A cheeky idea whose time has come

Finally, a publication that asks the really important, hard-hitting (or spanking) questions, like, "May I squeeze your butt?"

Allow me to explain.

As part of my ongoing effort to find legitimate, decent-paying contract work, I subscribe to several email and online job listings for freelance writers, editors, and creative types. Most of the time I wind up deleting the email or navigating away from the site without applying for anything. But every once in a while I find a listing like this one, which gives me pause:

Are You Funny? Are You Cultured? We Want You! (Anywhere)

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Reply to: see below
Date: 2008-10-02, 11:24AM CDT

This posting is on behalf of a magazine start-up that is hoping to have its premiere issue unveiled in May of 2009, then every May thereafter.

Spearheaded by The Cultured Being, this Bay Area-based magazine will be titled May I Squeeze Your Butt?

Now, before you ask, no, this is not an adult magazine to be sold in brown wrappers in neon-lit liquor stores. Instead, the title is meant to have two meanings. First, it suggests that, although society has come a long way in several areas, it has fallen back in others. Specifically, the lack of social grace and etiquette that people no longer consider relevant or necessary. Second, it is a question a very cultured woman might ask a very attractive man whom she is ogling.

Through humorous articles and personal accounts, May I Squeeze Your Butt? will attempt to turn a mirror on American culture, take a few light-hearted jabs at it and hopefully leave the reader with a smile and maybe a chance to consider their own behavior.

This is where you come in, writers. We are looking to collect a small pool of writers who possess a great sense of wit, of observation, writers who feel that it is their duty to call someone on their obnoxious behavior, to not be afraid to write something along the lines of, “Here are things that suck and why you suck if you are the one doing them” (although more clever.) Articles will cover a wide range of topics that showcase America’s (often times, lack of) culture.

The flipside of this magazine will be geared more towards women and gay men, anyone who can appreciate a well-toned butt, caboose, aft, booty, stern, tush, trunk, etc. Articles will cover topics surrounding the appreciation of the male posterior.

If interested, please send us samples of your work, your essays, even blog links. What we are most interested in is your voice, your ability to convey both humor and insight. Once our pool is chosen, we will then be handing out topics to be written up.

And, yes, this will be a paid gig (per word).

Send samples to:

mike@mayisqueezeyourbutt.com

Show us what you've got!

Acquisitions Editor
The Cultured Being, May I Squeeze Your Butt?
Bay Area, CA

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So, should I bump booties with the editor? Lay my ass on the line and apply? Am I enough of a buttinsky? Do you think I have the cheek to do it? Let me know...

Oh and guys, the next time you catch me perusing your posterior, it's for professional purposes, okay?