Why Jon Ossoff (and the Democrats) will lose

Why do I think Jon Ossoff, the Democrat seeking to represent Georgia's 6th congressional district, will lose to Republican Karen Handel in today's special election, even though he's raised far more money and seems far more popular? Because Republicans vote and Democrats don't.

Obviously, Democrats vote, but their turnout is typically far lower than Republicans', especially in off-year elections. And the 6th has been a reliably Republican district since the late 1970s, when Newt Gingrich won -- and held onto the seat for 20 years (to be replaced by two more middle-aged white males).

And despite what they may say or write about a Republican candidate, when it comes down to a vote, Republicans almost always vote for the person with an R after his (or occasionally her) name. So it's doubtful that Ossoff will have managed to sway 15 or 10 percent of Republican voters to vote for him, even if they don't like Trump or Trumpcare/The American Health Care Act.

Moreover, Republican campaign strategists are very good at staying on message and getting Republicans to the polls. Their strategy: fear. Vote for the Democrat and you'll be paying higher taxes! (They'll grab your hard-earned money and give it to lazy minorities and illegal immigrants!) Vote for the Democrat and you'll be less safe (cause they'll take away your guns and will let criminals roam the streets)!

And despite plenty of proof to the contrary, the strategy always works. Just tell the people what they want to hear, even -- or especially -- if it's a bunch of lies. Because who's going to fact check? Most voters don't read anymore, let alone check the accuracy of what they're reading, especially on social media, or what they see on TV. And when faced with any facts that contradict their beliefs, they cling even harder to their beliefs. So it's really a no-lose situation for Republicans.

So what can Democrats do? I think part of the solution has to be going back to grass roots, old-fashioned campaigning, like what Ossoff's been doing -- and what Obama did in the 2008 presidential race. Going to lots of events that "real people," not just wealthy donors, attend. Going door to door, and/or to supermarkets, and the local car wash; attending sporting events at local high schools and colleges; holding town halls. And making people feel that you're listening to them.

Democrats also need to come up with some catchy soundbites, because when it comes down to it, people don't read or remember or really care about policy positions anymore. They want something short and pithy that you can put after a hashtag.

And Democrats need to register young people to vote and make sure they go to the polls on election day. Because the only real way to effect change is by voting.

The depressing numbers behind Election 2016

I don't consider myself a numbers person, but I have been fascinated by the numbers behind the 2016 Presidential Election, going back to the primaries. And the numbers behind what is being called the most surprising (and shocking) U.S. presidential election ever are pretty interesting. So I thought I'd share some of them with you.

Here are a bunch from the United States Elections Project:

Here are some other interesting numbers:

Number of Americans registered to vote: 146,311,000 (per Statistics Brain, which has more statistics about the election on its site).

Number of registered voters who actually voted: 133,331,500*

This means nearly 13 million people who could have easily voted did not. And over 85 million who could have voted by registering couldn't be bothered. 

[You want a better world, Millennials? Go register and VOTE IN THE MIDTERMS. No effing excuses.]

Popular vote totals* as of 8:35 a.m. ET on 11/12/16:

Hillary Clinton:  60,467,601**
Donald Trump:   60,072,551
Gary Johnson:      4,123,115
Jill Stein:              1,237,138
Other candidates:    820,695

For those too lazy to do the math, Clinton now leads Trump by nearly 400,00 votes.

[Donald Trump was right. The electoral college is a disaster.]

To see state-by-state popular vote totals, click here.

As I mentioned on Facebook the other day, less than (or just over) 100,000 votes separated Clinton and Trump in Arizona, Florida, Michigan, New Hampshire, and Pennsylvania. But the only way the outcome of the election would change is if those votes for Hillary were cast in Arizona and Michigan and either Florida and/or Pennsylvania.

Interestingly, as of November 9, Arizona, which Trump won by less than 100,000 votes, still had over 600,000 ballots to count. And, according to Heavy:

As of November 11, the Secretary of State in Michigan was reporting the following totals:

Trump: 2,277,914
Clinton: 2,264,807
Johnson: 172,726
Stein: 51,420
Castle: 16,125
Soltysik: 2,231

That’s a margin of victory of just 13,107 votes. A margin of under 2,000 votes triggers an automatic recount in Michigan, but candidates can seek a recount even if the margin is larger.

Speaking of razor thin margins, check out this fascinating article from The Washington Post titled "How Trump won the presidency with razor-thin margins in swing states," which notes that "Of the more than 120 million votes cast in the 2016 election, 107,000 votes in three states effectively decided the election."

Another excellent numerical read is the New York Times's exit poll stats. As Samantha Bee noted, "it's pretty clear who ruined America: white people." Indeed, 63 percent of white men and 53 percent of white women cast their votes for Trump. (To which I say, WTF ladies?)

And that concludes this lesson on why it's important for those of you unhappy with the results of Election 2016 to register to vote (if you have not done so already) and to actually go out and vote on election day -- and why 2018 will be a very important election.

This has been a public service announcement.

11/13/16 UPDATE: As of 6:07 p.m. ET today, Hillary Clinton's lead over Donald Trump increased to more than 650,000 votes. And when I checked earlier today, votes were still being counted in parts of Michigan and Pennsylvania, both close races that were being called for Trump, and California, which broke heavily for Clinton. But according to various reports I've read, even if Clinton has a million or two million more votes than Trump, because of where those votes were cast, Trump is still going to be President.


*These numbers will go up as votes are still being counted.
**According to many/most predictions, Clinton's popular vote lead will exceed 500,000 -- and some say over 1 million votes.

Rethinking who can be President of the United States

If this election cycle has taught us anything it's that we need to fix the electoral process -- starting with the qualifications necessary to run for and serve as President of the United States.

Per Article Two, Section 1 of the Constitution of the United States of America:

No Person except a natural born Citizen, or a Citizen of the United States, at the time of the Adoption of this Constitution, shall be eligible to the Office of President; neither shall any person be eligible to that Office who shall not have attained to the Age of thirty five Years, and been fourteen Years a Resident within the United States.

Clearly, it is time to amend the Constitution (again).

First of all, how many people today were around "at the time of the Adoption of this Constitution"?

Secondly, does it really matter any more where a person was born as long as he -- OR SHE -- is a citizen of the United States and has been a resident within the United States for at least 14 years?

(The correct answer to that question is "no.")

And thirdly, while back in 1787, when most people didn't live past 41, 35 was considered old. Today, with people living into their 80s, not so much. So I say we should raise the minimum age to be president to 40 -- make that 45.

But most importantly, we need to make sure that the person ascending to the highest office of the land is sound in both mind and body -- and able to carry out the duties of President of the United States.

To that end, I propose the following amendment to Section 1 of Article Two of the Constitution, which I call Qualifications to Be President of the United States:

* Must be at least 45 years of age.
* Must be a citizen of the United States and have resided within the United States for at least 14 years.
* Must undergo a complete physical and mental health examination overseen by a board of certified, nonpartisan medical professionals and be considered to be of sound mind and body.
* Must take and pass a four-hour, closed-book examination [similar to the AP exams] covering U.S. History and Government, as well as World History.
* Must produce his or her tax returns for the four years prior to the year of election.

All in favor, say "Aye!"

Of course, even if such qualifications were somehow enacted, you would still get unsavory characters running for president. But at least they would, hopefully, diaqualify the Trumps (and Palins) of the world.

Hillary, Bernie + How New York Voted: Election 2016 Democratic Vote Update

So which Democratic candidate did New Yorkers vote for in the 2016 presidential primary? Was it Bernie, the Bro from Brooklyn, who left the City in 1960 to attend the University of Chicago, settled in Vermont in 1968, and went on to serve in the House of Representatives and the Senate representing Vermont (as an Independent, not a Democrat)?

Or was it the carpetbagger, Hillary, who grew up in Illinois, attended Wellesley in the 1960s, and then lived most of the 1970s and 1980s in Arkansas before moving to D.C. in 1993 and to Chappaqua, New York, in 1999 -- going on to represent her adopted state of New York as Senator in the 2000s (and serving as Secretary of State from 2009 to 2013)?

Even if you are not a news junkie (as I am), you probably already know that Hillary Clinton won the New York primary election -- and by a significant amount. What is a "significant" amount, you ask? With 98 percent of precincts having reported, Clinton had 1,037,344 votes while Bernie Sanders had 752,739. So Clinton beat Sanders by more than 250,000 votes -- or, put another way, by 16 percent.

Bernie Sanders had a strong showing in upstate New York, especially in rural areas touching or close to his home state of Vermont. (For those of you geographically challenged, Vermont is right next to the Northeast corner of New York State.) However, Hillary Clinton dominated the New York City metro area, i.e., New York City, Long Island, and Westchester -- and won in Buffalo, Rochester, and Syracuse, too.

So where do the candidates now stand, in terms of total number of votes (as opposed to delegates)? Here's my latest table, which now includes Wyoming, where approximately 7,000 Democrats caucused earlier this month, and New York, a closed primary state, where nearly 1.8 million Democrats voted.

[Click on the table to enlarge it.]


































So, as of today, Wednesday, April 20, more than 10.6 million people have voted for Hillary Clinton and more than 8 million have voted for Bernie Sanders. And Hillary leads Bernie by close to 2.6 million votes.

However, as most people know, it's not total votes that count or win elections, it's delegates. And Clinton currently has 1,446 pledged delegates (based on contests she has won), whereas Sanders has 1,200 pledged delegates (based on contests he has won). And when it comes to super, or unpledged, delegates, Clinton has 502 versus Sanders's 38. The magic number to win the Democratic nomination: 2,383.

While it is not impossible for Bernie Sanders to win the Democratic nomination for president, it's not going to be easy. And before any of you start squawking about the nominating process, I KNOW. It seems totally unfair, especially to Bernie supporters. But it is what it is -- and the system was set up long before Hillary ever ran for President. And even if you hate the delegate system, Clinton is still leading Sanders by nearly 2.6 million votes.

Howard Beale for President

The U.S. Presidential Election of 2016 will no doubt go down in history as one of the strangest.

Who would have thought a few years ago (or even a few months ago) that the front runners would be an angry old billionaire from Queens (Donald Trump) and an angry old Democratic Socialist from Brooklyn (Bernard "Bernie" Sanders)?

Somewhere in heaven, Paddy Chayefsky must be laughing.

Who is Paddy Chayefsky and why would he be chuckling over the 2016 U.S. Presidential Election? Chayefsky, an Academy Award-winning screenwriter and novelist from the Bronx (yet another New Yorker who knew how to channel anger), wrote the screenplay for the movie Network (which won him one of his Oscars) and created the character  Howard Beale, a disgruntled newsman who was "mad as hell" and wasn't "going to take this anymore!"



For those who have seen Network, or know the famous "Mad as Hell" speech, this election must seem like life imitating art.


Both candidates, Donald Trump on the Republican side, and Bernie Sanders on the Democratic one, claim to be angry, or mad as hell, about the way things are or are going in this country.

And they want their supporters to go to their windows (or polling places) and tell the world they are, likewise, mad as hell and aren't going to take "this" (whatever "this" is) anymore. And their supporters are doing it!

Apparently, hope is dead and anger is in this election cycle. And both Trump and Sanders are channeling voter anger to garner votes.

However, while anger may seem like a winning strategy now, just remember what happened to Howard Beale. He was murdered on live TV. Of course, in Donald Trump's case, that probably wouldn't stop people voting for him.

[Speaking of the Donald, if you haven't seen Funny or Die's Donald Trump's The Art of the Deal: The Movie, I highly suggest you watch it this weekend -- and be sure to watch the end credits.]

Election Coverage, Part Deux: Barack Obama declared the next president of the United States

Maybe John McCain should not have elected to watch the results in the Barry Goldwater Suite. More live blogging on tonight's historic presidential election between Democrat Barack Obama and Republican John McCain... (Btw, to read the first part of my 2008 Presidential Election Coverage, click here.)

10:29 p.m. ET: The Barry Goldwater Suite?! I cannot believe John McCain and Sarah Palin are camped out in the Barry Goldwater Suite.

10:33 p.m. MSNBC projects Georgia to go for McCain. Again, not a huge surprise, though in my fantasy (okay, my Obama becomes the President fantasy -- I'm not going to blog about the others), the entire electoral map is blue.

Aside: What is the deal with Tom Cruise and this "Valkyrie" movie? All these guys are speaking with British accents looking, well, British (though they are supposed to be German), and then there is Tom Cruise. I say the movie dies. In other movie news, I am loving the new, sexy commercial for "Quantum of Solace" with the funky soundtrack. I don't like blonds but I think I could make an exception for Daniel Craig. (Note to self: You still need to rent/see "Casino Royale.")

10:39 p.m. Sigh. Back to presidential election coverage. South Dakota is seeing red.

You know what's fun about watching MSNBC? You get to watch some poor schlubs putting red or blue states on the Rockefeller Center rink -- and listen to the comic stylings of Mike Murphy, who is getting funnier as the evening goes on.

10:42 p.m. NEBRASKA?! Come on. Does ANYONE really care about Nebraska (besides Nebraskans and people who went to college there? Go Huskers!)

10:44 p.m. Oooh, Chucky T. (aka Chuck Todd) just used the "P" word = (insert ominous music) Projections. Though I'm liking that "284" Chuck just put up on the big board, for Obama.

10:46 p.m. The spouse is flipping channels. Oh. My. God. CNN has totally lost it. I am watching Will.I.Am "via hologram" on CNN, speaking with Anderson Cooper. How does Cooper keep a straight face? So help me, if Will.I.Am says "Beam me up, Scotty," I am going to lose it.

Flipping channels again... back to MSNBC...

10:49 p.m. Pat Buchanan admits he's not a McCain man. Shocking. Not. Blames McCain's problems on the Dow dropping 5000 points. Hurrah for Rachel Maddow counterpunching and noting that McCain ran "an atrociously bad campaign." Wow, Buchanan is totally throwing McCain under the bus, or should I say, the Straight Talk Express.

And we're back on CNN... which is panning to various "watching parties" around the world, including places like Sydney and Kenya.

WTF? Bill Bennett will "pray for Barack Obama and this country"?! What a fat, fatuous pig. So much for objectivity. And btw, what exactly makes McCain a "war hero"? Did he save lots of people? Sacrifice himself to save others? Cause being a POW, while an awful, awful thing, does not equal "hero." And as for the awful, awful war in Iraq, there would have been no need for a surge if we hadn't gone over there in the first place. How many years has it been since "Mission Accomplished"?

11:00 p.m. NBC NEWS HAS JUST CALLED THE ELECTION FOR BARACK OBAMA. MSNBC gives Obama 284 electoral votes; McCain has 146. CNN also projecting Obama the winner with 297 electoral votes, to McCain's 139.

God Bless America. And God Keep Barack Obama Safe. (And thank you for not giving us Vice President Sarah Palin.)

UPDATED 11:17 p.m.: Obama also projected to win Colorado and Florida, bringing his electoral college total to 333 -- and Jesse Jackson is crying (probably because he wasn't elected president, though maybe I'm being a bit harsh).

11:18 p.m. Senator John McCain is giving his concession speech. Very gracious. I actually have tears in my eyes. (And there are a lot of very white, very unhappy people at The Biltmore -- and no sign of Sarah Palin or Joe the Plumber, at least on MSNBC. OK. Just saw her, though it took a while. Now will she please GO AWAY?)

11:24 p.m. Although he doesn't need the money, McCain could always have a career selling stuff (McCain Fein Gold anyone?) on QVC.

11:27 p.m. Okay. I'm done. Good night -- and good luck to President Obama.

UPDATED 11/5/08 at 7:33 a.m.: Yes, We Did. For those of you who missed Obama's acceptance speech, here it is (in two parts):



Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you the 44th President of the United States.

Election Coverage, Part 1: I've Got the Blues

In Washington, D.C., where I spent the last four days, and got to tour the Capitol (Monday) and the White House (this morning!), they have been hard at work on the inauguration, and everyone is really, really tired and ready for this election (and the inauguration) to be OVER. Amen. I just hope my candidate wins.

9:22 p.m. ET: The "big news" just announced on MSNBC minutes ago is that Ohio has gone for Obama, yet I am not holding my breath. Actually, I am holding my breath. This election, as of right now, is too early -- or too close (depending on whom you are listening to) -- to call, and looking at that constantly changing electoral map, with Florida and Virginia still uncalled, I am very, very nervous.

9:32 p.m. MSNBC just called New Mexico, another formerly "red" state for Obama.

From earlier today, from my brother-in-law, who works in downtown Chicago, near Grant Park, which is overflowing with Obama supporters: "Madness in Chicago... They shut down [my building] at 3. If [Obama] doesn't win, our city (as many others) will go up in flames."

9:37 p.m. West Virginia goes into the Red Zone, following Louisiana, Tennessee, Kentucky, Arkansas, and the usual Southern suspects.

9:47 p.m. Florida, Florida, Florida. Man, I miss Russert. Saw his "Florida, Florida, Florida" white board while at the Newseum this weekend. The spouse, who is (surprise) holding the remote, has flipped over to NBC. Note: The graphics on MSNBC are much better.

9:54 p.m. Illinois is projected to go to Obama. (Breathe in, breathe out.) Okay, not a huge suprise. Oh, and here's Texas: And Texas has gone for Senator McCain. Really, is anyone surprised? I am so not going to make it 'til Midnight or whenever the hell this thing is called (probably 3 a.m. or later/earlier).

Btw, what the hell does "characterizations" mean? David Gregory keeps talking about "coverage and characterizations." Is Frank whatshisname going to come on and do impressions or something? (For the record, his John Madden is quite funny.)

9:57 p.m. Commercial break on MSNBC. The spouse has now flipped over to CNN. Yawn. I don't know about you, but these pundits are putting me to sleep (though Anderson Cooper is cuter than David Gregory).

10:00 p.m. Back to MSNBC and the big news is: Iowa has gone to Obama and Utah has gone to McCain. So now the electoral count is at 207 for Obama, 129 McCain. And Florida is still too close to call, though Obama has a slight lead. Ditto North Carolina and Virginia. (And if I find out that one of my VA friends did not vote, I will be very, very cross. You know who you are.) In other states... Indiana is now too close to call, as is Arizona (McCain's home state!), and Colorado.

10:06 p.m. I am no longer really listening to Chris Matthews and Keith Olbermann. It's like some political circle jerk. And now to The Biltmore in Arizona. Not exactly the same kind of energy or crowd as over in Grant Park. "If only the economy hadn't tanked," one member of the McCain campaign is reported to have said. Yeah, if only George W. Bush hadn't committed us to a futile war in Iraq... The list goes on and on. (Do NOT get me started. And the first commenter to write in about everything being the fault of Nancy Pelosi and the Democratic Congress will get verbally bitch slapped. Give me an effing break. Hey, I'm not a Pelosi fan, but the Dems have had the thinnest of majorities and only been, technically, in power for barely two years. So stop your frickin' whining.)

In other big news, at least in my state/district, Congressman Chris Shays has lost (apparently big time) his re-election bid, meaning that there will now be NO REPUBLICANS from New England, at least in the House. Wow.

10:14 p.m. Chucky T. (aka Chuck Todd) is at the map, again. If you are a geography fan, you cannot beat election night. Who knew wtf all these little counties in Indiana and Florida and Virginia were called? And why is it every time the cameras pan to McCain Headquarters there is some male Country singer singing, with a big black cowboy hat and a guitar.

10:16 p.m. And Maine is projected to go for Obama. And rumor has it that Oprah (Oprah!) is mulling around (or whatever Oprah does) in the Grant Park crowd, which we are being reminded is VERY DIVERSE (i.e., not just black people, or if you want to be poltically correct, African-American). It has been confirmed: Oprah is in the house.

Reporting live from bed...

To be continued...

Mrs. "Smith" Goes to Washington

My fellow Americans, I am off to visit our great capital of Washington, D.C., for a few days, to visit with friends, see inside some of our great institutions, experience history, and measure the drapes.

And as we prepare to vote on November 4, I'd like to share this (slightly doctored) quote with you, from Mr. Smith Goes to Washington (a wonderful film), spoken by the movie's hero, Senator Jefferson Smith, a do-gooder and reformer who was quite popular with the young people:

"There's no place out there for graft, or greed, or lies, or [negative campaigning, or] compromise with human liberties. And if that's what the grownups have done with this world that was given to them, then we'd better... see what the kids can do. And it's not too late, because this country is bigger than the [Bushes, the Clintons, the Republicans and Democrats], or you, or me, or anything else. Great principles don't get lost once they come to light. They're right here; you just have to see them again!"

Until next week... (Well, unless the Jets wear those lame Titans uniforms again, in which case I have a blog post waiting to go.)

Trick or treat: Which candidate or politician scares you the most?

Is it Barack Obama? John McCain? Sarah Palin? Nancy Pelosi*? Or someone else? Let me know which candidate or politician scares you the most -- and why.

Is it the exotic-looking black dude, who practically confessed to being a kindergarten communist?

Or the scary old white dude, my friends?

Is it the one from Wasilla who speaks in tongues?

Or the wench from Wellesley who the very idea of tonguing gives you nightmares?

The silver-tongued (and haired) devil whose tongue you really don't want to think about anymore?

Or the decider, whose decisions have resulted in a severe tongue lashing from his fellow Republicans?

I admit, they are a pretty scary lot, at least in Halloween mask form.

Which one scares you the most? Leave me a comment -- and tell me who scares you and why. Btw, feel free to write in your own candidate.

Have a safe and happy Halloween -- and remember to vote on November 4.

*I searched the Internet for a Nancy Pelosi mask but was unable to find one. Some might say her real face is scary enough.

Is Barack Obama really Superman?

Rose faster in politics than a speeding Bush! More powerful than two Clintons! Able to leap John McCain in a single bound! "Look! Who's up in the polls?!" "It's not a Republican!" "It's Obama, man!"

Yes, it's Obama, man... strange visitor from another planet who came to Earth with powers and abilities far beyond those of mortal men! Obama, man ... who can change the course of mighty primaries, bend back attacks from Republicans with bare facts, and who, disguised as Barack Obama, mild-mannered State Senator for a great metropolitan city and later Senator, fights a never-ending battle for truth, justice, and the American way!

Super, man.

Yes, now we all know the truth about Barack "Kal-El" Obama's mysterious beginnings, as Obama finally revealed to one and all during last night's annual Alfred E. Smith Memorial Foundation Dinner at the Waldorf Astoria in New York.

"Contrary to the rumors you have heard," stated the mild-mannered senator from Illinois, "I was not born in a manger. I was actually born on Krypton and sent here by my father, Jor-el, to save the planet Earth."

And here I thought he came from Vulcan.

To hear what else our future President had to say, most of which is quite funny, watch this:


John McCain was pretty funny, too.

Live blogging about the third and final presidential debate between Barack Obama and John McCain

My first impression: Schieffer has on a red-and-blue striped tie. How politically correct! (Brings out his baby blues.) Does this mean he's going to bipartisan? Non-partisan?

Hey, what's the deal with McCain wearing a BLUE tie and Obama wearing a RED tie? Is this "Wacky Wednesday" or something? Was there some metaphysical body-swapping going on a la Lindsay Lohan and Jamie Lee Curtis?

OMG NANCY REAGAN?! Does anyone really care?!

Wow, does anyone else think McCain's face seems particularly swollen, at least on the left side? [Insert Left/Liberal reference here.] His eyes also look pretty bloodshot.

The mortgage question... hmm... Like the idea of keeping people in their homes but...

Obama's looking more than a little tired too. Nice lapel pin.

Okay, so far, I'm hearing same old, same old. Yadda yadda yadda. Not to belittle helping homeowners and middle class Americans and "Main Street" and we the taxpayers, but I'm not hearing anything NEW.

Ah, ENERGY POLICY. That took less than five minutes.

9:07: Let the attacks and campaign stories begin! Joe, Joe, Joe. Joe the Plumber. Joe shmoe.

Note to McCain: Obama has stated and written he is NOT going to tax small businesses!

Ooo, nice comeback, Barry, with the "watching Senator McCain's ads" line.

Why must Obama always have to explain himself? I would be effing testy if I constantly had to repeat myself and explain. What are you, stupid, John? Can't you read? Didn't you listen?

9:10 McCain has got to stop smirking while Obama speaks. It reminds me of Gore rolling his eyes during his debates with W.

OK. ENOUGH ABOUT JOE THE PLUMBER [who, it turns out, is not a licensed plumber and is behind on his taxes]. I don't give an ounce of Drano about Joe the Plumber.

There he goes again, having to explain to McCain that he is going to CUT 95 PERCENT OF AMERICANS TAXES.

(Love the fact Obama refers to Warren Buffett as "Warren.")

9:13: HOW CAN WE CUT TAXES WITH ALL THIS SPENDING?! Hey, I don't want to pay a dime more in taxes, but I'm not naive. You want to spend more, the money has to come from somewhere. Wasn't spending money you didn't have what got us into this mortgage/housing/financial/economic mess?

9:14 Obama mentions "living beyond our means." Says he's a strong proponent of "pay as you go." I'm all for that. Who can argue with that?

Waiting for "scalpel" reference... Waiting...

I like the idea of "investing in our young people." The seeds you plant today...

9:16: McCain like a dog with a home ownership bone. Oooh, McCain just mentioned Senator Clinton. Take THAT, Senator Obama!

9:17: Schieffer takes McCain to task, not that it does a lick of good.

And McCain gets out the hatchet -- and the scalpel! But at least he sort of answered Schieffer's question about what he would cut. Actually, he didn't.

Wow, Schieffer just called McCain on something. Are those specifics we are hearing? Oh man, the aircraft manufacturer deal, again.

9:18: OK, enough about effing pork barrel spending and the $3 million projector for the planetarium in Chicago. Didn't we clarify that after the last debate? [We did. To read the real story about that "earmark," click on the link.]

SCALPEL! Finally. Took a few minutes, but Obama did use that "scalpel."

Memo to John McCain: Stop smirking.

Ooh, McCain smacks down Obama on the Bush issue. But you know what? Cute in the moment but Obama IS running against the Republicans, the party which McCain belongs to and has supported -- a majority of times.

[Should have chosen "scalpel" and "hatchet" for the drinking game.]

Excuse me, but what's wrong with voting with and/or supporting your party? Isn't that the point of belonging to a party? If you think your party/colleagues are in the right, what's wrong with supporting them? Reaching across the aisle can be a bad thing [see "Joe Lieberman"].

You go, Obama, showing the old man some respect. Torture, cool.

"Scars to prove it." Bottoms up!

Does McCain think he's winning?

Oooh, the "high road" question... Is anyone else uncomfortable sitting here?

Oh, so the whole problem is that Obama didn't agree to do town hall-style meetings, that's why the McCain campaign went negative?

Ah, John Lewis hurt John McCain's feelings. Boohoohoo. And why did John Lewis say those things, John? Hmm? And why should Obama repudiate what someone else said? Has McCain?

OK. Point to McCain re the flip-flop on Obama and campaign spending. He did. But I'll say this, sometimes there is a good reason for changing your mind. In some cases it shows your thinking has evolved. (Of course, Sarah Palin, John McCain's running mate, doesn't believe in evolution...)

Okay, I've been just listening to McCain and Obama. Just listening. And there is such a clear difference in their tones. McCain is clearly irritated and hostile while Obama is maintaining his cool, speaking calmly and slowly and clearly and thoughtfully -- and trying to set the record straight while McCain keeps interrupting.

9:33: "I'm proud of the people who come to our rallies." Seriously, John? Seriously? You are proud of those people who think Obama is "an Arab"? [Not that there is anything wrong or evil about being an Arab. See last night's "Daily Show."] Who shout "kill him" and "terrorist"?

9:35: Thank you, Barack Obama, for bringing the conversation back around to the real problems facing this country. And yes, I like the line about agreeing to disagree but not being disagreeable.

9:35: Ayers and ACORN. Go!

Obama responds to the Ayers and ACORN accusations... Brilliant job debunking the Ayers accusations. Sidebar: Can we just get away from this guilt by past associations, some of which, if not most, were brief and/or tenuous. Let's talk about who you are associating with NOW, who is advising you, whose opinion you seek out.

WHY IS MCCAIN CALLING OBAMA A LIAR WHEN OBAMA CAN BACK UP WHAT HE SAYS? Why does McCain say "taxes" like some Tourette tic?

9:40 The running mate question... God bless you, Bob Schieffer.

"Tax cuts"! "Energy independence"! Double shot!

Sarah Palin is... A ROLE MODEL TO WOMEN?! Not to this woman -- or any of the women I know. A REFORMER?! What are you smoking, Johnny Mac? A breath of fresh air? Oooh, the "special needs... autism" card. Nice one, Johnny. I mean, who could say anything bad about a woman with a "special needs" child who went back to work three days after he was born?

Un-effing-believable. Here is Obama being GRACIOUS about Sarah Palin and McCain takes the low road and insults Joe Biden about foreign policy -- and actually shoots down the three-state Iraq idea that actually seems like a damn fine idea -- and was popular with a lot of foreign policy/Middle East experts.

JSM: TAXES! [Salut!]

Re nuclear energy, three words: "The China Syndrome." Hey John, tell me truthfully, Would you want Sarah Palin commanding a nuclear sub? (Me, I don't even want her finger anywhere near a nuke button, though McCain's finger worries me more.)

Can we reduce our dependence on foreign oil? Obama gives a number! Ten years! A REAL ANSWER, to the question that was asked!

"$700 billion!" [Cheers mate!]

And did you know we can't drill our way out of the problem? Did you?

Wait for it... wait for it... Come on, Obama, say it! Say "clean coal." [9:50]

Does anyone really care or understand "NAFTA" and "free trade"? Does Joe the Plumber [as Brian Williams later noted, the now second most famous plummer, after Watergate]? I think not. Next.

OMG, is John McCain SIX?! Mommy, mommy, look at me! Don't listen to Barry's pretty words, Mommy. Listen to me, mommy, me, me, me. I'm the one who deserves your love, mommy! See, mommy, I'm smiling! It was MY idea.

STOP LOOKING SO EFFING SMUG, John. Voters don't like smug. Just ask Al Gore.

9:53: Hey, where did the split-screen go? Is McCain having a coronary? Did someone tell the camera guys to cut away from McCain? Why?

"Sit down at the table without precondition"! [Barkeep, pour me another round!]

"Herbert Hoover"! [A shot in every glass!]

And now, for healthcare...

Two women get laid off from their plant. Neither has health insurance... Hey, I think I know this one.

Really, does anyone NOT know the basics of Obama and McCain's plans at this point? Frankly, does anyone watching this debate really think they are going to learn something NEW? You want to know where the candidates stand? Go to their websites and read their platforms/position statements.

Um, don't we have physical fitness programs in school? We call it "gym."

ENOUGH WITH JOE THE PLUMBER.

"My friend"! [Weeeeee. Inhale.... Exhale.]

Take over the healthcare of America... like the U.S. government is taking over U.S. banks? So nationalizing or socializing the financial system and bailing out millionaires is OK but nationalizing or socializing healthcare and helping out children and people who make under $250,000/year (and much less) is BAD?

My friends, I say once more: ENOUGH WITH JOE THE PLUMBER. Cause ya know what? All the plumbers I know make way more than I do. Some of them ARE rich, John. So, please, can we move beyond Joe the Plumber? Let's talk about Jane the Teacher, Fred the Firefighter, Paul the Policeman, Nancy the Nurse, please.

And why has government grown in the past eight years? Which party has been in power? Yes, the Democrats achieved a very narrow majority in November 2006, which has basically been unable to accomplish anything because it needs Republicans. 'Nuff said.

10:06: Excellent question re the Supreme Court, Bob Schieffer -- and glad to hear you voted for Justices Breyer and Ginsburg, Senator McCain. But there is a difference between voting for someone and picking or nominating someone.

Picking the best person, John? Like Sarah Palin?

Right to privacy... Nice.

About Lilly Ledbetter...

Excuse me, but I don't want John McCain or any other elected official, male of female, legislating my body.

Yes, Barack Obama IS eloquent. Is that a bad thing? And he makes a good point about AVOIDING the need for abortion, by providing sex education.

10:16: Aw, last question?! I was just starting to have some fun.

And now, the education question...

Aw come on Obama, do I really have to turn off the TV?

So, choice when it comes to schools is good but choice when it comes to your body and your life is bad? Just checking.

No, John, throwing money at the problem IS the answer. It would be wonderful if teachers got paid what the guys who ran AIG and the SEC and Lehman Bros. got paid. But public school teachers are paid with tax dollars, and no one wants to pay more taxes. Just sayin'.

John McCain is a condescending (or is it patronizing?) prick. There, I said it. Btw, Obama's wife's name is "Michelle," Senator McCain (and apparently yours starts with the letter C... from what we've heard).

"Precious children with autism..." Hey, no one is denying that autism is a huge problem and a tragedy for families but I don't like it being used as a political card.

At last, the closing statements! And Senator McCain wins the coin toss! My friends [BURP], that may be the only thing McCain wins this year.

The spouse weighs in: "McCain's talking about change, and i have no doubt he's inherently an independent guy, but he doesn't look like he embodies change or that he instills confidence, or that he could truly deliver change." Well said, spouse!

And now for Obama... Is that a slight note of passion I hear in Obama's voice? A sense of urgency, perchance? And I believe he will work tirelessly on our behalf.

And we're out!

Whoohoo! NO MORE DEBATES!

You know who won the debate? BOB SCHIEFFER. He has my vote.

And for those of you who did not pick "Joe the Plumber" as your cue to imbibe in this evening's debate drinking game, there's always 2012.

The lowdown on tonight's third and final presidential debate between John McCain and Barack Obama

Q: Really, J., really, you think we are such enormous masochists that we would subject ourselves to yet another sound byte-spouting snooze fest masquerading as a "debate"?

A: Yes.

Q: You're probably right. Okay, so what's this one about?

A: Which is worse, palling around with unrepentant (albeit unconvicted) terrorists (who were named "Citizen of the Year") or convicted felons, and who can whip out of his ass faster a new plan for the economy that will benefit the middle class (whoever that is), or, as the Commission on Presidential Debates put it, "the economy and domestic policy."

Q: And which whiny, impotent award-winning journalist is refereeing tonight's celebrity death match?

A: That would be award-winning journalist and CBS News Chief Washington Correspondent/ Katie Couric butt boy Bob Schieffer.

Q: Will this debate be any different from the other two debates?

A: Please to be reading award-winning journalist and CBS News Senior Political Correspondent Jeff Greenfield's article in Slate titled "Sit Down and Shut Up: How Bob Schieffer can make this year's final debate interesting." (I also enjoyed this local-boy-makes-good account from the Dallas Star-Telegram.com.)

And for those too lazy to click on those links and read the articles right now, what makes this debate (in theory) different from the other two, besides the location and the moderator is... the furniture, my friends. Instead of standing behind podiums, the two presidential candidates, Senator John Sidney McCain III (R-AZ) and Senator Barack "That One" Obama (D-IL), will be seated at a roundish IKEA-style table across from the moderator, the aforementioned Bob Schieffer (kind of like after-school detention).

As for the format of the debate, there will be nine 10-minute segments, which will (in theory) focus on domestic issues, with Schieffer having carefully chosen the subjects for each segment beforehand. After Schieffer poses a question, each candidate will have two-minutes to answer (and we know how well that's been working out), followed by a five-minute discussion for each question (though not necessarily the question Schieffer asked), with a two-minute closing statement from each candidate at the end.

Q: So, where is tonight's debate taking place?

A: At Hofstra University on Long Island (or for you non-New Yorkers, that would be Hempstead, New York).

Q: What time is tonight's debate?

A: Same time as the other two, 9 p.m. Eastern.

Q: And where can I catch tonight's debate?

A: Pick a channel, any channel, except for the CW, which will be showing a repeat of 90210, and Fox, which will be airing Game 5 of the National League Championship Baseball Series between the Philadelphia Phillies and the Los Angeles Dodgers, which is sure to be more exciting (at least for Phillies and Dodgers fans), with more trash talking and physical blows, than this debate.

For those of you without a TV, National Public Radio (NPR) will also be carrying the debate live.

Q: How long is tonight's debate?

A: 90 minutes. Ninety long, excruciating, pull out half your hair, leave the room seven times, minutes, followed by at least another 30 minutes (depending on which channel you are watching) of pundits rehashing and parsing the previous 90 minutes for what will seem like an eternity and will make you wonder why you stayed up so effing late the next morning.

Q: I'm still kicking myself for not going with my friends last debate. Do you think that's still a good bet if I want to get really wasted while watching tonight's presidential debate?

A: Actually, no, my friends. Since John McCain and Barack Obama will be pretty much addressing each other and/or Bob Schieffer, I don't think McCain will be saying my friends all that much, though I could be wrong. Since this is supposedly a debate about the economy and domestic issues, I'd go with middle class tax plan and/or domestic terrorist(s) and/or Main Street.

Q: If I miss the debate tonight, where can I catch a replay?

A: Besides tomorrow night's "Saturday Night Live: Weekend Update" primetime special airing at 9:30 p.m. ET and on CNN at 1 a.m. ET (or whenever our citizens in Europe and Asia are awake to watch it)? Go to http://www.mydebates.org/, a collaboration between MySpace.com and the Commission on Presidential Debates. Segments will also, no doubt, be played over and over and over again on every major network and cable news channel for days, as well as on "The Daily Show" starting tomorrow (as the show actually tapes around 5 p.m. ET).

Q: Any last-minute predictions about tonight's debate?

A: John McCain, totally unhinged by Barack Obama's Vulcan-like calm and seeming lack of emotion, will reach across the table in a fit of rage and attempt to throttle him.

UPDATED AT 6:42 P.M.

My friends, I saw this on http://talkingpointsmemo.com and had to share:



Penguin for President?

Obama wins Belmont stakes by a length

My friends (swig), had you chosen the words my friends as your cue to imbibe the (alcoholic) beverage of your choice, you would be good and wasted and hungover now. It seemed like the more irritated or frustrated Senator McCain got, the more he used my friends (swig) as a verbal crutch, to help him connect or reconnect with the audience. But John, may I call you John?, those people were not your friends, nor should they have been. They and we, the home viewing audience, known collectively as voters, and the people who pay your salary, are not looking for a new friend, we are looking for a new president. And it was this whole stupid idea that we should elect the person we would most like to go out for a beer or play a round of golf with got us into this effing economic mess and the war of choice in Iraq.

And now my friends (swig), to my thoughts on last night's debate...

First, a procedural note: I am not going to comment on every question and/or every response. That would take forever, and I actually have some paid work to do today. So the following are my thoughts and impressions only. You can add your own thoughts and impressions via the Comments. Also, I have not had time to fact check every statement the candidates made. For that, go to Politifact.com, though in going there just now I happened to see that McCain's assertion that "Senator Obama has voted 94 times to either increase your taxes or against tax cuts" was rated FALSE -- "not even close," according to the non-partisan fact checkers.

1. Was Tom Brokaw in the tank for McCain? It sure looked that way, what with their matching outfits, down to the stripey red tie and red hankies. And the 68-year-old Brokaw was certainly just as if not more crotchety than the 72-year-old McCain -- and took Obama to task more often than he did McCain. I get that NBC is desperately trying to suck up to the McCain camp, though I don't know why at this point, but I found Brokaw's conduct less professional and more partisan than either Jim Lehrer's or Gwen Ifill's.

2. Let's just get this out of the way: McCain looks and sounds like a grumpy old not-too-healthy white guy and Obama looked and sounded like some cool-cat 1950s-era poet beatnik out of "Funny Face." All Obama needed was a bongo drum and a beret, and maybe a form-fitting black top and black pants. Of course then the Republicans would accuse him of being French, and we can't have that, can we? Zoot alors! (My mother, who lives in Paris, is cringing right now.) As for McCain, possibly the whitest white man I have ever seen (even without the hair transplant he joked about getting, as the rest of us worry about being able to afford much more serious and possibly life-threatening health-related procedures) -- and yes, I know he was a POW for YEARS and was TORTURED, but I want a healthy-looking, physically and mentally fit guy or gal to be my president, not a guy who looks like he's going to rupture an artery or keel over any minute.

3. I see black people! Woohoo! You could have probably counted them on one hand, but I saw at least four black people (or African Americans for you PC types) in that audience, and a couple of them were even allowed to speak! Is this a great country or what?!

4. My friends (swig). I think I covered this already, but for the record, McCain used this verbal crutch at least 14 times (then I stopped counting).

5. Points to Obama for turning the stupid Fannie Mae/Freddie Mac gotcha game back on McCain, whose campaign manager, Rick Davis, and Davis's firm, were paid millions by Freddie Mac -- and continued to receive payments through this August. As for Fannie and Freddie campaign contributions, just about everyone in Congress practically got a little sumthin' sumthin' from the mortgage buyers. Next.

6. Both candidates should have admitted things were probably going to get worse, probably a lot worse, before things got better. This was not the time to be coy or sugarcoat the truth. It's time to turn down the heat, put on that cardigan sweater, and make some sacrifices (more about that in a minute).

7. I am so effing tired of sound bytes and campaign ads masquerading as answers to questions. Enough already. And both candidates could not get out of their own or their campaign's way, most of the time, and directly and briefly answer the audience and Internet questions.

8. And speaking of those questions, who picked those questions?! I know: Tom Brokaw. But I kept wondering why out of millions of questions submitted he chose some of the ones that got asked last night. I kept waiting for, "If you were a tree, what kind would you be?" And frankly, Babwa Wawa would have been a far more entertaining moderator.

9. For the record (in regard to question three), in case any of you have been living on Mars the past eight years (I'd say a cave, but Osama bin Laden probably knows more about the United States politically than most voters here do), the party that has been in power the last eight years has been the Republicans. We have had a Republican president all eight years -- and a Republican majority in the Congress until the election of 2006. And since then the Democrats have had the slimmest of majorities, unable to pass legislation without the support of at least a handful of Republicans. So, please, folks, can we get past this BS blaming of the Democrats for our current economic woes? Moreover, it was not Sen. Chris Dodd (D-CT) or Rep. Barney Frank (D-MA) who got us into this mess. It was the people making and betting on subprime loans and get-rich quick schemes all across America and particularly in the housing, financial, and insurance industries.

10. Points to McCain for sounding more passionate, trying to connect with the live audience. Obama just isn't that guy. He is not Bill Clinton. He does not give people the warm and fuzzies or sound like he feels their pain, at least in his tone. McCain is clearly the more emotional guy, though really, do you want a guy with more mood swings than a woman with acute PMS with his finger on the nuke button?

11. Obama remained calm and in control at all times, even when irritated or trying to correct something McCain said. That both spooked and impressed me. Wish I had that Zen-like control of my feelings and emotions. I'll have whatever he's having.

12. I get it about the whole energy independence thing and supposed need to drill offshore, John. OK? Next.

13. Similarly, I get it about the $300 billion in tax cuts to corporate America and the oil companies, Barack. You made your point, now move on and answer the effing question that was asked.

14. Do we really care about a $3 million projector when we're blowing billions, daily, overseas and now (or soon to be) billions more here at home? Is $3 million really going to change the tide and/or make a difference? Enough with the stupid, petty sniping.

15. Enough about effing earmarks. And for the record, not all earmarks are bad. Earmarks help people/communities/town/cities/companies... and chances are there is some project or school or something in your home town that wouldn't be here today if it wasn't for an earmark. So, enough about earmarks, OK? Some of them are bad or foolish or totally political, and those should get cut from bills. But some of them go to good projects and causes. While I am cringing as I type this, you don't need a hatchet but a paring knife (or okay, a scalpel).

16. Someone else besides Rudy Giuliani said 9/11! And it was Barack Obama! Whoa.

17. John McCain clearly misses Joe Lieberman. I swear he misted up talking about their roadtrip. Well John, he's all yours. Take him. Please.

18. Hey, John, you can't have it both ways. Just to remind everyone, McCain has been in Congress 26 years and has consistently been a proponent of deregulation. I am straining my ears (and I have dog ears), but I haven't heard a whole lot of fresh, new ideas from you lately. (That mortgage idea, about the government buying them up, not new, not yours. Good idea, though, but not original.) In fact, it seems like the few good, fresh ideas you've had in the Senate you've turned your back on since you entered this race.

19. Enough with the smirking. Notice that the camera didn't pan to McCain as much this debate but when it did he was smirking or grimacing? Were the cameramen given orders not to flash on McCain when Obama was speaking? Hmmm...

20. $5,000 doesn't go a long way when it comes to health insurance. I don't know about you, but my healthy, young(ish) family's plain old vanilla insurance policy costs over $12,000 a year -- and that's with a good-sized deductible. So a $5,000 credit is still going to leave us holding the bag for at least $7,000. If I were McCain, I would brush up on my math and stop yapping about what a good deal his healthcare plan is.

21. For the umpteenth time, OBAMA IS NOT GOING TO RAISE YOUR TAXES.

22. Did you hear McCain snipe at Obama about his "short career" and "no time for on-the-job training" when you are president during that foreign policy-related question?! OMG! So when can I expect to hear the announcement that McCain has dropped Sarah Palin from the ticket? Btw, If McCain really cared about the economy, he would ditch Palin and put Mitt Romney in the VP slot. But he'll never do it.

23. Quick reality check: We can no longer afford to keep our troops in Iraq when it is costing BILLIONS a month to do so. So let's come up with a smart, phased plan to get 'em out of there -- and not shout it to the whole world.

24. Stop talking about us not leaving Iraq until we have achieved victory. In the words of Bruce Springsteen and John Kerry, "How do you ask a man to be the last man to die for a mistake?" Too many people, U.S. citizens and Iraqis, have died already, more than were lost in 9/11, which had nothing to do with Saddam Hussein and Iraqi people.

25. If I'm McCain, I wouldn't be talking about judgment. (See "deregulation," "Keating Five," "Iraq War.") Just sayin'.

26. I thought Dwight D. Eisenhower was McCain's hero? No wait, it's Ronald Reagan, that's it. No, my bad, it's Teddy Roosevelt.

27. Note to John McCain, I read Charlie Wilson's War, too, and saw the movie (starring Tom Hanks!). And I believe the word you were looking for when talking about those Afghani freedom fighters (as opposed to Sarah Palin's "Talibani") was Mujahadeen. Btw, John -- may I call you John? -- read Three Cups of Tea. Now. You could learn a lot.

28. Does Joe Six-Pack really care or know about what's going on in Afghanistan, Pakistan, or Georgia? And does he even know where it is? Next Q&A.

29. On the Israel question, nice sucking up to the petty officer, guys. Extra points to McCain on this one.

30. I hereby move to strike the phrase "would meet without preconditions" from all future presidential discourse and the next debate.

31. Obama wins the closing statement round. I found Obama's closing statement to be much stronger and more thoughtful and forward-looking than McCain's, who seemed a bit petulant and worn down. (Okay, grammatically, not a great sentence. But I am really tired and out of steam. Fortunately, I am not running for president.)

Asides:

* Conservative columnist David Brooks said the edge went to Obama and gave him points for calmness, fluidity, and reassurance -- and a better ability to adapt to a changing world.

* I didn't notice this but apparently McCain did not shake Obama's hand, nor would he look at him or call him by his name, just "that one." (Several pundits commented on it.)

* Re the candidates' wives, my mother, a former model -- and Harvard professor, wrote, from Paris at 3:40 a.m.: "On the topic of style: did you stay tuned for the aftermath of the debate, when Cindy Cain and Michelle Obama came onstage? I found the contrast striking, beyond the amusing fact that Cindy wore blue and Michelle red. Cindy’s suit was perfectly cut and the brooch on her jacket, whether genuine or ersatz, glittered in the camera light. Between them and her big hair, she looked like what she was: a millionairess who’d have fit right into Dynasty. Michelle, in contrast, had not had her hair done by a professional. Her dress was off-the-rack and did not fit her perfectly. Moreover, since she was frequently shown from behind, you could see the zipper running all the way up. Expensive clothing is sewn to conceal the zipper; not the case here." Good points, Mom! : ) One of the reasons I like Michelle. She's keepin' it real, dawg.

And so, sleep- and food-deprived, I end my presidential debate coverage... for now.

Good day, and good luck.

A brief guide to tonight's presidential smackdown between John McCain and Barack Obama (aka debate number two)

Q: You mean there's ANOTHER debate?

A: Yes.

Q: So what's this one about?

A: Per the Commission on Presidential Debates, "The second presidential (town meeting format) debate will include any issues raised by members of that audience and online."

Q: And who is moderating tonight's smackdown, I mean "debate"?

A: NBC News "Special Correspondent" Tom Brokaw (who really makes me miss Tim Russert).

Q: Will this debate be any different from the last/first presidential debate?

A: You better believe it, baby. Tonight's debate will be a Town Hall-style debate, meaning that there will a bunch of "Joe Six-Packs" and/or "Hockey Moms" and/or "regular folks," around 80 of them, all of whom have yet to make up their effing minds about who to vote for despite the longest presidential contest contest EVER, with more information available in more ways than ever before about each of the candidates, John McCain (R-AZ) and Barack Obama (D-IL), sitting right there on the stage near the candidates.

Twelve or so of these supposedly "uncommitted" or "undecided" voters will get to ask the candidates a question that will no doubt elicit some stunning new piece of information or sound byte that we haven't heard at least, oh, 100 times already. Not. Or else an answer that has nothing to do with the question (known as the Palin Maneuver). The rest of the questions will be chosen from a barrel that Tom Brokaw brought with him from his Montana ranch. I am only being slightly sarcastic. The remaining six or seven questions, which Brokaw will ask, will have been chosen, by Brokaw, from millions of entries submitted over the Internet.

And my friends (and you are my friends), I hope you are ready to rumble, because tonight things could get real nasty.

Q: So, where is tonight's debate taking place?

A: At Belmont University in Nashville, Tennessee, the state that didn't elect long-time now-former Congressman Harold Ford, Jr. (who is whiter than some Caucasians I know) to the Senate.

Q: What time is tonight's debate?

A: Same bat time as the others, 9 p.m. Eastern.

Q: And where can I catch tonight's debate?

A: Same bat channels: CBS, NBC, ABC, PBS, Fox, CNN, MSNBC, C-SPAN, and a bunch of Spanish-language channels. National Public Radio (NPR) will also be carrying the debate live.

Q: How long is tonight's debate?

A: It will seem like an eternity but technically it will be only 90 minutes.

Q: If I am playing a drinking game while watching, which word or words do you think I should choose?

A: Good question! While maverick has been reliable in the past, tonight I would go with terrorist, Keating, savings and loan, the economy, Ayers, and/or taxes. Two or three of those should get you good and wasted.

Q: If I miss the debate tonight, where can I catch a replay?

A: Besides this Thursday's "Saturday Night Live: Weekend Update" primetime special airing at 9:30 p.m. ET and on CNN in the middle of the night? Go to http://www.mydebates.org/, a collaboration between MySpace.com and the Commission on Presidential Debates. Segments will also, no doubt, be played over and over and over again on every major network and cable news channel for days, as well as on "The Daily Show" starting tomorrow (as the show actually tapes around 5 p.m. ET).

Q: Any inside information you can share about tonight's debate?

A: Yes. Per a leaked McCain Campaign press release, John McCain won.

Live from New York: It's Joe Biden and Sarah Palin

For those of you who missed or did not watch Thursday's vice-presidential debate between Senator Joe Biden (D-DE) and Governor Sarah Palin (R-AK), here's a recap, courtesy of the nice folks over at "Saturday Night Live":

Gidget Goes to Washington (University)

Bottom line: Sarah Palin did FINE in last night's first and only vice-presidential debate, held at Washington University in St. Louis. Although clearly nervous (and who wouldn't be?), she stayed on message, didn't make any major gaffes, looked good (more about that in a minute), and even sounded good (though what is the deal with Republicans being unable to pronounce the word "nuclear"?).

Similarly, Joe Biden, who had me totally tearing up when he talked about the death of his first wife and daughter (at Christmastime no less!), being a single parent, and nearly losing his sons, did FINE. Actually, I thought he did better than fine. But Palin's proverbial bar was set much lower for this debate and let's face it, everyone was watching and focusing on her and what she would say or wouldn't. So no matter how erudite or knowledgeable or thoughtful Biden was or sounded, pretty much no one cared.

So what are my takeaways from last night's debate?

* Coaching and practicing goes a long way -- possibly all the way to the White House. And clearly both of the VP candidates were coached and practiced their lines, many times, before going on stage last night. Perhaps a little too much. As my friend and neighbor, G., said this morning at the bus stop (in exasperation), their performances bordered on the robotic. You could ask these two pretty much anything and they would just spit out some piece of party rhetoric, no matter what answer the question called for (though Biden actually did answer most, if not all, of the questions before veering off; something Palin did less often).

* Palin looked NERVOUS and was actually shaking at the beginning, which made me feel sorry for her -- and really angry at the people who shoved her into this role, including John McCain. I do NOT want to feel sorry for the person who is running for VP and could very well be president in a year or five. That scares me. And Palin, in the beginning, and at other points, looked SCARED, though she did fine. She also seemed awestruck by the whole thing and in meeting Joe Biden (who, when I last checked, was not a rock star or celebrity, though he is kinda cute with those twinkly blue eyes and big ole toothy smile).

So, is Palin Dan Quayle in a skirt? I'm not willing to go that far. But I like my vice presidents to look confident and secure and, dare I say, vice presidential, not like a starry-eyed teen on her first trip to the big city. (Speaking of which, in "Gidget Grows Up," which starred a very Sarah Palinesque-looking Karen Valentine, shown at right, Gidget goes to the United Nations, where she meets all sorts of foreign dignitaries, just like Sarah Palin!)

* Sarah has lost weight. Could it be the stress of the campaign has gotten to her? Hey, women notice these things! Not saying whether it is a good thing or a bad thing. Just a woman thing. Clearly, the last few weeks have been stressful for her, and she probably hasn't had a lot of time to eat or eat much. That or she was wearing Spanx.

* And did you check out the shoes Governor Palin was wearing?! Those babies must have had four-inch high stiletto heels on them! Amazing she could think straight in those things. And my were they shiny! Back in the day, my friends and I used to call those type of shoes "kiss-me f**k-me's." And I am sure there were plenty of Republicans in the audience, both at Wash U and at home, who would like to have (and probably some Dems, too).

* I genuinely think (from watching last night's debate) that Palin truly believes her ticket is going to really help working class families -- and that she, personally, really cares about education (which may be why she spent time at not one but six different colleges). OK, but SERIOUSLY, I felt she was genuine and sincere when she spoke about helping working class families (though I didn't hear a lot or any specifics, except for drilling more in the U.S., including in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge) and education, though I literally fell off the bed when she did the shout out to her brother's third-grade class. I am sure thousands of viewers found that endearing, but it was far more appropriate for a game show than a debate show, though these debates have plenty of gamesman-or womans-ship.

UPDATED AT 12:00 NOON: I was just sent this article from The International Herald Tribune, titled "Estimates show Palin assets top $1 million." To me (and probably a lot of you) that doesn't exactly sound middle class (or that the Palins are really struggling), though both Palin and her husband work (so could be considered "working" class, if you stretched the definition). But with an income of at least $230,000 and valuable property and a plane and the government paying her to stay in her own home, I think Palin's definition of "working class" and mine are different. Thanks to Lietzy for pointing this out.

* While at times looking and sounding a bit robotic or wonkish, Joe Biden looked and sounded knowledgeable, thoughtful, and yes, vice presidential. And, OK, there's just something about the guy that makes me like and trust him -- just as there are those of you out there who really like Sarah Palin and trust her, no matter what she says or said, did or does.

* I may be going soft but I found the scene after the debate ended with the families all going up on stage and chatting and shaking hands with each other very touching -- and sweet.

So, was this debate, as the pundits like and continue to say, a "game changer"? I don't think so. I think Republicans are breathing a HUGE sigh of relief today (except maybe those in the House who are going to have to vote on the "Rescue Plan," again, today) and many Democrats and pundits are disappointed Palin did OK (or worse, better than OK).

As Chris Matthews said the other day, "Que Sarah Sarah," whatever will be, will be.

Will Gidget and Moondoggie make it to the White House with the Big Kahuna? Or will it be that tall skinny black guy with the exotic name from Hawaii and Fightin' Joe who will go?

Stay tuned for the next debate, scheduled for October 7 (unless, of course, McCain decides to suspend his campaign again and refuses to debate Obama).

Btw, for those of you interested in knowing which slings or statements were true, mostly true, barely true, or false, got to Politifact.com, which is a non-partisan fact-checking service of the St. Petersburg Times and features the "Truth-o-Meter."

What you really need to know about tonight's VP debate: another brief Q and A

Q: So who again is debating tonight?

A: Where have you been living, in a cave?! Even Osama Bin Laden (who has been living in a cave, in Afghanistan or Pakistan) knows the names of the two United States vice presidential candidates. In this corner, wearing the blue trunks is Fightin' Joe Biden, the Democratic senator from Delaware; and in that corner, wearing the red trunks (or that lovely tailored red suit she is so fond of), is Sarah "Barracuda" Palin, the Republican Governor of Alaska.

Q: What time is tonight's vice presidential debate?

A: Tonight's debate takes place at 9 p.m. ET.

Q: Who is moderating tonight's debate?

A: Gwen Ifill, the moderator and managing editor of "Washington Week," senior correspondent for "The NewsHour with Jim Lehrer," and, yes, author of the upcoming (January 2009) book Breakthrough: Politics and Race in the Age of Obama, which despite some reports from people who have not even seen the galleys (heck, the book's not even completed yet), is not a sop to Obama -- nor was it a secret.

Q: And where can I catch tonight's debate?

A: Pick a channel, any channel. Okay, if you want to get specific, the debate will be broadcast live on CBS, NBC, ABC, PBS, Fox, CNN, MSNBC, C-SPAN, and a bunch of Spanish-language channels. National Public Radio (NPR) will also be carrying the debate live.

Q: What if I miss the debate. Where can I catch a replay?

A: Besides "Saturday Night Live" this Saturday? Try http://www.mydebates.org/, a collaboration between MySpace.com and the Commission on Presidential Debates. Segments will also, no doubt, be played over and over and over again on every major network and cable news channel for days, as well as on "The Daily Show."

Q: What do you think the two VP candidates need to do to "win" tonight's debate?

A: Both of the candidates suffer from the same problem, though for different reasons: They don't know when to shut up. More specifically...

For Biden (whom Ms. Palin has supposedly been listening to since she was in second grade, back in 1972 or thereabouts), he needs to demonstrate his experience while maintaining his focus -- and be as concise as possible without seeming like he is giving a pat answer. He also needs to seem as though he is not picking on Ms. Palin. (Though really, should this matter? Did we worry about Lloyd Bentsen hurting Dan Quayle's feelings or being too tough on him?)

For Palin (who reads "a vast variety of sources," which are too hush-hush to be named out loud), she needs to sound coherent as well as passionate -- and demonstrate at least a basic understanding of the major issues currently facing this country.

Though I personally do not connect with Ms. Palin, I know there are a LOT of folks out there who do and who really like her -- and think she's pretty and spunky and quick with the quip and will stick by her no matter what she says (or doesn't), which is not the case with Biden. So he has his work cut out for him. For Palin, the bar is so low, she could trip over it and come out fine.

As a total aside: I would personal LOVE to hear an exchange similar to this one between Jane Curtin and Dan Ackroyd on SNL's Weekend Update, albeit with the roles reversed and the language slightly modified (as I have done here):

Dan Aykroyd/Sarah Palin: Tonight on "Point/Counterpoint", Jane/Joe and I will argue Federal Aid for Abortions. Jane/Joe will take the Point for Federal Aid, and I will take the Counterpoint against. Jane/Joe?

Jane Curtin/Joe Biden: Safe abortions have always been available to the rich, Dan/Sarah. You simply want to deny them to the poor, and if you succeed, poor woman will be forced to get them anyway. They'll be forced into the alleys with hangers, plungers and vacuum cleaners, risking death or mutilation. But you'd like that, wouldn't you, Dan/Sarah, you stupid, ill-informed, lipstick-wearing anti-feminist pit bull!

Dan Aykroyd/Sarah Palin: Jane/Joe, you elitist, misguided scum bag! Once again, you missed the point entirely. [Enraged] Why should I pay hard-earned dollars so welfare tarts can have sex anytime they want, without regards to consequences? Haven't these bimbos heard of abstinence? I, myself, haven't had sex for a year -- and I'm the Governor of Alaska! Why should I foot the bill for killing unborn infants, anyway? I'll pay for something practical like abstinence education -- but abortions? Never!

Jane Curtin/Joe Biden: Thank you, Dan/Sarah.

Q: So how much does the vice-presidential debate matter?

A: If history is any arbiter (again, think Lloyd Bentsen and Dan Quayle), not much. But hey, it could be way more entertaining than any World Wrestling Smackdown.

Got a question? Send me it in the form of a comment and I will do my best to answer it before tonight's debate.

Want a guy who knows how to put out fires? Elect this guy:

Smokey the Bear 2008.