Brief guide to the second presidential debate of 2012

Or "Mitt Romney vs. Barack Obama, the Rematch: The Tussle in the Town Hall"*

You've got questions. I've got the answers.

Q: When is the second presidential debate of 2012 again?
A: The second presidential debate of 2012 takes place on Tuesday, October 16th, at 9 p.m. ET -- and goes until 10:30 p.m.

Q: And who will be moderating this debate? I hope it's Martha Raddatz again. She kicked vice-presidential ass at the last debate.
A: Sadly, only one debate per moderator (which, in the case of Jim Lehrer, is a good thing). This debate, which is being held at Hofstra University in Hempstead, New York (aka Long Island, or Lawn Guyland), is being moderated by CNN's Candy Crowley, an award-winning political reporter and host of State of the Union with Candy Crowley (who is not to be confused with conservative Fox News babe Monica Crowley).

Q: So what's the format of this debate?
A: Per the Commission on Presidential Debates: "The second presidential debate will take the form of a town meeting, in which citizens will ask questions of the candidates on foreign and domestic issues. Candidates each will have two minutes to respond, and an additional minute for the moderator to facilitate a discussion. The town meeting participants will be undecided voters selected by the Gallup Organization."

To which I say, Did you people at the CDP and Gallup not see the Saturday Night Live skit about undecided voters?



Seriously, a bunch of people who cannot or will not make up their minds, who are forcing the candidates to pander to their idiocy, are in charge of deciding the fate of this country?

Moving on...

Q: Where can I watch the second presidential debate?
A: Really? Do you have electricity? Do you own a television, or a computer with Internet access, or a smart phone? Then you can watch the presidential debate. FWIW, my favorite way to watch the debates is via Twitter. The commentary is brilliant, and it provides near instant fact checking (see below).

Q: What if I don't want to watch, or can't stand watching, the second presidential debate? Is there anything else on?
A: Well... there is Chopped over on the Food Network, which seems somewhat appropriate... King of the Hill over on the Cartoon Network (again, appropriate)... The World Series of Poker over on ESPN... The Men Who Built America over on History (do you sense a theme here?)... and something about Alaska over on the Discovery Channel... as well as reruns of House and The Real Housewives of New Jersey (check your local listings!).

Q: Any drinking game suggestions for this debate?
A: It depends, how snockered do you want to get? If you want to get good and drunk, take a sip (or a shot) of booze every time you hear the words tax cuts, the wealthy, the deficit, Benghazi, Libya, Iran, and Obamacare. Of course, you'll probably be passed out by 9:30, or in an emergency room due to alcohol poisoning (hope you have good health insurance!).

Q: Will there be fact checkers at this debate?
A: Like most voters care about facts. (That would be sarcasm.) While there will not be fact checkers present at the debate to taser the candidates when they lie (though Martha Raddatz did a pretty good job of keeping the veeps in line with just a look and a word), the usual, non-partisan suspects -- Politifact, FactCheck.org, and the Washington Post’s Fact Checker blog, as well as many news outlets -- will be reviewing all statements made by Mitt Romney and Barack Obama for accuracy and reporting in via their websites and Twitter.

Q: So how do you think Mitt Romney and Barack Obama will fare in this debate?
A: It's just a hunch, but I'm guessing Mitt Romney won't act like he just snorted coke (seriously, did you see the man's eyes last debate?), or BBQ sauce , though you never know. And President Obama will not look quite so bored or disinterested, though I don't expect anyone to say he killed it, unless by "it" you are referring to Osama bin Laden.

*H/T to Chuck Todd for the "Town Hall Tussle" reference

UPDATED 10/16/12: For those interested, here are some of the rules for tonight's presidential debate. (Click on the link.) Also, the New York Yankees are playing the Detroit Tigers in Game 3 of the American League Championship Series, starting at 8 p.m. ET over on TBS.

A brief guide to tonight's presidential smackdown between John McCain and Barack Obama (aka debate number two)

Q: You mean there's ANOTHER debate?

A: Yes.

Q: So what's this one about?

A: Per the Commission on Presidential Debates, "The second presidential (town meeting format) debate will include any issues raised by members of that audience and online."

Q: And who is moderating tonight's smackdown, I mean "debate"?

A: NBC News "Special Correspondent" Tom Brokaw (who really makes me miss Tim Russert).

Q: Will this debate be any different from the last/first presidential debate?

A: You better believe it, baby. Tonight's debate will be a Town Hall-style debate, meaning that there will a bunch of "Joe Six-Packs" and/or "Hockey Moms" and/or "regular folks," around 80 of them, all of whom have yet to make up their effing minds about who to vote for despite the longest presidential contest contest EVER, with more information available in more ways than ever before about each of the candidates, John McCain (R-AZ) and Barack Obama (D-IL), sitting right there on the stage near the candidates.

Twelve or so of these supposedly "uncommitted" or "undecided" voters will get to ask the candidates a question that will no doubt elicit some stunning new piece of information or sound byte that we haven't heard at least, oh, 100 times already. Not. Or else an answer that has nothing to do with the question (known as the Palin Maneuver). The rest of the questions will be chosen from a barrel that Tom Brokaw brought with him from his Montana ranch. I am only being slightly sarcastic. The remaining six or seven questions, which Brokaw will ask, will have been chosen, by Brokaw, from millions of entries submitted over the Internet.

And my friends (and you are my friends), I hope you are ready to rumble, because tonight things could get real nasty.

Q: So, where is tonight's debate taking place?

A: At Belmont University in Nashville, Tennessee, the state that didn't elect long-time now-former Congressman Harold Ford, Jr. (who is whiter than some Caucasians I know) to the Senate.

Q: What time is tonight's debate?

A: Same bat time as the others, 9 p.m. Eastern.

Q: And where can I catch tonight's debate?

A: Same bat channels: CBS, NBC, ABC, PBS, Fox, CNN, MSNBC, C-SPAN, and a bunch of Spanish-language channels. National Public Radio (NPR) will also be carrying the debate live.

Q: How long is tonight's debate?

A: It will seem like an eternity but technically it will be only 90 minutes.

Q: If I am playing a drinking game while watching, which word or words do you think I should choose?

A: Good question! While maverick has been reliable in the past, tonight I would go with terrorist, Keating, savings and loan, the economy, Ayers, and/or taxes. Two or three of those should get you good and wasted.

Q: If I miss the debate tonight, where can I catch a replay?

A: Besides this Thursday's "Saturday Night Live: Weekend Update" primetime special airing at 9:30 p.m. ET and on CNN in the middle of the night? Go to http://www.mydebates.org/, a collaboration between MySpace.com and the Commission on Presidential Debates. Segments will also, no doubt, be played over and over and over again on every major network and cable news channel for days, as well as on "The Daily Show" starting tomorrow (as the show actually tapes around 5 p.m. ET).

Q: Any inside information you can share about tonight's debate?

A: Yes. Per a leaked McCain Campaign press release, John McCain won.