Meanwhile at Trump's Cabinet meeting yesterday...

For those of you haven't yet seen a clip of yesterday's Trump Cabinet meeting, here's what Trump's Cabinet secretaries had to say about him...

For those too busy or unable to watch the video, here are highlights from the transcript:

Mike Pence: "Donald Trump is the kindest, bravest, warmest, most wonderful human being I've ever known in my life."

Jeff Sessions: "Donald Trump is the kindest, bravest, warmest, most wonderful human being I've ever known in my life."

Rick Perry: "Donald Trump is the kindest, bravest, warmest, most wonderful human being I've ever known in my life."

Tom Price: "Donald Trump is the kindest, bravest, warmest, most wonderful human being I've ever known in my life."

Mick Mulvaney: "Donald Trump is the kindest, bravest, warmest, most wonderful human being I've ever known in my life."

Reince Priebus: "Donald Trump is the kindest, bravest, warmest, most wonderful human being I've ever known in my life."

Oops, I missed this quote from Sean Spicer.

Stop referring to Trump as a billionaire

Dear New York Times and every other media outlet,

Please stop referring to Donald J. Trump as a billionaire or "billionaire Donald J. Trump." You, and we, the public, have no idea if Trump is a billionaire. And considering the amount of debt he has, and the hundreds of millions of dollars he has lost over the years, it is highly likely he is not a billionaire. 

Sure, Trump would like us to believe he is a billionaire.

And I would like people to believe I am really 5'6". 

But we have no way of knowing if Trump is a billionaire as he refuses to release his tax returns. 

So please, news organizations, cable channels, and bloggers, stop referring to Trump as a billionaire. Refer to him as just a businessman or a real estate developer (or President, if you must). And if he complains, say you'd be happy to re-apply the descriptor "billionaire" -- as soon as he provides the last 8 years worth of his Federal tax returns. 

You know what they say about guys with small crowds...*

As has been widely reported, the man Graydon Carter once described as a "short-fingered vulgarian" has been very unhappy about the reported size of his crowd.

Despite photos and facts to the contrary, the Toddler in Chief insists that his crowd was the biggest, bigger than Obama's, bigger than anyone's!

So, per aides, who spoke to The Washington Post...

Over the objections of his aides and advisers — who urged him to focus on policy and the broader goals of his presidency — the new president issued a decree: He wanted a fiery public response [to claims that his crowd wasn't the biggest or bestest], and he wanted it to come from his press secretary.

Yes folks, the man who rose to national prominence by trying to delegitimize America's first black president, his number one concern upon taking office is the fear that his crowd wasn't as big as Obama's. (Though you know what they say about the size of black men's crowds.)

So, unable to grab some pussy himself, he (Trump) ordered his press secretary to go diddle the press corps -- and the American public -- by claiming that his crowd was the biggest, despite easy to find evidence to the contrary.



This, my fellow Americans, is not the behavior of a president but of a spoiled, narcissistic, irrational toddler (or sociopath). And, unfortunately, it doesn't seem like there are any adults in the room who are capable of controlling the Toddler in Chief's temper tantrums.

(I'd say we are well and truly fucked, but considering the size and flaccidity of Trump's, uh, crowd, it may take a while.)

UPDATED: More on Trump's long-standing obsession with ratings and size via The New York Times.


*small hands and small... minds

Propaganda Barbie & Alternative Facts

For those of you who don't own a dictionary or are too lazy to Google it, a fact is "a piece of information presented as having objective reality." That is, something that can be objectively* proven.

An alternative fact, on the other hand, is a falsehood, or lie, something told or written with the express purpose to deceive. Or, as we students of political science and history call it, propaganda, "information, especially of a biased or misleading nature, used to promote a political cause or point of view."

During World War II, there were a handful of women (and men) who used the airwaves (radio) as a means to spread Nazi and Axis propaganda. Two of the most famous, or infamous, were Axis Sally (who was born in Maine but moved to Berlin in 1934) and Tokyo Rose (another American, who broadcast from Japan).

Over 70 years later, in 2016, another woman has joined their illustrious ranks, rising to fame on her ability to create or repeat and spread lies and half-truths over the airwaves. Her name, Kellyanne Conway, or, as she was recently dubbed, Propaganda Barbie.


Back in the 1940s, before there was the Internet, determining what was true and what wasn't could take a little time -- and a trip to the library. Today, though, it is easy to separate fact from fiction, thanks to a number of objective fact-checking sites, such as PoliFact, FactCheck.org, Snopes, and Fact Checker.

Yet millions of Americans are too lazy, or biased, to search out the truth, preferring to hear what they want to hear rather than risk cognitive dissonance. Which, to quote our new Propagandist in Chief, is "sad."

Bonus video: Depeche Mode, "Policy of Truth"



*And for those who don't know what objectively means, it means independently or without bias.

UPDATED 2/3/17: Propaganda Barbie (aka Kellyanne Conway) strikes again! There was no "Bowling Green Massacre," folks, nor did the Obama administration ever "ban" refugees.

My Trump inauguration playlist

If I was the music director at one of Trump's inaugural balls, here are the songs I would choose. Feel free to suggest your own via the Comments section.

Meghan Trainor, "Lips are movin":



"If your lips are moving, then you're lyin', lyin', lyin', baby."

Shaggy, "It wasn't me":

But she caught me on the counter (It wasn't me)
Saw me bangin' on the sofa (It wasn't me)
I even had her in the shower (It wasn't me)
She even caught me on camera (It wasn't me)

Thompson Twins, "Lies":



"Lies, lies, lies, yeah..."

Eurythmics, "Would I lie to you?":



"Would I lie to you, baby, would I lie to you? (Oh, yeah)"

Fleetwood Mac, "Little lies":



"Tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies..."

And I've always loved this clip from the movie Pillow Talk....



"You lied, you dog. And you'll be sorry. Uh-huh."

Though if someone actually offered me a ticket to attend Trump's inauguration, this would be my reaction:

And I ran
I ran so far away
I just ran
I ran all night and day
I couldn't get away

BONUS CLIP for everyone attending a Women's March:

Nancy Sinatra, "These boots are made for walkin'"



You keep lyin' when you oughta be truthin'
You keep losing when you oughta not bet
You keep samin' when you oughta be a'changin'
Now what's right is right but you ain't been right yet

These boots are made for walking,
And that's just what they'll do
One of these days these boots are gonna walk all over you

UPDATED: I really hope they show this clip from From Russia with Love on the Jumbotron at Trump's inauguration...



but I'm guessing they won't. Sad.

"Let's do lunch!" and other social lies

I admit it. I can be incredibly gullible, and naive.

For example, for years (and still even now, occasionally, even though I'm supposedly older and wiser) I actually believed that when someone said to me "Let's do lunch!" or "Let's grab a coffee!" or "Let's do dinner!" she (or he) meant it. And I would stupidly try to arrange a coffee, lunch, or dinner date with said person, often repeatedly, only to be blown off or stood up (every time).

What a rube I was (am).

What I didn't get, or understand, until recently, was that when people say "Let's do lunch!" etc. what they almost always mean is "I want to end this conversation -- or get away from you -- NOW, but I don't want to seem rude or impolite, or have you dislike me, so I will say something nice that will make you think I like you, so you will like me, like inviting you to have a coffee or meet for lunch, even though there is no chance in hell that I would spend an hour with you."

It's the same thing when people say "Call me!"

If they really wanted to talk to you, they would pick up a phone and call you, not ask you to call them.

At this point you are probably thinking one of two things (other than "Wow J., have you always been such a cynic?"*):

1. But, J., when I said "Let's have lunch!" I really meant it. At the time. But, you know, I have, like, a zillion things to do, and I spaced. And I didn't mean to blow you off five times. Really!

Uh huh.

Or

2. Really, it took you this long to figure it out?

I know. I am ashamed of myself.

Look, I get people are busy. And I am sure that some of you are totally sincere when you say "Let's  have lunch," etc. But if you don't really want to have lunch, or coffee, or dinner with me, or whomever, why put the invitation out there? Why not just say "Gotta go!" or "Bye"?

Maybe one of you psychologists or students of human behavior can help me out on this one. Maybe we could, you know, grab a coffee, or have lunch, to discuss it.

UPDATE 1: Of course, when I say "let's do lunch [or dinner or coffee]," I totally mean it.

UPDATE 2: "Email me" is just as bad, if not worse, than "Call me," unless the person doesn't have your email and he knows you have his. (Yes, I'm talking to you, guy on Twitter who was too effing lazy to email me his "great small business story idea.") Really bad? When someone emails you the message "call me."

*Yes.

Honesty or loyalty?

Maybe it's because I spent/d too much time following politics. (Though I am at the point where I can no longer watch cable or network news or read political blogs.) Or maybe it's because I've been binge watching The Good Wife. (It's been a long winter, people. Don't judge.) But lately I've found myself thinking a lot about the question, Which is more important, honesty or loyalty?

Or let me put it to you another way.

If you found out your child or spouse, a close relative, a good friend, or your boss (who controlled your employment/salary), did something wrong, something really wrong, as in illegal, or not illegal but something bad, something that would or could have serious consequences for this person (and possibly you, too), would you:

A) Seek out or verify the facts in the matter and if you discovered the bad thing was indeed true not shield or lie for this person but tell the truth, if called upon to do so (i.e., put honesty over loyalty).

B) Seek out or verify the facts and if you discovered the bad thing was indeed true shield or lie for this person (i.e., put loyalty over honesty).

C) Immediately refute any charges of wrong-doing, regardless of the facts, and defend your family member, friend, or boss (i.e., not even consider the facts for a minute; loyalty is more important than the truth).

Would the nature of the crime or wrong-doing make a difference? What if you found out your spouse sexually harassed an employee? Or your child bullied another child? Or your friend stole something?

I'm pretty firmly in the A camp -- honesty over loyalty. I try not to jump to conclusions but seek out the facts. And if the facts say that someone was wrong, I won't lie for them -- which has cost me many friends over the years and a couple of jobs. (We tell our children to tell the truth, but no one likes -- or wants to believe -- a whistleblower.)

Case in point: When I was in sixth grade, I spoke out against a bully, who at the time was one of my best friends. This girl took pleasure in bad-mouthing this one girl, who would let the bully say whatever she wanted, even if it was a lie. Ironically, this girl seemed to adore the bully, even though the bully made her cry. One day, I was asked to pile on the bullied girl -- and refused. I went even further, telling off the bully. The result? The girl I defended started to bully me, along with the bully, and I had no friends the rest of sixth grade.

I would do the same thing -- tell off a bully or abuser -- again, and have. (And have almost always met with the same result.) But I understand why so many kids -- and adults -- keep quiet.

Thoughts?

A primer on facts, opinions, and lies

To quote the late New York Senator Daniel Patrick Moynihan, "Everyone is entitled to his opinion, but not his own facts."

Sadly, too many people these days confuse "opinion" with "fact" -- wholesale believing what they hear on opinion shows or in opinion columns as fact, without bothering to see if the information is factual or not (or an outright lie).

Maybe it's because my first job was as a fact checker (at a national magazine, back in the days when magazines still employed fact checkers), but I have always had a high regard for facts -- and have always searched out the truth, to trust but verify, before casting my lot.

So for those of you who may be a bit fuzzy on the difference between a "fact," an "opinion," and a "lie," here's a quick primer:

A fact is a true piece of information, something that can be proven or verified. For example, that 2 + 2 = 4 is a fact. And in general, most things mathematical or scientific or that can be proven are facts. Here's another non-scientific example: On Saturday I picked up seven shirts at the dry cleaner's. (Not only can at least two other people prove I was there, the dry cleaner has a record of my picking up and paying for our shirts.)

An opinion, on the other hand, is a belief or a generally held view. For example, it may be your opinion that a certain baseball player used performance enhancing drugs. But without concrete evidence, it is not a fact. (See how tricky these things can be?)

And a lie is an untrue statement, the opposite of a fact, spoken or written with the intent to deceive. Granted some lies are more harmless than others -- I can say I am 5'3", which may be true with shoes on, but I am really only 5'1.75" -- but they are still lies.

Granted, you can see how someone with a strong belief or opinion about something can regard said opinion as a fact, or get someone else to believe it a fact, especially when it is repeated over and over again, but that still does not make it a fact.

So why am I bothering to bring up these distinctions?

Because while I am no longer surprised by politicians, celebrities, and athletes lying, I am surprised by how many people wholesale believe these lies -- people's willful ignorance of the facts, if you will.

Maybe before the existence of fact checkers and the Internet people could be forgiven for believing an impassioned speaker or charismatic politician or snake oil salesman, but today, when at least the claims of politicians can be easily fact checked -- by independent, nonpartisan organizations such as FactCheck.org and PolitiFact.com? It boggles my mind -- and saddens me.

Not that it will change your mind, or how you vote, but as a service to your fellow Americans, remember that a fact is something that is true, not because you want or wish it to be but because it is, that can be proven. So if you are not sure of something you heard or read, try to verify it, through an independent organization (not Fox News or Matt Drudge). If it cannot be proven -- if there is no reliable data to back up the claim -- it is either an opinion or a lie.

Remember, there are no "your facts" and "my facts," just simply facts.

Is honesty always the best policy?

One of the things that hurts me most as a parent is when my daughter lies to me. Since she was a toddler, I have told her that honesty is the best policy -- and that it was better to tell me something, the truth, even if it meant I might get mad a her, than for me to find out she had lied to me. That would make me even angrier, I told her.

But over the years I have wondered, is honesty really the best policy? Or always the best policy?

Don't get me wrong. I think it's important to tell the truth. Most of the time. But what if you knew the truth would hurt someone? Should you lie or not say anything, even when the person is practically begging you for the truth?

I remember years ago, during a particularly dark period in my life when I was in therapy, I was consumed with guilt over something I knew about someone and wanted to reveal what I knew, because I hated lying. And my therapist -- a licensed psychologist -- told me not to. Why hurt someone, she said, if you didn't have to?

I was shocked. I still am, a bit, years later. But I never told -- and was glad I didn't.

Recently, I was confronted with another situation that made me question the whole "honesty is the best policy" policy.

What if you know something about someone else's child that the parent doesn't know? I'm not talking about the kid doing drugs or committing a crime. But what if you knew a friend's kid was on Facebook, even though he didn't have permission to be on Facebook? Or your friend didn't know her daughter was fooling around with a boy behind her back? Or driving her friends around when she wasn't supposed to (which, technically, is illegal)? Would you tell your friend or keep your mouth shut?

What if you saw your best friend's husband (or wife) with another woman (or man)? Would you tell your friend, even if she or he asked if you thought her or his spouse was having an affair?

I know there are no easy answers to these questions, but I'd be interested to hear what you all think. Is honesty always the best policy? And if not, what do you tell your kids? First do no harm?

Lies, lies, lies, yeah (they're gonna get you)

I am so sick of all the lies that the Republican presidential candidate Willard Mitt Romney and his sidekick, vice-presidential candidate Paul Ryan, have been spouting -- and repeating even after nonpartisan fact-checking organizations have called them on their lies -- I want to scream. The only time I want to hear lies is in the lyrics of a song, preferably one with a beat that I can dance to.

So, as I have been told that wiring the presidential and vice-presidential candidates to a lie detector (and an independent fact checker) during the debates and having the moderator administer an electric shock every time one of them lies, the bigger the lie, the bigger the shock, would probably kill them, I propose playing a snippet from one of the following songs each time a candidate lies.

So which song should it be? The Thompson Twins' "Lies"?



The Eurythmics' "Would I lie to you?"



Or Depeche Mode's "Policy of Truth"?



Or do you have another suggestion?

Leave God and Country out of it

I am so sick and tired of politicians (and athletes and celebrities) using God and Country as an excuse for bad behavior (and wars). Or invoking God and/or Country to erase or cover up past sins.

And while Newt Gingrich is not the first and certainly not the last politician running for office to use God's name in vain (at least I hope it will be in vain), I found his recent comments about his extramarital affairs not only disingenuous but despicable. As did MSNBC's Lawrence O'Donnell, who corrected Gingrich's statement in the following clip, which aired on his show The Last Word last night.

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Bravo, Lawrence O'Donnell. Bravo.

Apparently nannies only exist in fairy tales and bad chick lit

So when did the word "nanny" or admitting to employing a nanny become dirty, one of those things that must not be said or discussed in public or polite company?

Back when I was growing up, almost every middle-class family employed a nanny or mother's helper or housekeeper or sitter (or had extended family) who would help look after the kids, even if the mother didn't work full time. It was no big deal.

But today no successful woman it seems will cop to having help.

And if I hear one more high profile woman (yes Michelle Obama, Mika Brzezinski, Norah O'Donnell, and Katty Kay, I am talking to you) declaim on television and/or in glossy magazines and books how today women can now do it all (or to cite Morning Joe co-anchor Mika Brzezinski's best-selling new book, do "All Things At Once"), without mentioning that it takes a village -- or at least a nanny or a mom who doesn't work or some kind of outside help -- I am going to scream.

More importantly, these supposed role models for "having [or doing] it all" are doing a tremendous disservice to young women (older women too) by not admitting -- or stating -- on TV and in women's magazines "Thank God for my [nanny, housekeeper, mother's helper, daycare center, stay-at-home spouse, mother, sister -- insert caregiver or multiple aides here]. Without her [him or them] there is no way I would be the success that I am today."

Or at the bare minimum acknowledging that they have help (and often lots of it) -- and that it's practically impossible to be successful without it.

Btw, there is absolutely nothing wrong with women getting some help on the home front, or putting their kids in daycare or aftercare, so they can work. What's wrong is women creating the fiction that you can somehow do it all if you just set your mind to it. That's as big a fairy tale as Mary Poppins.

The truth is overrated

I used to tell the truth, but it was always getting me in trouble. For example, you know how women always ask their friends "Do these jeans make my ass look big?" Well, back in the day, I would be the one fool friend who would actually say, "Why yes they do" when they did (usually adding a guilty "sorry" afterward). As a result of this kind of truth telling, I lost a lot of friends.

Similarly, when clients or prospective clients would ask me what I "honestly" thought of their website or some article or press release or blog post they wrote -- earnestly asking me to give them "my honest opinion" -- I did. And if it happened that their website or article or press release or blog post sucked, I told them so (albeit using more professional language and pointing out any bright spots, if there were any). And guess what? I lost a lot of gigs.

So, after years of truth telling, and getting kicked in the teeth for it, I have finally learned what Colonel Nathan R. Jessep (Jack Nicholson) had to explain to Lt. Daniel Kaffee (Tom Cruise) in A Few Good Men: You [people] can't handle the truth. Oh you say you want to hear the truth, but what you really want is affirmation or confirmation -- to be told whatever it is you want to hear, just like that guy Bernie Madoff and those two Bear Stearns guys, Ralph Cioffi and Matthew Tannin, told their clients... right before they lost all those clients' money.

Want to make friends and win clients? Tell 'em what they want to hear, the truth be damned.

I've even been practicing, so next time you ask me for my honest opinion, I'll be ready. Don't I think your kid is the cutest/smartest/funniest kid ever? "I absolutely agree! [Insert name of a child] is adorable/a genius/a natural-born comedian!" Want my opinion on your little operation? "Really, you had your boobs done?! No, no. They look totally natural." Had no idea your husband was cheating on you and can I believe it? "I'm totally shocked and surprised!" What do I really think of your new website? "Wow. I'm speechless." And your ass? "It looks great in those jeans!"

What's that I hear you say? Lying is WRONG. And I am setting a bad example for little J-THREE-O? (Hangs head.)

Hmm. Now that I think about it, maybe you and the Thompson Twins are right.



From here on out, I promise to be truthier. Would I lie to you?