Och oy: Jews finally get a tartan

For all of my fellow Jews who thought wearing plaid wasn't kosher, I have good news for you!

Introducing the first Jewish tartan, "an authentic Scottish tartan created by Heritage Experts and Rabbis. It is the only Scottish Jewish Tartan approved and registered by the Scottish Tartans Authority."

So what makes this tartan "Jewish"?

According to the Jewish Tartan website:

The colours, weave, and number of threads have all been picked for their importance in Judaism. In the tartan design we have blue and white, the colours of both the Israeli and Scottish flags, with the central gold line representing the gold from the Ark in the Biblical Tabernacle and the many ceremonial vessels. The silver is to represent the silver that adorns the Scroll of the Law and the colour red is for the traditional red Kiddush wine. There are seven lines in the central motif and three in the flag representations - both numbers of great significance in Judaism.

And it's 100 percent kosher, people!

Order yours in time for Pesach!

Solving one of mankind's greatest problems

Forget getting into iPhones. Forget landing a man on Mars. Forget climate change. There is a bigger problem currently facing mankind, one that has plagued man for thousands of years, and, if finally solved, could radically change the way we live -- or sleep.

I am, of course, referring to... The Spooning Dilemma. And what you're supposed to do with that other arm.

Drawing by Christoph Neimann

For centuries, men have been losing sensation in one arm (and have been nearly asphyxiated by a mouthful of hair) as they attempted to cuddle, or spoon, with their partners. And I think it is high time, in an age where we have mattresses that contour to your body and can go up and down, that someone invents a mattress, or a device, to allow for proper spooning.

So, all you engineers and scientists and sleep experts, get on it. The arm you save could be your own.

It's the stupidity

Stupidity. According to the dictionary, the definition of stupidity is "behavior that shows a lack of good sense or judgement." Synonyms include "lack of intelligence," "foolishness," and "ignorance."

Well, this election cycle we have seen a lot of stupidity -- as in a lack of intelligence, foolishness, and ignorance. (And here I thought things couldn't get worse after Sarah Palin. Guess that was foolish thinking on my part.)

Maybe it's because I was taught from a young age to do my research and search out the facts -- though every person who has ever gone to school is taught to do that -- but I am stunned (though not surprised) by the amount of willful ignorance exhibited by so many supporters of the candidates running for President of the United States this year, as well as many of the candidates themselves.

I get knowing the facts, but choosing to not let certain negative things override (dare I say 'trump'?) your support of a particular candidate. (Do I think Hillary Clinton was stupid, or naive, to use a personal email server? Yes. Will that stop me from voting for her in the general election? No. And please, all you Republicans and Sanders supporters, do not take that comment as an invitation to dump all over Hillary in the comments, which are now moderated, for good reason.)

But being told and shown the facts, repeatedly, and refusing to believe them? That is just stupidity -- and willful ignorance -- and is not the way to make America great again.

Fact checking Donald Trump's penis

Donald Trump is very sensitive about the size of his... fingers.

Of course, we all know why Mr. Trump is touchy about the length of his fingers. It's because, as researchers in Korea found, there is a correlation between the length of a man's fingers and the length of his penis.

So when, 25 years ago, Graydon Carter, then the editor of Spy Magazine, referred to the Donald as a "short-fingered vulgarian," the Orange One took it as personal assault to his manhood. And he has spent the last 25 years insisting that his appendages are, in fact, not small but big. Really big. Make that really really big. We're talking yuge.

Frankly, I'm tired of hearing about Donald Trump's "fingers." (Frankly, I'm tired of hearing about, and from, Donald Trump period.) So I have a proposal: Have one (or more) of the fact checking organizations, say PolitiFact.com or FactCheck.org, get out their measuring tapes and actually measure the length of Trump's various appendages to see if, in fact, they are shorter than average, average, or bigger than average. Heck, measure all the Republican dicks while they're at it, to see who is who's got the biggest one.

Then we can see who is telling the truth.

(As reported in Men's Health, "the average flaccid penis length—from the base to the opening on the tip—[is] 3.6 inches and the circumference, measured around the base or mid-shaft, [is] 3.7 inches." The length of the average erect penis: 5.2 inches.)

You're welcome, America.

THIS JUST IN: From friend of the blog Fact Lovin' Liberal, "Hillary weighs in":

Orchidelirium at the New York Botanical Garden

As longtime readers of this blog know, I am a huge fan (and member) of the New York Botanical Garden. And one of my favorite seasonal events at the New York Botanical Garden is the orchid show, which runs from the end of February through the middle of April.

After missing last year's show, I was eager to catch this year's orchid show, titled Orchidelirium. And it did not disappoint.

Here are some of my favorite photos from this year's show. (One of these days I'll get a book on orchids so I can properly identify the different types.) Enjoy!

Bonus photo: As I was walking through the orchid show, I spied this sign, "Please do not touch the plants," in the center of some very prickly cacti, and just sighed. (It is sad that the garden had to even put up that sign, but you know there was a probably a good reason.)