After all, if one can train a killer whale to roll over and jump through the air, how hard can it be to get a Republican to roll over and jump on the economic recovery bandwagon?
All you need is the right bait and some positive reinforcement and pretty soon you'll have those ornery Congresspeople and Senators falling in line.
Don't believe me? Then read writer Amy Sutherland's article, "What Shamu Taught Me About a Happy Marriage," about how she used tips gleaned from exotic animals trainers to successfully get her husband, Scott, to modify undesirable, unproductive behaviors. (Sutherland also wrote a whole book on the subject, Kicked, Bitten, and Scratched: Life and Lessons at the World's Premier School for Exotic Animal Trainers, which is being made into a movie starring Naomi Watts.)
Just think, President Obama, if an average woman can get her alpha male husband of over 12 years to start picking up his dirty laundry and stop hovering around her and second-guessing her, what you (no average man) could do with John Boehner and Mitch McConnell!
You just need to learn how to reward the behaviors you like and ignore the behaviors you don't, according to Sutherland and the exotic animal trainers. (And after all, aren't all politicians exotic animals?) Oh, and whatever you do, don't nag or sound self-righteous. "After all, you don't get a sea lion to balance a ball on the end of its nose [or Congress to pass major legislation] by nagging," noted Sutherland.
So may I suggest that for your next vacation, President Obama, you take the family to SeaWorld and spend a few days with the trainers there?
I am sure if you do that you will have those cats in Washington, D.C., toeing the line in no time...
And practically jumping for joy to pass key legislation.
Late Night Open Thread
2 hours ago