World" or "The Star" but once again MSNBC), last week a golden retriever gave birth to a bright green puppy in New Orleans. Animal experts do not believe the pup, named Wasabi, will grow up to be a Teenage Mutant Ninja Dog, but you never know.

UPDATE: According to sharp-eyed blog reader and blogger Betty Cracker, there were TWO green puppies born last week. Shocking but true. I apparently conflated the stories. The New Orleans green puppy, which I link to, was born to a boxer or boxer mix; the golden retriever and its green pup -- the one named Wasabi -- hail from California. Btw, if the owners of the other green pup have not come up with a name yet, I propose Quiche Lorraine.

Finally, a colleague of mine sent me this fascinating bit of research regarding women and blogging. (Thanks Dan!) According to the research brief, titled "Women Would Sacrifice Almost Anything But Chocolate For Blogging," which is based on a survey of more than 6,000 women conducted by BlogHer and Compass Partners, "36.2 million women actively participate in the blogosphere every week, with 15.1 million publishing and 21.1 million reading and commenting." And I'm one of them! Fascinating.

Even more interesting, according to the survey women are so passionate about blogging that they would be willing to give up something near and dear to them in order to keep blogging. Among the items included:

- 55% would give up alcohol
- 50% would give up their PDAs
- 42% would give up their i-Pod
- 43% would give up reading the newspaper or magazines
- But only 20% would give up chocolate

I find it interesting that sex was not included among the choices (though will keep my snarky comments to myself).

For the record, you can have my chocolate; just keep your paws off my blog.

It's the 2012 J-TWO-O Holiday Gift Guide!

It's the 2012 J-TWO-O Holiday Gift Guide, your one-stop blog post for fun, quirky yet practical, as well as inexpensive, Chanukah and Christmas gifts!

First up, Holidickeys -- mostly because I love saying "Holidickeys." Say it with me now: Holidickeys. So what are Holidickeys? Per the Holidickeys FAQ page, "Holidickeys are faux collars inspired by the changing seasons.  You may refer to them as dickeys, toppings or johnny collars. Holidickeys come in Peter Pan and Ruffle collars and in a variety of seasonal prints." (Note: These dickeys are just for women.)

And speaking of shirts, how about a stylish, super comfortable tee or a polo shirt from Prepster Pineapple? Makes a great stocking stuffer for the preppy guy or gal in your life! (Did you people seriously think I was not going to pimp my own business?)

And speaking of guys, forget beer goggles. Instead, get him a pair of beer socks! (Sock It to Me also has other great socks for men and women, including sushi socks, bacon and eggs socks, and ninja socks.)

To warm the hearts and (other parts) of coffee, tea, or cocoa drinkers, consider the Chalk Board Mug from the Spoon Sisters. No more having to guess which mug has decaf! (Click on the link to see other great kitchen-related gift suggestions.)

And what goes better with a cup of cocoa than a delicious chocolate-covered Hanukkah-themed pretzel rod from the Painted Pretzel? (That would be a rhetorical question, i.e., don't answer. Work with me here, people.) Heck, forget the cocoa, just give me a six-pack of dark-chocolate-covered pretzels. (Sadly, their Deck the Halls Christmas gift pack already sold out, but the Painted Pretzel has other yummy chocolate-covered pretzel gifts still available.)

Moving from the kitchen to the living or dining room, may I suggest the Brooklyn Slate Cheese Board? Perfect for entertaining, plus no more people asking you, "What kind of cheese is that?"!

For the nerd in your life, how about a Star Wars-inspired flash drive from Mimoco.com?

Mimoco also has Star Trek, Hello Kitty, and super hero flash drives.

And speaking of Star Wars (and nerds), how about a lightsaber flashlight? Perfect for when you go to the dark side! (Batteries included not.)

Getting back to fun flash drives, check out this cool lipstick flash drive, which would make a great stocking stuffer or holiday gag gift for the woman in your life or a female friend with a sense of humor.

Or maybe your lady prefers more traditional hardware? If so, why not get her this 135-piece tool kit -- in pink! Sisters are doin' it for themselves. (Though my father always said the only kind of hardware a woman wanted was this.)

And even though you probably have a set of salt-and-pepper shakers, I think the Silent Butler Cutlery Salt and Pepper Shakers from Eco-Artware.com is pretty cool, as well as environmentally friendly!

Speaking for eco-friendly gifts, check out these adorable soy tealight candles from Green Irene, which come in creme brulee, spiced chai, and other tasty flavors. (They would have come in handy after Super Storm Sandy blew through, though I personally can't stand scented candles.)

Looking for a gift to give the celebrity obsessed or a magazine lover? Head on over to YourCover, where you can create a personalized fake magazine cover of your loved one -- or coworker or friend.

For you cat lovers or those who have friends with cats, I recommend the Cat Scratch DJ Turntable (mostly because that picture cracks me up, though my cat, Felix, would probably use it).I also like the Sharp-End Cat Pencil Sharpener, which makes a nice stocking stuffer, and the Cat Tao Glasses from Uncommon Goods (which have become our favorite glasses since my sister-in-law bought me a set for my birthday last month).

And for the dog person in your life, I suggest the Bad Dog Tumblers or the Interactive Dog Puzzle.

Last but in no way least, for those in a charitable mood this holiday season (or to teach a youngster in your life the importance of giving, as opposed to receiving), give someone you love a cow... or a goat*... or a pig this holiday season, courtesy of Heifer.org. Did you know, and I quote, that "The gift of a dairy goat can supply a family with up to several quarts of nutritious milk a day -- a ton of milk a year"? And "Extra milk can be sold or used to make cheese, butter or yogurt." When was the last time a gift you gave to someone did that?!

Want to recommend a gift? Just a leave a comment with the name of the item and a link to it.

*Putting the baaaa in baaaah humbug?

Paris, city of pastries and chocolates

Warning: This post contains serious food porn.

On Friday, as is our Thanksgiving tradition (since last year) we went on a chocolate tour, given by Paris Walks, on the Right Bank of Paris. Our guide, Mary Ellen, an expat who has been living in Paris for 17 years, has a Master's in French History and teaches French school children English, was very good -- as were the pastries and chocolates.

If or when you next go to Paris, I highly recommend the Paris Chocolate Tour. In the meantime, here are some highlights.

First stop Boulangerie-Pâtisserie Gosselin à Paris (Jon and Kate bake great?):

















Note: We went to the branch at 125, Rue St Honoré, near the Louvre, and their Opera pastry was the best all of us ever had, which is saying a lot.

Next stop: Le Côte de France chocolatier at 25 Avenue de L'Opera:

Ensuite Chocolat Michel Cluizel:






















Et enfin Jean-Paul Hévin, where we tasted lime-infused chocolates (you put the lime in the choc-o-late you mix 'em all up...):

















Mon mari (aka "the spouse"), ma mère (aka "Granny"), ma fille (aka J-THREE-O), et moi also stumbled across a marvelous (and some say the best) macaron (and chocolate) shop in Paris earlier in the week, Pierre Hermé, where we sampled several different macarons:















Here's hoping you had a sweet (or at least tasty) Thanksgiving....

Next up: My Eiffel Tower obsession.

Lips like sugar

Literally.

Unbeknownst to me, that is, until the kid put on WBLI in the car this morning, you can, indeed, have lips like sugar, sugar kisses -- or sugar cookies, as well as chocolate peanut butter cookies, chocolate brownies, and strawberry or chocolate frosting -- thanks to Betty Crocker lip balms.

And if the taste of sugar cookies isn't your thing, there are a cabinet full of sugar cereal lip balms to smack your lips on.

Want to make your lips magically delicious? No problem. Just smear a little Lucky Charms Lip Balm on them. (There are also Count Chocula, Franken Berry, and Boo Berry lip balms, as well as Cocoa Puffs and Trix, which apparently is not just for kids.)

You can also have lips like buttered popcorn or Cheetos (the latter my daughter INSISTED we buy her a while back), but seriously? Ew.

Call me old-fashioned, but what was wrong with plain old ChapStick...



or just smearing some Vaseline on your lips? (Both of which I still do, for the record -- and I think my lips look and feel just fine, thank you.)

What do you think about all these fancy flavored lip balms? Would you wear one? Do you wear one? Leave me a Comment, below.

Bonus Echo & The Bunnymen "Lips Like Sugar" video:

Sweet!

Behold the World's Best Blondies (made from scratch with dark chocolate chips and mini M&Ms)!

















Zoom in on the blondies!


















And my* fabulous Dark-Chocolate-Kissed Ginger Cookies...

















In a word: Deeeeelicious!

I just hope J-THREE-O's teachers (all 11 of them) enjoy eating them as much as we* enjoyed making them, from scratch, all day, after one of us shoveled snow and broke yet another nail and nearly burned her hand.

*Technically "our" as J-THREE-O shared measuring, mixing, and baking duties with me -- but, alas, not clean up. :-(

I'm boycotting Valentine's Day

I have always loathed Valentine's Day, that incredibly manipulative holiday -- or as the spouse (then boyfriend) used to refer to it, the florist, chocolatier, and jeweler conspiracy.

Sure, a lot of it is -- or was -- sour grapes, being the only woman in my dorm at college who didn't receive something (or feeling that way). Never having a boyfriend on the big day, or having one who scoffed at the idea of celebrating Valentine's Day.

Valentine's Day?! Who needs it?! I thought. (The answer, of course, was, I did.)

Then, after years of togetherness (and repeated refusal to acknowledge February 14 as more than another day on the calendar), the spouse began giving me presents on Valentine's Day. Turns out, he's a pretty good gift giver.

But really, after you have received the vacuum of your dreams (technically a floor sweeper)*, what else is there to give, or to receive? We can't have flowers in the house because the cats will eat/destroy them (and I'm tired of cleaning up the glass from all the broken vases). I like chocolate (though only dark chocolate), but it would go bad before I ate it. I don't really drink (despite those Facebook posts). And I'm an anti-social hermit who sits in front of a computer all day, fending off cats, so what's the point of jewelry?

And honestly, I don't need or want anything... except maybe courtside seats to a Knicks game or a pair of seats on the Giants 50 yard line or a month in some place sunny and warm near a beach or....

ANYWAY, the point is, after nearly 20 years of marriage, I know the spouse loves me, and I love him -- and neither of us needs to prove it with flowers or candy or jewelry or Hallmark cards. (Though if you really want to show me how much you love me, honey, you'll get all of your boxes and bins of stuff out of the family room and guest room and stick them back in your office.)

So this year I am boycotting Valentine's Day.

Who's with me?

*Also way up there, the soap box he got me for our anniversary last year.

A sugar cereal by any other name...

Still has a shitload of sugar. So reports the Environmental Working Group (EWG), which just published its analysis of 84 children's breakfast cereals.

Per the EWG report, "a one-cup serving of [Kellogg's Honey Smacks -- known as Sugar Smacks back in my day] packs more sugar than a Hostess Twinkie, and one cup of any of the 44 other children’s cereals has more sugar than three Chips Ahoy! cookies." To which I say, does this really come as a big surprise, people?! Just because Kellogg's changed the name from Sugar Smacks to Honey Smacks, that makes it health food? I think not, but bravo to Kellogg's marketing team! Well done!

FWIW, my three favorite breakfast cereals as a kid, Sugar Smacks, Apple Jacks, and Froot Loops, which were plentiful in my house growing up (though not Cocoa Puffs, which had -- shudder -- chocolate and was thus banned), all made the 10 Worst Children's Cereals list (while Cocoa Puffs did not -- ahem).

Quick aside: I would like to take this opportunity to posthumously apologize to my father, who always said it was healthier to have a couple of Pepperidge Farm oatmeal raisin cookies than a big bowl of cereal in the morning. You were right, dad!

So, what were some of your favorite cereals as a kid -- and what do you feed your children now? (I had a bowl of Puffins Peanut Butter & Chocolate cereal with a little Fiber One this morning, while the kid had Cheerios with banana.) Did any of those cereals make the Environmental Working Group's 10 Worst Cereals list? Let me know via the comments.

Fun Mother's Day Gift Ideas

Mother's Day is just a few days away, people. And for those of you still looking for that perfect Mother's Day gift, I highly suggest you head over to Proflowers pronto.

For those more creative types, may I suggest...


The "Because I'm the mother... that's why" magnetic notepad from Anne Taintor . Or perhaps the "Has anyone seen my hormones?" pill box.

Is mom the crafty type? Loves to knit or crochet or needlepoint? How about a Stitch 'n' Bitch book?

Got a Jewish mother or mother-in-law who loves to cook? (That, by the way, is a rhetorical question.) Get her the "Nosh Now, Kvetch Later" kitchen apron.

And for the mom who has fond memories of drinking Champagne out of a shoe, consider the Domestic Diva Monogram Wine Shoe, which is a whole lot more sanitary.

As for me, all I want for Mother's Day is for my daughter to clean her drawers and closets (which are stuffed with doodled-on papers, gum wrappers, broken toys, and odds and ends) and refrain from complaining while I am awake. And, okay, maybe some dark chocolate-covered strawberries or a few really good dark chocolate truffles. (It's like he named them just for me. ;-)

Can't figure out what to get your guy or gal for Valentine's Day this year? Never fear, J-TWO-O to the rescue!

Forget the flowers and the chocolates and the Hallmark cards this Valentine's Day. Instead, how about getting a little creative?

Like how about a little "personalized erotic fiction" -- that you can instantly mail? Yeah baby. You know what I'm talkin' 'bout. ; ) And so, apparently, do the people over at HoochyMail, "the first internet service that allows you to create a thrilling, explicit erotic fantasy about yourself and your special someone, doing all sorts of exciting and sexy things, in all sorts of exotic and interesting locales!" (Which, in my house, would mean me watching my spouse vacuum the kitchen floor. Ooo, I am getting hot just thinking about it!)

Or maybe your special someone would like a pair of personalized panties or briefs. In which case, click on over to Blume Girl, which makes custom underwear for guys and gals (as well as babies and dogs).

Or what about a cute pair of PJs for your dream girl, guys, from Pajamagram? (Sorry guys, perky breasts not included.)

Or for you geeks out there, how 'bout some "Proximity Based Geek Lovin'" in the form of the ThinkGeek 8-Bit Dynamic Life Shirt?



(The spouse actually got us the shirts a couple years ago, but I am ashamed to say we have yet to wear them.)

Or to help stoke those erotic fantasies (see "HoochyMail," above), how about giving her (or him) some luscious chocolate-covered strawberries? Mmm mmm, that looks tasty. (And remember, dark chocolate is good for you!)

Just can't be bothered? You can still give my favorite gift, which lasts a lifetime (or at least a few minutes) and costs nothing: Look into your loved one's eyes and say "I love you."

UPDATED AT 4:20 P.M.: Commenter "Kay the Jeweler" thinks my last suggestion is a cop out, which it is. So may I suggest, instead, you get your beloved a nice poster for Valentine's Day?