Tuesday, December 9, 2008

What not to get her this holiday season

Personally, I love the Eureka Cordless Quick-Up floor sweeper the spouse got me last Valentine's Day. But I can understand how some women might be a little miffed or disappointed at receiving a vacuum cleaner as a holiday present (even if it did have two bags) or more RAM (which I believe I also received on some occasion) or a piece of gym equipment (though I love my free weights).

However, I think this video* is a bit extreme -- though it echos my father's sage advice: Want to get on her good side? Just get her some hardware (as in the hard stuff you wear on your finger or around your wrist or neck, i.e., gold jewelry, preferably with diamonds or other precious gemstones, not something you'd pick up at Tru Value). Though I understand that for many guys jewelry buying can be a harrowing experience.

Herewith, as a public service, some advice on what NOT to buy your better half for the holidays (unless you want to risk a trip to the doghouse):

* a membership to Weight Watchers or Jenny Craig

* a gym membership or workout equipment (unless she's a body builder or specifically asks)

* season tickets -- to her favorite theatre or dance company, OK; to your favorite football, basketball, hockey or baseball franchise (unless she's truly a fan), not OK

* anything from Stupid.com (unless she has a really good sense of humor)

* a USB Rocket Launcher, Slave Leia Poster, or pretty much anything from ThinkGeek.com (again, unless she a good sense of humor, and you don't mind sleeping on the couch)

* clothing in anything over a size 6

* chocolate (unless it's the really good stuff)

* lingerie (unless you are recently married and/or you really know what she likes and her size)

* Grand Theft Auto IV (or I, II, III or V), Madden NFL 09, or Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots (noticing a theme here, guys?)

* sausage products (unless you live in the Midwest and she has a thing for brats)

Btw, I know this list is FAR from inclusive, but I still have the dreaded man cold and am not at my most creative. But you can help me.

Ever gotten a "what was he thinking?!" gift? Or have additional suggestions? Leave me a comment. Similarly, feel free to suggest some really great gifts.

*You can see more Doghouse ads here.


Betty Cracker said...

My husband hasn't bought a piece of jewelry for me since he sold his crappy car to buy me an engagement ring (best investment he ever made). That's cool with me. I'm just not a bling kinda gal.

I don't like surprises either. We generally tell each other what we want on gift-giving occasions, and it's usually something boring like a new lint trap for the dryer.

jjv said...

Well this list pretty much explains why women are no fun to shop for.

Will Tonhubby said...

I don't normally have time to sit through the 4+ minute videos, but this one was great. I confess... I am sooooo guilty of multiple crimes!!! But thank my lucky stars, I'm not permanently in the Dog House!

Suzy Orman would slap me silly with DENIED DENIED DENIED, for all of my transgressions. After all I once bought my wife a friggen Punching Dummy (admittedly, she loved it), then of course there was the high-end LCD monitor for her computer, the Nikon camera, and ongoing list of hardware (and on and on), and of course the Jose Reyes T-shirt in the Victoria Secret box.

I will say this, adults are generally impossible to buy gifts for (men or women), though I continue to rack my brains to be inventive, and at least funny. Note, that I consider myself to be impossible too...

So how about I bake you another yummy cake, since I know that the true way to your heart is through your stomach?

J. said...

At least you never bought me a pink handbag, Will Tonhubby. And I did/do love the punching bag -- and the Nikon, and the computer monitor, and the Jose Reyes and Brandon Jacobs t-shirts. But yes, the surest way to my heart is through my stomach.

marindenver said...

My husband has a long history of giving me bad presents (my suspicion is he really buys stuff he wants on the assumption I will reject it and then it's his!). The worst was the mat cutter. Yes, a machine that cuts out mats for framing art and pictures and stuff. And no, I am not an artist nor have I ever expressed a desire to do my own framing. So I would definitely put "mat cutter" on the list of "what not to get her".

larissa said...

the dog house is crap
the guy who thought of it must
have been in deep doo

EMM said...

I have been the fortunate recipient of great gifts including exercise equipment (I asked for it), a Kitchenaid Mixer (which I love) and in my skinnier days VS. You have to communicate your wishes. My boyfriends have always been better at the gift giving than the family. God help the man (and he's out there) who becomes my husband...he'll have to secure the ring and I'm sorry to say, I have an opinion.

Sorry JJV, women are fun to shop for...men just have to listen, we give you every opportunity to do it right.

J - hope you're feeling better!!!

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TommyMac71 said...

For anyone who lives in the Stamford-Bridgeport area, one word: Pennyweights. GREAT jewelry store in New Canaan. You can't go wrong, all the girls, um, women are very helpful and you don't give your left arm for a gift. You can, but don't have to.

Of course, I'm separated, so it's probably a bad idea...

J. said...

Hey, maybe this year he'll get you a make-a-frame kit, Marindenver!

As for you, Tommy, I have to admit I'm kind of disappointed. I was hoping that I or some other lucky lady was finally going to get some Ho-Ho-Ho! boxers (or bikinis) from you. But I guess you can't go too wrong with jewelry.