Remember when this was the most annoying ad on TV?

Come with me as we return to a time before ads for pharmaceuticals dominated (or were even on) the airwaves, when the most annoying, or overplayed, commercial on television began with strains of classical music and an elegant, mustachioed Englishman uttering these memorable words....

"I'm sure you recognize this lovely melody as 'Stranger in Paradise.' But did you know that the original theme is from the 'Polovetsian Dance No. 2' by Borodin? So many of the tunes of our well-known popular songs were actually written by the great masters—like these familiar themes..."



Although the ad stopped airing in 1984 (13 years after it began running, and a year after actor John Williams' death), I bet most (all?) of you remember it. (The spouse and I do -- and were quoting it while listening to classical music over breakfast this morning. Hence this post -- and the accompanying ear worm(s).)

For those of you who don't remember or have a fuzzy memory of the ad, it was for 120 Music Masterpieces, a four-record set of classical music excerpts from Columbia House (later Vista Marketing), which contained these timeless classical melodies, "performed by Europe's finest musicians." (And if you acted quickly, you could also get an additional 30 piano masterpieces!)

As annoying as the ad was, though, I would rather be bombarded with ads for classical music than with ads for Humira, Xerelto and/or Viagra. Unlike all of the pharmaceuticals advertised on TV, the only negative side effects of classical music are mild sleepiness and boredom.

Whatever happened to jingles?

One of the funniest moments of this year's Academy Awards ceremony (at least to me) was when Neil Patrick Harris sang "He won an Oscar, bum ba-dum bum bum bum bum," to the tune of the Farmers Insurance jingle, after J.K. Simmons, Farmers pitchman, won the Oscar for Best Supporting Actor.

Proof that jingles work, or at least are memorable -- or more memorable than commercials without jingles.

And yet despite research showing the effectiveness, or memorability, of jingles, few brands today employ them.

Indeed, try to think of a commercial you've seen in the last year that featured a jingle. [I'll give you a minute.]

Anything*?

The only brand the spouse and I could think of, in addition to Farmers, was Nationwide, yet another insurance company, which not only uses a jingle but quarterback and funnyman Peyton Manning to sing it. [Chicken parm you taste so good...]



Actually, while Googling "famous jingles" I came across State Farm's "Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there." Yet another insurance company!

But is anyone, other than insurance companies, using jingles*?

Back when the spouse and I were kids, and then teenagers, it seems every big brand had a memorable jingle. And everyone knew and sang them.

Fun jingle fact: Did you know that Randy Newman co-wrote, with Barry Manilow, those catchy Dr. Pepper jingles from the 1970s, "The Most Original Soft Drink Ever" and "Be a Pepper"? 

Commercials also had much more memorable spoken hooks. "It's not nice to fool Mother Nature"; "Calgon, take me away!"; and "Ancient Chinese secret" (also Calgon) are three that immediately spring to mind. And apparently they spring to a lot of other people's minds as well, as when you type "ancient" into Google the first suggestion that immediately pops up is "ancient Chinese secret." And when you type in "Calgon," "Calgon take me away" immediately pops up as the first suggestion.


*If you think of something, let me know via a Comment.

Remember life before email?

Remember life before email? I do. Vaguely. As I recall, we used things called "pens" and "stationery" and "stamps" to communicate with each other over long distances, or used a quaint invention called "a telephone."

Seems so long ago, doesn't it? But it was really just 20 years ago (less) that email started to take off. (Though can you believe, AOL, which, yes, still exists -- I know! -- it going to be 30 this year?! And that there are some people who still have @aol.com email addresses? Hi Steven!)

At the beginning, many people had no idea how to use this newfangled technology, as BMW playfully reminds us in this fun/funny Super Bowl XLIX ad featuring Katie Couric and Bryant Gumble...



Actually, I know people, make that many people, who still don't understand how email works, or know how to properly use or manage it. But since some of them read this blog, I will not name names.

Now it is hard to imagine life without email.

(You know what else is hard to imagine? Going back to how we dressed and wore our hair in the 1990s. Though I hear animal prints are going to be big this spring!)

RELATED "BOY DO I FEEL OLD" ASIDE: While having dinner the other night, the spouse mentioned that my mother, while clearing out her apartment of over 40 years (for an upcoming, long overdue, renovation), happened upon a box of old 78s and 45s. To which our teenage daughter replied, "What are '78s' and '45s'?"

We asked her to guess. She had no clue. (Anyone else feeling incredibly old now? Granted, 78s were before my time, but I fondly remember 45s.) The spouse explained to her that they were types of records (which required another short explanation) -- and that 45s were the iTunes of their day, which I think is a rather brilliant description.

The gift of Michael Bolton?

Is it just me or is Michael Bolton in every fourth (or third) television ad right now? (And I don't even watch that much TV!)

First there was the Optimum campaign...



[Do not worry, Michael Bolton. I have no intention of calling you.]

Then the Starburst fruit chews Orchard ad...



[Boltonizing? Now he's a verb? Also, "His voice is so smooth it creates the juiciest flavors in the world"? Ew.]

And now Michael Boston is pimping for Honda, too?!





[The snow isn't the only thing about to blow, Michael.]

It's like the 12 days of Bolton.

[How am I supposed to live without you, Michael, if you won't go away?]

All I can say is Michael Bolton owes a major debt to Lonely Island and Andy Samberg.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Finally, an answer to the age-old question, Why did the chicken cross the road? (Well, sort of.)

Because it was test driving a Mercedes-Benz Intelligent Drive Magic Body Control System!



Note: No chickens were harmed in the making of this ad. Just deeply embarrassed.

More about the Mercedes-Benz chicken commercial and the Mercedes-Benz Magic Body Control  suspension system here and here.

Beauty is not just in the eye of the beholder

Women are, by nature, hard on themselves -- about work, about parenting, and especially about how they look. I just never realized how hard we are on ourselves.

Indeed, I was somewhat shocked to learn that according to a survey sponsored by Dove, only 2 percent of women consider themselves beautiful. (Click on the link to see highlights from "The Real Truth About Beauty: A Global Report.")

But don't just read the survey highlights. Check out this new video from Dove, titled "Dove Real Beauty Sketches," which has been viewed nearly 9 million times in the last five days.



I just watched it, twice, and still have tears in my eyes.

It also made me angry, because I just knew that someone, or several someones, either directly or indirectly, had made these women feel un-beautiful. Granted, we shouldn't believe everything people tell us. But if your mother tells you you have a big jaw or offers to get you liposuction for your twenty-first birthday (hi Mom!), or a guy tells you you might look cute if you wore more makeup (hi Larry!) or lost 10 or 15 pounds (hi Michael!), and all the women you see on TV or in fashion magazines look nothing like you, you start to feel... un-beautiful. And even if, later in life, you do lose weight, or whatever, it is very hard to counteract years of being told or made to feel less than beautiful.

But I applaud Dove's Campaign for Real Beauty (in 2011 a whopping 4 percent of women surveyed said they considered themselves beautiful, though that was double the number surveyed in 2004) -- and I love their new tagline, "You are more beautiful than you think."

UPDATED 4/20/13: It was really only a matter of time until a parody emerged*. Herewith, "Dove Real Beauty Sketches -- Men."



"Don't forget, men: YOU aren't as beautiful as you think!"

*Though from personal experience, this video is dead on.

Holy ship!

If you needed more proof that the Mad Men days of advertising are long gone and that commercials are now being created by a bunch of adolescent-minded males, check out this new ad from Kmart titled "Ship My Pants."



In case you were distracted by all the ship that was going down, Kmart is advertising its new shipping service, which allows customers to ship their pants (or bed or nightgown) -- for free.

Many are calling the new ad silly or stupid. Others think it's funny bordering on brilliant.

What do you think?

(Frankly, I don't give a ship.)

You really think we're that shallow?

I like those amusing Progressive Insurance ads featuring Flo just as much as the next person. But I found this ad, titled "Choices," which I've been seeing a lot of lately (mainly during ball games and on The Weather Channel), sexist -- and offensive.



Do you really think we forty-something women are that shallow, guys, that when given the choice, we'll just automatically go for whatever it is the (preferably shirtless) cute, hunky guy is selling? (Also, why do we always look like frazzled housewives or else naughty librarians in these types of ads?)

Apparently, the answer is "YES!"



Sigh.

Memo to Sauza Tequila: No, I have never wanted to make it with a lifeguard -- or without one. (That Sauza-Rita sounds DISGUSTING. Ew. Also, that lifeguard? He's also -- DUM DUM DUM -- the Kraft Zesty Italian Guy. Double ew. You want to pander to my baser desires, Sauza? Bring back the intelligent fireman -- and don't forget the kitten.)

I know I asked this the other day, but what is with Madison Avenue and all the chick porn ads the last year?

Hey, it's Michael Jordan and... OMG KITTENS!!!

Oh, how the mighty have fallen.

It is a sad day when basketball legend Michael Jordan is upstaged by --



OMG KITTENS! Can I have a cute, cuddly, kitten shirt made up of furry little white kittens?! Pleeaase? OMG, how cute are those little white furballs?!

Ahem. Getting back to business (but seriously, did you hear those cute little meows? aaaah)... What does it say about former basketball legend Michael Jordan that Hanes felt the need to include kittens, which, as we all know, are irresistible and make everything around them invisible, in an undershirt commercial with him?

A sad day indeed. (Except for the part about kittens.)

Pardon me...

So the spouse and I were watching something or other the other night and happened to catch the new Grey Poupon commercial, "The Lost Footage," which purportedly reveals the aftermath of that famous original Rolls-Royce to Rolls-Royce Grey Poupon exchange, which pretty much put Grey Poupon mustard on the map (or, in this case, table).



Our immediate reaction? WTF?! That has got to be one of the strangest -- or weirdest or most out there -- ads we've ever seen. Which is saying a lot.

And the really weird thing? Grey Poupon isn't the only brand that had re-edited an old commercial, or gone retro. Check out this new retro ad for Herbal Essences.



(Here's the original Herbal Essences airplane ad, for those who are interested.)

Did someone bring back the 1980s and forget to tell me?

Christmas ads already? What happened to Thanksgiving?

I realize that "Bah Humbug" could be my middle name, but there is a part of me (the New York Jew who celebrated Christmas for nearly 20 years and sang the Messiah part) that has a soft spot for Christmastime -- the little twinkly lights, the conifers all decked out, peppermint lattes, gingerbread cookies, even (some of) the music (before it is overplayed to death).

But I loathe how what is or was supposed to be a celebration of the birth of Jesus (though he was actually born in June -- the December date was originally the Roman pagan festival of Saturnalia) has become a retail feeding frenzy -- and how each year we see Christmas ads and decorations a little earlier. Indeed, this Target Christmas ad debuted before Halloween!



To answer your question, Target, No, I am not ready.

Coca-Cola, Mercedes-Benz, and Lowe's have also been airing Christmas ads. And those are just the ones I've happened to see.

I realize one little blogger's lament will not stop the pre-Thanksgiving Christmas madness, but I know I would feel a bit better knowing Nordstrom and I weren't the only ones who thought Christmas ads and decorations should wait until after Thanksgiving (i.e., please to be leaving a comment showing your support for celebrating Christmas at Christmastime and not before). And do not get me started about Hanukkah/Chanukah and Kwanzaa.

Thank you.

The one about naughty librarians

I get it, guys. You like to watch porn (except, apparently, for Rick Santorum). But can you please keep it to yourselves -- and out of commercials that air (constantly) between 7 a.m. and 9 p.m. on basic cable?

I am not sure what's going on on Madison Avenue, but there seems to be a feeling among advertising (and corporate?) executives that working women and stay-at-home (or work-from-home) moms all secretly want to be porn stars.

And while I'll admit I found the Liquid Plumr Double Impact (aka Liquid Plumr Makes a Porno) ad amusing, the "Naughty Librarian" ad for Pearle Vision, which I keep seeing on TV (and I don't watch that much TV), has me rolling my myopic eyes:



Though I guess it's not that much worse than the naughty library ad Wonderful Pistachios ran a couple years back:



Maybe I'm missing something here, or maybe I've worked in libraries for too long, but what's the deal? Do you people (with penises) really think we women are going to buy glasses or pistachio nuts because we secretly want to be naughty librarians? Clearly this is some guy fantasy (of a guy who has never spent time in an actual library), and explains much of Tina Fey's appeal, but I don't get it.

Ladies, you tell me: Do you dream of being a naughty librarian? (And yes, you can leave your comment anonymously.)

Liquid-Plumr makes a porno (real ad)

I like having my drain pipe snaked just as much as the next happy homemaker, but seriously, Liquid-Plumr, "Double Impact"?! Why not call it "Deep Pipe"?



(Am also curious who their advertising agency is, Vivid Entertainment?)

And while I could be wrong about this, I think it's pretty safe to assume the "Double Impact" ad was created by a guy (Joe the Plumber?).

Truth be told, I found the Liquid-Plumr Double Impact commercial hysterical (as did the spouse), but I'm not going to rush out and buy a bottle, nor am I going to start fantasizing about plumbers. (I've had a lot of plumbers work on my pipes over the years, and the only fantasy I've had is them fixing the problem the first time and not overcharging me.)

Thoughts?

Top 3 Super Bowl XLVI ads?

You know how you can tell a great Super Bowl? When the game is more exciting than the Super Bowl commercials. And yesterday's Super Bowl -- featuring the New York Giants vs. the New England Patriots -- did not disappoint. At least Giants' fans. (GIANTS WON! GIANTS WON!) The ads, on the other hand, did. Though a few stood out.

Herewith my Top 3 Super Bowl XLVI ads -- plus honorable mentions.

My favorite? Honda's CR-V ad featuring Matthew Broderick (click the link to see the ad). Though I prefer the extended version.

My second favorite ad, M&M's "Just My Shell":



(Any ad that features M&Ms and LMFAO's "I'm sexy and I know it" is tops with me.)

And in third place, we (meaning I) have a tie, between Sketchers' "GO RUN Mr. Quiggly" ad, featuring the French bulldog:



and Dorito's "Man's Best Friend" ad, even though it is offensive to cats and their owners.



Honorable mentions go to the Acura NSX ad featuring Jerry Seinfeld, Hyundai's "All for One" ad featuring the theme from Rocky, and to Budweiser for promoting rescue dogs (though I still will not drink Bud Light).

So which were your favorite Super Bowl XLVI ads? Let me know via the comments.

Which Super Bowl XLVI car ad will win?

Forget Giants vs. Patriots, this Super Bowl (XLVI), it's all about Volkswagen vs. Acura (and Audi).

Capitalizing on last year's uber successful Darth Vader Super Bowl ad, titled "The Force," Volkswagen now gives us "The Dog Strikes Back," advertising the new and improved (?) Volkswagen Beetle. (Be sure to watch it all the way through to see the Star Wars connection.)



Personally, I think the ad is nowhere near as entertaining as "The Force" (which featured the same or a similar dog, being accosted by Little Lord Vader)...



or even its "Bark Side" teaser:



But I don't think the ad for the new Acura NSX, titled "Transactions" and featuring Jerry Seinfeld (never got him, never will)...



or Audi's "Vampire Party" ad...



is any funnier. (Seriously, vampires are so last year.)

So which ad(s) do you like? And would you buy one of these cars based on the ad? (I hate the Jerry Seinfeld Acura NSX ad, but I totally want that car. ) Leave me a comment.

UPDATED: How could I have left out Honda's ad for its new and improved (?) CR-V featuring Matthew Broderick?! Friends, I believe we have a clear winner after all. (And I may need to be tested for early onset dementia.)

Matthew Broderick's Day Off (Honda 2012 Super Bowl ad)

Oh yeah.



Honda's 2012 Super Bowl ad for it's "all new" CR-V, featuring Matthew Broderick as a grown-up Ferris Bueller, is brilliant.

What do you all think? Anyone...? Anyone...?

(I haven't counted all the Ferris Bueller's Day Off references and quotes, but there have got to be at least a dozen. I personally like when the valet calls out "Broderick...? Broderick...? Though it would have been funnier if Honda had gotten Ben Stein to play the valet.)

Whatever happened to 7UP?

So the other day, the spouse turns to me and says, "Whatever happened to 7UP? Does it still exist?" After all, you never see commercials for 7UP (or at least we don't), though I'm pretty sure I've seen cans of 7UP at the supermarket. (Which makes me wonder, if a product doesn't have a commercial, does it really exist? I know, too deep for early in the morning, but still.)

So, I Googled "7UP" and discovered that 7UP not only still exists but has its own website, 7up.com. And there's a new commercial with Cee Lo Green.



Which made me pine (or lemon and lime) for the old Geoffrey Holder 7UP ads.





Brings back memories it does.

Indeed, back in the 1970s and 1980s, it seemed 7UP was everywhere (or at least their commercials were). And, indeed, back in the 1940s, 7UP was the third most popular soft drink. But in our highly caffeinated world, where soft-drink makers are constantly manipulating their formulas to add even more caffeine (yes, I'm talking to you, Mountain Dew), maybe an un-cola, like 7UP, has no place.

So any of you drink 7UP? Were you "feelin' 7UP" as a kid? (I did, though I preferred Fresca.) Let me know via the Comments.

Mmm... Velveeta...

After six days without power -- or heat, or running water, or school -- my brain is about the consistency of melted Velveeta. Which is no doubt why I find this cheesy commercial for Velveeta Cheesy Skillets so hysterical. Or it could be I've been reading too many romance novels (the spouse's theory).



Anyone else find they have a strange craving for Velveeta... or a hunky blacksmith?

My new role model

People, I give you J-ONE-O -- or me 40 years into the future.



[Is it just me or could Yiayia be Jewish -- or Italian?]



[Seriously, I feel like we're related. Indeed, one bubbe (aka Jewish grandmother) I knew of used to refer to her granddaughter's live-in significant other as her grand-sin-in-law.]



[It's like my father and/or grandfather was reincarnated as an old Greek woman. Ask the spouse. When I met him, both my father and maternal grandfather when I asked them if they liked my then boyfriend, who was the editor of an alternative/green publication and making no money, both responded "How much can you like a guy who doesn't have a real job?"]

I'm not a brand-specific kind of gal, nor am I typically influenced by ads (in fact quite the opposite), but after seeing these three ads for Athenos Greek yogurt and hummus, I am totally going to buy both Athenos products next time I'm stocking up on Greek yogurt and hummus.

[Huge thanks to StrangeAppar8us over on Rumproast for introducing me to these fabulous ads. Also check out the Athenos YiaTube channel. Hysterical.]

Cats with thumbs + Beam me up, Priceline (new William Shatner ad)

Sure, I thought about writing on some really important topic, like bullying (it's not just for kids!), or the ongoing Federal budget stalemate, or the Middle East crisis, or the rising price of oil (and gold) and the threat of inflation, even Charlie Sheen. But why blog about those downer topics when you can blog about cats with thumbs (possibly the funniest ad ever) and Priceline's latest "Negotiator" ad, featuring William Shatner and a lot of Star Trek (the original series) references? I know!

So first up, this hysterically funny ad for Cravendale milk, a dairy in the United Kingdom, titled "Cats with Thumbs":



And the new Priceline Negotiator ad featuring William Shatner (and a lot of Star Trek references), titled "Department of Negotiation":



How many Star Trek references did you count? (You just know some Trekkie or Trekker out there has done this.)