A mother's note to her three little scientists

My friend Liz, the long-suffering mother of three curious (and adorable) little boys, posted this on Facebook yesterday, and I had to share.

[Anyone who is or was the mother of a curious boy will appreciate this.]

Dear Boys,

While I appreciate your enthusiasm for scientific experimentation and laud your quest for empirical knowledge…we need to clarify a few things.

The toilet is not designed to determine whether small rubber animals sink or float. Especially when flushed.

The purpose of a ceiling fan is not to test your reflexes. Unanticipated outcomes are almost guaranteed.

The microwave is not a science lab. One of two things will happen, no matter what you put in there: it will melt or it will explode. Neither outcome will make me happy.

Love,

Mom

And speaking of microwaves and science labs... ;-)



You're welcome, Liz!

The truth about college?

As the parent of a high school sophomore, I've been thinking a lot about college lately. So I was both amused and depressed by this viral video on YouTube titled "Honest University Commercial."



As someone who feels totally let down by her undergraduate (prestigious women's college) and post-graduate (prestigious research university) experience and disappointed by how little those institutions of higher learning have helped me, I worry about today's college and high school students. College is so much more expensive and pressure packed now.

And what do today's graduates (those who actually graduate) emerge with? Tens of thousands of dollars in debt (from student loans) and, more often than not, disappointment. True, I know of several relatively recent graduates who have found rewarding jobs right after graduation. But there are so many smart twentysomethings who can't find work -- or a job in their field. And even the "lucky ones" still struggle with student loans.

I don't think answer is "don't go to college," at least not for everyone. (Unless you are Bill Gates or Mark Zuckerberg, those with college degrees make significantly more than those with only high school diplomas.) But I'm not sure what the answer is.

At the very least, though, I wish colleges were more truthful in their advertising.

Thoughts?

A guy's worst fear?

Okay, maybe waking up one morning to discover your girlfriend or wife had mysteriously gone from a D-cup to an A-cup is not a guy's worst fear*. But it's probably a close second (or third)**.

Though now that I think of it, considering how many women undergo breast augmentations and reconstructive surgery, having small breasts, or waking up to find your breasts have shrunk or disappeared, may be a woman's worst fear***.



[A tip of my bra strap to friend of the blog Another David S., who sent me the "Ghost Tits" video, featuring the lovely Olivia Munn, and who doesn't judge a woman by her bra size.]

*That would probably be waking up to find someone cut off your penis. Or you ran out of beer and all the liquor or package stores were closed.

**See the bit at the top of the page, in the header, about this being a satirical blog.

***Before all you breast cancer survivors and relatives of women with breast cancer start leaving nasty comments about how incredibly insensitive that video is (and by extension how insensitive I am), see the note above and take a deep breath. No one is making fun of breast cancer. Thank you.

The purr-fect direct marketing campaign?

I've been in marketing a long time, and I've seen some great direct marketing campaigns. However, this direct mail campaign for kitty litter, targeting cats, is one of the most creative I've seen.

Talk about a purr-fect setup -- using a cat to get to the owner, by printing your kitty litter offer on catnip-laced paper. 



And according to Rethink Communications, the catnip campaign is working.

Though I wonder if this could be the start of a disturbing new trend. What's next, offers for brownies printed on pot-laced flyers? (Speaking of which....)

In any case, my marketing hat is off to Rethink, for its out-of-the-litter-box thinking. 

One small step for a bikini...

One giant hard-on for mankind.

I think everyone who regularly reads this blog knows of my feelings regarding the annual Sport Illustrated Swimsuit issue (which appears on newsstands right around Valentine's Day -- how sweet).

I actually didn't blog about the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue last year, because, frankly, how much more is there to say about big busted women posing in tiny bikinis (or a thong, or body paint, which is now, apparently, considered swimwear, even though if you actually tried to swim in it, it would wash off, which, okay, may be the point, but I digress) in exotic locations?

But try as I might to ignore this year's 50th Anniversary Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue, when I heard about Kate Upton's zero gravity shoot ("Kate Upton Defies Gravity"), I had to see what all the fuss was about.

And, I have to admit, this behind-the-scenes video of the Kate Upton Sports Illustrated 2014 Swimsuit issue zero gravity shoot is pretty awesome -- and funny.



For those interested, Kate Upton is wearing a Target limited edition swimsuit. Because, you know, I'm sure y'all were wondering "Huh, I wonder who made that swimsuit?" or "Where can I get that bikini?" when you were watching that video.

[Photos from the Kate Upton zero gravity shoot here.]

Harmless little bunnies, my arse

Run away! Run away cute little Chinese girl!

Those are no ordinary rabbits. Those rabbits got a vicious streak a mile wide. They're killers!


Too late.

[Per the original version's About section, "The Japanese island of Ōkunoshima is known as the Rabbit Island for its huge population of wild bunnies. If you are carrying a big bag of treats, like this girl from Hong Kong, you better be prepared for a bunny attack."]

Where's the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch when you need it?

Eat your heart out

I have tried over the years not to be or become that parent. You know the one. The one who constantly brags or boasts about their kid on Facebook or in person, whether there is something to brag or boast about or not. Or who constantly one-ups you with tales of their little genius's or athlete's or [insert whatever here]'s accomplishments.

I think I've done a pretty good job of keeping my pride (and bragging) in check. But sometimes your kid does something so awesome, so mind-blowingly sweet or thoughtful or amazing or extraordinary, you just have to brag share. And friends, today is such a day.

For today, the teenager made me (and okay, technically the spouse, too, but she really made them for me) croissants and pain au chocolats, FROM SCRATCH. Because she knew I'd been feeling blue and craving a good croissant and pain au chocolat. (I am still kvelling.)

Here is the scene that greeted me at 8 a.m. this morning as I entered the kitchen: a plate covered with hearts topped with a hot-out-of-the-oven croissant and pain au chocolat (along with orange juice and a selection of condiments).

Never has a mother -- or this mother -- been so moved by baked goods. But OH! what baked goods! I am not exaggerating when I say these croissants and pain au chocolat were as good as -- BETTER -- than any I've had in New York or Paris. And trust me, I have eaten A LOT of croissant and pain au chocolat in my day.

However, rather than continue to drool on my keyboard prattle on about how incredibly flaky and buttery and mouthwateringly delicious these delectable morsels of French yumminess were, I will let the baked goods speak for themselves.

Mmmm...

[And if you think the croissant and pain au chocolat were impressive, check out the teenager's food blog and its Facebook page, which has way more likes than my page does. Okay, I'm done bragging now.]