To tell you the truth. Honestly. Really. I'm not lying. Call me.

To those of you who have ever begun or ended a sentence with one of the first four words or phrases, please stop. Immediately. (More about "Call me" in a moment.)

"To tell you the truth...." No, please, lie to me. "Honestly...." As opposed to what? Dishonestly? "Really...." Really? I doubt it. "I'm not lying." Well, sugar, if you have to say it, I doubt you are.

Why all the fuss? Because after conducting an unscientific study for the past few years I have come to the unscientific (though I believe largely accurate) conclusion that people who preface or end their statements with phrases like "To tell you the truth," "Honestly," "Really," and "I'm not lying," and the like, are more often than not not telling the truth and/or are lying. (Think I'm lying? Pay attention next time you have a conversation with someone you feel isn't being entirely honest and you'll begin to see what I mean.)

Like at my gym the other day. Without any warning or advance notice to its many long-time members, the gym my spouse and I work out at changed its membership structure, announcing it had lowered its monthly dues to the bargain rate of $19.99/month. While on first glance that seemed like good news for us existing members, who had been dutifully paying three or four times that amount, for years, the not-so-fine print told a different story.

Instead of having our dues automatically lowered, which would have been the "honest" or nice thing to do, we would have to pay a "buy down" fee of $149 (same as the club was charging new members for the privilege of working out there), commit for another 12 months, have to pay at least one more month at our current rate (due to the 30-day cancellation/change policy), and pay an annual maintenance fee.

I understand these guys have a business to run, and want to turn a profit, but clearly someone forgot to tell them about the cost of acquisition versus the cost of retaining existing members (many of whom, like me, were threatening to cancel their memberships) as well as the importance of generating positive PR.

So I decided to personally enlighten management -- and glistening with sweat, smile on my face, went to have a friendly chat with one of the managers, who looked me right in the eye (when he wasn't looking off to the side or down) and began every other sentence with "To be honest with you" or "To tell you the truth" or "Truth be told" while he tried to convince me that these changes were really in my and the other members' best interests, and much as they would love to automatically lower our dues, they just couldn't. (Truth be told? The guy was a patronizing slimeball.)

More disturbing, however, is that my daughter has picked up this habit (though not from me), ending answers to many of my (sometimes nervous-making) questions with "Really mom, I'm telling you the truth" or "I'm not lying mom, really." Maybe she is, maybe she isn't. But I find this turn of phrase disturbing. Especially when I find out she isn't telling the truth, or telling all of it.

Bottom line: The truth doesn't need an introduction.

And while I am on the subject of empty phrases, I hereby respectfully request we ban the phrase "Call me."

You want to talk to me or go out together or arrange a meeting? Great. You call me. Or send me an email. (I will do the same if I want to talk to or meet with you.)

The only exception to this: If the person you say "Call me" to does not live or work near you but occasionally gets into town and when he or she does you would like him or her to let you know with a call (or email or text message). Unless, of course, you were just being polite when you said "Call me" and really don't want to be called but wanted to make the other person, at least momentarily, feel as though he or she was special when in fact you not-so-secretly hoped not to ever have to lay on eyes on or hear from him or her again.

So, truth be told, call me. Really. I'm not lying. We should get together. Soon.