American Idol goes to the movies

This is J-TWO-O. And this is the official J-TWO-O American Idol post for April 14, 2009.

The "songs of the cinema"?! What's next, Cabaret Karaoke Night? Though I have to admit, I kind of liked the Quentin Tarantino intro montage. That may wind up being the best part of the show.

Allison Iraheta

Seriously, is that a wig? That's gotta be wig, right? And am I the only one who thinks she looks like a troll doll -- a troll doll with rockin' good pipes, but still a troll doll?

Aerosmith's "I Don't Want to Miss a Thing" was probably a good choice but man was she pitchy -- low and outside. But clearly Simon and the rest of the judges didn't hear what I heard. And Lil Rounds, baby, you was dissed, big time. Hope she hits it out of the park tonight. (Oops!)

Anoop Dawg Desai

Ten seconds in and I'm already half asleep. Bad arrangement, dude. And pitchy.

So everything he does he does for... Paula? Randy? Kara? Definitely didn't do it for Simon -- or me. "Probably one of his best" Kara? That's a scary thought, and I used to like Anoop. Say buh-bye, 'Noop Dawg -- if not this week, soon, baby.

Adam "Easy Rider" Lambert

Thank God he didn't pick Judy or Barbra. I was ready to lay odds that he was going to do "The Way We Were" or "Somewhere Over the Rainbow." But the man surprised me. "Born to Be Wild"? Nice. Props to you, Mr. Lambert. That was totally the right song choice, though I could do without the signature Adam Led-Zeppelin-esque screaming trill. Oh and Simon? That was just as good as, if not better than, last week's Adampalooza.

Can we just rename American Idol Adampalooza?

Matty G. (aka Matt Giraud)

"Have You Ever Really Loved a Woman"?! Have you ever wanted to kill yourself? OMG. Come to this bar often, sweetheart? Make sure to tip your waiters! Come back for the next show, folks! Drinks half off with your ticket stubs!

Tell me have you ever really, have you ever really wanted to change the channel? I so wish Simon got to judge this one. Dying to know if he was going to go with "that was totally karaoke, Matt," "that was like some horrible wedding performance," or "I think after that, Matt, you should pack your bags." Damn.

Danny Go Go Gokey

Nooooooooooooooooo! ANYTHING BUT "ENDLESS LOVE." (Weeping, though probably not as much as Brooke Shields.) Btw, without looking at what I was typing the spouse just asked "WHY IS HE SINGING THIS SONG?!" Of all the movies and all the theme songs, he picks "Endless Love"?! No one may be able to deny his love, but I am going to deny him my vote after that song choice.

THE BEST THING ABOUT TONIGHT'S AMERICAN IDOL? New Star Trek movie preview. Awesome. May 8, baby. Beam me up, Scotty.

Kris Allen

Huh. Hmm. Uh... I give him high marks for emotion, passion, but, like Randy said, "It was pitchy from note one." Just didn't work for me, dawg. But of the remaining seven finalists, I think Kris is the most marketable -- and the camera loves him. And despite what the judges say, it's not just a singing contest. So he could wind up winning the whole thing.

Lil Rounds

Just get out the gun and SHOOT ME NOW. Seriously, is there some private contest we don't know about for choosing the most depressing song? "The Rose"? Why Lil? Why? I like Lil, but she has gotten worse with every week, and talk about pitchy. Too many thorns in this performance for me, dawg. Ouch. (Though the spouse just informed me that he thinks she did OK. Did I mention he's partially deaf? Though he was a professional musician... many years ago.)

Btw, Simon's look just said it all. And I agree 100% that she got it entirely wrong and is no longer the artist we met eight weeks ago.

The best thing about tonight's show? It's over.

J-TWO-O out.

UPDATED 4/15/09 AT 12:05 P.M.: Craig Berman over at MSNBC.com also had some great comments. (I forgot about Simon telling Adam his performance was like watching the Rocky Horror Picture Show. I can totally picture Adam as Dr. Frank N. Furter -- with Megan Joy as Janet and Danny Gokey as Brad. And we'll get Quentin Tarantino to direct the remake! BRILLIANT.)

UPDATED 4/16/09 AT 7:52 A.M.: I was watching the Mets play the Padres (Mets won!) and forgot all about the Idol results show. (True!) But I heard Matt got saved. But can he get down and boogie oogie oogie like it's 1976? Stay tuned next week as American Idol raises the mirror ball and goes disco! (So, is Lil Rounds going to sing Gloria Gaynor's "I Will Survive" or some Donna Summer -- or totally surprise us? Can't wait to see what Adam's going to do, but a white suit may be involved.)