Cappuccino potato chips?

I like cappuccino.

I like potato chips.

But I refuse to eat cappuccino potato chips.

Seriously, WTF Lay's? (Or maybe that should be "Lay's WTF Potato Chips.")

For those of you who, like me, were on vacation in July and missed the news, on July 17, Lay's

announced the four finalist flavors in its Lay’s “Do Us A Flavor” contest. Lay’s Cappuccino, Lay’s Cheddar Bacon Mac & Cheese, Lay’s Kettle Cooked Wasabi Ginger and Lay’s Wavy Mango Salsa flavored potato chips were selected as finalists from the more than 14 million entries submitted to the contest between January 13 and April 5, 2014.

Lay's goes on to state that "all four finalist flavors have been fully developed by Frito-Lay’s culinary experts." (I can only imagine what that job must have been like... and what their current life expectancy is.)

Lest you think this is some kind of joke, all four flavors are currently available on supermarket shelves (my foodie friend Molly posted a picture of the Cappuccino Lay's bag, taken on a recent supermarket run, on her Facebook page) and "the finalist behind the winning idea taking home a $1 million grand prize."

I am so in the wrong line of work.

One million dollars for coming up with Cappuccino potato chips... or Cheddar Bacon Mac & Cheese potato chips, or Kettle Cooked Wasabi Ginger potato chips or Wavy Mango Salsa flavored potato chips.

(What, no beer-flavored potato chips?!)

Just take a minute for that to settle in. 

Btw, the guy who submitted the Cappuccino Potato Chip idea is getting his PhD (in Food Science?) at Texas A&M and is currently a visiting lecturer at UNLV.

Ironically (?), Lay's Cappuccino potato chips have no caffeine, which, to me, is a total buzzkill.

But maybe I'm being too critical. Maybe Cappuccino potato chips (even without the caffeine) are an effing brilliant idea. Ditto Cheddar Bacon Mac & Cheese potato chips. (Though isn't the name a bit redundant?) Or Wasabi Ginger potato chips. Or Mango Salsa chips. (I do like mango salsa, albeit on tortilla chips.)

What do you all think? Would any of you actually eat any of these chips?

(Here's the "Do Us a Flavor" press release from Lay's if you want to learn more, or vote for your favorite potato chip flavor.)

The Man Aisle

Attention all male supermarket shoppers: Introducing one-stop shopping for all your manly needs.

Because apparently having separate "beer" and "snack" aisles was too labor intensive:

“If you’re going to have some guys over to watch a game, you can pretty much stand here — not move two feet — and get your beer, barbecue sauce, chips, whatever*. It’s all right here!” Ian Joskowitz, 43, chief operating officer of Westside Market NYC, told the New York Post.

(I rest my case.)

While the idea of a Man Aisle is amusing, do guys really need more distractions when supermarket shopping? Also, how old is the target audience, nine? Frosted Flakes, Cap'n Crunch, and Doritos? And what's with the lame beer selection? Bud Light and Coors Light? At least include some real beer, guys.

*whatever being code for condoms

Too many choices

Or, How many types of orange juice does the world really need?

While choice can be a good thing, too much choice -- or too many choices -- can sometimes be a bad thing, especially when it involves supermarket shopping and your spouse (or partner or boyfriend).

Gone are the days when a woman could simply write

• orange juice
• milk
• shampoo
• conditioner

and expect her helpmate to return with exactly what she wanted. HA!

Ah, if life were still that simple.

Now instead of confidently reaching for a container of orange juice, the ill-prepared male is accosted by a barrage of choices, nine out of ten of which are likely to be the wrong one (per his spouse or partner or girlfriend). Yet how is he to know pulp or no pulp? With or without calcium? Home style or grove stand (whatever those appellations mean)? From concentrate or freshly squeezed? Or which brand to choose when there are typically four or five or more brands, many of which look the same?

















And buying milk is no easier. Do you get whole, 2%, 1%, or skim? Organic or not? Pasteurized or ultra-pasteurized? And don't forget to check the expiration date!

Though the worst aisle in the supermarket to navigate may be the health and beauty aisle, which has been known to reduce normally decisive, confident men to blubbering idiots. Does the world really need 10 shelves of shampoos and conditioners? Feminine products? Don't even bother. And as far as facial creams, I have to admit, to the inexperienced, Nivea and Neutrogena and Noxzema do look and sound awfully similar.

To combat supermarket overload, one woman I know (or, more accurately, whom the spouse knows) actually sends her husband shopping with a detailed spreadsheet, which no longer seems as whacky as it once did. (To minimize phone calls from the supermarket as well as having to return items later, I actually typed up a detailed, bulleted list, organized the same way our Stop & Shop is organized, for the spouse the other day, which I both printed and emailed to his Droid. He said it worked great -- and I didn't have to return a thing.)

Don't get me wrong. I am all for freedom of choice. I just sometimes think too much choice can be a bad thing -- though it's a nice segue to/reason to include this classic Devo song: