Senator Scott Brown to bare all yet again

This time for HarperCollins Publishers.

Per a report in today's New York Times, newly elected freshman Massachusetts Senator Scott Brown has been signed by HarperCollins to write "a memoir about his life and political career."

The man has been a United States Senator for, what, five minutes, and already he's inked a deal to write a memoir about his political career? (Though first he's got to run it by the Senate Ethics Committee. I know: like that has ever stopped anyone.) Isn't a Wikipedia page and a Saturday Night Live skit enough?!



But I guess baring his soul (and various body parts) to Cosmopolitan in a two-page centerfold was not enough for Scott Brown.

















Now the junior Senator from Massachusetts will have hundreds of pages to strut his stuff.

Though, of course, by the time the book is published, Scott Brown may no longer be junior Senator from Massachusetts. Or the book could catapult Brown to bigger and better things.

Romney - Brown 2012?

American Idol Season 9: Top 8 girls perform (UPDATED)

Just call me a glutton for punishment -- or American Idol.

Btw, for those of you who didn't catch American Idol judge Simon Cowell on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno Monday, Cowell singled out Crystal Bowersox for special praise. Let's just hope she continues to impress Simon -- and Ellen, Randy, and Kara -- and America.

Now, on with the show. First up tonight on American Idol...

Katie Stevens: Oh well. Nice knowing you, Katie. Maybe next year. You took a chance, made a change, but I'm just not feeling you singing Kelly Clarkson's "Breakaway," dawg. Katie has a good voice, but that song seemed forced and was -- all together now -- pitchy. And, I can't believe I'm typing this, but Kara is totally right about Katie having a good voice but not knowing who she is as an artist and needing more experience. Unless she has a lot of friends back in Middlebury, CT, she's gone.

Siobhan Magnus: I. Love. Her. Voice. Period. "House of the Rising Sun" was a risky choice, and it was a little too slow -- or "plodding" as Simon said -- but, as Randy would say, Siobhan can blow. I cast my first vote for Siobhan. See you in the Top 12, Ms. Magnus (and hopefully for many weeks to come).

Lacey Brown: So here's "the story" on Lacey, she's got an usual voice, with a dash of Stevie Nicks, and it wasn't a bad performance -- in fact, probably her best performance to date, per both me and the judges -- but it just didn't quite work. I'm with Simon on this one: didn't like the song, but Lacey sang it well. She'll probably make it into the Top 12, but I just don't see Lacey as the next American Idol.

Katelyn Epperly: My favorite Katelyn Epperly performance of the season -- and so far my favorite performance of the evening (J-THREE-O thought so too). No, I did not feel the earth move under my couch, but I'm moved enough to cast my second vote for Katelyn. Maybe. (The spouse, like the judges, found the performance a bit flat.)

Didi Benami: Whyyyyy iiiiiiisssss everyyyyy sooooongggg soooo slooooow toniiiiiiight? Another good -- or OK -- performance, but not great. Too slow. Yeah, she switched it up, and yeah, it was better than last week. And I like Didi's voice. But like Randy said, there were no great moments. (TOTALLY disagree with Kara and Simon that it was great. WHA?!)

Paige Miles: COULD ONE CONTESTANT, ONE, PICK A NON-DEPRESSING SONG THAT DOESN'T TAKE FIVE HOURS TO SING, PLEASE? That performance made me want to reach for a Cymbalta with a vodka chaser. Paige totally turned that "Smile" upside down. Buh-bye.

Crystal Bowersox: For the record, I LOVE Tracy Chapman's "Give me one reason." One of my all-time favorite songs. And no matter how good Crystal does with the song, I will always prefer Chapman's version. Sorry, Crystal fans (of which, btw, I am one). OK. So I really liked Crystal's version of "Give me one reason," and I agree with the judges, that that was the best performance of the night, and she is the one to beat -- and you can totally see what kind of artist Crystal is and what kind of record she would make. But I still prefer Tracy Chapman's version. See you in the Top 3, Crystal.

Lilly Scott: Okay, I did not fall to pieces when I heard Lilly sing Patsy Cline. Again, not a bad performance, but certainly not a great one. (As Simon said, it did not have the "wow factor.") A little too karaoke at the country and western bar for me. But Lilly will be around for at least another week.

My prediction: Paige Miles and Katie Stevens will be voted off, though it could be Paige and Katelyn Epperly. Will update the post with the results Thursday night.

J-TWO-O out.

UPDATED 3/11/10: Whoa. Didn't see that coming. Paige Miles is SAFE and Katelyn Epperly is the one from the back row who's going home. Didn't think Katelyn would be our next American Idol but didn't see Paige being safe tonight.... Funniest moment of the evening: Season 8 blind Idol contestant Scott MacIntyre telling Ryan Seacrest "It's great to see you again, Ryan!".... Second chippy going home is... WHOA... Lilly Scott. So wrong. So so so wrong. I seriously thought she was one of the best women on Idol this season, a real contender. Either people thought she was safe or they didn't get her (maybe put off by her white hair?). Maybe Ellen DeGeneres will get Lilly a recording contract. Majorly bummed...

Oscars Shmoscars (Academy Awards highlights)

I have to confess, I am not a big fan of televised awards shows, even the Oscars, but I wound up watching a good chunk of last night's Academy Awards ceremony anyway, even though I hadn't seen most of the films that were nominated.

(I also watched E! Online's Live from the Red Carpet with Ryan Seacrest, which was way better than the ABC version. And frankly, I was puzzled by this year's fashion choices. Zoe Saldana is gorgeous, but that purple and sequined thing she was wearing?! WTF? Also on my worst-dressed list: Mariah Carey, Amanda Seyfried, and Diane Kruger, though there were many, many other stars who when you saw them you thought "WTF were they thinking?!" As for the best dressed? Hands down Tom Ford, who also designed Steve Martin, Alec Baldwin, and Colin Firth's tuxedos.)

Onto the show... Despite the mixed reviews, I liked Neil Patrick Harris's Las Vegas-style opening Oscar number. (If or when How I Met Your Mother goes off the air, I think NPH has a career as an awards show MC.) I also liked Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin as hosts, though I use the word "hosts" loosely as they barely graced the stage after their opening duologue, which was a shame.

As for my favorite moments from last night's Academy Awards show, those would have to be Ben Stiller presenting the award for best makeup and Sandra Bullock's best actress acceptance speech (though Steve Martin's quip to Christoph Waltz cracked me up).





As for the best Oscar song, though, this one may be my all-time favorite. ;-)



Got an opinion about the 82nd Academy Awards (aka the Oscars)? Leave me a comment.

Because it's Caturday (Saturday cat humor)

Presenting some of the funniest cat videos from around the Web.

First off, Simon's Cat versus the snow bird...



Now this cat is a real head case...



What cats are really thinking (and saying)...



And, of course, Maru the box (now garbage can) cat...



For more cat humor and funny cat videos, click here.

American Idol Season 9: The Top 10 Girls Perform (UPDATED)

Well, I'm glad to see Crystal Bowersox (whom I really like) is out of the hospital and on the stage tonight. Just hope she's really okay. Kara DioGuardi, on the other hand, is making me sick. And Simon Cowell's plunging neckline ain't helping matters.

Anyway, here's hoping the women of American Idol are better than the guys -- because if they suck, I'm outta here (at least until the Top 12 or 10).

First up for the women of American Idol...

Crystal Bowersox: Love. Her. That's all I gotta say. Here's to a long, healthy run for Mamasox on American Idol. As the Fonz would say: Aaaaay (as in I give her an "A").

Haeley Vaughn: Fine. She likes to make hair accessories. Give her a show on QVC or HSN. But get her off American Idol. Sorry, Haeley's waaaay too perky for me, and I just don't think she's that good. And, to quote Randy, "that was excruciating." C-

Lacey Brown: What can I say? I was bored. It wasn't a bad performance, but it wasn't memorable. (Right now, the only thing memorable about Lacey is her hair.) If I'm being generous, B (for blah).

Katie Stevens: She's funny! She's cute! And she can sing! Give this girl a recording contract! (BOO on Randy. And Kara. She sounded FINE to all of us. Though I take Simon's point that we don't know what kind of recording artist she is -- and she needs to let us know.) Screw the judges. I give Katie a B+.

Didi Benami: Is that you, Megan Joy? (Look it up, people.) Though the spouse says Didi has kind of a Norah Jones vibe. As Randy would say, WHA? That was so not Norah Jones. I wish it was Norah Jones. But it was just some chick from Knoxville, Tennessee, who meows. Though it felt more like a hairball to me. C+

Michelle Delamor: Um, what is she wearing around her hips? Is that a tutu? And what is she singing? Creed? Really? Wait, is it Karaoke Night on Idol and someone forgot to tell me? Regardless, that was DREADFUL. (Seriously, is Kara smoking crack during the commercial breaks? And I cannot believe Simon dug that. Something is clearly going on between those two.) I give Michelle's performance a C-.

Observation: As the spouse just stated: They may not be choosing great songs, but these girls can sing. Yes, but as we all know after eight seasons of American Idol, it's all about SONG CHOICE, SONG CHOICE, SONG CHOICE.

Lilly Scott: I like Lilly. I like her voice, and I like that she's a musician. But I fear she may be a one trick pony -- making every song she sings sound the same. And that's fine for a while, but will get boring fast -- and won't serve her well during those theme weeks. But tonight, she's a star -- and the judges love her. Kudos. A- (And I totally -- TOTALLY -- agreed with Simon that it was a very good performance but not great and that Crystal was better. Sorry, my Lilly Lovin Peeps.)

Katelyn Epperly: Is it 1985 and someone forgot to tell me? "Desperately Seeking Katelyn"? Just sing some Madonna and be done with it, Katelyn. Coldplay may have been smart in theory but this version was waaaaay toooooo sloooooooow. I give it a Zzzzzzzzzz (though the spouse kind of liked it -- and Katelyn).

Aside: Anyone else miss Paula listening/watching Kara? I know I do.

Paige Miles: Am a big fan of Kelly Clarkson and "Walk Away," so kind of hard for me to listen to that version. I think Paige has a good voice -- though far from the BEST (sorry Simon) -- and did a nice job, but... but... it was just all right for me, dawg. B/B-

Siobhan Magnus: I think I like it. Though that outfit is wigging me out. I actually think Siobhan has one of the best voices -- and great range. (And, OMG, Ellen's Snuggie comment just cracked me up.) A-. I like Siobhan and hope she goes far.

Well, glad the show ended on an up note, but I think I've had enough American Idol for a while. So after I post the results tomorrow night (or first thing Friday), I'm taking a break.

J-TWO-O out.

UPDATED 3/4/10: So long to Michelle Delamor and Haeley Vaughn. And what is going on with Kara and Simon?!

American Idol Season 9: The Top 10 Guys Perform (UPDATED)

Though I use the word "perform" loosely.

Anyway.... Another week, another American Idol blog post. And if Benjamin Franklin (or was it Albert Einstein?) is correct that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, yet expecting a different result, watching yet another week of American Idol, especially after last week's awful performances, is yet more proof that I am insane.

Also possibly insane, or still channeling Paula Abdul, Kara DioGuardi. (Is it just me, or is she actually starting to look like Paula, too? I guess someone has to flirt with Simon and be his foil, but ugh.)

All right, on with the show. First up...

Michael Lynche: After that performance, I would say it's Michael Lynche's world, at least for now. And that's a good thing because I would hate to be the guy or gal to tell Michael Lynche, who can press four Ryan Seacrests, that his performance sucked. And the score for Mr. Lynche: A-.

And now the rest...

John Park: John Park is bringing me down. Maybe he should have sung the song in Korean. He was better than last week, but not by much. As Randy said, it was flat... pitchy... nothing special. As Simon said, I think Purple Haze will be getting its lead singer back. (Please.) My grade: C+.

Casey James: He doesn't watch TV AND he's handy, too?! Kara's husband, you are so yesterday. Seriously, does it really matter what or how this guy sings? (I personally am not into blonds, at all, or Casey, but I bet there are plenty of chicks who think this guy is hawt and will vote for him no matter how he does.) I thought it was a good performance. Not great, but good. A solid B. But what I think doesn't really matter, does it? Randy and Ellen loved it -- and Kara's just making nice-nice to hubby. As for Simon, the spouse predicted the "bar band" comment. But I would be shocked -- SHOCKED -- if Casey James doesn't make it into the Top 12.

Alex Lambert: I don't know whether to laugh or to cry, and he hasn't even started singing yet. Forget about the Florence Henderson hair, or that he throws up before performances (and football games ) -- we all get an attack of stage fright or performance anxiety -- but he still speaks in the language he made up as a little kid? All that said, I was -- wait for it -- pleasantly surprised. The kid's got a good voice. But like Simon said, he's missing that killer instinct -- and if he's going to make it on this show and in the music industry, he's got to find it, or at least a helping of confidence. Alex Lambert, you get a B+!

Todrick Hall: I liked him better when he was a dancer trying to be a singer. (And for the record, I was a big Paula Abdul fan back in the day.) Feh. Listen to Randy, dude. A great song doesn't need to be -- and shouldn't be -- rearranged. Just sing the dang song -- and don't be afraid to move. On a personal note, I don't know what happened to this guy. He was so good in the auditions. I really thought he could be THE ONE. Now I'm thinking he's the one who's going home, along with John Park.

Jermaine Sellers: Yo, yo, yo, dawg, what's going on? There are far too many of you guys killing me with mediocre performances. And this was at best a mediocre performance. It was pitchy and breathy and all over the place. Yuck. C- (and that's being generous).

Aside: Is it just me or is Simon's neckline getting lower and lower? If this keeps up, we'll be seeing his pupik by the time we hit the Top 10.

Please, Andrew Garcia, save us... Not drowning, but kind of treading water. Nice voice, but bad song choice -- and, all together now, pitchy. Should have stuck with the break dancing, dude. And at the risk of completely turning into Randy Jackson, it was just all right for me. Ellen's right, he set the bar too high with his version of Paula Abdul's "Straight Up." It's been all down hill from there. C

Aaron Kelly: I cannot believe I am about to type this but... he makes me miss David Archuletta. Another mediocre performance. And really sharp -- as in pitchy, not dresser. He's got a good voice, just not good enough. And no stage presence. C+... maybe a B-.

Tim Urban (aka Tim Jonas): (Hanging head.) What is there left to say? (The spouse just turned to me and said: That was like sitting through the high school talent show -- and not in a good way.) The sad thing is, he will make it through to next week because he's cute. The judges only have themselves to blame. Should have kept Chris Golightly. WAIT. WHAT?! SIMON LIKED HIM/IT?! Whaaaaaa? If I'm being generous, I give that performance a C-.

And finally...

Lee Dewyze: Well, he has the voice of an angel -- or Eddie Vedder. And, like Randy (again), I LIKED IT. I may be wrong, but I can totally see Lee Dewyze as your -- and my -- American Idol. He's got the voice, the look, and the smolder factor. I give it an A-, but that's just because I know he's got more in him.

That's it for tonight. Will update the post Thursday or Friday, after the results are announced. After that, I don't think I have the stomach to blog about American Idol for a while. Maybe when they get down to the Top 12 or Top 10....

UPDATED 3/4/10: As predicted, John Park and Jermaine Sellers are gone. And is it just me or was that group number -- "I've got a feeling" -- utterly pathetic? Good thing Idol Tour tickets aren't on sale yet.

Bulldog beauty queens and gun-toting caffeine addicts

What do bulldog beauty queens and gun-toting caffeine addicts have in common? Only the fact that both made headlines this morning -- and I have a thing for both bulldogs and Frappuccinos.

Let's start with the bulldogs, shall we? As most of you probably do not know (unless you live in Southern California and own a bulldog), the fifth annual Bulldog Beauty Contest, sponsored by Haute Dogs, took place this Sunday in Long Beach. And as per usual, it did not disappoint.



This year's winner in the English Bulldog category was Mr. Big Bear Lake, Winston, a two-year-old English Bulldog. The winner in the Pug (and best-name) category (though I don't consider pugs bulldogs): Thurston Howl. Btw, all the proceeds from the pageant go to charity.

Moving onto the gun-toting caffeine addicts, who are much less cute (though equally dogged)... As reported in this Associated Press article, a number of gun owners in states where it is legal to openly carry fire arms (like Virginia, home of many of my readers) have been targeting Starbucks and other seemingly liberal, effete dining establishments.

According to the article, however, the baristas at Starbucks haven't risen to the bait -- i.e., refused to serve these gun-toting cappuccino and Frappuccino sippers. Though I think the first sentence of the article may explain why: "Dale Welch recently walked into a Starbucks in Virginia, handgun strapped to his waist, and ordered a banana Frappuccino with a cinnamon bun."

(Now read it again. That sentence just cracks me up every single time. Is that a banana Frappuccino in your cupholder, or are you just happy to see me? I just crack myself up.)

Maybe it's just me, but I don't consider a cinnamon bun eating, banana Frappuccino sipping 71-year-old a major threat, even if he is packing heat. (Though maybe I should.) However, the Brady Campaign to Prevent Gun Violence thinks otherwise, and has been circulating a petition demanding that Starbucks "offer espresso shots, not gunshots" and declare its coffeehouses "gun-free zones."