One small step for a bikini...

One giant hard-on for mankind.

I think everyone who regularly reads this blog knows of my feelings regarding the annual Sport Illustrated Swimsuit issue (which appears on newsstands right around Valentine's Day -- how sweet).

I actually didn't blog about the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue last year, because, frankly, how much more is there to say about big busted women posing in tiny bikinis (or a thong, or body paint, which is now, apparently, considered swimwear, even though if you actually tried to swim in it, it would wash off, which, okay, may be the point, but I digress) in exotic locations?

But try as I might to ignore this year's 50th Anniversary Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue, when I heard about Kate Upton's zero gravity shoot ("Kate Upton Defies Gravity"), I had to see what all the fuss was about.

And, I have to admit, this behind-the-scenes video of the Kate Upton Sports Illustrated 2014 Swimsuit issue zero gravity shoot is pretty awesome -- and funny.



For those interested, Kate Upton is wearing a Target limited edition swimsuit. Because, you know, I'm sure y'all were wondering "Huh, I wonder who made that swimsuit?" or "Where can I get that bikini?" when you were watching that video.

[Photos from the Kate Upton zero gravity shoot here.]

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder

Last night, on Valentine's Day no less, several new beauty queens were crowned around New York City -- leaving many of their competitors and observers scratching their heads (and other body parts -- literally).

Over at Madison Square Garden, a long-haired, long-legged bitch named Hickory was awarded Best in Group. Personally, I was rooting for her shorter, cuter rival, Lola, who came in second. But, as we all know, there is no accounting for taste, especially when it comes to beauty contests.

(For those who didn't watch last night's Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show, Hickory is a champion Scottish Deerhound, registered name GCH Foxcliffe Hickory Wind; and Lola is a 15-inch beagle, registered name GCH Torquay Midnight Confession. And they were competing against each other in the Hound Group.)

A little while later, another striking bitch, Jayne, who clearly is unfamiliar with Botox and has never gone under a plastic surgeon's knife, won the Non-Sporting Group, beating out what some would say was a much cuter, and certainly less wrinkly, Bichon Frise.

I say good for you, Miss Jayne! You go girl. (Again, for those who didn't watch the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show last night, Jayne, whose registered name is GCH Vaje's Miss Jayne Hathaway -- yes, for that Miss Jane Hathaway -- is a Chinese Shar-Pei.)

A short time later, not too far away at the Ed Sullivan Theater, David Letterman revealed the cover of this year's Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue, after having 10 of the models from this year's swimsuit issue humiliate themselves doing one of the most insipid Top 10 lists I've ever seen, "Top Ten Good Things About Appearing in the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition."

And gracing the cover of the 2011 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition is... surgically enhanced Russian model Irina Shayk.

Me, I'll take Hickory the Scottish Deerhound or Miss Jayne the Chinese Shar-Pei over Miss Shayk the Russian Supermodel any day, but I'm sure I am in the minority (at least in a mixed crowd). Not that I don't think Irina Shayk isn't attractive. I just prefer the more natural-looking Hilary Rhoda and Julie Henderson -- and Lola the beagle (though I am a bulldog lover).

More importantly, I wish that pretty girls were secure enough to feel they didn't need big fake boobs to be attractive -- and that magazines like Sports Illustrated would feature natural-looking (I'm not going to say "real" because who really looks like a Sports Illustrated Swimsuit model?) women on its cover and pages. Maybe we can learn something after all from the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show.

UPDATED: In a big upset, my gal Hickory won Best in Show at the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show last night. Way to go, Hickory! You can read more about Hickory winning Best in Show here.