Tuesday, December 1, 2009

The Tiger Woods thing (UPDATED)

As we should all know by now, celebrities and professional athletes are not like you and I. So when golfer Tiger Woods crashed his Cadillac Escalade into a neighbor's tree and a fire hydrant at 2:25 a.m. this past Friday, in the exclusive gated community of Isleworth, outside of Orlando, Florida, where Woods lives with his beautiful wife, Elin, and their two young children, the police, instead of performing a breathalyzer or any kind of test on Woods, instead asked Woods for his autograph and escorted his ambulance to the hospital.

Okay, I have no idea if the autograph and escort part is true, but from the various reports I have read, I wouldn't doubt it.

Since the accident, a lot of rumors have been floating around the Internet, on TV, in the tabloids and in the more supposedly "legitimate" newspapers as to "what really happened that night," and whether Elin Nordegren Woods had actually used that golf club to smash the back windows of her husband's Escalade to get the semi-conscious Tiger out of the vehicle, as is the Woods family's public line, or if she had used it on Tiger prior to (i.e., resulting in) his getting into the vehicle and smashing it into his neighbor's tree and a nearby fire hydrant at 2:25 a.m., as is being privately (and not-so-privately) bandied about.

Woods has declined to discuss the accident, with the Florida Highway Patrol or anyone else, saying it is a "private matter." Maybe it is and maybe it isn't. I'm not a lawyer. (And those of you are versed in this area of law, please feel free to chime in in the comments.) But I do know that if the driver of that vehicle had been some guy named Tim Woods, particularly some black guy named Tim Woods, the incident would not be a "private matter," nor would the cops have gone so easy on the guy. At the very least they would have administered a breathalyzer test or checked for alcohol or drugs.

What do I think caused Tiger to flee his house at 2:25 a.m. right after Thanksgiving and crash his car? Let's just say I don't think he was running to the store to get a quart of milk. Clearly it was either a) a domestic dispute; b) he was out of it (due to alcohol or drugs) and not thinking straight; and/or c) he was going off to meet someone on an urgent matter that couldn't wait -- which caused or was the result of a) and/or b).

Btw, if it was a "domestic dispute" over Tiger possibly being involved with another woman, would any of you be surprised to find out Woods had been driving on someone else's fairway or sinking his balls into a hole on some other, shall we say, course? If you are, you are hopelessly naive. As a good male friend once told me, there are only three reasons a guy doesn't cheat: lack of opportunity; lack of libido; and fear. Even if he has a wife as beautiful and sexy and Swedish as the former Elin Nordegren.

Frankly, I really don't care what caused the accident. I just find Woods' behavior/response underwhelming, to say the least. As a result, I believe the damage to his reputation will be (some say already is) worse than the damage he inflicted upon himself or his car, especially with the announcement that we would not be participating in the Chevron World Challenge, a charity event Woods sponsors, nor any other tournaments this year.

So, what do you think about the Tiger Woods thing? Leave me a comment.

UPDATED at 3:20 p.m.: Check out this column by the Washington Post's Sally Jenkins. I thought Jenkins nailed it.

UPDATED at 3:38 p.m.: The Florida Highway Patrol has cited Tiger Woods for careless driving, which carries a $164 fine and four points against his driver’s license. And so ends the story, at least as far as the Florida Highway Patrol is concerned. You can read more about this here.

UPDATED 12/2/09: Apparently "being human" or "not perfect" means cheating on your wife while she is pregnant with you child, or pretty much any time your on the road and are feeling horny. Btw, I am not at all surprised, just a bit sad. I mean, if a gorgeous blonde Swede can't hold onto her man, what hope is there for the rest of us? Oh, and those guys who've been calling into all the sports talk shows tut-tutting Tiger? It's all B.S. If they were in Tiger Woods' position they would have done the exact same thing.

11 comments:

The Daily Del Franco said...

As Tiger kept avoiding the police over the weekend, the headline in the New York Post read simply:

Tiger Hides His Tale

Brilliant.

Anonymous said...

By not cooperating he allowed imaginations to go wild!

If there wasn't anything to hide-he wouldn't be hiding!

I hope she hit with golf club-I m getting the feeling he deserved it!

David T. said...

He's not out of the woods yet.

Anonymous said...

He should have consulted with David Letterman and Elliot Spitzer - if he was having an extra-marital affair, the preemptive strike seems to be the better way to go!

Anonymous said...

OMG, am I the last to make the connection??? She didn't go outside with golf club to SAVE him. She was chasing him and hitting the car and that was why he hit the tree/hydrant-getting away from a mad wife with club!!!

Who knew the scandanavian women were so steamy (I know you know they were hot!)!

larissa said...

One stiff penalty
A whopping two hundred bucks
Got a ball washer?

EMM said...

I don't think you have to be a celebrity to have been "grateful" to get a mulligan by the cops after having been pulled over.

If this had not been Tiger Woods, there would have been a citiation, etc., and no media circus. Inquiring minds may want to know, but really, give him a break.

If she had been chasing him (or smacked him in the house) and he was trying to get away so as to not escalate the situation further, good for him.

I would imagine there is something more to this story and if Tiger's trying to protect his wife/mother of his kids, let it go. He's the celebrity, his family is not.

The media have plenty of wannabes and other media whores to pick on.

Meh!

J. said...

@EMM: Good points, good points. (Hangs head.)

J. said...

This just in: Apparently "being human" or "not perfect" means cheating on your wife while she is pregnant with you child, or pretty much any time your on the road and are feeling horny. Btw, I am not at all surprised, just a bit sad. I mean, if a gorgeous blonde Swede can't hold onto her man, what hope is there for the rest of us? Oh, and those guys who've been calling into all the sports talk shows tut-tutting Tiger? It's all B.S. If they were in Tiger Woods' position they would have done the exact same thing.

jjv said...

I do not know if "everybody else" would consort with just this type of woman or this many.

The Kings of England notoriously had discrete married women as mistresses. See also Horatio Nelson. Saved a lot of this trouble.

Dr. T. said...

J--you'll like this story. http://www.theonion.com/content/news/investigators_still_piecing