Shania Twain returns to American Idol, mentors Top 6

First, a confession: I am a HUGE Shania Twain fan -- or rather a huge fan of her songs. Shania Twain the person? A bit of a flake. Put another way, if American Idol really wanted to find a replacement for Paula Abdul, they should have hired Shania.

Getting back to Shania Twain the songwriter/singer.... I got totally hooked on her crossover country when I lived in Chicago and listened to the local country music station there. (And you thought you knew me.)

"(If your not in it for love) I'm Outta Here"? One of my all-time favorite songs.



Ditto "That Don't Impress Me Much."



So I should be happy that it's Shania Twain night on American Idol, right? But I can't help feeling that tonight could go horribly, horribly wrong, even without Tim Urban there to butcher her songs. Yes, yes, Crystal Bowersox and Casey James should do a kickass job with the Shania Twain songbook.But Michael Lynche, Aaron Kelly, Lee DeWyze, and Siobhan Magnus? Not so sure.

Anyway, in less than 60 minutes we will know how it all turned out.

And now let the twanging (or Twaining) -- and judging -- commence!

First up, Lee DeWyze, singing "You're Still the One": I know I sound like a broken record, but I love Lee's raspy rocker voice. And while I'm not lovin' this arrangement of "You're Still the One," he made it sound totally new -- or "fresh," as the judges like to say. A little "pitchy," but looks like he made it. J-THREE-O and I give Lee DeWyze an A-/B+.

Next aboard the Shania Twain...

"Big Mike" Michael Lynche: Not familiar with "It Only Hurts When I'm Breathing." Yeah, well, it only hurts when I'm listening, but I'll survive. What can I say? I'll just quote J-THREE-O: "I am soooo sick of these slow songs." Amen, kid. And while the spouse thinks Big Mike has improved over the season ("He can sing for real"), I thought it was utterly forgettable. (Disagree with me all you like, but I dare you to recall what Michael sang two days from now -- without Googling it.) Yeah, the guy can sing. But... it was "wet" for me too, Simon. Maybe it's because I am not a big fan of R&B, but I give Michael Lynche a B/B+, which the team agrees with.

Casey James: Another Shania Twain song I'm not familiar with. On the plus side, I've got nothing to compare Casey's performance of "Don't!" to (unless I head on over to YouTube). Well, we'll see tomorrow if America tells Casey "don't go." For me, it was just all right, dawgs. Wasn't bad. Wasn't memorable. Though the judges are lovin' it -- and Casey. Maybe they just don't want Casey to wind up in the bottom two again. Our grade for Casey James: B+

Crystal "Mamasox" Bowersox: Am I dreamin' or stupid -- or is Shania Twain night going better than expected? Again, not loving this version or arrangement of "No One Needs to Know." Very disjointed. ("It didn't groove," said the spouse.) And didn't showcase Crystal's voice well. But it was not as bad as Simon said. (And, for the record, I've heard some really good musicians at coffee shops.) Oh, and Crystal's boyfriend? He better man up after that. Our grade for Crystal Bowersox (aka Mamasox): B/B-

Aaron Kelly: Sigh. You've got a way of picking really slow songs, Aaron. "This is really boring," said J-THREE-O. "I agree," chimed in the spouse. I actually thought the song suited Aaron's voice, though I, too, thought it was boring. WHAT IS IT WITH 17-YEAR-OLDS SINGING LIKE THEY'RE NEIL DIAMOND?! Our grade for Aaron Kelly: B (though the spouse and kid really didn't like the song choice)

Siobhan Magnus: OMG, Siobhan looks and sounds a bit (more than a bit) like Shania! Or she did in the rehearsal clip. Now? Not so much, at least on the sound part. This arrangement of "Any Man of Mine" was downright painful (complete with the trademark scream). WTF?! And did you see Shania's face? She did NOT like it, not one little bit. Though the judges all loved it (as did the spouse -- a total surprise). The judges here at J-TWO-O Central are mixed on Siobhan's performance. If I'm being generous, I give Siobhan Magnus a B-, but the kid gave her a B, and the spouse an A- (WHA?!)

No idea who's going home tomorrow, but I'll post the results tomorrow night. Gotta watch me some glee.

UPDATED 4/28/10: Siobhan Magnus is history. Can't say I'm surprised after her last few performances. Just think it's a shame as she had so much potential. Also in the bottom three: Michael Lynche, who was sent back to safety, and Casey James (who will probably be gone next week).

Does marriage and/or having kids make you stupid?

Or just forgetful? Or is it just old age?

Am I the only one who must write EVERYTHING down (to-do items, groceries, upcoming events) or risk running out of milk or sanity or underwear? (And no, that is not a rhetorical question. I really want to know.)

As I recall, back in the day (i.e., before getting married and then having my daughter), I never wrote anything down -- not phone numbers, not appointments, not groceries, not "remember to pick up the dry cleaning," nothing. Kept it all in my head -- and never forgot anything. Now? I keep a list in every room -- and constantly ask people to remember to remind me. (Though for some reason, I still know the lyrics to "Escape," aka "The Pina Colada Song," and dozens of phone and license plate numbers, many of people whom I barely know.)

Moreover, I often find myself blurting out utter nonsense that has nothing to do with the brilliant, well reasoned thought or statement I had meant to articulate.

So, is marriage and/or children to blame? (Always good to have a scapekid, i.e., a little scapegoat.) Or is it just old age?

While (briefly) researching this post, I could not find any scientific evidence that marriage makes you dumber (fatter? yes; happier? yes; dumber? no; though apparently sex makes you stupid, but considering how rarely most married people have sex, I don't think it applies). However, I did find this highly amusing article about kids making you dumber on Salon titled "Is my kids making me not smart?" which I am sure many of you parents can relate to.

Anyway, let me know your thoughts via the Comments.

Read any good books lately?

There are few things more satisfying than a good book, at least to me, which is why I am always on the hunt for interesting books to read, which isn't easy as I am extremely particular. (I know: huge surprise. Not.)

Since my last book post, I have read several good books, as well as several interesting and informative or thought-provoking (though not necessarily pleasurable) ones-- many of both were suggested by you guys. As there are not that many of either (as work has been keeping me busy), I've decided to list them all -- and have included links to reviews of them on Amazon. Also, because I am lazy, I am listing them in the order I read them, though I have placed an * next to my favorites. (While not a favorite, because of the often upsetting subject matter, I believe Gail Collins' book is a MUST read for all women, no matter how old you are.)

Ghengis Khan and the Making of the Modern World by Jack Weatherford (Fascinating re-examination of the life and impact of Ghengis Khan. Not what I expected, in a good way.)

The Greatest Knight by Elizabeth Chadwick (If you like Philippa Gregory's books, e.g., The Other Boleyn Girl, you'll like this tale about a gallant young knight in the court of Eleanor of Aquitaine and Henry II.)

House of Daughters* by Sarah-Kate Lynch (Great chick lit about a family of sisters set in Champagne, France. What's not to like?)

The Wordy Shipmates by Sarah Vowell (An interesting, often amusing look back at the Puritans, especially if you grew up watching re-runs of The Brady Bunch.)

The Lexicographer’s Dilemma by Jack Lynch (The history of dictionaries, sort of, with lots of interesting facts and anecdotes, though a bit too wordy.)

The Creation of Eve* by Lynn Cullen (Beautifully written historical fiction about a largely unknown, until recently, female Renaissance painter who studied with Michelangelo.)

When Everything Changed by Gail Collins ("The Amazing Journey of American Women from 1960 to the Present," like the subtitle says.)

Remarkable Creatures* by Tracy Chevalier (By the author of Girl with a Pearl Earring, which I also greatly enjoyed. I was and am fascinated by fossils, so this book, Remarkable Creatures, really appealed to me, though it is more about women in 1820s England than about fossils.)

So, read any good (or interesting or thought-provoking) books lately? If so, please let me know what it was in the Comments.

Would you like that booty call with or without fries?

Sure, I could have blogged about Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger getting suspended for six games. (Good call, Roger Goodell.) Or I could have blogged about the exotic new coffee from Indonesia and the Philippines that is literally good to the last drop(ping). Or I could have done a witty post about how volcanoes are a real pain in the ash.

But I didn't.

Instead I am blogging about booty call songs, specifically Lady Antebellum's "Need You Now," because we have ALL been there and done that (and by blogging about it maybe it will stop playing on my mental jukebox)...

Lady Antebellum   More CMT Music   More CMT Music Videos

and Timbaland's "Carry Out," featuring Justin Timberlake (in the role of Tiger Woods), another current ear worm that will never have me looking at fast food in the same way again:



How come my iHop waitresses never look like that?

American Idol should just crown Crystal Bowersox now and be done with it

I got home last night just in time to see the last few minutes of American Idol, i.e., the recap, but between that and watching Crystal Bowersox's performance of "People Get Ready" on YouTube earlier this morning...



I've seen enough.

The train has left the station, and Crystal Bowersox is alone in first class. American Idol producers, if you really want to "give back" to the viewers, just name Mamasox the winner -- tonight. (And yes, I know MANY of you already thought the American Idol producers should just give her a recording contract, i.e., she was the clear winner, WEEKS ago.)

Unfortunately, we have another five weeks to go of the disappointment that has been Season 9 of American Idol (aka "The Curse of Sanjaya: Meet Tim Urban"). I only hope that voters do the right thing and that Tim Urban is not the next American Idol (though apparently not only does Teflon Tim have millions of teenage girls voting for him but he has God -- and AMTC -- on his side).

Unless Crystal Bowersox gets voted off this week or there's a major earthquake or volcanic eruption in the Northeast (volcanoes are a real pain in the ash), I'll be live blogging American Idol next Tuesday -- and will post the result of last night's vote tonight.

UPDATE #1: Heard through the grapevine that Lee DeWyze was pretty inspirational last night, so checked out his performance:



I still think Mamasox deserves to win, but Lee (whom I've been a big fan of from the beginning) is a close second.

UPDATE #2: I still can't believe it. Tim Urban is gone. (And per my daughter, it was the same week Sanjaya Malakar was voted off. Interesting.) Idol DID give back! Though was surprised about Casey being in the bottom two.

More great cat videos

Alternate title: "Cats do the darnedest things, Part Two"

First up, my very own Felix, who decided it would be fun to see if he could climb up our flat screen TV -- and wound up getting stuck on top of the darned thing. Poor cat. I think he was a little freaked out (though this wasn't the first time he had done it, with the same result).



Next up, all the way from France, "Standing Cat" (aka "Mon chat se tient debout tout seul"):



And Standing Cat's swashbuckling cousin, Puss in Boots (aka Le Chat Botté):



UPDATED: Just saw this over on Cuteoverload.com and had to add.

So what do you get when you take an iPad and add a curious cat? Why, the iPawed, of course!

Adam Lambert returns to American Idol, along with Elvis

Cheer up, American Idol fans. Adam is coming to bring the glam back to Idol. At least I hope so. (Seriously, if Adam can't spice things up, no one can.)

Though watching Adam Lambert's footage will surely make all of us long-time (and long-suffering) American Idol viewers yearn for last season. (While I'm not sure I agree with Entertainment Weekly's assessment that Adam Lambert -- aka Adam Glambert -- was "the Most Exciting American Idol Contestant in Years," he is way more exciting than anyone we've seen this season -- sorry Siobhan Magnus fans.)

Adding to the excitement, tonight's theme is Elvis Presley, another rocker known to shake things up (and whom Adam bears a striking resemblance to). And will the remaining nine Season 9 contestants be able to shake things up tonight? We shall see. (Would be amusing if Tim Urban sings "Don't Be Cruel.")

For the record, my favorite Elvis Presley song (or one of my favorites) is "Bossa Nova Baby," from Fun in Acapulco:



Sigh. They sure don't make 'em like they used to.

Now let the hip gyrating and hound-dogging begin!

Crystal Bowersox: Shouldn't Michael Lynche be the one singing "Saved"? Well, here's hoping that save wasn't wasted on Big Mike, not that Mamasox is in any danger of being voted off after that great performance, but you never know. Like Ellen DeGeneres, I got nothing else to say. (So, anyone here have a birthday? If so, Happy Birthday!) "Crystal was stellar," says J-THREE-O. Yup. Our grade for Crystal Bowersox: A

Andrew Garcia: You tell him, Adam. Andrew's first/rehearsal version of "Hound Dog" was boring. Though this version wasn't a whole lot better. It wasn't bad. But it just wasn't great, though the studio audience seemed to LOVE it. The judges, on the other hand, HATED it. So I guess I am somewhere in the middle. Say goodbye to the nice people, Andrew, looks like you're going home to your son tomorrow night. The grades for Andrew Garcia: C+ from me; D from the spouse; and a C from J-THREE-O. (Tough crowd.)

Tim Urban (aka Teflon Tim and The Bonus Jonas): WHAT? Adam likes Tim?! OMG, Adam totally wants Tim -- just like Miley Cyrus! Ew ew ew. Though (and I cannot believe I am about to type this) Tim's version of "Can't Help Falling in Love" is actually... OK. (I cannot bring myself to use the word good, but it wasn't bad.) I know! I am just as surprised as you are, and unlike Ellen, I am not sitting here sipping tequila, though I wish I were. And, OMG, Simon liked it, too. He really liked it. Could Tim Urban be the next American Idol? Our grades for Tim Urban: B from me; C+ from the spouse; and B- from J-THREE-O.

Lee DeWyze: Once again, Adam tells it like it is to Lee. Amen, brother. Like the song says, "a little less conversation, a little more action, please." (So far, Adam Lambert is the best mentor yet this season. Who'd a thunk it?) Not loving this version of "Conversation," but Lee is definitely more out there, performance-wise, and, as you all know, I dig Lee's voice. More importantly, the judges LOVED it. Our grade for Lee DeWyze: B+ (and we are unanimous)

Aaron Kelly: Aaron could probably use some blue suede shoes -- and some liquor. Not the worst version of "Blue Suede Shoes" I've ever heard, far from it, but it was just not the right song for a skinny, geeky 17-year-old boy, even one with a good voice. Our grade for Aaron Kelly: B/B- ("He has to go after Andrew and Tim," sayeth the spouse, and I agree, though I don't think Katie and Michael will make it to the Top 4 either.)

Siobhan Magnus (aka the female Adam Lambert): Well, she didn't take Adam's advice (which is a shame, because he was right about speeding up the song), but she took his hairdo. Wrong decision. Yeah, Siobhan's got the pipes, but that version of "Suspicious Minds" was a mess. I'm actually with Kara and Simon on this one, as is the spouse. Siobhan is losing herself. Our grade for Siobhan Magnus: B-

Michael Lynche: Another predictable, slightly plodding performance from Big Mike. Yawn. Tooo slooow. I think Michael has a nice voice, but there are lots of folks out there with nice voices. This competition is supposed to be about finding a STAR. Where was the "wow" moment the judges keep talking about? To use a Simon-ism, Big Mike's version of "In the Ghetto" was utterly forgettable. Our grades for Michael Lynch: a B from me; an A- from the spouse and kid.

Katie Stevens: "Baby, What You Want Me to Do?" I want you to sell it, Katie, and stay in tune. Actually, I thought that was Katie's best performance. And the spouse thought Simon was going to like it. Oh well. Our grade for Katie Stevens: the spouse and I give her an A-; J-THREE-O gives her an A.

Casey James: "Lawdy Miss Claudy," Mr. James sure is predictable. What can I say? Another solid (if utterly predictable) performance by Casey James. Well, as the judges say, you know exactly what type of record Casey will make. But, like the judges, I want more. Our grades for Casey James: the spouse and kid give Casey a B; I give him an A-/B+.

That's all the American Idol for tonight, kids. Will update the post after the results show tomorrow. I'm off to watch Glee.

UPDATED 4/14/10: Well, Andrew Garcia was no surprise, but we were surprised about Katie Stevens. Boo. Didn't think she would make it to the Top 4 or 5, but she should not have gone before Tim Urban. Guess she'll make her high school prom after all. Prepare yourselves, people, for Tim Urban being your next American Idol. Also, WTF was with the laser light show and the psychedelic (not good) version of "What Do You Want from Me"?! It reminded me of why I wound up being constantly annoyed with Adam. Just sing the dang song. In other Idol news, no American Idol post for me next Tuesday. Will be back on 4/27. J-TWO-O out.