Break out the NFL thongs*! It's football season!

Ah September, when a Mets fan's fancy lightly turns to thoughts of... football. (My apologies to Lord Tennyson.)

Though I am not feeling especially confident this season about my New York Giants' chances of making it to the Super Bowl (at their own stadium) this year, at least Giants management and fans are confident (for now) about their starting quarterback, Eli Manning, who sports not one but two Super Bowl rings. And it looks as though popular wide receiver Victor Cruz will be healthy enough to salsa in the end zone at the Giants opener Sunday against the Cowboys in Dallas. Yay! (No word yet on defensive end Jason Pierre-Paul, though he will most likely not play until Week 2.)

As for the Jets, they are pretty much doomed. Call it the Curse of Tim Tebow. (I do.) Or All Woody Johnson's Fault. (Ditto. See below.)

Just when you thought that organization would have learned from last year's circus... management somehow looks like an even bigger bunch of clowns this season.

Personally, I blame Jets owner Woody Johnson. If only instead of hiring Tim Tebow to play quarterback** last season he had surrounded soon-to-be-former Jets quarterback Mark Sanchez with a better offensive line and receivers... and someone other than Tony Sparano as the offensive coordinator.... (Talk about an offensive line.)

Anyway, I will be (pleasantly?) surprised if a) Week 1 Jets starting QB Geno Smith isn't repeatedly tackled and/or intercepted; b) Jets new backup quarterback Brady Quinn does a whole lot better in Week 3 (assuming Sanchez is cut, which I do); c) coach Rex Ryan isn't fired midway through the season (or has his contract renewed for another season); d) the Jets get over .500 this season; or e) all of the above.

Now if only the Giants stay healthy....

So, who are you all rooting for this season? And who do you think will be playing at MetLife Stadium on February 2, 2014? (And who thinks they should have put a retractable roof on the stadium, especially considering that two teams share the facility and New York is a huge market and is not exactly in the tropics or sub-tropics?)

*Actually, I was so giddy about the start of the professional football season, which kicks off tonight, I broke out my New York Giants thong earlier this week. (My New York Jets thong, however, has been relegated to the back of the underwear drawer, where it pretty much sat out last season, in protest to the Jets picking up Tim Tebow... and for other reasons.)

**Seriously, WTF? At least Bill Belichick saw the error of his ways before Week 1 and had the sense to cut Tebow.

Are you ready for some football... on your phone?

Hey, I'm just as excited as the next Mets football fan for football season. And I do love a good, funny football ad, especially one featuring Denver Broncos Quarterback Peyton Manning.

But man oh Manning, I think DirecTV -- and the Manning family (Peyton, Eli, and now their dad, Archie Manning) -- may have taken things a bit too far with this latest DirecTV ad titled "Football on Your Phone."



I know that New York Giants Super Bowl-winning Quarterback Eli Manning sometimes gets a bad rap (guilty) for his performance, but man, that was one bad rap performance. And dude, what is with the fake tan? Seriously, keep your day job. (Speaking of which, anyone have a couple of tickets to the September 15 Denver Broncos vs. New York Giants game at MetLife Stadium?)

Next ad, DirecTV, just hire Andy Samberg and Justin Timberlake. Please. (Hey, if they can put their junk in a box, they can put football on a phone for you.)

Giants vs. Patriots: Which team has the better moves?

And by "moves," I am, of course, referring to touchdown moves.

Going head to head this Super Bowl Sunday are...

New York Giants' wide receiver Victor Cruz, he of the hip-swiveling "Touchdown Salsa" dance:



and fellow wide receiver Hakeem Nicks, aka Mr. "Dirty Bird":



vs. New England Patriots' tight end Rob Gronkowski, with his special brand of spiking the football now known as "Gronking":



Personally, my money is on future Dancing with the Stars disco ball trophy winner Victor Cruz and Hakeem Nicks -- and the Giants.

Super Bowl XLVI prediction: Giants-Patriots rematch

I realize that the chances of the New York Giants making it past the Green Bay Packers and then the New Orleans Saints (or the San Francisco 49ers) are slim, but hey, a lot of us (me included) didn't think the G-Men would get this far.

And dang if the Giants didn't look good against the Atlanta Falcons yesterday -- beating the birds 24-2! (Here at J-TWO-O Central we now refer to Mario Manningham as Super Mario.)



As for the New England Patriots, while we know their recent playoff (and Super Bowl) record is not the best, I've got a feeling about this one. And not just because the Patriots destroyed the Broncos last time they met.

(In the words of Jesus Sudeikis, from one of my favorite recent Saturday Night Live skits, "If I'm the son of God, Tom Brady's got to be the guy's nephew.")



So who do you all think is going to Super Bowl XLVI? Leave your prediction in the Comments section.

Go Giants!

UPDATED 1/15/12: Giants beat the Packers! Giants beat the Packers -- 37-20! We are one step closer to the dream, Giants fans. (Though, of course, I have probably just jinxed the G-Men.) See you in San Francisco, Giants fans!

UPDATED 1/22/12: OMG, the Giants beat the 49ers 20-17 in overtime! The Giants are going to the Super Bowl -- as are the Patriots, who beat the Ravens earlier today. OMG!!! It's the Giants versus the Patriots in Super Bowl XLVI! We may win the football pool yet!

UPDATED 2/6/12: GIANTS WIN! OMG! GIANTS BEAT THE PATRIOTS 21-17 IN ANOTHER NAIL BITER! WE WON THE SUPER BOWL!

Jets, Giants, and Zombies

If you are a Jets and/or Giants fan, yesterday was HUGE. I still can't quite believe the Jets beat the Bills, pretty decisively (27-11) -- and are now tied for first place in the AFC East with the Patriots and the Bills.

And the second half of the Giants-Patriots game at Foxborough.... You needed heart medication to have survived that fourth quarter. That may have been the most exciting second half and/or fourth quarter of a football game I have ever seen. (Shades of Super Bowl XLII? Giants' tight end Jake Ballard even wears David Tyree's number, 85.)

While there were a number of great moments in both games, the Santonio Holmes (wide receiver, New York Jets) - Rex Ryan (coach, New York Jets) body bump, after Holmes scored a touchdown in the third quarter of the Jets-Bills game was particularly memorable (and humorous):



Fat white guys can jump!

And what can I say about the second half, particularly the last seconds of the fourth quarter, of yesterday's Giants-Patriots game that this highlight reel doesn't better illustrate? You ROCK (or CATCH), Jake Ballard -- and Eli Manning and Brandon Jacobs! Final score: Giants 24-Patriots 20. Amazing.

Finally, zombies -- which you could pretty much classify me as after spending all day watching football yesterday, and after not having electricity, or running water, or school for my daughter, all last week.

My daughter had planned on dressing up for Halloween -- which our town moved to November 5 -- as a zombie prom queen long before the power outage. However, in light of recent events, her costume seemed particularly appropriate. (I certainly felt my brains had been sucked out.)






















Here's to the Jets, the Giants, and to keeping the zombies at bay.

The Joy of Football

Ah Sunday in November, when a middle-aged woman's fancy turns to... football... and poetry.

How do I love football? Let me count the ways...
(With apologies to Elizabeth Barrett Browning)

How do I love football? Let me count the ways.
I love football to the first down and touch down or field goal
Each drive can reach, as the ball is passed or run down the field
From the end zone of the opposing team and the ideal runback.
I love football to the level of each Sunday's
Most heated game, by sun and stadium-light.
I love football freely, as men strive for touchdowns;
I love football purely, as they return from punts.
I love football with a passion put to use
In shouting for my teams, and with a chilled beer.
I love football with a love I seemed to lose
When my teams lost, --- I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life! --- and, if the football gods so choose,
I shall but love thee better after my team wins the Super Bowl.

The Jets Fan's Prayer (Cleveland Edition)

Our Jets team, which art in Cleveland,
hallowed be thy run game.
Thy defense come.
Thy will be done on the Browns,
as it was on the Patriots and Bills.
Give us this Sunday our next big win,
and forgive us our sacks and penalties,
as we block and intercept those who seek to score against us.
Lead us not into defeat,
but deliver us to the Super Bowl.
Amen.

O Giants! My Giants! (With apologies to Walt Whitman)

O GIANTS! My Giants! your fearful rivalry is done;
The team has weather'd every sack, the prize we sought is won;
The Cowboys are here, the shouts I hear, the fans all exulting,
While Eli takes the steady snap, the offense grim and daring:
O hut! hut! hut!
Soon they'll be bleeding drops of Cowboy silver,
When on the field another Cowboy pass lies,
Fumbled yet again.

So much for the Jets going 16-0. But at least the Giants won.

First the good news -- that is, if you are a New York (Jersey) Giants fan: the Giants won their home opener Sunday, 31-18, over the Carolina Panthers. No, it wasn't pretty. And no, I don't think that it marks the start of a Super Bowl run. But, a win is a win is a win. And it's one more than the New York (Jersey) Jets, who share a stadium with the Giants, have right now.

Speaking of sharing a stadium, the staff and grounds crew at New Meadowlands Stadium (in East Rutherford, New Jersey), where both the Giants and Jets play, deserve a trophy for turning what was Giants Stadium Sunday afternoon at 4:30 p.m. ET into Jets Stadium by 4 p.m. ET Monday (actually a lot sooner than that). Even if you don't care about the Giants or the Jets, check out this short video. Amazing.


But getting back to the Jets, I was totally pumped to watch the Jets tackle the Baltimore Ravens last night, especially after watching Hank Williams Jr. open Monday Night Football on ESPN:



But neither Old Hank's rallying cry nor Mark Sanchez's rugged good looks could save the Jets from an embarrassing 10-9 defeat. (If you click on only one link in this post, read the URL for the one before this parenthetical statement. Brilliant.) I don't know which was worse, the Jets' offense, which couldn't score, even when given several opportunities, or the Jets' defense, which may have gone in the books for record number of penalties in a single game.

Of course, being a fan (of both the Giants and the Jets -- weird but true), I'll be in front of the TV again next weekend, rooting (and praying) for a victory.

Jets v. Colts: Anyone care to make a wager? (UPDATED)

Gambling911 says the odds opened at Indianapolis -7. (The site also has some very interest stats re the Jets and the Colts. And let me just say it don't look so good for da Jets, Lucy.)

Oddsmakers also predict that tomorrow's New York (Jersey) Jets - Indianapolis Colts game will be among the most heavily bet upon of the 2009 regular NFL season, which ends next weekend.

For those keeping score, the undefeated Colts (14-0) have won twice as many games as the Jets (7-7), but one cannot count out the Jets' mighty defense (or the mighty Flight Crew, which I am hoping will help distract Colts' quarterback Peyton Manning and his offense). And the fact that unbelievable as it may seem the Jets still have a shot of making the playoffs (Giants, too).

Sadly, I will not be able to watch most (all?) of tomorrow's game due to the New England Patriots -- or, to be more exact, certain New England Patriots fans who suggested we meet them at 5 p.m. in the middle of nowhere New England, from where they will spirit away our daughter and indoctrinate her into their Pats and Red Sox cult. (There was also some talk of snowboarding and ice skating and playing Wii, but I think that was just a ruse.) As a result, we will be unable to watch most (if not all) of the Jets - Colts game (as well as the end of the Giants - Panthers game -- go Giants!), though we will hopefully be able to catch some of it on the radio.

As a Jets fan, I have zero expectations. I just want my team to play well (memo to Mark Sanchez: Lose the 'stache, not the ball) and not be totally embarrassed by Peyton Manning and the Colts.

GO JETS! (Giants, too!)

UPDATED: OMG! The Jets won, 29 - 15. Still in shock. Fifteen down, one to go.

Watching American football in a Canadian sports bar in Paris

Giants beat the Falcons. In overtime. 34 - 31. On a 36-yard field goal by Lawrence Tynes.

If the Giants had lost (and frankly, they should have clobbered the Falcons -- but their defense has been AWOL the last four or five games), the game would have sucked. But the Giants won. Hurrah. And we enjoyed our time at The Moose, as well as our hamburgers and fries, which were suprisingly good, though the Canadian beer was not.

We now resume our regularly scheduled Parisian vacation. (Cruised the Seine on a Bateaux-Mouches yesterday and walked around the sixth arrondissement, where we are staying. Went to the organic outdoor market and to Montmartre today. And are heading to the Louvre, the Eiffel Tower, and chez Little Miss Cupcake demain.)

Au revoir, mes amis. A bientot....

P.S. As I type this, the spouse is trying to see if he can find the New York Jets vs. New England Patriots game, but I'm not holding out much hope.

Jets SUCK. Giants SUPER SUCK.

Because apparently watching the Mets implode three years in a row wasn't enough.

And here I was really hoping the Giants would recover this week, and CLOBBER the Philadelphia Eagles, especially as Eagles star RB Brian Westbrook was "inactive" for today's game. Ha! Or maybe the Jets would win two games in a row and take revenge on the Miami Dolphins over at Giants Stadium. Nope!

As a result there will be no wearing of waving of the Giants or Jets thongs this week.

Oh, and consider this an open thread. You are free to leave any sports-related or Halloween comments.

Fox Sports, Brett Favre screw Jets fans... again

Yes, I am talkin' 'bout you, Fox Sports, with your World Series and your crappy football halftime show. And you, Brett Lorenzo* Favre, Mr. Did-I-Just-Throw-Another-Pick-Just-Can't-Stay-Retired quarterback for the Minnesota Vikings, who broke the hearts of thousands of New York Jets fans last season.

Thanks to the two of you, and the fact that Favre's new team, the Minnesota Vikings (with their star running back, Adrian Peterson, aka "Purple Jesus") are playing Favre's old team, the Green Bay Packers -- where Brett Favre was the starting quarterback for over 15 years, and led the team to two Super Bowl appearances, before retiring for the first time -- at Lambeau Field at 4:15 ET this Sunday, I, and thousands of Jets and Giants fans, have to take the fall?!

God forbid Fox Sports show the Giants - Eagles game the same time as the Vikings - Packers game. Oh no. No instead, let's just screw the New York area football fans by showing the Giants - Eagles game the same time as the Dolphins - Jets game this Sunday. (Btw, I realize that as both a Giants and a Jets fan I am in the minority, but surely I am not alone in seeing this latest Fox last-minute scheduling switcheroo as a slap in the face to Jets fans everywhere.)

Don't believe me about the power of Fox Sports? For the first time in, like, 20 years there will be no Sunday night football this Sunday. Why? Because Fox Sports is airing the World Series -- where the NY Yankees and the Philadelphia Phillies are tied one game apiece -- Sunday night at 8:20 ET and NBC Sports blinked.

But getting back to Giants vs. Jets, this Sunday, instead of turning our bedroom into a sports bar, I got a friend to take J-THREE-O for a few hours Sunday afternoon so the spouse and I could cheer on the Giants and the Jets at a real sports bar (or the closest thing to a real sports bar you can find within 15 minutes of Stepford). Go G-Men! Go Gang Green!

As for the Vikings - Packers game, though the spouse will probably be rooting for the Vikings ("Adrian Peterson!"), I will probably be rooting for Green Bay.

*Lorenzo? Really? Who knew?

Jets, Yankees win. Giants and their fans lose. Plus World Series and Super Bowl predictions.

If only the Jets could play every game in sunny, 70 degree weather against a team like the Oakland Raiders. But as a certain Phillies fan friend of ours (yes, we have friends who are Phillies fans - okay, one friend) likes to say: A win is a win is a win. And we Jets fans will take it. Final score: Jets 38, Raiders 0. And the Jets take the No. 2 spot in the AFC East, behind the New England Patriots.

Moving right along.... As you may recall, last night's question was "Yankees or Giants?" (Going to a sports bar or turning our bedroom back into a sports bar was not an option.) The answer: the Yankees. (It was the spouse's call, and at least he allowed me to work the remote and occasionally flip over the Giants game.) Final score: Yankees 5, Angels 2. And again, the California team choked.

This means, of course, that it will be the New York Yankees taking on the defending champion Philadelphia Phillies at Yankee Stadium in the World Series this Wednesday night at 7:30 ET on Fox. And for the duration I will be one of those "Mets Fans for the Yankees," albeit begrudgingly. Go Yankees. Yea. My World Series prediction? I actually think the Phillies will win again this year, but that the Series will go to six or seven games.

But getting back to football. As I did not watch most of the Giants - Cardinals game, and the Giants lost (thanks in large part to three Eli Manning interceptions), that's about all I am going to say on that subject. However, while watching the other football games that were not competing with the Yankees - Angels game, namely the Minnesota Vikings - Pittsburgh Steelers game yesterday (Steelers won 27-17 in an exciting game), I came up with a new drinking game, which I call "Adrian Peterson, blah, blah, blah." Here's how it works: Every time an announcer shouts the name "Adrian Peterson," you have to drink a shot or take a swig of beer. Chances are you will be blasted by the half. Oh and the Saints won, again. Blah, blah, blah.

In other football news, the Colts, Broncos, and Saints remain undefeated at 6-0 going into Week 8, when AGAIN, thanks to Fox Sports and Brett Favre, the Jets and the Giants and now the Eagles (who will be playing the Giants) will all be playing at 1 p.m. ET. WTF people?! Again with the same game time? Not cool.

Oh and as for my Super Bowl prediction (drum roll, please): I'm seeing the Indianapolis Colts vs. the New Orleans Saints, but I would not be surprised if the New England Patriots or the Minnesota Vikings made it in either. Okay, you heard it here first.

But for this week, it's all baseball. Go Yankees! (Ouch. I think I just pulled something.)

Yankees or Giants? Baseball or football? Fox forces fans to pick sides.

Yet again New York area sports fans are being forced to choose between teams (or spend the evening at a sports bar) -- all because of stupid Fox Sports. FOOOOOOOOX!

Do they watch the 5 - 1 NY Giants play the Arizona Cardinals at Giants Stadium (in New Jersey) tonight at 8:20 ET on NBC? Or do they watch the NY Yankees play the Los Angeles Angels for the American League pennant tonight over at Yankee Stadium starting at 8:20 ET over on Fox? (Btw, for all you readers in the Tri-State area, avoid the Cross Bronx Expressway at all costs this evening. Heck, avoid the Bronx entirely, unless you want to spend your evening in your car.)

For die-hard New York sports fans it's a bit like Sophie's Choice as most Yankees fans are die-hard Giants fans and vice versa.

The spouse predicts that more people will be watching the Yankees game -- and will only flip over to the Giants game during commercial breaks. (That is unless they turn their bedroom into a sports bar.) Me? I will be watching my beloved Giants on NBC Sunday Night Football -- unless they suck, in which case I will begrudgingly flip over to Fox and watch the Yankees, even though I loathe the Yankees. LOATHE. THEM. (Personal note: For a lifelong Mets fan the thought of a Yankees - Philadelphia World Series makes the stomach churn.)

In a no-brainer, I will also be watching the New York Jets and Mark Sanchez take on the Oakland Raiders out in Oakland, California, where it's supposed to be in the 70s today, at 4:05 ET this afternoon. Hopefully the warm, sunny weather will restore Sanchez's throwing arm and revitalize the Jets defense so they can go above .500.

Check in tomorrow for my post-game update.

Giants scalp Chiefs; Saints march over Jets (NFL Week 4)

First a brief note about NFL Week 4: While I am a big supporter of breast cancer research, and am thrilled the NFL has joined the good fight, the bright pink gloves, arm bands, caps, and football shoes are a wee bit much, guys -- and so totally clash with the uniforms. And why aren't the cheerleaders in pink, just the players and coaches? Reverse sexism?

Giants 27, Chiefs 16

I would love to write "This week proved that the Giants are the best team in football," but I can't. Not yet. Despite their 4-0 record. (In part because the Indianapolis Colts are also 4-0 -- and I still think Peyton is the better Manning.)

I am still haunted by what happened to the Giants last season, though I honestly believe had Plaxico Burress not shot himself the Men in Blue would have been Super Bowl bound (yet again).

But another year, another opportunity. And the Giants are playing well, very well. Indeed, the G-Men looked cool, calm, and confident against the Kansas City Chiefs this afternoon. Though it wasn't much of a test, what with the Chiefs going into the game 0-3. Even with Eli Manning going down in the fourth with a bruised heel (from kicking the Chiefs' ass all afternoon).

I have to admit, I actually felt a little bad for the Chiefs -- and was rooting for them to score that last touchdown in the fourth, if only so I could snap a picture of the Chiefs' Touchdown Cowgirl riding across the field on her painted pony in her skimpy halter top and cowboy hat. WTF?! (For the record, her breasts looked very healthy.)

















Saints 24, Jets 10

I know Jets QB Mark Sanchez is a rookie, but OUCH. If not for his interception and his fumble in the end zone the first half, this game could have gone very differently. (I know: Coulda shoulda woulda. But it's the truth!)

And though things (like the football) seemed to be looking up in the second half for the Jets, Sanchez continued to get picked. Note to Mark Sanchez: Lose the 'stache, not the ball.

Though there are worse things than being tied for first place in the AFC East with the New England Patriots, I am praying Gang Green gets over this huge loss by the time they play the Miami Dolphins (who have switched Chads) on Monday, October 12, at Land Shark Stadium.

(And yes, I wore my Giants shirt during the Giants game and my Jets shirt during the Jets game. Cause that's the kind of fan I am. Also, what's the deal with those New Orleans Saints cheerleader outfits? WTF?! Gold sequins are so tacky. The Jets Flight Crew is waaaaay classier.)

How to turn your bedroom into a sports bar

Thanks to the infinite wisdom (NOT) of Jets' management, the spouse and I had a difficult decision to make today: Jets or Giants? Or so I thought.

Yes, in theory, we could have gone to a sports bar to watch both games, which are being played, for the first time in over 20 years, at the same time on the same day (albeit in different stadiums) -- while drinking beer and eating lovely free nibblies. But our not-old-enough-to-stay-home-alone-for-three-hours child had a friend coming over, so we couldn't.

But that did not stop the spouse, a self-described geek. Oh no. Thanks to having not one but two Sony TVs (albeit previously in different rooms -- and only one of which is HD), a little coaxial cable, and a splitter, the spouse was able to have both the Giants (vs. the Tampa Bay Buccaneers) and the Jets (formerly the New York Titans*, who are playing the Tennessee Titans, formerly the Houston Oilers) broadcasting simultaneously... in our bedroom.















Add some beer, some nuts, and some chips and... voila! You, too, can have a sports bar in your bedroom!

For the record, the spouse tried to get the Jets game on the HDTV (left), but claimed it would only show the Giants game.

Also, for those who are thinking of trying this at home, a note of caution: Do NOT use the same brand of TV if you can help it. Because both of the TVs the spouse used are Sonys, and the remotes have the same codes, every time you use the remote on one, to, say, change the channel or raise or lower the volume, the other set changes too, so you have to do that stuff manually. It is also next to IMPOSSIBLE to watch two games simultaneously. John Madden is a god.

*A note about today's Jets -- or should I say "New York Titans"? -- game: WTF?! Again with the New York Titans uniforms?! Especially against the Tennessee Titans, I mean "Houston Oilers"? Way to go, Jets management! Even the poor commentators were/are confused, referring to Tennessee as "the Oilers" at least a couple of times.

UPDATED 4:08 PM: FINAL SCORES: NY Giants 24, TB Buccaneers 0; NY Jets/NY Titans 24, TN Titans/Houston Oilers 17. A most excellent day for NY/NJ football teams.

The sports bar is now closed... and we return to our regular bedroom.

An open letter to the NFL re this Sunday's Jets, Giants games

I cannot believe you scheduled the Jets and Giants games for the same time -- 1 p.m. ET -- this Sunday. WTF?!

And don't give me the Yom Kippur excuse. I know Yom Kippur begins at sundown this Sunday, September 27, and goes until sundown Monday, September 28. For chrissakes, everyone (OK, almost everyone) knows that.

Hello?! Yom Kippur has been going on for over 5000 years! Get a calendar. Not like you can't Google "Yom Kippur" and find out when it occurs for, like, the next hundred years. But every time Yom Kippur falls on a Sunday, you guys (yeah, I'm talking to you NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell and/or whomever does the scheduling) manage to screw things up. And we New York Jets and Giants fans are fed up.

And why just reschedule the Jets (to the 1 p.m. slot)? What, there are no observant Jews in Buffalo, Seattle, Cincinnati, San Diego, or Phoenix? Are you kidding me?

I am very, very annoyed -- as, I am sure, are a lot of Jets and Giants fans.

And to those of you who say, "J., why don't you and the spouse just go to a sports bar to watch the games?" I would LOVE to go to a sports bar, but we have a kid, whom we can't leave alone for three or four hours. And I'm not sure it would be kosher to spend the Day of Atonement in a sports bar.

Jets deserved an Emmy for yesterday's performance against the Patriots; ditto the Giants vs. the Cowboys

Forget the Emmys, people. Last night the real drama was taking place in Dallas, in Jerry Jones's $1.3 billion Cowboys Stadium, where an NFL record crowd of over 105,000 watched in stunned silence as the Cowboys lost to the Men in Blue 31 - 33 in the final seconds of the game. (There's a great little video summary of the game over on the home page of NFL.com, called "In the nick of Tynes," which unfortunately did not contain an embed code.)

As a result of last night's win over their divisional rival, the Dallas Cowboys, the New York Giants now are alone atop the NFC East with a 2-0 record. To which I saw: WOOHOO! (And yes, I plan to enjoy it while it lasts, which will be at least a week. : )

Also making headlines -- and deserving of an Emmy for most dramatic turnaround after the half -- are the New York Jets, who stunned the New England Patriots yesterday with a 16-9 win. Two words (and they ain't "Mark Sanchez," though he was pretty great): DE-FENSE. And the Jets had it, in spades. Though Patriots' quarterback Tom Brady (aka Mr. Gisele Bundchen) getting four delay of game penalties didn't hurt the Jets either. (See boys. This is what happens when you bang supermodels. It weakens your game.)

I have to admit, I was pretty nervous going into the half, but what a difference 20 minutes makes! Pretty much bottled up by the Patriots in the first half, Jets' quarterback Mark Sanchez came out with his "guns" blazing, throwing some real beauties, including a deep strike to Jerricho Cotchery that went for 45 yards and a pass to Dustin Keller that resulted in a touchdown.

As a result of yesterday's huge win, the New York Jets are now alone atop the AFC East leaderboard with a 2-0 record. To which I also say WOOHOO!

Until next week...

Sex! Pirates! Football!

This blog post has something for everyone! (Don't like a topic? Scroll down.)

First up, SEX!

Though this should really come as a surprise TO NO ONE.... Once again, a married with children "Family Values" Conservative Republican lawmaker, Michael D. Duvall, of Yorba Linda, CA (aka the OC), has been caught with his pants down.

In this particular incident, Assemblyman Duvall really only had himself -- and his big fat mouth -- to blame. The goods: During a legislative session this summer, which, btw, was being taped on the legislature's in-house TV station, Mr. Duvall, in his infinite wisdom, bragged, in front of a live mike, to his colleague, about his two spanking hot mistresses -- one of whom is (was?) an energy lobbyist he worked very closely with as -- ahem (you cannot make this stuff up) -- vice chair of the Committee on Utilities & Commerce.

TPM has all the juicy (and I mean "juicy") details here, including a (censored) YouTube clip of the incident.

Btw, unlike a certain adulterous governor of South Carolina, Mike Duvall resigned -- albeit only after the story broke this month.

[Note: I know my Anonymous Conservative Republican friend will be jumping up and down about my seeming singling out of a Republican and not listing all the dumb Democratic pols who've been caught with their pants down. And to him I say: It's my blog, and I can write what I like. Don't like it? Get your own blog.]

Next up, me hearties... tomorrow (Saturday) is Talk Like a Pirate Day 2009!

What's "Talk Like a Pirate Day," you ask? Aarrr. Just go to the "one and only, official, accept-no-substitutes Talk Like A Pirate Day Web site" to find out! And be sure to check out the Top 10 Pirate Pickup Lines, which include "Have ya ever met a man with a real yardarm?" and "Pardon me, but would ya mind if I fired me cannon through your porthole?" (Hmm... I wonder if Mike Duvall used one of those...)

And last but certainly not least... FOOTBALL!!!

This Sunday, both New Jersey -- I mean New York -- NFL teams have HUGE matchups. HUGE, people. At 1 p.m. The New York Jets (of East Rutherford, New Jersey) take on the New England Patriots at home in the Meadowlands. I think (hope, pray) this will be a close one (with the Jets beating Mr. Gisele Bundchen and the Patriots) -- and a true test of the Jets new defense, coach (Rex Ryan), and QB (Mark Sanchez) -- and will be GLUED to the TV.

Similarly, in another huge divisional matchup, Sunday night the New York Giants (also of East Rutherford, New Jersey) will be taking on the Dallas Cowboys down in Dallas, at the monstrous new stadium down there. And again, I think this one could easily go either way (as do the oddsmakers), though, OF COURSE, I am rooting for the G-Men. Go Big Blue! Earn that $106.9 million, Eli Manning!

Got an opinion on either game or team -- or any of the above? Leave me a comment... on the blog. Bonus points if your comment makes you sound like a pirate!

Wishing you a sun-filled weekend....

Giants disappoint despite 23-17 win over Redskins

When your quarterback (Eli Manning) is the highest paid player in NFL history (having just signed a contract extension giving him $106.9 million over the next seven years), you expect a high(er) level of play. To put it bluntly: Despite the Giants' winning score of 23-17, Eli Manning simply did not deliver in today's too close game against the Washington Redskins. And the rest of the New York Giants didn't inspire a whole lot confidence either, except for kicker Lawrence Tynes, who scored three field goals for the G-Men.

It was like Freaky Friday -- or Sneaky Sunday -- here in the Tri-State area, with Mark Sanchez and the Jets looking and playing way more confidently against the Houston Texans today than the Super Bowl XLII-winning New York Giants.

Yeah, I'm glad the Giants won. (A W is ALWAYS better than an L.) But Big Blue better figure out a way to come up bigger if they want to make it to the playoffs this year.

(No pictures. Was eating dinner. The spouse made a heavenly cauliflower soup, I made some crispy bacon, and J-THREE-O made garlic bread. Yum.)

Break out the NFL thongs! It's football season!

Ah fall, when a middle-aged woman's fancy turns to... football. In this woman's case, the New York Giants and the New York Jets, who open their respective seasons this Sunday.

First up, the Jets take on the Texans in Houston at 1 p.m. (For those who care, the game airs on CBS, with Jim Nantz and Phil Simms providing the usual drivel.) This will be the first NFL start for Jets' rookie quarterback Mark "Even Cuter than Tom Brady!" Sanchez, and I can't wait.

Then at 4:15 p.m. ET over on Fox (oh joy, Joe Buck and Troy Aikman -- bleh), the Giants will be hosting the Washington Redskins -- and we will get to see if quarterback Eli Manning is worth the $106.9 million the Giants are paying him (over six years).

Am desperately trying to get the daughter a playdate as for some strange reason she has no interest in football. (We already told her, weeks ago, that mommy and daddy were not to be disturbed during game time.) My other dilemma? Deciding which thong to wear.

Anyway, I will be posting my impressions of both games either Sunday night or Monday morning.

Play ball!