Does this ring tone make my breasts look bigger?

Despite what the New York Times says, I don't know a single A-cup female who wouldn't welcome a natural, safe way to increase her breast size. And now, finally, science has heard the call of mammary challenged women everywhere and answered with a mobile solution that is sure to be a ringing success.

I am, of course, referring to the Rock Melon ring tone invented by Dr. Hideto Tomobechi of Japan, who claims that by listening to this particular ring tone 20 times a day for 10 days, a woman can increase her bust size by over an inch. That's a whole cup size, people!

The secret of the breast-enlarging ring tone? It mimics the sound of a crying baby, which triggers a physical maternal response in women that swells the listener's breasts as if she is readying for childbirth.

WARNING: Women with C or larger cups should not watch the following video more than 19 times a day unless they want to risk having to buy new bras.



But wait, there's more, much more, as I discovered while watching a rerun of The Rachael Ray Show at the gym the other day. In addition to cell phone ring tones, there are creams you can purchase that in a few applications can literally turn your mole hills into mountains!

And I just love the names: Bust-Boom!, Breast Success, Quick Bust.

There's even Breast Enlargement Cream for Crossdressing, Transgender and Transvestite Men.

Makes you yearn for the good old days, when a girl just needed to pump her arms back and forth in front of her chest intoning the words "We must, we must, we must increase our bust..."