Wednesday, August 24, 2016
If marriage was (more) like baseball
The spouse is also a Mets fan (albeit one who has been known to root for the Yankees). And we often watch Mets games together.
However, I often fall asleep before the end of Mets games. So when I wake up the next morning, one of the first things I do is turn to the spouse and ask "Did the Mets win?" Or, more often, "Did the Mets lose?"
There is also a Twitter feed called "Did the Mets lose?" for those who do not have someone sleeping next to them who watched the game. And, of course, you can always go to Mets.com to see what happened. Which is what I did this morning, which led to the following breakfast conversation:
ME: Mets won.
SPOUSE: 7-4 -- and Jon Niese [the starting pitcher] is on the disabled list.
ME: Well, I screwed up my shoulder again yesterday. Maybe you should put me on the disabled list, call up another wife from Triple A. Maybe a blonde or a redhead.
SPOUSE: (Laughing) Are we talking an inning or long relief?
This led to a (humorous) discussion, in the kitchen and then online, regarding whether or not I would be DFA'd, would go to rehab in Florida, or if I could request a trade. Which led me to think, What if marriage was (more) like baseball?
If marriage was like baseball....
* Spouses who were injured and were unable to perform their duties would be subject to going on either the 15-day or 60-day disabled list, at which time the non-injured spouse could elect to temporarily fill his or her roster spot.
* After three years of marriage, you could file for arbitration -- to get a better deal. ("How about you cook dinner three nights a week?" or "I want Thursday to be date night." or "You do the laundry [or clean or whatever] or I'm out of here.")
* After six years you could become a free agent, unless you decided to extend your (marriage) contract.
* If a spouse has been married for ten full years and in the same marriage for the last five, he or she could not be traded away without his or her consent.