The real threat to America?

Justin Bieber. Canadian.

Forget about cracking down on Mexicans or faceless terrorists on the other side of the world. We need to do something -- now -- about these upstart Canadians coming across the border and stealing our awards right here on our shores!

Justin Bieber, American Music Awards Artist of the Year?

Justin Bieber, American Music Awards Favorite Male Artist -- Pop/Rock?

And that's just the tip of the Bieberg!

You see that word right there, American? Does that mean nothing to you voters? He's a Canadian, for Pete's sake!

And he's not the only one.

Carly Rae Jepsen, she of "Call Me Maybe" fame and another Canadian, was named Best New Artist by the American Music Awards -- beating out beloved British boy band One Direction. And you know these Canadians pose a serious threat to America when they beat out a group of five wildly popular mop-topped British boy singers.

People, if we want to truly make America great again, we need to do something about these Canadian singers (I knew there was a good reason I didn't like Neil Young), actors (time to beam up William Shatner), directors (King of the World James Cameron? A card-carrying Canadian), and personalities (Answer: Popular Canadian game show host; Question: Who is Alex Trebek?) swooping in and taking American awards, hearts, and dollars.

John McCain and Lindsay Graham, get on it.