Thursday, April 26, 2012

Butt... butt... butt...

Overall, I am okay with my body. It's not supermodel (or even model) material, but it's in relatively good shape (thanks to exercising every other day and eating a mostly healthy diet) for a middle-aged broad. And while I may joke about my breasts (or lack thereof), my least favorite feature is my derriere (aka bottom, backside, rear-end, booty, tuckus, or tushy).

No matter how many butt-firming or lifting exercises I do, or how many of them, I have come to the sad realization that I will never have a butt like J. Lo's. Fortunately (God bless him), the spouse seems to think my posterior is perfect as is.

Exchange between me and the spouse from earlier today:
Spouse: (Admiringly) Turn around.
Me: (Reluctantly turning around) I have a saggy ass.
The spouse: You have a beautiful butt. Plenty of women would pay good money for a butt like that!*
Me: They should demand a refund.

And apparently, I am not the only woman who has buttocks envy.

Fortunately, help is at hand (or behind). Forget padded bras, ladies. Today's hottest "beauty" trend? Padded underwear. (And you people laughed at me when I blogged about the Bikini ButtBra two years ago! Who's laughing now?! Actually, I am.)

Yes, ladies, manufacturers have heard your booty call and have responded.

Whether you are looking for a double-o butt lift or padded panties that make you Feel Foxy, help is just a click away!

Btw, gals are not the only ones looking for back. There is plenty of padded underwear for men, too. (If you click on nothing else, click on that link for padded underwear for men. More importantly, why am I not writing copy for Bubbles Bodywear?!)

All of which has me thinking, it is only a matter of time before some sitcom or chick flick features a scene where the woman and man are getting "intimate" -- and then stop when they see the pile of padded underwear and padding scattered on the floor and then look at each other in horror.

*Personally, I think he was just butt-ering me up. ;-)


Amy Z said...

Ahhh.... competition to Booty Pop (on the sale table at BB&B BTW)–-when-baby-dont-have-back/

J. said...

How did I miss your Booty Pop post?! And why am I not an advertising copywriter?!

larissa said...

Spanx and padded butts
Cosmetic surgery or
Eating Disorder

jjv said...

As I travel the country I often get up early in the morning and flip through the channels. One ad that is on between 4:30 a.m. and 8 is a guy called "the Brazillian Butt master." These Brazillian models and then regular women all opine on how he works all of their butt muscles and changes their lives. It goes on forever and I've never watched it all the way through but apparently it is financially profitable to run this long, long commercial and sell tapes aimed, exlcusively, rearward. Is this the end of us?