Thursday, April 8, 2010

Tiger Does Augusta

[Alternate title: "Tiger Woods, Masters Bait"]

I, for one, am glad to see Tiger Woods back playing golf. Not because it gives me yet another opportunity to blog about the "sex-addicted" golfer but because, let's be honest, watching golf is way more fun/interesting when Tiger Woods is playing. And let's face it. Before Rachel and Jamie and Cori and Loredana, there was golf, Tiger's first and really only mistress.

But getting back to the Masters, which starts today, I have to say I am disappointed by Tiger's grouping with K.J. Choi and Matt Kuchar. Where's the drama? You want to ensure sky-high ratings, ESPN and CBS? You should have asked the PGA (or the folks at Augusta National) to pair Woods with Phil Mickelson and Jesper Parnevik (aka the golfer who introduced Tiger to his wife, Elin).

And speaking of ESPN and CBS, while Tiger's return to golf, at the Masters no less, poses no problem to me in terms of how to cover it, it has been posing some thorny (horny?) questions to those media organizations officially covering the Masters, as discussed in this Associated Press article.

My solution, why mention Tiger's infidelity at all? Just play the chorus of Britney Spears's song "Womanizer" whenever the camera pans to Woods.

Btw, if Tiger wants to take some of the pressure/coverage off himself, maybe he should ask his buddy, Henrik Stenson, to play a few holes in the Nike compression shorts Woods gave him after Stenson played part of the back nine at last year's CA Championship/Doral Open in his boxer briefs.

And now, let the PGA-sanctioned fore-play begin!

UPDATED 4/11/10: For those of you who (like me) didn't catch Saturday Night Live last night, you missed this great sketch with Tina Fey playing Las Vegas model and Tiger Woods expert Ashlyn St. Cloud doing commentary (and no doubt a few of the golfers) at the Masters:

Btw, so much for Tiger imploding. Going into the fourth and final day of the Masters, Woods is only four strokes off the leader, Lee Westwood, who's at -12 -- with Phil Mickelson in second place at -11. Going to be another great day of golf.

UPDATED AGAIN: Tiger Woods finishes tied for fourth with a very respectable -11 for the tournament. But the big winner is Phil Mickelson. I still have tears in my eyes from seeing him hug his caddy and then his wife, Amy, and his adorable blond children. (Please let me not find out Lefty is a cheater. It will break my heart.) All in all, an amazing golf tournament. Dare I say, masterful?


Steven "Arnie Palmer" Friedlander said...

When I think about golf without Tiger Woods, I reminded of the classic quote from Karl Malone: "Golf is just a waste of good pasture land."

Edward P. Schwartz said...

OK. That just might be the worst song I have ever heard. I guess they couldn't be bothered to write words for the chorus? And talk about voice modification. When they hooked Brittney up to the auto-tune they must have turned it to 11.


By the way, the best commentary I have yet seen on the Tiger Woods mess is the recent South Park episode. Brilliant!

Kendor said...

I'm with Edward on this!

Foxy said...

I'm *this* tempted to title a blog "Tiger Woods vs Joseph Smith" and then another called "Tiger Woods vs Joseph Smith: the rematch with Jesse James." I think it'd be killer. And I will most likely get excommunicated and disowned by all of my friends. Oh man, it's gonna be goooood.

J. said...

@Edward and @Kendor: You, sirs, are a couple of old farts. (And I say that lovingly.)

And speaking of Old Farts, Tom Watson, whose son just got engaged, just shot a five-under 67 at the first round of the Masters. Woohoo! Old farts rule!

@Foxy, who is definitely NOT an old fart, to quote one of Tiger Woods' remaining sponsors: JUST DO IT. :-) said...

Off to a great start.