Nothing Says "I Love You" Like...

The Eureka Cordless Quick-Up floor sweeper. Brings a tear to my eye just writing about it. (Sniff.) If that ain't love, I don't know what is. Yes, I was not-so-secretly hoping for a cast iron frying pan (nothing says "I love you" or "Stop snoring!" like a gentle tap on the head with one of these babies). But a cordless sweeper comes in a very close second.

For those of you who have known me for a long time, you know what I think of Valentine's Day (which shares the same initials with "Venereal Disease," probably for good reason). But I may be softening in my old age.

To be fair to my spouse, who really pulled out all the stops this year, I also received a lovely arrangement of spring flowers from ProFlowers ("from your biggest WFAN" : - ). Thank you "Craig" for the discount! And he bought us his and hers t-shirts from Think Geek, which for some reason I am unable to upload here, so you'll just have to click on the link. (The title of the page is "Proximity Based Geek Lovin'." Need I say more?)

For those wondering what, if anything, I did for my man: I got him a card about farting and a commemorative Giants Super Bowl XLII t-shirt in red with a matching mug. (I thought about getting him some other stuff, but we already have plenty of beer; he had pizza with some buddies last night; and some things should just be kept private. ; )

Clearly, love is in the air -- not just here in Fairfield County but in the Republic of Congo, where a bunch of intrepid, voyeuristic scientists have been spying on gorillas doing the nasty. The big news here: "Gorillas have been caught on camera for the first time performing face-to-face intercourse," [my italics] which apparently got Thomas Breuer of the Max Planck Institute for Evolutionary Anthropology very excited. "It is fascinating to see similarities between gorilla and human sexual behavior demonstrated by our observation." To this all I can say is, Honey, where have YOU been? You really need to get out of the jungle more.

Love -- or more accurately, sex -- has even penetrated the usually staid freelance job listings I receive each week, which included these two little gems: "Are you an ex-stripper who wants to share your story?" and "Are you a Swinger that wants to share your story?" I think these two kids need to hook up, don't you?

And now I hear Katie Holmes may be pregnant again. Really, how much more "love" can one petite person take in one morning?

I am now off to the gym to work up (or off) a good sweat.