Monday, February 28, 2011

Helen Mirren is one sexy, classy dame

There were a lot of fashionably dressed women at last night's 83rd Annual Academy Awards Ceremony, but one of the most fashionable -- and elegant -- had to be Dame Helen Mirren.

I hope I look half as good at 65. Heck, I wish I looked that good now!

And not only is Helen Mirren a knockout on the red carpet (as well as in a bikini), she's a darn fine Academy Award presenter and actress too. (I just loved her in Red and National Treasure: Book of Secrets. And I heard she does a mean Queen Elizabeth -- I and II.)

Btw, I know I am in the minority here (big time), but I thought James Franco and Anne Hathaway (loved her outfits -- but EIGHT changes?! Geez) did OK last night, though I agree with my friend, M., that Billy Crystal stole the show. Here's hoping Billy Crystal will consider hosting again next year. Otherwise, I say give Alec Baldwin another chance.

Saturday, February 19, 2011

Americans more concerned about NFL lockout than government shutdown?

I don't know for sure which issue concerns Americans more: a possible NFL lockout or a possible government shutdown (or Britney Spears' infomercial for her latest song, "Hold It Against Me," which is causing quite a stir).

Football fans are a pretty passionate bunch. So I wouldn't be the least surprised if it was true that Americans are more worried about a possible NFL lockout than they are about a government shutdown. Indeed, while there is at least one website devoted to preventing an NFL lockout,, I am not aware of any similar sites calling on Americans to prevent a government shutdown, due to the current budget impasse. But do correct me if I am wrong.

But what do J-TWO-O readers think is the more pressing issue, a possible NFL lockout or a possible government shutdown? Or Britney Spears' video for "Hold It Against Me"?

To find out, please take the following (totally anonymous) poll.

Which concerns you the most?

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Spring Fever or Bieber Fever?

I think the warm weather is messing with my brain. Because just like the snow, I have found myself thawing toward tween-teen heartthrob Justin Bieber (though I still have no plans to see Justin Bieber: Never Say Never, which received one star on IMDB, nor does J-THREE-O, whose opinion of the Bieb has also warmed).

I think the thaw actually began a couple weeks ago with Bieber's appearances on David Letterman, which were pretty cute...

[He also gave Dave a lesson on tweeting a few days before, which was equally amusing.]

And then there was his really funny Best Buy Super Bowl ad with Ozzy Osborne...

And this brilliant article in Entertainment Weekly called "Justin Bieber: Why adults are scared of him. And why they should go see his movie," which talks about Davy Jones (Davy Jones!) and the Monkees and features a video of the Banana Splits. (Seriously, click on the link.)

But what may have put me over the top was watching the Justin Bieber Experience on glee Tuesday night. (We love glee, and it was one of their better episodes, IMO.)

So is it Bieber Fever or just Spring Fever? Whichever (though I am hoping it's the latter), I am suddenly finding it very hard to dislike the Bieb. Just could he please get that hair out of his eyes already?! It's driving me crazy.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder

Last night, on Valentine's Day no less, several new beauty queens were crowned around New York City -- leaving many of their competitors and observers scratching their heads (and other body parts -- literally).

Over at Madison Square Garden, a long-haired, long-legged bitch named Hickory was awarded Best in Group. Personally, I was rooting for her shorter, cuter rival, Lola, who came in second. But, as we all know, there is no accounting for taste, especially when it comes to beauty contests.

(For those who didn't watch last night's Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show, Hickory is a champion Scottish Deerhound, registered name
GCH Foxcliffe Hickory Wind; and Lola is a 15-inch beagle, registered name GCH Torquay Midnight Confession. And they were competing against each other in the Hound Group.)

A little while later, another striking bitch, Jayne, who clearly is unfamiliar with Botox and has never gone under a plastic surgeon's knife, won the Non-Sporting Group, beating out what some would say was a much cuter, and certainly less wrinkly, Bichon Frise.

I say good for you, Miss Jayne! You go girl. (Again, for those who didn't watch the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show last night, Jayne, whose registered name is GCH Vaje's Miss Jayne Hathaway -- yes, for that Miss Jane Hathaway -- is a Chinese Shar-Pei.)

A short time later, not too far away at the Ed Sullivan Theater, David Letterman revealed the cover of this year's Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue, after having 10 of the models from this year's swimsuit issue humiliate themselves doing one of the most insipid Top 10 lists I've ever seen, "Top Ten Good Things About Appearing in the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition."

And gracing the cover of the 2011 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition is... surgically enhanced Russian model Irina Shayk.

Me, I'll take Hickory the Scottish Deerhound or Miss Jayne the Chinese Shar-Pei over Miss Shayk the Russian Supermodel any day, but I'm sure I am in the minority (at least in a mixed crowd). Not that I don't think Irina Shayk isn't attractive. I just prefer the more natural-looking Hilary Rhoda and Julie Henderson -- and Lola the beagle (though I am a bulldog lover).

More importantly, I wish that pretty girls were secure enough to feel they didn't need big fake boobs to be attractive -- and that magazines like Sports Illustrated would feature natural-looking (I'm not going to say "real" because who really looks like a Sports Illustrated Swimsuit model?) women on its cover and pages. Maybe we can learn something after all from the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show.

UPDATED: In a big upset, my gal Hickory won Best in Show at the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show last night. Way to go, Hickory! You can read more about Hickory winning Best in Show here.

Monday, February 14, 2011

I pug you very much, Valentine

Considering that today is also the start of the 135th Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show, I felt this funny Valentine* was particularly appropriate. (As many of you have long suspected, this blog is going to the dogs.)

Don't like Valentine's Day? Well, I've got just the thing to cheer you up, this video of three pugs doing the infamous "pug head tilt."

Sadly, no vacuum cleaner for me this year (though the spouse did ask if I wanted a new one), nor flowers (because the cats would just eat them and break the vase, and get water and glass all over the place). Instead, the spouse gave me a lovely heart necklace (to wear next to my heart), before he dashed out the door at 6:30. (I gave him new pajamas. I know: so romantic!)

Wishing you a happy Monday, from my heart...

*While I love this pug Valentine, last year's funny Valentine's Day blog post contains my undisputed favorite Valentine's Day ad. (To see the ad, click on the link.)

Friday, February 11, 2011

Brooklyn Decker's breasts, appearing at a theater near you!

Just days before the 2011 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue hits newsstands (on February 15 -- and yes, there will be a blog post), Brooklyn Decker and her breasts are hitting the big screen in the new Adam Sandler movie Just Go With It, the touching story (because there is a lot of touching) of a plastic surgeon (Sandler) trying to woo a much younger school teacher (Decker).

Now, I don't know about all of you, but the only place I've ever seen a school teacher that looked anything like Brooklyn Decker was in that Van Halen video, "Hot for Teacher." Though come to think of it, Adam Sandler does look a bit like the nerdy kid in that video (which came out in 1984). Hmmm...

Getting back to Just Go With It, the movie buffs among you may be interested to know that it is actually a remake of the 1969 movie Cactus Flower, which starred Walter Matthau in the Adam Sandler role (as a dentist) and Goldie Hawn in the Brooklyn Decker role (for which she won the Best Supporting Actress Academy Award). Not to sell Brooklyn Decker short, but I doubt she's being nominated for an Academy Award next year for her work in Just Go With It, though I could be wrong.

Oh, and did I mention Jennifer Aniston also stars in Just Go With It, as Sandler's loyal but (wink wink) plain Jane assistant, whom he enlists to pose as his soon-to-be ex-wife to make Brooklyn Decker jealous? I know! Poor Adam Sandler.

(Btw, in the 1969 movie, Ingrid Bergman played the Jennifer Aniston role. And let me just say, Jennifer Aniston is no Ingrid Bergman. Then again, Adam Sandler is no Walter Matthau. Also, interestingly, Cactus Flower, which was originally a Broadway show, starring Lauren Bacall in the Jennifer Aniston role, is currently being revived, with previews starting in just a couple weeks. And I may just have to see it. Anyone want to go with me?)

Anyway, in case you've been living under a rock, and have no idea what I am talking about, here is one of the many trailers for Just Go With It (all of which prominently feature Brooklyn Double D-ecker's breasts), which aired during Super Bowl XLV:

So quick poll: How many of you female readers plan on seeing Just Go With It? Guys? Let me know via the Comments section (because I'm too lazy to create an actual poll).

And for the record, I have nothing personally against Brooklyn Decker, who may be the sweetest, nicest, most deserving person on the planet for all I know (as well as the best endowed). I'm just a bitter, flat-chested old broad with a blog to grind.

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Can't wait to confess your sins? There's an app for that.

Sinners rejoice! That is, if you are a Catholic and have an iPhone. (Apparently BlackBerry and Android users don't have a need to confess their sins to their smart phone.)

Yes, brothers and sisters, thanks to the wonders of digital technology, there's no need to wait in line in that processional, to step into that small confessional, for some guy who's got religion, to tell if you if your sin's original. You just need the new Roman-Catholic-Church-approved Confession app!

Per the website:
Designed to be used in the confessional, this app is the perfect aid for every penitent. With a personalized examination of conscience for each user, password protected profiles, and a step-by-step guide to the sacrament, this app invites Catholics to prayerfully prepare for and participate in the Rite of Penance. Individuals who have been away from the sacrament for some time will find Confession: A Roman Catholic App to be a useful and inviting tool.
Amen to that!

Though I have to say I find Radical Bytes' Confession Booth app (also for the iPhone, which is apparently the go-to smart phone for sinners) more amusing (and less holier than thou).

But the best thing about the new confession apps for the iPhone? It gives me an excuse to feature Tom Lehrer's "Vatican Rag":

So how many Hail Marys do you think I'll have to do (that is, if I was Catholic) for blaspheming confession apps?

UPDATED: The Vatican has issued a statement (via iPhone?) that confessing via iPhone doesn't count.

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

To Serve Cat*

Sure, you may think this adorable French bulldog is lovingly grooming that cat. But he is really tenderizing her! Bwahahaha!

*Bonus points if you got the reference.

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Top 3 Super Bowl XLV ads

Come on, admit it, half (or three-quarters) of the reason you watch the Super Bowl is for the ads. As per usual, most of this year's Super Bowl ads disappointed. (Actually, I thought this year's Super Bowl ads SUCKED -- and were needlessly violent, creepy, and/or inappropriate or offensive.) But I felt these three were blog worthy.

First up, Volkswagen's "The Force" ad for the Passat (which has over 13 million views on YouTube, over 12.7 million of which were before the Big Game):

[Click here to see a short interview with the boy who would be Vader, who looks exactly like a young Luke Skywalker.]

Next, even though I am neither a Justin Bieber nor an Ozzy Osborne fan, I thought this Best Buy spot was amusing:

But perhaps my favorite Super Bowl ad (which I'm not 100 percent sure actually aired during the Super Bowl) is Old Spice's new Scent Vacation ad featuring the Man Your Man Could Smell (but Probably Never Look) Like, Isaiah Mustafa.

[I don't care if this ad is basically like all the other Isaiah Mustafa Old Spice ads, I still like it.]

Honorable mentions to Bud Light, Volkswagen (the Black Beetle ad), and to CarMax (though the spouse thought it was "a lame commercial").

FYI, to see more Super Bowl XLV ads, and how they rate, go here.

Friday, February 4, 2011

No cheerleaders at Super Bowl XLV?!

That's positively Un-American!

It's also yet another reason why the Jets should be playing in Super Bowl XLV instead of the Steelers. ;-)

According to this MSNBC clip, this will be the first time in over 40 years that the Super Bowl will be cheerleaderless -- as both the Pittsburgh Steelers and the Green Bay Packers don't have cheerleaders. (They are two of six NFL teams that don't have cheerleaders; the other four being the Chicago Bears, the Cleveland Browns, the Detroit Lions, and the New York Giants.)

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As Super Bowl XLV is being played at Cowboys Stadium, I think the least Jerry Jones could do would be to loan the NFL the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders for the occasion, don't you?

Sigh. Guess male viewers will have to make do with the ladies of GoDaddy and Hooters.

Thursday, February 3, 2011

You try to raise them right, but sometimes...

you wonder.

As parents, we want our kids to be happy and confident -- with good self esteem. At the same time, we don't want our kids to be too or unrealistically full of themselves, like those poor deluded contestants on American Idol who think they are the next American Idol because their parents (falsely) told them they were great.

I had always thought the spouse and I did a pretty good job of parenting, or of making our daughter feel safe and loved. We encouraged her to pursue the things she loved (writing, drawing, Photoshop, cooking) and gave praise only when it was deserved. We also constantly told her to believe in herself, to be proud of who she was, and to not focus on or worry about what other people said or thought about her -- and that with hard work and perseverance she could be (almost) anything she wanted to be.

And while our daughter knows she will not be the next American Idol (okay, I'll admit it, I'm a little preoccupied with American Idol right now -- new AI blog posts to start end of this month!), nor a great athlete, after seeing her current email signature (pasted below), I'm wondering if maybe we went a bit too far with this whole be-proud-of-who-you-are-you can-do-(almost)-anything-you-set-your-mind-to stuff.
WARNING: You have just read an email from an evil genius. Reply with caution.
When you get lemons, normal people make lemonade. I run around screaming with a pasta strainer on my head and demand chocolate.
I am me. You don't like it? Too bad. You're stuck with it.
I'm 40% Martian, 40% Plutonian, and 20% Saturnian. Now you understand why 100% of humanity is afraid of me.
You call me crazy, abnormal, nuts, insane, extraterrestrial, annoying, weird, strange, cuckoo, bonkers, wacky, bizarre, odd, ridiculous, peculiar, unusual, queer, atypical, and outlandish...yeah, we've already established this.
One day, I will be RULER OF THE ENTIRE WORLD! Common, don't deny it.
Cook, artist, singer, actress, writer, clarinetist, drama queen, book worm, Gleek, animal lover, enthusiast, proud abnormal, journalist, genius, music lover, chocoholic....

From the awesomest person ever to cross the face of the earth...

[FYI, before I wrote this post, I asked the future ruler of the entire world if it was OK to do so. She gave me her permission. And if she changes her mind, or I do, I'll take it down.]

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

DJ Obama gets funky wit da Congress

Apparently I missed this version of the State of the Union address. Though I much prefer it.

Anyway, if you haven't seen it already, check out this totally fresh version of the Iyaz song "Replay," sung by our Rapper in Chief, Barack Obama.

For the record, I have long suspected the Prez had some funk in him.

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Penguins sighted in Connecticut!

In yet more stunning proof of the dramatic climate change that has been occurring, two penguins were recently sighted in Connecticut, tubing down a large snow bank.

The penguins appeared to be in good condition -- well fed and enjoying the snow. Animal control has not yet been contacted.