Q: So who again is debating tonight?
A: Where have you been living, in a cave?! Even Osama Bin Laden (who has been living in a cave, in Afghanistan or Pakistan) knows the names of the two United States vice presidential candidates. In this corner, wearing the blue trunks is Fightin' Joe Biden, the Democratic senator from Delaware; and in that corner, wearing the red trunks (or that lovely tailored red suit she is so fond of), is Sarah "Barracuda" Palin, the Republican Governor of Alaska.
Q: What time is tonight's vice presidential debate?
A: Tonight's debate takes place at 9 p.m. ET.
Q: Who is moderating tonight's debate?
A: Gwen Ifill, the moderator and managing editor of "Washington Week," senior correspondent for "The NewsHour with Jim Lehrer," and, yes, author of the upcoming (January 2009) book Breakthrough: Politics and Race in the Age of Obama, which despite some reports from people who have not even seen the galleys (heck, the book's not even completed yet), is not a sop to Obama -- nor was it a secret.
Q: And where can I catch tonight's debate?
A: Pick a channel, any channel. Okay, if you want to get specific, the debate will be broadcast live on CBS, NBC, ABC, PBS, Fox, CNN, MSNBC, C-SPAN, and a bunch of Spanish-language channels. National Public Radio (NPR) will also be carrying the debate live.
Q: What if I miss the debate. Where can I catch a replay?
A: Besides "Saturday Night Live" this Saturday? Try http://www.mydebates.org/, a collaboration between MySpace.com and the Commission on Presidential Debates. Segments will also, no doubt, be played over and over and over again on every major network and cable news channel for days, as well as on "The Daily Show."
Q: What do you think the two VP candidates need to do to "win" tonight's debate?
A: Both of the candidates suffer from the same problem, though for different reasons: They don't know when to shut up. More specifically...
For Biden (whom Ms. Palin has supposedly been listening to since she was in second grade, back in 1972 or thereabouts), he needs to demonstrate his experience while maintaining his focus -- and be as concise as possible without seeming like he is giving a pat answer. He also needs to seem as though he is not picking on Ms. Palin. (Though really, should this matter? Did we worry about Lloyd Bentsen hurting Dan Quayle's feelings or being too tough on him?)
For Palin (who reads "a vast variety of sources," which are too hush-hush to be named out loud), she needs to sound coherent as well as passionate -- and demonstrate at least a basic understanding of the major issues currently facing this country.
Though I personally do not connect with Ms. Palin, I know there are a LOT of folks out there who do and who really like her -- and think she's pretty and spunky and quick with the quip and will stick by her no matter what she says (or doesn't), which is not the case with Biden. So he has his work cut out for him. For Palin, the bar is so low, she could trip over it and come out fine.
As a total aside: I would personal LOVE to hear an exchange similar to this one between Jane Curtin and Dan Ackroyd on SNL's Weekend Update, albeit with the roles reversed and the language slightly modified (as I have done here):
Dan Aykroyd/Sarah Palin: Tonight on "Point/Counterpoint", Jane/Joe and I will argue Federal Aid for Abortions. Jane/Joe will take the Point for Federal Aid, and I will take the Counterpoint against. Jane/Joe?
Jane Curtin/Joe Biden: Safe abortions have always been available to the rich, Dan/Sarah. You simply want to deny them to the poor, and if you succeed, poor woman will be forced to get them anyway. They'll be forced into the alleys with hangers, plungers and vacuum cleaners, risking death or mutilation. But you'd like that, wouldn't you, Dan/Sarah, you stupid, ill-informed, lipstick-wearing anti-feminist pit bull!
Dan Aykroyd/Sarah Palin: Jane/Joe, you elitist, misguided scum bag! Once again, you missed the point entirely. [Enraged] Why should I pay hard-earned dollars so welfare tarts can have sex anytime they want, without regards to consequences? Haven't these bimbos heard of abstinence? I, myself, haven't had sex for a year -- and I'm the Governor of Alaska! Why should I foot the bill for killing unborn infants, anyway? I'll pay for something practical like abstinence education -- but abortions? Never!
Jane Curtin/Joe Biden: Thank you, Dan/Sarah.
Q: So how much does the vice-presidential debate matter?
A: If history is any arbiter (again, think Lloyd Bentsen and Dan Quayle), not much. But hey, it could be way more entertaining than any World Wrestling Smackdown.
Got a question? Send me it in the form of a comment and I will do my best to answer it before tonight's debate.
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7 comments:
The best blog posts, anywhere, anytime, are provacative, informative, and funny. This is a triple play. Well done, J-TWO-O!
I still can't accept "spunky" as a presidential trait....I mean folksy is something you want from a talk show host, not a veep candidate right?
As an Obama supporter, I'm glad the debate is not a steel-cage death match. There's not a doubt in my mind that Palin would emerge victorious from such an encounter, hoisting a scalp featuring sad little hair plugs as proof of her superior survival skills, Scranton scrappiness be damned.
But in a verbal joust on the issues, like you said, the bar is set sooooo low. I remember (with pain!) Bush vs. Gore in 2000, when the pundits all said Bush was such a drooling moron (he was! is!) that Gore would wipe up the floor with him (he did!). All Bush had to do was show up and not soil himself on national TV. He did, and the rest is sad, pitiful history.
J-Two-O- The time has come for your own column in one of those rags Palin won't mention! There's gotta be a second forum for your sharp wit and dexterous entertainment. Amen.
Slate has a good article on how the format for tonight's debate most likely inures to Palin's benefit. Responses are limited to a mere 90 seconds, with no opportunity for follow up questions. Even Palin should be able to remain coherent for 90 seconds per question (or less, as there is nothing that says she is compelled to speak for the full 90 seconds).
http://www.slate.com/id/2201334/
Maybe Biden should borrow Akroyd's line "Jane/Sarah you ignorant slut." How do you think that would go over???
Thanks for the great comments -- and very kind words Carpetbagger and Anonymous #1. (Mom, is that you? ; )
As for Anonymous #2, I would pay money to hear Biden say that tonight, exactly how Ackroyd did. It was actually that line that got me looking for an SNL clip/transcript.
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