Monday, June 16, 2008

Something's brewing at DNC convention... Utah town comes unstrung at thought of bikinis... More...

As many of you beer devotees and/or politicos may have heard, Molson Coors is donating fuel made from beer to the Democratic National Convention this summer.

Apparently, Molson Coors is not only one of the world's largest brewers (making, among other brews, Molson, Coors, and one of my favorites, Blue Moon) but a large producer of beer-based ethanol. And lest any of you worry about perfectly good beer not being put to proper use, calm yourselves. Molson Coors ethanol "is made from beer lost during packaging [visions of Lucy filching chocolates off the assembly line are now dancing in my head] or rejected on a quality basis at the company’s brewery in Golden," according to an AP report.

On a related note, Molson Coors will also be providing beer to convention goers, which has fueled speculation that some may not know the difference.

In other news... The town of Kanab, Utah, is considering lifting its recent ban on bikinis, claiming the ban was unintentional. "We were so engrossed with safety and health issues we overlooked the wording," said a town official, according to an AP report. (Note to self: How do I become an AP reporter? Those guys are having waaaay too much fun.)

Of course. Doesn't everyone thinking about health and safety issues immediately think "first ban the bikinis"? Though considering some of the over-30 bikini wearers I've seen (both male and female), the folks in Kanab may be onto something (or at least doing the public a service).

Now, however, due to intense pressure, town officials are planing on rescinding the ban -- yet are warning locals that they will still be keeping a sharp eye out for string bikinis and thongs. Yeah, I bet they will. (Per town officials, bikinis made with a large quantity of material, like muumuus?, are OK, as are men's Speedos. No word yet about excessive chest or back hair or medallions.)

And this just in (from the Associated Press, naturally): "Bitch Screwed by Judge, Barking Mad." Okay, that was my headline, which I didn't feel I should put in the title, though it's true. The story: apparently a Manhattan surrogate judge has ruled that Trouble, the late Leona Helmsley's beloved (albeit troublesome) Maltese, who is now nine, will now only have a $2 million trust fund, not a $12 million one. And where is that $10 million going, you ask? According to the report, it is going (or has gone) to the Helmsley's charitable foundation, proving, once again, that life really is a bitch, in more ways than one.


jjv said...

J, I have posited that you are actually a figment of Mr. Slattery's imagination as you did not appear at any public gathering of bloggers in D.C this week. However, now that you have reported seeing men in bikinis I think the jig is up. I have been all over the world and never on any beach have I seen a man in a bikini. And by the way, I think your statement about the over 30's is lookist and unprogressive.

J. said...

I am actually a figment of many people's imaginations, JJV, including now yours. ; ) You have never been to a beach in the Hamptons or the South of France or in the Caribbean? Or caught an episode of "The Real Housewives of New York"? Have you not even seen that picture of Borat in a man thong? I am surprised.

As for me being lookist, I do cop to that charge, counselor. As for unprogressive, I think not.