Monday, November 2, 2009

Pillow Talk

The uninhibited post about a carefree social media marketer... a careful blogger... and how they learned that pillow talk is no fun... for just one!

Alternate subtitle: How one well- meaning blogger went from mattress hopping to mattress -- and pillow -- whoring (though there is nothing lewd or debauched about this post, sadly)... and gave her readers the chance to win a free pillow!

So here's the story -- and why I am in a position to offer one lucky reader a luxurious Nature's Sleep - Azlon/Soybean Pillow. That's a $64 value, people, yours, for free! (But more about this in a minute.)

Apparently my post about the spouse and I trying to find the perfect mattress came to the attention of some nice folks at, a division of, the #3 Online Retailer in Home Furnishings according to the Internet Retailer Top 500 Retailer Guide 2009! And they told their boss, a nice man named Tyler P., whose job is "to align with quality sites like [J-TWO-O]." (I am hoping Tyler's job involves other duties as well.)

Anyway, here's what my new BFF (or for this week) Tyler wrote to me: "I love your site, J-TWO-O, and think it provides your readers with fantastic content. We are very interested in creating a mutually beneficial partnership with you."

When I was done laughing my ass off and got up off the floor I replied to Tyler, thanking him for his kind words and explaining to him that J-TWO-O was a satirical blog, meaning it pokes fun at things, albeit in a (hopefully) clever way -- and sent him a link to the site as clearly he had never actually read it.

Amazingly, Tyler was undeterred, even offering me and my readers the chance to win fabulous prizes (okay, one prize, the Nature's Sleep - Azlon/Soybean Pillow) just for including a link to the Simmons Beauty Rest section of And seriously, how could I possibly deprive my readers of the chance to win a pillow that "surrounds you in pure luxury while allowing you to experience the inherent natural health benefits of Azlon fiber from soybean and corn... [with] fibers that activate the growth of collagen protein in your skin!"

So... Want to win a free pillow? Here's all you have to do: Just leave me a brief (G-, PG-, or PG13-rated) comment ON THE BLOG re a funny mattress- or pillow- or sleep-related experience you've had, or why you need a new pillow, making sure to use your name or nickname or nom de blog (i.e., no commenting as Anonymous) between now and this Friday, November 6 (which happens to be my birthday), at 5 p.m. ET.

Then next Monday a team of totally objective blog readers will pick the winner, whom I will reveal on the blog.

The only catch? The winner must live in the continental United States and you will have to provide me with your name and address via email (no one else will see it, except for Tyler, who is totally on the level -- and has a really cute Facebook picture), so can ship you your Nature's Sleep - Azlon/Soybean Pillow.

Oh, and if you do happen to need a mattress, do check out the Simmons Beauty Rest section of or any of CSN Mattresses other fine mattresses.

This has been a non-paid advertisement.

UPDATED 11/09/09: AND THE WINNER IS... Dave S.! Here is the note I received from Tyler:
Hi J,

I think I would love to give this to Dave S. and his apparently sick daughter… short and sweet comment, but quite convincing. Let me know Dave’s shipping address and phone number and I will have the item shipped to the winner right away.


Congratulations Dave S. And thanks to everyone who weighed in with a comment.


Aunt Jill said...

That is great, what a riot!
Since Jackie is now a Vegetarian, perhaps she can have this pillow to sleep with and also as Emergency rations (soybeans) in case of an Armageddon (sp?). Have a great day! Hope your blog gets picked up by Tempurpedic - I could use another mattress, any freebies of those on the horizon??

David T. said...

Since I ended up spending most of the night in my son's room after he wakes up with a nightmare, I could use a comfortable pillow for his room.

Dave S. said...

Our daughter threw up on hers last night. How about it?

Anonymous said...

If this pillow can really add collagen to your face while you sleep, thousands of elderly women will go for it: a good night's sleep and no more Wrinkle City? Whoopee!

EMM said...

For years I used to jump on the beds when I checked into a hotel room. Not sure why I started or stopped.

Recently bought a new mattress...I love it and although my body is rejuvenated, who knew I was missing out on true "beauty sleep"?

If I'm selected as the winner, I promise not to eat it or to throw up on it.


Snuffalufagus said...

Help me, my marriage is in trouble, and it's all the fault of the pillow I bought. The "SleepRight Side Sleeping Pillow Helps reduce snoring and insomnia," is apparently not doing the trick. Please I need a new pillow!


"I admit, I snore!"

Anonymous said...

If you have got to bite one then make it a good one !!!

Anon UK

neighborG said...

Perhaps soybeans can deafen the ears to horrific,room vibrating,carnivorous snoring!!

Dave S. said...

I would do a victory dance were I not so sluggish after emerging from day one of all-week training. That pillow may not make it home!