This Valentine's Day, go bear

I admit, I got excited when I heard that Build-A-Bear had released a new line of "adult" teddy bears. I mean, why should Halloween get all the sexy? Especially when everyone knows that Valentine's Day, or VD Day as I like to refer to it, is the sexiest holiday? 

But I was sadly disappointed when I went to check out the Build-A-Bear "After Dark" line of adult-themed teddy bears. I mean, look at these guys? 

Sorry, Build-a-Bear, but there is nothing sexy or adult about these adorable stuffed toys. They're not even naked!  

The Love Bandit Bear the spouse got me from the Vermont Teddy Bear Company -- no pants and a Zorro mask! -- was way sexier. (Though maybe he was too sexy as he has since been retired.) 

Maybe instead of a sexless teddy bear, get your sweetie something he/she will really appreciate, like a heart-shaped box of cheese, or a heart-shaped pizza, or a bouquet of bacon this Valentine's Day. 

Sending love to all of you...

J. 

Putting the screw back in corkscrew

This seemed an appropriate post for hump day.

Voila! The Costaud (or "beefy") corkscrew. No bottle can resist his charms!

The spouse and I happened upon this humorous -- yet fully functional -- utensil while in Italy (though M. Costaud appears to be French). And no, I did not buy one (for myself or my friends), though I deeply regret not doing so. But it was the first day of our trip, and I feared M. Costaud, who is rather large, would be too big to fit... in my suitcase.

Maybe I missed my calling as a dominatrix

I am always amused by the recommendations I receive from sites like Amazon and eBay. But this email I recently received from etsy, which bills itself as "your place to buy and sell all things handmade," may take the cake (one with a rock-hard icing and a cream filling, apparently).

What I found so interesting about this email (other than the obvious, which made me laugh out loud when I received it -- and immediately forwarded to the spouse and two of my girlfriends) is that when I clicked on the link to "view this email online," the web version was filled with pretty lapis rings -- no sign of a cut guy in leather bondage gear anywhere. 

Also, while my memory may be a bit spotty of late, I am 99.9 percent sure I never purchased or even searched for a leather men's harness, on etsy or anyplace else, though I did buy the spouse two lovely handmade leather belts on etsy a while back -- from an Amish company. (And I'm pretty they just use those buggy whips on horses.)

And the finalists for 2015's sexiest Halloween costume are...

Yes, folks, it's time to put the Ho back in Halloween. And this year's crop of sexy Halloween costumes  promises to be a real treat for us sexy Halloween costume aficionados.

So, without further ado, here are my top sex -- I mean SIX -- picks for 2015's sexiest (as in, most ridiculous) Halloween costume.

First up, the corniest Halloween costume I've ever seen.

Next up, the Naughty Nemo Costume. (Just saying "Naughty Nemo Costume" makes me happy.)

There's definitely something fishy about this little outfit (like the fact that Nemo was a boy fish). Hey, you Halloween costume designers, quit clowning around!

And speaking of orange.... This sexy Womens Prison Jumpsuit Costume is practically criminal. (Orange is the new bawd?)

Dig the crazy handcuff (chastity?) belt!

I may go to Hell for posting this next costume, known as the Heavenly Hottie Nun Costume, one of MANY sexy nun costumes I found online. (Saints preserve us.)

Moving into the political realm, my next nominee for sexiest (or most preposterous) Halloween costume for 2015 is the Donna T. Rumpshaker (aka Sexy Donald Trump) Costume.

Costumes like these are making Halloween great again, my friends. (Or not.)

Unfortunately, I was unable to find a Sexy Hillary Clinton Halloween Costume. (Though I did find a lot of scary looking Hillary Halloween masks.) Sorry Bill.

But never fear, there is always the Sexy Nerd School Girl Costume....

Unfortunately, I cannot show my pick for men's sexiest (if by sexy you mean ROTFL) Halloween costume, the Heavy Hose Fireman Costume, which comes in Small, Medium (currently sold out), Large, and Extra Large. But you can always click on the link if you're burning to know what it looks like.

Happy Halloween, y'all.

Kinkier than the average (Valentine's Day) bear

Want to whip that special someone into a frenzy this Valentine's Day, guys?

Well now you can with the Fifty Shades of Grey Bear from the Vermont Teddy Bear Company.

Inspired by the best-selling book, Fifty Shades of Grey, by E.L. James, the limited edition Christian Grey Bear, from the Vermont Teddy Company, is guaranteed to help you dominate this Valentine's Day. 

Seriously, what woman could possibly resist 15 inches of silky smoothness -- wrapped up in a suit? And are those mini handcuffs* I see in Christian Grey Bear's paw? Why yes, yes I do.

Act now, and for only $89.99 the Vermont BDSM Teddy Bear Company will not only send you (or your personal Anastasia) this adorably inappropriate bear but will also throw in some gourmet chocolates (no doubt so that you can lick them off her stomach... or other parts).

Btw, lest you missed the fine print, the Christian Grey Bear is not suitable for children.


*What, no whip? You should get your money back!

Hot guys & cool cats

Finally, someone has figured out a way to successfully combine two of the Internet's hottest memes, photos of sexy guys and pictures of adorable kittens (and cats).

And if that was not enough, it's French. Oo la la!

Presenting le blog le plus virale du moment, Des Hommes et des Chatons.

To see more hot guy, cool cat mashups, click on the Des Hommes et des Chatons link above.

Oo la la!

Alternate title: Toto, I've a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore.

I have always known the French have a more laid back or open attitude toward sex and the female body, having spent a summer in the South of France as a teen and seen several French films. But I was a bit gobsmacked to see a 15-foot-tall topless woman on the back of a bus in Paris, in the middle of Place de la Concorde. (And I wasn't the only one who did a double take.)

Forget prudishness. Can you imagine the number of traffic accidents this ad for lui magazine would cause if placed on the back of a bus in New York?

The spouse and I were also greatly amused by this giant ad for "ejaculation precoce" prominently displayed at a Metro stop.

(Note: It is purely coincidence that this picture was #69.)

Hey, it makes more sense than two people sitting in separate bathtubs holding hands.

So, what do you all think? Too racy or Vive la France!?

Would you buy this ____ from this sexy shirtless guy?

There seems to be a trend of sexy guys selling food (and booze) -- without a shirt on. Not that I'm complaining mind you. I could watch this ad for Sauza Tequila, titled "Make it with a fireman," over and over and over...



And it's not just booze I'm talking about. Companies -- and bloggers -- are using half-naked dudes to promote all sorts of stuff, like how to ice (or frost) a cake....



(The top demographic for that video? Men aged 45 to 54.)

While to a certain extent I get the whole using-cute-guy-without-a-shirt-to-sell-booze-and-sweet-treats thing, I'm a little at a loss to explain the thinking behind this commercial from Kraft Dressing, which features a hunky guy selling Kraft Zesty Italian Dressing -- without a shirt on.



[H/T to friend of the blog VB, aka Anonymous, for sending me that.]

So, ladies, you feeling all... zesty? (Personally, I'd rather make it with the fireman. Also, I just can't get that excited about salad dressing, even if you can use it on anything.)

Can one of you people who works in Marketing or Advertising enlighten me? Does seeing a good-looking guy, especially one without a shirt, promoting a product really get people to buy that product? How many horny housewives (and freelance writers) and gay guys are there? (And for the record, that bottle of Sauza Tequila was a gift.)

UPDATED 4/8/13: OMG, I do not believe it! Mr. Zesty Italian Dressing is cheating on Kraft with Sauza Tequila! (And is it me, or did Mr. Zesty Italian get a whole lot nakeder and beefier?)



Sigh. Keep your shirt on, buddy. I'd rather make it with that fireman.

Let's talk about Sex...

as in SexCereal, a new high-fiber cereal that is supposed to make you more passionate.

All I can say is fiber (and SexCereal) must have a really good PR agency.

Seriously, when did oats become sexy food? (Do not get an image of Wilford Brimley having sex. Do not get an image of Wilford Brimley having sex. I don't know about all of you, but I think SexCereal just killed my sex drive.)

What happened to oysters and chocolate and booze? You want her to feel more passionate in the morning? Give her some Cocoa Puffs and a glass of Champagne. (On a somewhat related note, I just discovered that Fiber One Cereal now comes in chocolate, to which I say, ew.)

Don't get me wrong. I'm not knocking oats and wheat germ and flax seeds. I know they help you do some things more regularly. (And I am passionate about regularity.) But in terms of bringing the sexy back? I don't think so.

You need proof? This is what happened to Justin Timberlake after he had some SexCereal:

He's sexy and he knows it (Times Square edition)

When he walks on by, girls be lookin' like, Damn, he's fly.

When he walks in Times Square, this is what he sees,
Everybody stops and is staring at he.
He's got passion in his pants, and he ain't afraid to show it.

He's sexy and he knows it.

Though where are the animal prints and the big afro?

Still, this guy had no problem finding tourists to pay to take a picture with him. (Wha?! Say look at that body.)

Sadly, I do not remember what his sign said. It was so crowded in Times Square last night, and people kept coming up to have their picture taken with this guy. I was lucky to get this picture, with my crappy BlackBerry camera.

Only in New York.

Would someone please have sex with Rush Limbaugh?

Sorry for the disturbing visual/request, but I guarantee you that if Rush Limbaugh was having mind-blowing sex on a regular basis, he wouldn't rant and rave so much about other people's sex lives. (Hey, maybe that chick who did it with Eliot Spitzer, Ashley Alexandra Dupre, would do the deed, as a public service.)

Also, too, for those of you who didn't see Stephen Colbert's segment titled "Rush Limbaugh Apologizes to Sandra Fluke" on the Colbert Report the other night, take a look.

The Colbert Report
Get More: Colbert Report Full Episodes,Political Humor & Satire Blog,Video Archive

While I think Al Franken summed it up best when he wrote "Rush Limbaugh is a big fat idiot," Stephen Colbert's analysis is a close second.

Sexy man, definition of

No, I am not referring to New York Jets quarterback Mark Sanchez, who led the Jets to a 38-14 victory over the Buffalo Bills in Buffalo this afternoon. (Though I know many women who find Mark Sanchez very sexy.)

I am, of course, referring to the man who, after a hard day of computer troubleshooting, slaved over a hot stove and oven all afternoon making his ladies a delicious dinner of homemade Buffalo-style chicken wings (in honor of the New York Jets trouncing the Buffalo Bills -- sorry, Dave S.) and potato skins -- then helped me clean up and... vacuumed the floor (with the Valentine's Day present he gave me).

If that isn't the definition of sexy, ladies, I don't know what is. (And look how cute he looks in his yellow latex gloves and apron. Swoon.)

In the words of Salt N Pepa (and En Vogue), what a man, what a man, what a man, what a mighty good man. (Yes, he is.)