American Idol's Crystal Bowersox, Lee DeWyze and Casey James in the "fight for the finale"

It's now down to just three contestants on American Idol: Crystal Bowersox, Lee DeWyze, and Casey James, but as we all know, they're all already winners. (Blah, blah, blah.)

The good news? Only one more week of American Idol Season 9! The bad news, we have to endure two more agonizing results shows before the "winner" is crowned.

I thought the producers should have just crowned Mamasox the winner weeks ago, but if we have to go through this charade another two weeks, let it be a Crystal Bowersox vs. Lee DeWyze finale, if only so we can hear them sing another duet together and we won't have to listen to any more stupid "Kara Cougar" jokes.

As for tonight's "theme," I guess you could say it's "Choice," as in the judges' choice and the contestants' choice (though sadly not the viewers' choice, though I guess we could always change the channel). And leading it off...

Casey James singing some song I've never heard of (his choice) called "Okay, it's all right": Is it just me, or was that kind of an abrupt transition? Also, was this song inspired by Randy Jackson or what? "Okay okay okay... [Randy cringes, shrugs shoulders.] That song was just all right by me." And OMG (though really, no surprise) Randy said it (just after I typed it)! FWIW, it was just okay by me and J-THREE-O, too. (Seriously, this is the song you choose on one of the biggest nights of your life when you gotta go big or go home? Has Casey learned nothing or does he just not give a shit? Help me out here, people.) Our grade for Casey James' first performance tonight: B

Next up, Crystal Bowersox singing Melissa Etheridge's "Come to my window": Much better song choice than Casey's but I'm not wild about this arrangement. Clearly, the chick's multi-talented, but I thought Crystal's version paled next to the original. "I thought it was good not great," said J-THREE-O. What is there to say about Crystal at this point? She's been consistent (for the most part), and hasn't "compromised" herself artistically, and the judges decided a while ago she was the winner, but I don't see Crystal going on to become a big star -- and frankly, I'm not sure I'd buy her album. Our grade for Crystal Bowersox: B+

And now Lee DeWyze singing Lynyrd Skynyrd's "Simple man" -- a simple song for a simple guy? Another song I never heard of, but a way better performance than Casey's. Lee is definitely in it to win it, though I wouldn't rush out to buy that song on iTunes. And man, the judges really really want Lee in the finale, though I agree with Kara DioGuardi that Round One goes to Lee. Our grade for Lee DeWyze: A-

DING! DING! Round Two!

And Kara DioGuardi and Randy Jackson's pick John Mayer's "Daughters" for Casey James: And I am bored. Which is a shanda, because it is a beautiful song, and Casey should be nailing it. Instead he sounds listless and off-key. And I cannot believe the judges are praising him. COME ON, people! It SUCKED. Feh. Our grade for Casey James' second performance: B-

And Ellen DeGeneres's pick for Crystal Bowersox? "Baby I'm amazed" by Paul McCartney. Baby, I'm amazed by that song choice. Really Ellen? Though I'm liking this performance way better than Crystal's first song, though the whole "maybe I'm a man" thing isn't working for me. "It was okay. It wasn't great. She should have given her a Janis Joplin song to sing," said the spouse (who just joined us). I completely agree. It would have been great to have heard Crystal rock some Joplin. Our grade for Crystal Bowersox's second performance: B+

And finally Simon Cowell's pick for Lee DeWyze, Leonard Cohen's "Hallelujah," because I guess hearing it sung by Tim Urban this season and Jason Castro last season wasn't nearly enough. If you needed more proof that Simon has checked out of Idol and doesn't really care anymore, this is it. Not that it was a bad choice, just a totally uncreative one. Similarly, not a bad performance, though Lee was off-key, and I can't help comparing it to Jason Castro's. Still, it was (hopefully) more than enough to get Lee into the finale, with Crystal. Our grade for Lee DeWyze's second performance: B+

Until tomorrow, American Idol fans...

UPDATED 5/19/10: As predicted, it's Lee vs. Crystal in the finale. Yawn.

Do I really need to know about your sex life?

The short answer is "NO."

(FYI: This post is NOT aimed at or in reaction to anyone in particular, REALLY. It has more to do with TMI in today's very public world.)

While I am happy (honest!) that so many of my friends actually have a sex life, please, spare me the details. It's not that I don't love you or care about you or don't want you to be happy or am envious. None of those apply. (Trust me.) I just believe some things, like one's sex life, should be kept PRIVATE.

Sure, go ahead and tell me "I have this great new boyfriend and he is the most amazing kisser!" (Good for you!) Or "My husband took me on the most romantic weekend!" (That's so nice!) Or even "Oh my God, this new babe I am seeing is totally HOT!" (Lucky you!) But trust me when I tell you, I do not want nor need to hear how many times you made "whoopee" or where or what positions you used. REALLY.

By the same token, I really could have lived without seeing this story, titled "G-Shot Puts Sparks Back In Your Sex Life," which aired on ABC26 in New Orleans last week (and which found its way onto my Twitter feed). Though that said, be sure to watch until the very end, when the co-anchors discuss. (In a word: TMI.)



Prudishly yours,

J.

Here comes the sun (and a prayer for the stressed)

Little darling, it's been a long cold lonely winter
Little darling, it feels like years since it's been here
Here comes the sun, here comes the sun
and I say it's all right...

--George Harrison

Just got back from a quick trip to Cambridge and Lexington, MA, where we visited with family and friends (and had a lovely time). It was a gorgeous "Sun day," and I loved how the sun made everything glisten. (FYI, all the photos are mine.)

Spring has definitely sprung. And I feel much happier -- and sunnier -- now that it has.






























































And if these beautiful pictures are not enough to put you in a good mood, perhaps this short prayer (which we heard on Car Talk) will.

Prayer for the Stressed

Grant me the serenity to accept the things
I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I cannot accept,
and the wisdom
to hide the bodies of those people I had to kill
today because they pissed me off.
Also, help me to be careful of the toes I step on today,
as they may be connected to the ass that I have to kiss tomorrow.
Help me always to give 100% at work:
12% on Monday, 23% on Tuesday, 40% on Wednesday,
20% on Thursday, and 5% on Friday.
Also, help me to remember:
when I'm having a really bad day, and it seems that people
are TRYING to piss me off,
that it takes 42 muscles to frown
and only 4 to extend my middle finger
and tell them to bite me.

Is there a teenager vaccine?

You know, a shot you can get that will prevent you from going insane when you come in close contact with one or more teenagers? If there is, please let me know -- and tell me where I can find it. Stat. (Personally, I think it should be offered at pharmacies, like CVS, like they do the flu shot, though the line would probably go around the block -- five times.)

Also, do you need to get a booster shot every year until your child goes off to college, or will one shot do you for five years? And are there any side effects?

Btw, for those of you saying (or thinking) "But J., don't you have at least a year until J-THREE-O becomes a teenager?" Let me just say, you clearly have not seen/been around her -- or her not-so-little adolescent friends lately. People, it is frightening what happens in middle school, especially to girls. (I will cover boys in another blog post.)

Last night, for the Middle School Spring Concert, the kid wore MY LITTLE BLACK DRESS (which looked better on her than it currently does on me) and my little black shoes. (Her feet are now the same size as mine.) And while I did not catch her primping or flirting with any boys, plenty of other girls (some of whom were dressed in low-cut and/or high-hemmed outfits) were.

I am so not going to survive high school.

Anyway, consider this an open thread or open forum on the subject of teenagers and how to cope with them. You can leave me your pearls of wisdom/sage advice in the Comments.

Oh, and for those of you who didn't know me when I was a teenager, let me just say I do not deserve what I am about to receive. I was a total goody two shoes who didn't drink, didn't smoke, and didn't get into trouble, ever. (I also made my bed and cleaned my room every day, helped with the laundry, and didn't talk back to my mama.)

Bonus Adam Ant "Goody Two Shoes" video:

American Idol Top 4 go to the movies (RECAP)

Yawn. Seriously, does anyone really watch -- or care about -- American Idol anymore? I'm only watching at this point because of the blog (i.e., inertia). But what excuse do the rest of you have, besides wanting to hear Crystal Bowersox, which you can do on YouTube the next day?

And this week there's no Harry Connick, Jr., to liven things up. Instead we have Jamie Foxx mentoring the Idols as they sing "Songs from the Movies" -- and the Idols singing duets, with whom won't be revealed until a bit later tonight. (Factoid: Last week Ryan said this week's theme was "Songs from the Cinema," but I guess the producers were scared the word cinema would turn off fans, so they changed it to movies. In other word-related news, there is still no such word as pitchy.)

And now, on with the show!

Lee DeWyze: I think "Kiss from a Rose" is a good song choice for Lee, though I could be horribly wrong. Listening.... Listening.... Well, Seal is safe, but I thought Lee did OK. Was his performance worthy of Jamie Foxx's "Artist" shirt? Not so much. But I still want to see Lee (along with Crystal) in the finale. Our grade for Lee DeWyze (just watching with the kid tonight): B/B+ (IMHO the judges were waaaay harsh on this one.)

Michael Lynche: Yawn. Or as J-THREE-O just said to me: "He can sing, but it's sooo boring." Yup. Maybe it's just me, but I'm at the point where everything Michael Lynche sings sounds the same -- and not in a good way. Don't get me wrong. It's not that I think the guy can't sing. He can. He just doesn't give me "goosebumps," to borrow from Kara. He's predictable and, OMG, "Will You Be There" is the theme from FREE WILLY?! ROTFL. So the question is "Will You Be There" for Big Mike when the lines open? Not me. Our grade for Michael Lynche: B-

Lee DeWyze and Crystal Bowersox: (Please let this be good. Please let this be good.) Not familiar with "Falling Slowly" or the movie Once. The kid really, really liked it. I'm kind of undecided. I love both of them, and wanted to love it, and thought Lee sounded really good, but... Sigh. I dunno. I'm going to have another listen as soon as the clip goes up on AmericanIdol.com or YouTube. Our grade for Lee and Crystal: A- (Going with the kid on this one.)

Casey James: OMG. "Mrs. Robinson"?! Are you kidding me? Here come the Kara DioGuardi cougar jokes again. WHA?! I cannot believe the cameras did once pan to Kara. Talk about a missed opportunity. I rest my case. Thank you, Randy. As far as Casey's actual performance, it was a million times better than last week's performance, but it still was not great. Like Mike, Casey can sing, but his performances/songs are utterly forgettable. And unlike Big Mike, there's no passion in any of Casey's performances. It's like he's a singing, guitar-playing robot. Our grade for Casey James: B (Aside: How tall is Casey? Anybody know or want to hazard a guess?)

Crystal Bowersox: Caddyshack?! I can't wait to hear this. Loved Caddyshack (back in the day) and Kenny Loggins' "I'm Alright." But ain't diggin' Crystal's take. Sorry Crystal fans. Didn't suck, but just wasn't great. Still, I will be shocked -- SHOCKED -- if Crystal gets booted off this week. Our grade for Crystal Bowersox: B+



Michael Lynche and Casey James: Have you ever really, really really really hated a song like I hate "Have You Ever Really Loved a Woman"? Sigh. Liked the guitars, and the vocals were okay, but I've already forgotten it. That said, I've got to agree with the judges that the duets were better than the solos. Our grade for Michael and Casey: B

The big surprise tonight: the show actually finished early.

Btw, in case you hadn't heard, last week American Idol posted a viewer survey, which has been generating lots of buzz, asking us fans what we honestly thought about the direction of the show, the judges, the mentors, etc. If you're interested in checking out/taking the survey, click here. (I filled it out -- and found it very interesting.)

Until tomorrow and the results show, Idol fans...

UPDATED 5/12/10: Thank God Crystal made it into the Top 3. I was getting seriously nervous. Do NOT do that to me again, American Idol. Also making it into the Top 3, Casey James and Lee DeWyze. I just hope next week is waaaaay better than last night, cause last night sucked.

How to have a better marriage (or relationship)

Introducing the Better Marriage Blanket!



(H/T to friend of the blog Powaqqatsi for sending me the link.)

Made from the same type of fabric used by the military to protect against chemical weapons!

And the Better Marriage Blanket, a beautiful, soft odor-fighting comforter that comes in beige or white, can be yours for the low price of $29.95 (plus shipping and handling)! That's one-tenth what it would cost you to cuddle up with a divorce attorney for an hour!

And while you're at it, why not consider the Brookstone Anti-Snore Pillow?



Not only does the Brookstone Anti-Snore Pillow prevent snoring, it turns your middle-aged, balding, paunchy spouse into a sexy, fit hunk with a full head of wavy dark hair! I think we'd all pay $99.95 (plus shipping and handling) for that ladies, yes?

(Full disclosure: The spouse purchased an anti-snore pillow a while ago, albeit not from Brookstone, and he still looks the same. He also still snores, though much less often, though that's because he discovered his septum was deviated and had it fixed. But I do think the anti-snore pillow helps with soft pallet issues, another cause of snoring.)

More on how to get him to stop snoring here.

Wishing you all a good night (and a better marriage/relationship)...

You are getting sleepy... veeery sleeeepy... (cute cat pix, puppy video)

I dare you not to yawn...






















(Above: two cats we came across in Seattle, at Pike Place Market)















(And our seven-year-old torbi cat, Flora, taking a little cat nap)

And for you dog (particularly puppy) lovers...



(H/T to my friend, C., who posted this video on Facebook. :-)