Kitten Wars

Not such a long time ago, in an office not so far away, there lived two kittens....

No doubt timed to coincide with today's release of Star Wars: The Complete Saga on Blu-ray comes "Jedi Kittens Strike Back" (aka "Kitten Wars")...



the sequel to "Jedi Kittens" (aka "Kittens with Lightsabers"):



Clearly, the force is strong with these two kittens. (Hey, they're a lot cuter than those stupid Ewoks.)

Do chicks dig guys with gray hair?

Contrary to what those Just for Men commercials would have you guys believe, chicks do dig guys with gray hair.

Don't believe me? I've got two words for you: Anderson Cooper (whose new afternoon talk show is creating quite a stir, or maybe it's just Anderson's abs).

Not convinced you say? What about George Clooney, who is clearly not afraid to let his gray hang out -- and has zero problem attracting attractive women.

Granted, not every guy can pull off gray (or is George Clooney), but is gray or graying hair really a problem, ladies? Do you find guys with gray or graying hair really less attractive?

And guys, do you really see gray or graying hair as a problem? (Maybe it's because I watch a lot of baseball and football, and listen to too much sports talk radio, but graying hair -- and baldness -- seems to be right up there with losing one's house, bad credit scores, and possible bankruptcy.)

Let me know your thoughts via the Comments.

You can learn a lot from driving teens

At the risk of divulging a big secret (and drying up a key source of juicy information), it often seems to me that my daughter and her friends think there is some kind of invisible, soundproof barrier between the front seat and back seat that prevents all conversation from being heard in the front seat, and, as a result, often talk about things they probably wouldn't talk about at, say, the dinner table (which is even more amusing, to me, because I drive a Mini Cooper, not a minivan).

Whatever the reason for their (often uncensored) chit chat, I am grateful for the opportunity it has given me, over the years, to learn about aspects of my daughter and her friends' lives that they might not normally share with a parent (even one as hip as I am*) -- even more so now that they are teenagers.

So what exactly can you learn from driving teenage girls?

Without divulging any personal information (concerning my daughter or her friends), following are some samples gleaned not only from my back seat but from the top secret back seats of other Russian chauffeurs (aka soccer and basketball moms who have sworn me to secrecy):

• What music they like (names of groups, lyrics and which ones have the hottest lead singer);

• How they are doing in school -- and which teachers they like/don't like;

• The latest teenage fashion trends and where they like to shop;

• Who has a potty mouth or is always getting into trouble; and, perhaps the most invaluable...

• What boys they like, who is dating whom, and what they say to each other (girls will often read aloud texts they receive/send to boys while chatting with their girlfriend(s) in the backseat)
  

(Note: I dread the day when I hear these girls discussing who is sleeping with -- or performing sexual acts on -- whom, which is hopefully many years down the line, but you never know.)

So what have you learned from schlepping your kids and their friends? Let me know via a comment.

*That would be sarcasm, just one of the many services I offer.

Best ice cream flavor ever? Introducing Schweddy Balls!

Christmas just came early, boys and girls!

In case you hadn't heard, in honor of the famous Saturday Night Live skit (see below), Ben & Jerry's has just introduced Schweddy Balls Ice Cream, a new limited-batch flavor with a vanilla ice cream base, a hint of rum, and loaded with fudge covered rum and milk chocolate malt balls.

Mmm... balls.

So, will anyone be able to resist Ben & Jerry's Schweddy Balls? I don't think so. Though as the ice cream is a limited-batch flavor, if you want to suck on some Balls, you better hurry. They'll only be around for a few months.

[Note: This clip is even funnier if you only listen to the audio.]



Happy Season's Eatings, everyone!

Good times, good times.

Should a Democrat challenge Obama?

If the Democrats want to retain the White House in 2012, should they consider running someone against Obama? And if so, who?

I've been thinking a lot about this, as apparently has CNN's Jack Cafferty. Not that another Democrat -- including Hillary Clinton -- would do any better under similar circumstances. (Bill Clinton, maybe, but probably not Hillary.)

But still, like a lot of people who voted for Barack Obama back in 2008, I am frustrated and disappointed with the Obama administration, for a lot of reasons, including not focusing on job creation from the get-go, as well as President Obama's seeming inability to stand up to Congress and letting the debt ceiling debate get way out of hand.

That said, I am not frustrated or disappointed enough to vote for any of the current crop of Republican presidential contenders -- though if a moderate Republican candidate with specific, concrete, actionable ideas for getting Americans back to work, improving education, and controlling health care spending while not leaving millions of Americans, including children, without decent coverage, emerged, I would seriously consider voting for said Republican.

But what about another Democrat? What if a Democrat (or Independent with moderate fiscal but liberal social leanings) emerged to challenge Obama, someone with executive experience, and a solid track record of accomplishments, who wasn't beholden to corporate interests and wasn't afraid to fight fire with fire? Would you vote for that person? And do you know of any such person?

Because I don't have enough to worry about

Cleavage wrinkles?! Are you kidding me? But, hey, when I see cleavage wrinkles being discussed in the pages of The New York Times and on The TODAY Show (albeit by Kathie Lee and Hoda), you know it's a serious problem -- albeit not so much for us (flat-as-a-) board members of the Itty Bitty Titty Committee.

But apparently cleavage wrinkles are a big -- or as they say in the bust biz, a Double-D-size -- problem. And not just here in the good ole U.S. of A.

Fortunately, to address this pressing problem, a whole industry has popped up, with products like the ChestSavers' bra, Decollette Pads, and I do not even know how to describe this product called "Kush Support" (pictured above right) -- cleavage porn? And that's not including all the countless creams or cremes out there which women are willing to pay $100/ounce for (or more).

*Sigh.*

All I can say is, I'm glad this is one problem I don't have to worry about. All of you big-busted gals have my sympathy.

And speaking of big-busted gals, if any of you have tried any of these cleavage wrinkle busters, do leave a comment. :-)

This place about to blow

I know hurricanes are nothing to sneeze at (achoo), but does anyone else think the networks and the Weather Channel are milking this storm for all it's worth? Frankly, some of the coverage is a bit morbid. It's like the forecasters and reporters want this to be a really bad storm, so they have several days worth of news (and devastation) to prattle on about. Of course, if we don't have power, we can't watch the news, but that's another story.

We here at J-TWO-O Central are taking the usual precautions: stocking up on water and batteries/flashlights and candles and basic foodstuffs and making sure our various devices are fully charged by Sunday morning.

So what are you (i.e., those of you who live along the I-95 corridor) doing to prepare for the big blow? And where do you think this sucker is going to make landfall? Leave me a comment.

P.S. What's next, fire? (We already had earth(quake), now wind.)

UPDATE 1: Went to the supermarket early this morning -- and could not believe how empty some of the shelves were. I was lucky to get a gallon of 1% milk! And forget about tuna fish and peanut butter. And the lines! Fortunately, the liquor store was calmer and well stocked, and I was able to find a six-pack of the spouse's current fave beer, Palm, as well as some Chimay Grand Reserve. The spouse is heading out to get propane for the grill later -- and a flat of seltzer.

UPDATED 8/28: Lost power around 1:45 a.m. this morning, even though it was barely raining and the wind wasn't blowing that hard at the time. Most of our town and the surrounding small, tree-filled towns are without power. No estimate as to when power will be restored. Fortunately, we have plenty of propane and water and creativity. The spouse was going to make bread, but now we're going to make pizzas on the gas grill for dinner. When the kid said she was bored, I told her we could always read Bible verses aloud and play board games. Haven't seen her since. Pray for power!

UPDATED 8/31: Day 4 without power -- or running water! And let me just say, reading by candlelight has lost it's romance (even though I've been reading historical romance novels -- just seemed appropriate). And school will not open until after Labor Day -- a week late (actually 8 days late)! And my small business has taken a major hit. But, it could be worse! At least it's not raining in our living room this time!

UPDATED 9/3: Got power back last night. Am now playing catch-up with work. Will probably post something later this weekend.