Thursday, January 1, 2009

The Top 10 Most Likely to Be Broken New Year's Resolutions for Men and for Women

Men may be from Mars and women may be from Venus, but they are equally likely to make New Year's Resolutions they are unable or unlikely to keep. Herewith, the Top 10 Most Likely to Be Broken New Year's Resolutions for Men, followed by the Top 10 Most Likely to Be Broken New Year's Resolutions for Women.

Top 10 Most Likely to Be Broken New Year's Resolutions for Men

1. I will drink less beer.
2. I will watch less football [or basketball or baseball or NASCAR].
3. I will want less sex and will cuddle more with my wife/girlfriend.
4. I will watch less porn.
5. I will watch what she wants to watch.
6. I will go to the gym [more].
7. I will lose weight and endeavor to burp, fart, and snore less.
8. I will not tell my wife/girlfriend she looks fat in those jeans.
9. I will not look at other women [even the really hot ones in those skimpy bikinis as they smear each other or themselves all over with sunblock].
10. I will spend less time with the guys [or at work] and more time with my mate [and her family].

Top 10 Most Likely to Be Broken New Year's Resolutions for Women

1. I will stop obsessing about my weight.
2. I will stop obsessing about my kid(s)/job.
3. I will stop obsessing about how much more money everyone else makes.
4. I will stop obsessing about my boobs/ass/abs.
5. I will stop nagging my husband/boyfriend.
6. I will have more sex (and like it and not complain about it).
7. I will watch more sports.
8. I will go see more action movies.
9. I will stop complaining about [insert whatever here].
10. I will stop making New Year's Resolutions [especially ones I know I won't keep].

Got a New Year's resolution you'd like to share? Leave me a Comment.


TommyMac71 said...

Why would a man want to do any of those things?

Sounds like pennance...

Edward said...

Are you sure there aren't any more really cliched gender stereotypes you could squeeze in here?

J. said...

People, the lists are a JOKE! (Well, sort of.) And the point is probably no one makes those kind of resolutions. (Though Tommy men in love make all sorts of crazy resolutions/promises, and I have heard men make if not all of these resolutions a majority of them.)

And yes, Edward, I am sure if I thought about it for a few more minutes I could have come up with/squeezed in several more really cliched gender stereotypes. ; )

Anonymous said... was thinking about losing weight, but now kit seems like I am just going to break off to (not gym) lunch where I guess I can order whatever I want!!! Happy New Year!

Mrs. Polly said...

I will finally finish reading that memoir my 83-year-old neighbor wrote, entitled "FROM AN ORTHODOX JEWISH FAMILY TO ORTHODOX MARXISM".

He's an unreconstructed Stalinist, and I really don't want to cross him.

Little Miss Cupcake said...

Here's to hoping more men stop telling their wives/girlfriends they look fat in those jeans. And to more women who stop obsessing about their weight. I just think everyone should be happy (and eat a cupcake)! :)

J. said...

Good luck with that, Mrs. Polly, and right on, Little Miss Cupcake! (Oh to live in Paris! I am going to make visiting there one of my resolutions.)

larissa said...

Good resolutions
Don't exist in many lives
Just another year