Adam Lambert returns to American Idol, along with Elvis

Cheer up, American Idol fans. Adam is coming to bring the glam back to Idol. At least I hope so. (Seriously, if Adam can't spice things up, no one can.)

Though watching Adam Lambert's footage will surely make all of us long-time (and long-suffering) American Idol viewers yearn for last season. (While I'm not sure I agree with Entertainment Weekly's assessment that Adam Lambert -- aka Adam Glambert -- was "the Most Exciting American Idol Contestant in Years," he is way more exciting than anyone we've seen this season -- sorry Siobhan Magnus fans.)

Adding to the excitement, tonight's theme is Elvis Presley, another rocker known to shake things up (and whom Adam bears a striking resemblance to). And will the remaining nine Season 9 contestants be able to shake things up tonight? We shall see. (Would be amusing if Tim Urban sings "Don't Be Cruel.")

For the record, my favorite Elvis Presley song (or one of my favorites) is "Bossa Nova Baby," from Fun in Acapulco:



Sigh. They sure don't make 'em like they used to.

Now let the hip gyrating and hound-dogging begin!

Crystal Bowersox: Shouldn't Michael Lynche be the one singing "Saved"? Well, here's hoping that save wasn't wasted on Big Mike, not that Mamasox is in any danger of being voted off after that great performance, but you never know. Like Ellen DeGeneres, I got nothing else to say. (So, anyone here have a birthday? If so, Happy Birthday!) "Crystal was stellar," says J-THREE-O. Yup. Our grade for Crystal Bowersox: A

Andrew Garcia: You tell him, Adam. Andrew's first/rehearsal version of "Hound Dog" was boring. Though this version wasn't a whole lot better. It wasn't bad. But it just wasn't great, though the studio audience seemed to LOVE it. The judges, on the other hand, HATED it. So I guess I am somewhere in the middle. Say goodbye to the nice people, Andrew, looks like you're going home to your son tomorrow night. The grades for Andrew Garcia: C+ from me; D from the spouse; and a C from J-THREE-O. (Tough crowd.)

Tim Urban (aka Teflon Tim and The Bonus Jonas): WHAT? Adam likes Tim?! OMG, Adam totally wants Tim -- just like Miley Cyrus! Ew ew ew. Though (and I cannot believe I am about to type this) Tim's version of "Can't Help Falling in Love" is actually... OK. (I cannot bring myself to use the word good, but it wasn't bad.) I know! I am just as surprised as you are, and unlike Ellen, I am not sitting here sipping tequila, though I wish I were. And, OMG, Simon liked it, too. He really liked it. Could Tim Urban be the next American Idol? Our grades for Tim Urban: B from me; C+ from the spouse; and B- from J-THREE-O.

Lee DeWyze: Once again, Adam tells it like it is to Lee. Amen, brother. Like the song says, "a little less conversation, a little more action, please." (So far, Adam Lambert is the best mentor yet this season. Who'd a thunk it?) Not loving this version of "Conversation," but Lee is definitely more out there, performance-wise, and, as you all know, I dig Lee's voice. More importantly, the judges LOVED it. Our grade for Lee DeWyze: B+ (and we are unanimous)

Aaron Kelly: Aaron could probably use some blue suede shoes -- and some liquor. Not the worst version of "Blue Suede Shoes" I've ever heard, far from it, but it was just not the right song for a skinny, geeky 17-year-old boy, even one with a good voice. Our grade for Aaron Kelly: B/B- ("He has to go after Andrew and Tim," sayeth the spouse, and I agree, though I don't think Katie and Michael will make it to the Top 4 either.)

Siobhan Magnus (aka the female Adam Lambert): Well, she didn't take Adam's advice (which is a shame, because he was right about speeding up the song), but she took his hairdo. Wrong decision. Yeah, Siobhan's got the pipes, but that version of "Suspicious Minds" was a mess. I'm actually with Kara and Simon on this one, as is the spouse. Siobhan is losing herself. Our grade for Siobhan Magnus: B-

Michael Lynche: Another predictable, slightly plodding performance from Big Mike. Yawn. Tooo slooow. I think Michael has a nice voice, but there are lots of folks out there with nice voices. This competition is supposed to be about finding a STAR. Where was the "wow" moment the judges keep talking about? To use a Simon-ism, Big Mike's version of "In the Ghetto" was utterly forgettable. Our grades for Michael Lynch: a B from me; an A- from the spouse and kid.

Katie Stevens: "Baby, What You Want Me to Do?" I want you to sell it, Katie, and stay in tune. Actually, I thought that was Katie's best performance. And the spouse thought Simon was going to like it. Oh well. Our grade for Katie Stevens: the spouse and I give her an A-; J-THREE-O gives her an A.

Casey James: "Lawdy Miss Claudy," Mr. James sure is predictable. What can I say? Another solid (if utterly predictable) performance by Casey James. Well, as the judges say, you know exactly what type of record Casey will make. But, like the judges, I want more. Our grades for Casey James: the spouse and kid give Casey a B; I give him an A-/B+.

That's all the American Idol for tonight, kids. Will update the post after the results show tomorrow. I'm off to watch Glee.

UPDATED 4/14/10: Well, Andrew Garcia was no surprise, but we were surprised about Katie Stevens. Boo. Didn't think she would make it to the Top 4 or 5, but she should not have gone before Tim Urban. Guess she'll make her high school prom after all. Prepare yourselves, people, for Tim Urban being your next American Idol. Also, WTF was with the laser light show and the psychedelic (not good) version of "What Do You Want from Me"?! It reminded me of why I wound up being constantly annoyed with Adam. Just sing the dang song. In other Idol news, no American Idol post for me next Tuesday. Will be back on 4/27. J-TWO-O out.