Wednesday, June 29, 2011

The breast defense is not always a good offense

Alternate titles: 1) And that's why new moms shouldn't drink and drive. 2) So that's what breast milk tastes like.

What did we do before smartphones and RSS feeds?

So last night at dinner (on our way home from a lovely long weekend with friends), I was checking my email on my BlackBerry and decided to click on my RSS (news) feed when I saw a headline about a nursing mother arrested for disorderly conduct... for "allegedly" spraying breast milk at a couple of cops. Which I, of course, had to click on.

The deal: a husband and his wife, who was nursing, go to a wedding, drink too much, and get into a fight. (Not exactly news.) The wife gets pissed off, hits her spouse, and locks herself into their car and refuses to come out -- while the husband calls the cops. The cops show up and try to talk to the woman. However, and I quote (Delaware County Sheriff Walter L. Davis III):

"When deputies attempted to remove [the woman] from the vehicle, she advised the deputies that she was a breast feeding mother and proceeded to remove her right breast from her dress and began spraying deputies and the vehicle with her breast milk," Davis said.

[What did she say to the cops? "I've got a loaded breast and I know how to use it!" "Back away, or the little guy gets a face full of titty milk!"]

Eventually, with the help of additional deputies, the cops were able to remove the woman, a teacher at a charter school, from the car (and, I assume, the breast milk from their uniforms) and arrest her, though she was eventually released on her own recognizance after pleading not guilty.

And the moral of the story... ? Let me know what you think via the Comments.


Anonymous said...

I always used the excuse "the brains go out with the breast milk." This worked for 15 months. Since then I have no excuse.

Anonymous said...

Ugh...ugh...wait for it...ugh!

J. said...

Just thought of one more alternative title: Here's milk in your eye!