It's not easy being a beauty queen

When I was growing up, if I was complaining about having a bad hair day, or my weight, or zits, my father, may he rest in peace (or be playing scratch golf somewhere in Heaven, or wherever), would always say to me, "It's not easy being a beauty queen."

Dad, you didn't know the half of it. And thank goodness I wasn't (and am still not) a beauty queen.

Most men don't realize all the grueling grooming and primping beauty queen contestants go through. And I'm not even talking about boob jobs, liposuction, or other cosmetic surgery. I'm talking about all the dieting and exercise -- and the tweezing, shaving, waxing, and/or electrolysis they endure, just so they can look good strutting down a runway in high heels and a bikini.

Of course, it's no longer just beauty queens who endure often painful or uncomfortable treatments in order to achieve some level of what modern society deems "beauty," or "beautiful." Business is booming for cosmetic surgeons and dermatologists and waxing and beauty salons. And just try and watch TV without seeing an ad for some female personal grooming product, like this one entitled "Topiary" for Schick's Hydro Silk TrimStyle razor*:



[Memo to the folks at Schick: I don't care how sharp your razor is. No way is it sculpting a heart, or a rectangle or triangle, on my or any other woman's "bikini area." And the rash you would get afterward kind of defeats the purpose.]

Is some personal grooming bad? No. (Which reminds me, I need to get my hair cut. The stuff on top of my head, guys. Geez.) But I worry about the message society is sending to young girls and women about what really matters -- not brains or good deeds but perfect skin and perfect bodies and not having hair someplace other than on their heads.

Maybe instead of buying a Schick Hydro Silk TrimStyle we women should purchase a copy of Beauty Fades, Dumb is Forever: The Making of a Happy Woman by Judy Sheindlin, aka Judge Judy, a successful, respected woman who has an estimated net worth of $250 million -- a lot more than most beauty queens.

*Okay, you are probably way more likely to see ads for cars and trucks, and beer, and hair restorers than see an ad for the Schick Hydro Silk TrimStyle, or Palmer's Cocoa Butter, on ESPN or NBC or CBS Sports, or on Football Sunday. But you never know. 

To boldly shave where no man has shaved before

So apparently, manscaping is still a thing. And Gillette isn't the only one to get into the act. Now Schick has entered the jungle (so to speak), advertising the new Schick Hydro Machete Groomer razor for men with a new video and original song titled "Crib in My Pants."

Pay attention, guys.



[H/T Mashable]

Hey, it's not like we're asking you to wax or do laser. (Though what's good for the goose....)

Fave line: "I went into the forest. I couldn't see any tree."

Manscaping

While manscaping is no longer a radical, new concept, I was a bit surprised to see this ad for the Gillette Fusion ProGlide Styler on morning television (granted, I was watching Mike & Mike on ESPN) promoting the practice.


[Btw, that commercial is downright tame compared to Wilkinson Sword's ad directed at women, titled "Mow the Lawn."]

Actually, I think it's pretty clever of Gillette to use Kate Upton, Hannah Simone, and Genesis Rodriguez to sell guys on the concept of shaving something other than their facial hair.

I could be wrong, guys, but I would bet that if Kate Upton sidled up to you, put her hand on your shoulder (or other part) and/or gave you that come hither look and said, "I really don't like guys with back hair," that back hair would be gone in a flash.

So what do you all think of manscaping? Do you know guys who do it?

Ladies, have or would you ever ask a guy to shave (or wax) something other than his face?

And guys, would you ever shave something other than your mustache or beard if a woman asked you to? 

FYI, according to Gillette's stats, 25% of women prefer a trimmed chest, 37% of women prefer a clean-shaven chest, 48% of women prefer a trimmed groin area, and 21% of women prefer a shaved groin. (I have no idea where these stats come from, but I am fascinated. I am also pretty sure that 99% of women prefer a guy without back and shoulder hair.)

What does confidence smell like?

According to the young men profiled in a recent New York Times article titled "Masculinity in a Spray Can," about how tween boys, like their older brothers, are now into wearing (or rather spraying, dabbing, and/or dousing themselves with) men's grooming products, confidence smells a lot like Axe. (Just an aside: considering the subject matter, maybe the editors should have called the article "Smells Like Tween Spirit.")

Equating smelling good to feeling good, or feeling confident and sexy, however, is nothing new, as the author of the article duly noted. Indeed, Hoffman (I'm not sure if "Jan Hoffman" is a he or a she) went so far as to prove the point by linking to an old Hai Karate commercial on YouTube featuring Regis Philbin and Joey Bishop. Though she (he?) really should have linked to this Hai Karate ad instead:



Of course, YouTube being YouTube (and me being me), one ad led to another which led me to this classic ad for Irish Spring. ("Manly, yes, but I like it too.")



(Interesting factoid: Irish Spring is a sponsor of TheOnion.com. Manly, with a sense of humor!)

So is confidence or sex appeal something you can just spray on or acquire or do you have to be born with it? Let me know what you think via a Comment.

For the record, while I find confidence very sexy, I have an extremely sensitive nose and colognes and after shaves completely turn me off. Though for some reason the smell of edge sensitive skin gel on a man drives me wild (as does the smell of barbecue sauce and sauteed onions).