It's not easy being a beauty queen

When I was growing up, if I was complaining about having a bad hair day, or my weight, or zits, my father, may he rest in peace (or be playing scratch golf somewhere in Heaven, or wherever), would always say to me, "It's not easy being a beauty queen."

Dad, you didn't know the half of it. And thank goodness I wasn't (and am still not) a beauty queen.

Most men don't realize all the grueling grooming and primping beauty queen contestants go through. And I'm not even talking about boob jobs, liposuction, or other cosmetic surgery. I'm talking about all the dieting and exercise -- and the tweezing, shaving, waxing, and/or electrolysis they endure, just so they can look good strutting down a runway in high heels and a bikini.

Of course, it's no longer just beauty queens who endure often painful or uncomfortable treatments in order to achieve some level of what modern society deems "beauty," or "beautiful." Business is booming for cosmetic surgeons and dermatologists and waxing and beauty salons. And just try and watch TV without seeing an ad for some female personal grooming product, like this one entitled "Topiary" for Schick's Hydro Silk TrimStyle razor*:



[Memo to the folks at Schick: I don't care how sharp your razor is. No way is it sculpting a heart, or a rectangle or triangle, on my or any other woman's "bikini area." And the rash you would get afterward kind of defeats the purpose.]

Is some personal grooming bad? No. (Which reminds me, I need to get my hair cut. The stuff on top of my head, guys. Geez.) But I worry about the message society is sending to young girls and women about what really matters -- not brains or good deeds but perfect skin and perfect bodies and not having hair someplace other than on their heads.

Maybe instead of buying a Schick Hydro Silk TrimStyle we women should purchase a copy of Beauty Fades, Dumb is Forever: The Making of a Happy Woman by Judy Sheindlin, aka Judge Judy, a successful, respected woman who has an estimated net worth of $250 million -- a lot more than most beauty queens.

*Okay, you are probably way more likely to see ads for cars and trucks, and beer, and hair restorers than see an ad for the Schick Hydro Silk TrimStyle, or Palmer's Cocoa Butter, on ESPN or NBC or CBS Sports, or on Football Sunday. But you never know. 

What's the matter with being brunette?

As a proud brunette, I have never understood why so many of my sister brunettes dye their hair brown -- especially when the blonde hue looks so obviously fake.

Do any of these celebrities really look better as blondes than as brunettes? (That would be a rhetorical question.)

Not that I am a fan of Kim Kardashian, but wtf?

Do you really think you look better as a blonde, Kim? (Personally, I blame this on Kanye.)

Seriously, what's the matter with being a brunette?

Am I missing something here? (Clearly, I was not in line when Clairol was handing out the blonde Kool-Aid, even though apparently my mother was.)

According to various studies, there is no conclusive proof that gentlemen prefer blondes (despite the successful 1953 movie with Jane Russell, a curvaceous brunette, and Marilyn Monroe, a former brunette). Indeed, in several studies when men were given photos of the same woman with various hair colors (brunette, blonde, and redhead), the brunette was equally or more attractive than the blonde.

Is it because blondes have more fun?

[FYI, I am pretty sure the "blonde" in the photo is my mother, a former model -- and brunette.]

More fun than whom, brunettes and redheads? And what do you mean by "fun"? If by "fun" you mean spending several hours and hundreds of dollars every few weeks at some beauty salon or spa dying your hair, than yes, blondes do have more fun than us brunettes.

By the way, that slogan, "Is it true... blondes have more fun?" which launched a million (more) blondes, was the work of Shirley Polykoff, a talented copywriter who was tasked with helping Clairol make dying one's hair acceptable. Polykoff's campaigns were so successful that between 1956, when she came up with her first campaign, "Does she or doesn't she?" and 1962, sales of Clairol hair dye jumped from $25 million to $200 million. And today, hair coloring is an over billion dollar a year industry. Clearly, someone's having fun.

Don't get me wrong. I have nothing against natural blondes. (Okay, maybe a little something. But that's for a different blog post.) I just don't understand why so many perfectly attractive brunettes feel the need to dye their hair blonde. Almost all the dye jobs I've seen aren't even very good. And you can tell by their roots that they are brunettes.

Sigh.

Thank goodness for Katy Perry -- a blonde who became successful after she dyed her mane brown.

Talk about a hair-raising experience!

For those of you who have ever groused about having just washed your hair and not being able to do a thing with it, check out this great video from astronaut Karen Nyberg on how she washes her hair while on the International Space Station.



[H/T BusinessInsider.com]

Talk about a hair-raising experience.

Personally, I would have cut my hair before going into outer space. It would have certainly saved on aggravation and water. But I'm no rocket scientist.

[The spouse watched the video, titled "Inside the ISS - Hair Raising Hygiene!" with me. He liked it, but he still thinks astronaut Chris Hadfield's video cover of David Bowie's "Space Oddity," filmed on board the International Space Station, is better. And I have to agree. Though thank you, Karen Nyberg, for answering that (rocket) age-old question, How do you wash your hair in space? Now if only some enterprising astronaut could figure out how to get a cat aboard the ISS and film it....]