Tuesday, October 7, 2008

A brief guide to tonight's presidential smackdown between John McCain and Barack Obama (aka debate number two)

Q: You mean there's ANOTHER debate?

A: Yes.

Q: So what's this one about?

A: Per the Commission on Presidential Debates, "The second presidential (town meeting format) debate will include any issues raised by members of that audience and online."

Q: And who is moderating tonight's smackdown, I mean "debate"?

A: NBC News "Special Correspondent" Tom Brokaw (who really makes me miss Tim Russert).

Q: Will this debate be any different from the last/first presidential debate?

A: You better believe it, baby. Tonight's debate will be a Town Hall-style debate, meaning that there will a bunch of "Joe Six-Packs" and/or "Hockey Moms" and/or "regular folks," around 80 of them, all of whom have yet to make up their effing minds about who to vote for despite the longest presidential contest contest EVER, with more information available in more ways than ever before about each of the candidates, John McCain (R-AZ) and Barack Obama (D-IL), sitting right there on the stage near the candidates.

Twelve or so of these supposedly "uncommitted" or "undecided" voters will get to ask the candidates a question that will no doubt elicit some stunning new piece of information or sound byte that we haven't heard at least, oh, 100 times already. Not. Or else an answer that has nothing to do with the question (known as the Palin Maneuver). The rest of the questions will be chosen from a barrel that Tom Brokaw brought with him from his Montana ranch. I am only being slightly sarcastic. The remaining six or seven questions, which Brokaw will ask, will have been chosen, by Brokaw, from millions of entries submitted over the Internet.

And my friends (and you are my friends), I hope you are ready to rumble, because tonight things could get real nasty.

Q: So, where is tonight's debate taking place?

A: At Belmont University in Nashville, Tennessee, the state that didn't elect long-time now-former Congressman Harold Ford, Jr. (who is whiter than some Caucasians I know) to the Senate.

Q: What time is tonight's debate?

A: Same bat time as the others, 9 p.m. Eastern.

Q: And where can I catch tonight's debate?

A: Same bat channels: CBS, NBC, ABC, PBS, Fox, CNN, MSNBC, C-SPAN, and a bunch of Spanish-language channels. National Public Radio (NPR) will also be carrying the debate live.

Q: How long is tonight's debate?

A: It will seem like an eternity but technically it will be only 90 minutes.

Q: If I am playing a drinking game while watching, which word or words do you think I should choose?

A: Good question! While maverick has been reliable in the past, tonight I would go with terrorist, Keating, savings and loan, the economy, Ayers, and/or taxes. Two or three of those should get you good and wasted.

Q: If I miss the debate tonight, where can I catch a replay?

A: Besides this Thursday's "Saturday Night Live: Weekend Update" primetime special airing at 9:30 p.m. ET and on CNN in the middle of the night? Go to http://www.mydebates.org/, a collaboration between MySpace.com and the Commission on Presidential Debates. Segments will also, no doubt, be played over and over and over again on every major network and cable news channel for days, as well as on "The Daily Show" starting tomorrow (as the show actually tapes around 5 p.m. ET).

Q: Any inside information you can share about tonight's debate?

A: Yes. Per a leaked McCain Campaign press release, John McCain won.

6 comments:

Dave S. said...

Also for the drinking game, the previous standbys:

"Senator Obama [just] doesn't understand"

"surge"

"That's just not true" (Obama only)

While those may not be as creative as those of our hostess, drinking games tend not to emphasize nuance. That's what I hear, anyway.

Anonymous said...

J-Two-O, Another great synopsis! Thanks.

Any idea why the Dem candidates are often sporting a dark blue suit with a light blue tie and white shirt? I noticed the guys on CNN wearing that very ensemble- same as the candidates - during the Dem convention. Is there a secret male uniform for those "in the know" Democratic supporters? Shoot, Obama and Biden deserve something cool and happening, and five inch heals won't cut it. (Maybe Obama could arrive on stage in the Batmobile?) Just wondering, since you are the most enjoyable election source these day.

Betcha won't see any butt squeezing tonight, but there couldn't be a better fit than you for that publication.

J. said...

Thanks Anonymous. Nice to have a fan.

As for the "uniform," I think it has something to do with the whole Blue State/Democrat thing -- or it could be that blue brings out Barack's soulful brown eyes. (And yes, I am being sarcastic, though come to think of it, he does look good in blue.)

Will be sure to note what the candidates wear tonight. (And don't be surprised if McCain has on platforms or wears risers so he doesn't look so short next to Obama, who's about five inches taller and more slender than McCain.)

EMM said...

I miss Tim Russert too. Go Bills!

Obama drops his 'gs', but not as egregiously as Palin.

McCain's tie is too shiny and might give me a seizure in HD.

Who needs drinking games in times like these? Drink 'em if you've got 'em.

Cheers!

Anonymous said...

if part of your drinking game included how many times he has said "my friends", you must be DRUNK. Well, at least he pronounced NUCLEAR correctly, maybe he can help out Palin with her pronuncation - my friend!!!!

People Power Granny said...

What a fun few days in my hometown! Barack Obama prepared for tonight's debate in Asheville, and the whole town was on Cloud Nine! He drew 28,000 at a rally Sunday (not bad for a town of 70,000 people! Do you participate in rallies when a candidate comes to a town near you, or do you just hear about it on the news?
You can vote in my poll regarding who you think won the debate tonight at peoplepowergranny.blogspot.com