To boldly shave where no man has shaved before

So apparently, manscaping is still a thing. And Gillette isn't the only one to get into the act. Now Schick has entered the jungle (so to speak), advertising the new Schick Hydro Machete Groomer razor for men with a new video and original song titled "Crib in My Pants."

Pay attention, guys.



[H/T Mashable]

Hey, it's not like we're asking you to wax or do laser. (Though what's good for the goose....)

Fave line: "I went into the forest. I couldn't see any tree."

Does your man suffer from... Dad Pants?

You know... "the shapeless, pleated tragedy that too many men find themselves in every day." (See "Mom Jeans, male equivalent.")

Unfamiliar with the term "Dad Pants"? You may know this affliction by some of its other names, such as Droopy Drawers or Dunlap Syndrome.

Fortunately, just in time for Father's Day, Dockers is here to help.



Now if only Dockers could get rid of his beer belly.

UPDATED 6/13: And speaking of Dad Pants and beer bellies.... Last night on The Tonight Show, Jimmy Fallon and special guest New Jersey Governor Chris Christie presented "The Evolution of Dad Dancing," which is basically a video for... Dad Pants (as in those baggy, ill-fitting pleated pants so many dads tend to favor). Enjoy!

Sluts, bitches & hos: Women, the last bastion of denigration

As we have learned in the last few weeks, making racist, racially charged, or anti-gay comments or slurs is now a punishable, or fireable, offense. Or at the bare minimum will incur the collective wrath of social media, celebrities, bloggers, Liberals, the main stream press, and, on occasion, even Republicans.

But it is still fine to slur, denigrate, demean, or slut-shame women! 

I know, PHEW! Right, bitches? I mean, we wouldn't want Rush Limbaugh or Bill O'Reilly to lose his job or be suspended, right*? And what would life be like without rap music?

And lest you think that guys are the only ones getting away with saying awful, humiliating things about women, just check out all the press around Monica Lewinsky this week.

While society has taken steps to ban or punish bullying in other arenas (at school and online), apparently it is still a-okay to denigrate or humiliate, or "slut shame," a woman for something stupid and naive she did, consensually, with a married man who should have known better, at the age of 22.

And you know who are the worst offenders? Women! WTF? Seriously, WTF, ladies?

Shame on us.

I'm not saying that it's okay for women, of any age, to go around seducing, or trying to seduce, married men. It is not. But find me one college age or slightly older female who hasn't lusted after a married professor, rock star, celebrity or famous person, who wouldn't have jumped at the chance to have "sexual relations" with that man.

Indeed, at Hillary's alma mater back in the 1980s, trying to seduce the (often married) male professors was a sport.

We women can be such hypocrites.

And it's not just the Monica Lewinskys who get the abuse (deservedly or not). Any woman who is deemed too flirtatious, too aggressive, too threatening, or too whatever, especially if she is attractive -- even if she hasn't done anything wrong -- is fair game.

We women can't win. You turn down a guy, you're a bitch (according to the guy). You don't turn him down, you're a slut (according to other women).

By the way, of the 201 slang words for women, the majority are derogatory and have to do with sex (and loose morals), while there are only 72 slang terms for a man, the majority of which are not really pejorative, mate.

And while I applaud society cracking down on racists, bigots, and homophobes, I wish sexism and misogyny, vicious anti-female comments and slurs, were greeted with the same ire and intolerance. (Ditto anti-Semitism, but that's another blog post.)

*For the record, former shock jock Donald Imus was not fired from WFAN back in 2007 because he jokingly referred to the Rutgers women's basketball team as "hos." It was because Imus called them "nappy-headed hos," i.e., he used a racial slur. (Just Google "Donald Imus firing." Almost all the articles cite Imus as using a racist or racial slur, not the fact he called the women hos.)

Love isn't blind. It's deaf.

As I have gotten older, I have come to realize that love isn't blind. It's deaf.

How else can you explain all those marriages where the women is an avowed Liberal Democrat and the husband is an avowed Conservative Republican (or vice versa)?

Or those marriages where the woman constantly nags and belittles the man, in public or in front of friends, putting him down or contradicting him?

Or those relationships where the man constantly insults the woman or completely ignores what she says?

Just watch an episode of HGTV's House Hunters or House Hunters International (which the spouse and I do, frequently). How else can you explain why these couples, who often have wildly divergent tastes and requirements and concepts of money, and disparage or ignore one or the other, are together? It must be because one or both are deaf. (Or she is, or was, gorgeous, and/or great in bed, or he's got loads of money or is a hunk.)

From personal experience, I know that being a little deaf can go a long way. How else can you explain the spouse and I being together for 23 years now? Of course, it could be my sparkling wit. (Lord knows it ain't my cup size.)

Anyway, what do you all think? Is love deaf? Or maybe some men and women have a mute button when it comes to certain things. Or their brains translate nagging or insults into words of endearment... or a request for beer.

[For more on this topic, check out my post titled "The Secret to Happiness." So true.]

Is your man a man of action?

Does he require an, uh, extra large snack sack*? If so, he needs Action Pants! by Sansabelt, "the only slack with the patented Action Zone**!"

Yes, Sansabelt, ladies (and gents). The most comfortable pants a man can wear without (or sans) a belt! "Worn and beloved by celebrities, including Johnny Carson, Dick Van Dyke and Mike Ditka" -- and Ron Burgundy.

[I bet that poodle ain't the only bitch checking out his Action Zone, if you know what I mean.]

Makes me wish I was a copy writer back in the 1960s. Though if I was, no way would I be allowed to write copy for such a masculine, manly product. (Oooo polyester.)

Btw, that is, or was, an actual ad -- and you can still buy Sansabelt pants, in polyester or wool blend, at Sansabelt Pant World. Snack sack not included.

[A big tip of my chapeau to Gary for sharing this on Facebook.]

*Snack sack? Like for carrying, um, lunch meat?

**I don't know about all of you, but I would love to see the patent filing. Also, and I could be wrong here, I'm guessing that guys who would wear Sansabelt polyester pants probably did not see a lot of action.

And now a word about nude sunbathing

And that word would be "don't."

I get that Europeans (namely the French) have a more laid back, non-prudish attitude regarding the human body. And I say bully (or whatever the French word for "bully" is) for them. But the last thing I want to see on a relaxing family beach holiday is some guy's twig and berries out foraging, especially when I'm strolling down the I-swear-the-sign-said-"no-nudity" (in English and French) beach in pursuit of a cow. And by "cow" I mean member of the subfamily Bovinae, not cow, as in an extremely unpleasant or overweight person. (I have no desire to photograph that subspecies.)

And yes, you read that right. I said cow. On the beach. (Which, alas, is also not the name of an alcoholic beverage, though maybe it should be.)

Sigh. Just thinking of how awesome that photo would have been -- a tan cow, hanging out on the beach! -- makes me a little giddy... and sad.

But I was not able to get that photo. (Though I got this one, sans cow, or vache, a bit later.)

And do you know why I was unable to get my awesome tan cow on the beach photo? Because just as I was about to get in range (I had brought only my little Canon PowerShot, not my Nikon with the zoom lens), some skinny pasty white dude stands up right in front of me -- and the cow -- and proceeds to remove his swim trunks and free willy.

The cow didn't seem to be the least bit bothered. In fact, she seemed rather nonplussed, and began grazing right next to the nude sunbathers. (There was another nude male there as well, at least I think he was nude. He was lying down, and I didn't care to look.)

I, however, was greatly annoyed. I really wanted that photo, but that would have required either a) being photobombed by a penis, or b) asking naked boy, probably in French, to kindly move so I could take a photo of the cow.

Neither option was appealing. So I quickly did an about face and stomped back down the beach, past the guy with swim trunks taking a photo of the cow -- and the nude guy -- with his DSLR with the zoom lens, frustrated that I had not gotten my cow shot and, okay, I admit it, wondering a) Isn't nude guy worried that thing will get burned*? And b) It must have hurt like hell having all (and I mean ALL) your hair removed. (On the positive side, at least he didn't have a hairy beer gut and man boobs, which can be equally traumatic.)

When I informed the spouse that some naked guy totally ruined my cow shot, he was blase. I'm not even sure if he looked up from his Kindle. Indeed, he went on to inform me that he thought he read somewhere that Happy was a clothing optional beach (despite the large sign in French and English at right before the path to Happy Beach that clearly said NO NUDITY) -- and went back to reading his book. (Unlike me, the spouse has no problem letting it all hang out.)

So no, I am not a fan of nude sunbathing (or guys in Speedos, but that is a different post), with or without cows.

The End

*Let us, please, consider that a rhetorical question and save the comments. 

Hot guys & cool cats

Finally, someone has figured out a way to successfully combine two of the Internet's hottest memes, photos of sexy guys and pictures of adorable kittens (and cats).

And if that was not enough, it's French. Oo la la!

Presenting le blog le plus virale du moment, Des Hommes et des Chatons.

To see more hot guy, cool cat mashups, click on the Des Hommes et des Chatons link above.

Manscaping

While manscaping is no longer a radical, new concept, I was a bit surprised to see this ad for the Gillette Fusion ProGlide Styler on morning television (granted, I was watching Mike & Mike on ESPN) promoting the practice.


[Btw, that commercial is downright tame compared to Wilkinson Sword's ad directed at women, titled "Mow the Lawn."]

Actually, I think it's pretty clever of Gillette to use Kate Upton, Hannah Simone, and Genesis Rodriguez to sell guys on the concept of shaving something other than their facial hair.

I could be wrong, guys, but I would bet that if Kate Upton sidled up to you, put her hand on your shoulder (or other part) and/or gave you that come hither look and said, "I really don't like guys with back hair," that back hair would be gone in a flash.

So what do you all think of manscaping? Do you know guys who do it?

Ladies, have or would you ever ask a guy to shave (or wax) something other than his face?

And guys, would you ever shave something other than your mustache or beard if a woman asked you to? 

FYI, according to Gillette's stats, 25% of women prefer a trimmed chest, 37% of women prefer a clean-shaven chest, 48% of women prefer a trimmed groin area, and 21% of women prefer a shaved groin. (I have no idea where these stats come from, but I am fascinated. I am also pretty sure that 99% of women prefer a guy without back and shoulder hair.)

Journalists get hard-on over new penis study

[Alternate title: Note to scientists: It's not about the penis.]

So on Monday, news outlets everywhere got a hard-on about a new Australian study that seemingly confirmed that women find a bigger penis more attractive. (I particularly liked this piece from Science titled "The Final Word on Penis Size?" because, you know, it made it sound all scientific.)

But what the study, titled "Penis size interacts with body shape and height to influence male attractiveness," really revealed is that women, when faced with images of three faceless, computer-generated naked guys, one of whom was short and paunchy with man boobs, another of whom was average size, had a paunch and looked out of shape, and a third who looked like an Olympic athlete and, oh yes, happened to have a longer penis, the chicks rated the third guy more attractive. I know! SHOCKING.

[Australian tax dollars hard at work.]

Indeed, per the Science article (and the study)

...penis size isn't the only thing that matters. It interacts with other traits [like wallet size*], and its effect depends on whether those other traits are already attractive to begin with. If one of the model men was tall and had a masculine, V-shaped torso with broad shoulders and narrower hips, for example, he was considered more attractive than his shorter, stockier counterparts, regardless of penis size.

No, really? Again, let me say, thanks scientists for figuring that out for us. Geez.

What I did find surprising (and amusing) was that the four male scientists who conducted this study (for their own personal edification?) found it, and I quote, "surprising" that if a guy was tall and well built, penis size didn't really make a difference (unless he had a cocktail-size weenie.)

You know what I find attractive? A guy with a big... smile, a big heart, and a big brain.

*Sorry, I couldn't resist.

Would you buy this ____ from this sexy shirtless guy?

There seems to be a trend of sexy guys selling food (and booze) -- without a shirt on. Not that I'm complaining mind you. I could watch this ad for Sauza Tequila, titled "Make it with a fireman," over and over and over...



And it's not just booze I'm talking about. Companies -- and bloggers -- are using half-naked dudes to promote all sorts of stuff, like how to ice (or frost) a cake....



(The top demographic for that video? Men aged 45 to 54.)

While to a certain extent I get the whole using-cute-guy-without-a-shirt-to-sell-booze-and-sweet-treats thing, I'm a little at a loss to explain the thinking behind this commercial from Kraft Dressing, which features a hunky guy selling Kraft Zesty Italian Dressing -- without a shirt on.



[H/T to friend of the blog VB, aka Anonymous, for sending me that.]

So, ladies, you feeling all... zesty? (Personally, I'd rather make it with the fireman. Also, I just can't get that excited about salad dressing, even if you can use it on anything.)

Can one of you people who works in Marketing or Advertising enlighten me? Does seeing a good-looking guy, especially one without a shirt, promoting a product really get people to buy that product? How many horny housewives (and freelance writers) and gay guys are there? (And for the record, that bottle of Sauza Tequila was a gift.)

UPDATED 4/8/13: OMG, I do not believe it! Mr. Zesty Italian Dressing is cheating on Kraft with Sauza Tequila! (And is it me, or did Mr. Zesty Italian get a whole lot nakeder and beefier?)



Sigh. Keep your shirt on, buddy. I'd rather make it with that fireman.

You know what turns me on?

An organized closet.

What turns me on even more? A guy with an organized closet.

(Alternate title to this blog post: Every girl's crazy 'bout an organized man.)

I don't know about other women, but there is something incredibly appealing -- and, yes, even sexy -- about a guy who doesn't leave his shit all over the bedroom and/or the rest of the house (consciously or unconsciously expecting you -- or "the elves" -- to pick or clean it up) but puts things away where they belong.

Sure, sure, looks, brains, and success are all fine and good, but a guy who keeps his closet and office tidy? Priceless.

Call me an organization addict (or, okay, a neat freak), but I had a hard time not shouting out "yes, YES, YES!!!" while watching this segment featuring organizer extraordinaire Peter Walsh on the Rachael Ray Show yesterday. (For the record, Rachael Ray was also very excited.)



That said, while I am all for order (and detest chaos), I would not want to be married to this guy (though I would never put a record back in the wrong place).

How to choose a (discreet) mistress + tips for avoiding detection

Three years ago, in the wake of the Tiger Woods' scandal, I wrote this post titled "How to choose a mistress." If only General David Petraeus (and so many others) read my blog.

Now, as a public service to all married politicians, top military brass, celebrities, athletes, and CEOs (current and aspiring), I have updated the blog post, adding useful tips such as how to hide your private correspondence. Herewith, A Guide to Choosing a (Discreet) Mistress. (You're welcome.)

A Guide to Choosing a (Discreet) Mistress

1. Avoid women who seem way too eager to get in your pants (or vice versa) -- especially those who show or offer you their panties (see "Monica Lewinsky"), want to videotape you for posterity even though they have questionable video skills (see "Rielle Hunter"), or write a biography of you even though they have never written a book before (see "Paula Broadwell").

2. Never have sex with a woman who has been on a reality show, who wants to be on a reality show, or for whom reality shows are considered "must-see" TV.

3. Similarly, steer clear of name droppers, celebrity seekers, and star f_ckers, or anyone who has ever dated a celebrity, professional athlete, famous figure, or titan of industry, especially if she has dated more than one of these (or claims to have).

4. Do not have sexual relations with women who are your direct reports or who stand to gain or lose position or salary from getting it on with you (unless you are David Letterman).

5. Do not mess around with your wife's best friend, sister, or that neighbor she's always chatting with -- unless you want a really messy and expensive divorce. And for God's sake, man, do not screw the nanny, au pair, or babysitter. (That is so cliche.)

6. Make sure your ho is not on any prescription medication -- or should be.

7. Avoid single women and/or married women who are looking for an escape goat.

8. Steer clear of women who are always texting or posting shit on Facebook or Twitter. (What exactly is it you think they are texting or tweeting all their friends, stock market tips?)

9. Above all, avoid the jealous type. (See Fatal Attraction.)

Other helpful hints:

* Always wear a condom -- and make sure she's on the pill.

* Never leave a paper or electronic trail. Sharing a Gmail account and leaving drafts for each other? So five years ago. (Here's how to properly hide or keep private private correspondence, which was sent to me by the spouse. Hmm...)

* Do no flirt with another woman in your mistress's presence or with someone she might possibly know -- and for God's sake don't cheat on your mistress. (A woman scorned....)

* Don't cheat in the first place.

It's a bloody conspiracy!

I've heard (and spoken) many adjectives for menstruation, but "wonderful" was not among them. And so it surprised me to hear that anyone, especially a man, would describe that special time of the month that way.

Clearly, the man in question had never been with a woman during that special, special time, or the period just before. But to think there was some grand female/advertiser conspiracy to make men think that getting one's period was a cause for joy and celebration -- and rigorous sporting activities -- is bloody unbelievable.

Clearly Bodyform, a UK manufacturer and marketer of "hygiene" products for women, was padding the truth -- hoping to make impressionable young men wish that they, too, had a uterus. (Dam penis!)

Well, now in an unprecedented move, Bodyform has apologized for misleading the aforementioned man, a bloke by the name of Richard Neill, and impressionable young men everywhere.



I don't know about the rest of you, but I feel so much better now.

[H/T to friend of the blog VB for sending me this article from Jezebel.]

The Man Aisle

Attention all male supermarket shoppers: Introducing one-stop shopping for all your manly needs.

Because apparently having separate "beer" and "snack" aisles was too labor intensive:

“If you’re going to have some guys over to watch a game, you can pretty much stand here — not move two feet — and get your beer, barbecue sauce, chips, whatever*. It’s all right here!” Ian Joskowitz, 43, chief operating officer of Westside Market NYC, told the New York Post.

(I rest my case.)

While the idea of a Man Aisle is amusing, do guys really need more distractions when supermarket shopping? Also, how old is the target audience, nine? Frosted Flakes, Cap'n Crunch, and Doritos? And what's with the lame beer selection? Bud Light and Coors Light? At least include some real beer, guys.

*whatever being code for condoms

How to really impress a woman

I seem to always be writing about how guys think. So today, as a public service, I'm going to reveal how women think -- or, more precisely, what women think is sexy. Or, to put it into guy-speak, how to improve your chances of getting laid.

Herewith, J's Guide to How to Really Impress Women

1. Actually listen to what she is saying -- and prove it by making a thoughtful comment that shows you have been listening.

Warning: If she tells you about some awful or unfair thing that happened to her, or mentions that she is feeling blue, do NOT under any circumstances say shit like "Cheer up!" or "Relax!" or "Things will get better" or offer her advice. No. Your role is to give her a hug and say things like "That really sucks" or "That's totally unfair." Keep in mind: Women want sympathy NOT advice, even if they ask for it. Above all, do NOT tell her those jeans make her ass look big, even if she's begging for it. Make up an excuse and just leave the room.

2. Help out around the house -- or volunteer to (i.e., don't make her nag ask you). Just remember: No man was ever killed while washing the dishes... or doing the laundry... or vacuuming the living room.

3. Make dinner -- and clean it up. There are few things sexier than a guy who can cook -- well. (The only thing sexier than a guy who really knows how to cook, and cleans up afterward? A guy with an English or French accent who is a great cook, and cleans up afterward.) On one of my first dates with the spouse, then boyfriend, he invited me over to his Brooklyn loft -- and made me red snapper. I HATED red snapper, but when I saw all the food he had prepared and how hard he had worked, I said I loved red snapper and smiled as I forked that fish into my mouth. And you know what? It was pretty good. Also, for you guys who are paying attention, he scored. Q.E.D.

4. Do stuff she wants to do -- and don't whine about missing the occasional baseball/basketball/hockey/football game (unless it's the playoffs, in which case, I'm right there with you). I'm not talking about buying ballet tickets, unless you like ballet. I'm talking about finding out what she likes to do -- and then proposing you do that. Except for shopping. Unless you really like shopping for women's clothes (other than at Victoria's Secret), or are a masochist, do not go there. Trust me.

If you really like her (or want to get laid), you will find something you both like or you can tolerate. And if sports are really your passion, invite her to a game -- and be patient. Show and tell her why you are so passionate about the sport, taking the time to explain the various nuances, in a patient NOT patronizing way. But don't push it. If she's really not interested, drop it. While I was a big baseball fan when I met the spouse, I had little or no interest in basketball or football. But thanks to his careful tutelage -- and, okay, being in Chicago during Michael Jordan and the Chicago Bulls' heyday -- I became a rabid basketball fan. And when we moved back east, I became a big-time Giants and Jets football fan.

Note to women: Want to really impress a guy? Become a sports fan.

5. Don't brag, or show off, or name drop. Being confident is one thing. Women love confidence in a man. Being a name-dropping, brand-identifying braggart is another. Unless, that is, you are looking for a woman who only cares about the size of your paycheck, the label in your shirt, and your social status.

6. Groom thyself. While I know there are many women who are still into the whole grunge thing, and even I find a day or two day's growth kinda sexy on a man, no woman is going to want to sleep with you, or even get near you, if you smell, or have a nasty haircut, or look like the last time you got any exercise or saw the sun was in high school. I'm not saying you need to look like David Beckham. (Though really, feel free -- have you seen that man's abs? Niiiiiiiice). But if you want to really impress a woman, pay some attention to your personal hygiene and get a gym membership (or start running, or eat less crap). Also, would a little manscaping kill you?

7. Only have eyes for her. I know, I know, biology -- you caveman, need to procreate... God gave you eyes so you could look at women... looking isn't the same as touching. Can it. You really want to impress a woman when you are out? Do NOT look at other women. I do not care if Adriana Lima just sat at the table next to you. Keep your eyes front and center, mister (and not on her chest -- either Adriana Lima's or your date's/girlfriend's/wife's).

8. Prove that chivalry is not dead. Feminism shmeminism. Women like to have doors opened for them and chairs held out -- and be treated like a lady.

Okay, I think that's enough for one blog post. I don't want to overwhelm you guys.

Do chicks dig guys with gray hair?

Contrary to what those Just for Men commercials would have you guys believe, chicks do dig guys with gray hair.

Don't believe me? I've got two words for you: Anderson Cooper (whose new afternoon talk show is creating quite a stir, or maybe it's just Anderson's abs).

Not convinced you say? What about George Clooney, who is clearly not afraid to let his gray hang out -- and has zero problem attracting attractive women.

Granted, not every guy can pull off gray (or is George Clooney), but is gray or graying hair really a problem, ladies? Do you find guys with gray or graying hair really less attractive?

And guys, do you really see gray or graying hair as a problem? (Maybe it's because I watch a lot of baseball and football, and listen to too much sports talk radio, but graying hair -- and baldness -- seems to be right up there with losing one's house, bad credit scores, and possible bankruptcy.)

Let me know your thoughts via the Comments.

How to keep the boys away (from your teenage daughter)

People always joked that the spouse would need a shotgun to keep the boys away from our daughter when she got older. Well, now she is about to become a teenager (and has discovered boys) -- and next thing I know the spouse sends me this picture (of him firing a shotgun), taken while he attended a "retreat" with fellow members of the Loyal Order of Water Buffaloes Lodge No. 26 last weekend.
















And no, those were not blanks he was shooting.

Despite much trepidation about shooting a gun, the spouse admitted he enjoyed the experience -- and would do it again. (No mention of what -- or whom -- the target would be next time.)

All I can say is prospective suitors, watch out.

Is there such a thing as too much sex? (A visit to the Museum of Sex)

In this case, the short answer is "yes."

Though Stephen Colbert once quipped that "museums were only for things that no one uses anymore," after recently spending over an hour at the Museum of Sex in New York City, I would have to disagree.
































Visiting the Museum of Sex gift shop, conveniently located at the front of the museum, right when you walk in, it was clear that sex is alive and well, at least in New York City. Though the actual exhibits at the Museum of Sex portray sex in a much darker, more depressing light -- literally broadcasting the message "sex kills" in its current exhibit on Rubbers, which features pictures of men and women suffering from syphilis and other sexually transmitted diseases and dark tales of HIV/AIDS.

And things didn't get much sexier as my friend, A., and I proceeded through the various exhibits. Despite the sign inviting me to gently touch the genitalia of "real [sex] dolls" in the permanent collection, I passed. (Who knows where that penis had been and who else had touched it.)

And call me naive or a prude but I nearly passed out at the sight of (and accompanying descriptive text for) some of the BDSM equipment on display. And just try going to the bathroom with a video clip of people heatedly "making out," (yes, that's a euphemism) in stereo, blaring just a few feet away.

Indeed, upon leaving the Museum of Sex, wondering if I would ever want to have sex again, I felt it was all some evil plot to lure in unsuspecting souls and turn them off sex.

Thank God for you blog readers, one of whom, who shall remain nameless, sent me this naughty (though safe for work) -- yet funny -- ad for Axe.


- Watch more free videos

Btw, using sex to sell a product, especially a male grooming product, is nothing new, as evidenced by these ads.

Bonus video: "I'm too sexy":



And for those who have yet to see it, and have a strong stomach, here's a link to Lady Gaga's "Telephone" video, featuring Beyonce.

UPDATED 3/15/10: Just found this recent hard-hitting report from CBS News about the "Rubbers" exhibit at the Museum of Sex (which refers to itself as "MoSex.") It's actually worth a look (if nothing else for the John McCain, Sarah Palin, and Barack Obama condom wrappers, which I was unable to photograph).

Of Spanx and Men: Spanx finally launches its own line of men's compression underwear

Ever since I wrote this post about Equmen's compression underwear for men (i.e., "Spanx for men") back in June 2009, I have been the go-to site for "spanx for men," "male spanx," "spanx men," "men's spanx," "spanx mens" -- pretty much anything having to do with men and Spanx, even though, technically, there was no such thing as Spanx for men. That is, until now.

(Btw, those five quoted phrases are the top five Googled terms on J-TWO-O and combined have led thousands -- and I mean THOUSANDS -- of Spanx- or compression- underwear-seeking men and their mates to this blog. Only Brooklyn Decker, or rather, her breasts, have generated anywhere close to that many hits. Yes, I am weeping.)

And now, after being #2 on Google for the search term "Spanx for men" for months (the TIME magazine article on the subject, which appeared two weeks after my post, being #1), I have dropped to #8, thanks to news from Spanx that it is about to start selling (drum roll, please) a Spanx-branded compression undershirt for men (i.e., Spanx for men). Just in time for Valentine's Day!

Frankly, I am a bit disappointed. That's all you got Spanx, a cotton undershirt? Heck, my dad (who's been dead for nearly seven years) wore form-fitting white undershirts for as long as I knew him, as did his dad. This is news? Though I guess since "Mad Men," everything old (or 1960s) is new -- and hot -- again. But still, no cute little boxer briefs with that famous Spanx compression technology?

In related news, Hanes recently reported that sales of its men's underwear were up, which, according to former Fed Chairman Alan Greenspan, is a sure sign that the economy is recovering. (You can read about the so-called "Undies Index" here.)

UPDATED: Just received an email from Tug, the proprietor of the blog The Undershirt Guy, asking me to post his review of the Spanx for Men Compression Undershirt. You're welcome, Tug. ;-)

What does confidence smell like?

According to the young men profiled in a recent New York Times article titled "Masculinity in a Spray Can," about how tween boys, like their older brothers, are now into wearing (or rather spraying, dabbing, and/or dousing themselves with) men's grooming products, confidence smells a lot like Axe. (Just an aside: considering the subject matter, maybe the editors should have called the article "Smells Like Tween Spirit.")

Equating smelling good to feeling good, or feeling confident and sexy, however, is nothing new, as the author of the article duly noted. Indeed, Hoffman (I'm not sure if "Jan Hoffman" is a he or a she) went so far as to prove the point by linking to an old Hai Karate commercial on YouTube featuring Regis Philbin and Joey Bishop. Though she (he?) really should have linked to this Hai Karate ad instead:



Of course, YouTube being YouTube (and me being me), one ad led to another which led me to this classic ad for Irish Spring. ("Manly, yes, but I like it too.")



(Interesting factoid: Irish Spring is a sponsor of TheOnion.com. Manly, with a sense of humor!)

So is confidence or sex appeal something you can just spray on or acquire or do you have to be born with it? Let me know what you think via a Comment.

For the record, while I find confidence very sexy, I have an extremely sensitive nose and colognes and after shaves completely turn me off. Though for some reason the smell of edge sensitive skin gel on a man drives me wild (as does the smell of barbecue sauce and sauteed onions).