The good, the bad, and the ugly

The good news for Democrats -- and a majority of women, blacks/African Americans, Hispanics, other minorities, those who believe that healthcare should be a right not a privilege, that women have the right to decide what's best for them, that you should be able to marry the person you love, regardless of gender, and that government has a responsibility to help people here at home in times of disaster: President Barack Obama was re-elected.

The bad news (or good news for Republicans): The Republicans still have a majority in the House and have enough seats in the Senate to filibuster any bill proposed by their Democratic colleagues.

And the ugly: Thanks to the Republican majority in the House and their ability to filibuster in the Senate, Republicans are going to do their damnedest to make sure no bill that could possibly help the American people and aid economic recovery (and by extension benefit the Democrats) gets passed in the next four years, so they* can disingenuously blame Barack Obama and the Democrats for any economic or other failure -- even, or especially if, they are the ones pushing us off the fiscal cliff. Heckuva job, Boehner.

*Especially Conservative Republican Paul Ryan of Wisconsin, who is Chairman of the House Budget and Ways and Means Committees and will no doubt be running for President in 2016. If you think for a second that Ryan and Speaker John Boehner and the Tea Party Republicans -- the few moderate Republicans are gone -- are going to compromise on or pass ANYTHING that could possibly help the Democrats, take another hit of whatever it is you are smoking -- that is if you live in Colorado and Washington State.

Why I'm voting for Barack Obama

I saw the following declaration on a friend's Facebook page a few week's back, before Super Storm Sandy. It was written by a woman named Julie E., who beautifully expressed why, even though President Barack Obama did not live up to certain expectations and did not fulfill every campaign promise (though find me a single politician who has), many of us will vote for him over Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan. Especially now, in the aftermath of Sandy.

So why am I voting for President Barack Obama? "Because I believe...

"no one has the right to tell another what they can and cannot do with their own body.

"Because I believe everyone should be allowed to marry the person they love – and share the benefits of legal marriage.

"Because I believe health care should be a given.

"Because I believe my God may not be your God – and that’s OK.

"Because I believe it is our duty to stop the poisoning of our air and water and land.

"Because I believe serving in the military should not be dictated by whom one has sex with.

"Because I believe equal work deserves equal pay.

"Because I believe lowering the income tax rate for the wealthiest people and corporations does not benefit the whole.

"Because I believe in stem cell research.

"Because I believe some messes take longer to clean up.

"Because I believe in numbers and facts.

"Because I believe Planned Parenthood [helps women become better parents].

"Because I believe racism still exists and pretending it doesn’t hurts us all.

"Because I believe running the country as a business with the sole goal of making more money is selfish and not beneficial to all its people.

"Because I believe guns DO kill people.

"Because I believe in evolution.

"Because I believe it is our duty as good citizens to lend a helping hand.

"Because I believe the world is large and full of God’s creatures and we are not the center of it.

"Because I believe in progress and that it requires moving forward, not going back.

"Because I believe being of moral character is less about preaching and more about doing.

"Because I believe love always trumps hate.

"Because I believe – I still believe – in hope."

Thank you, Julie.

Oh, and regarding the tax issue, the reason why many people I know say they will (and I should) vote for Mitt Romney, I would happily pay a few hundred or thousand more dollars per year to lower the debt, make sure our infrastructure is adequately maintained, help our children and grandchildren receive a decent education, make sure everyone has healthcare, support agencies like FEMA, and make sure those pesky "government employees," i.e., firefighters, police officers, teachers, who protect us and keep us safe and educate our children (respectively) and help our economy to grow, keep their jobs.

Romney's five-point foreign policy plan

Just in time for tonight's third and final presidential debate, which is on foreign policy, sources reveal Mitt Romney's five-point plan regarding foreign policy!



[H/T to Rumproast.com]

Also just in time for tonight's foreign policy debate between former Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney and President Barack Obama (moderated this time by Bob Schieffer of CBS News and broadcast live tonight from 9 to 10:30 p.m. ET), a brand new presidential debate drinking game, brought to you by The Cloture Club!

Hint: For those wishing to get inebriated, just down a shot any time you hear the words Benghazi, Libya, or Iran.

Romney handed binder full of jokes

Last night was the 67th Alfred E. Smith Memorial Foundation Dinner, which is sponsored by the Archdiocese of New York and raises money for various healthcare-related causes*. Named for Al Smith, the first Roman Catholic candidate for president, the dinner has become a must-attend event for presidents and presidential candidates (both Barack Obama and John McCain attended in 2008), who entertain the crowd of political, media, and religious luminaries with jokes poking fun at themselves and their opponents (but not in a cruel or vicious way, supposedly).

Last night, the keynote speakers at the annual Al Smith dinner were former Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney and President of the United States Barack Obama.

Here is what Mitt Romney, who had been handed a binder full of jokes earlier in the week, had to say those assembled in the ballroom of the Waldorf-Astoria Hotel in New York.



And here is what President Barack Obama had to say:



Republicans will no doubt say Mitt Romney was way funnier; Democrats that Barack Obama was. (Yes, even humor is partisan, folks.) Obama seemed more comfortable, relaxed, getting his funny on than Romney but Romney did a good job delivering his lines, though he spent more time poking "fun" (often sneeringly) at his Democratic opponent than at himself (or Obama did of Romney).

More about the 67th Alfred E. Smith Memorial Foundation Dinner here.

*Which will come in handy if Romney is elected president.

Why should you vote for Mitt Romney?

If you answer "yes" to two or more of the following questions, you should (and are no doubt going to) vote for Mitt Romney.

Do you make over $1 million per year and hate paying taxes, especially if it means your money is going to help other people (directly or indirectly) who make less money than you do?

Do you think public education is mainly for people who can't afford to send their kids to, or whose kids aren't bright enough to get into, private school?

Do you have your own private security force and crew of volunteer firefighters (i.e., you and your family do not need the help of municipal policemen or firemen)?

Do you enjoy driving on potholes and find it thrilling to drive on a bridge or through a tunnel that could potentially collapse at any time (due to a lack of regular maintenance and repairs)? 

Can you afford to send your children to college and graduate school without any kind of government loan or assistance?

Are you and your family in perfect health -- and will remain in perfect health until you die? Or can you afford to pay insurance, even if you or a family member have a pre-existing condition or become critically ill and are denied insurance coverage?

Will you never need unemployment money, even if you lose your job and are unable to find a new one within six months or a year?

Do you believe we should bomb the heck out of Iran and any other country that threatens U.S. interests abroad -- while believing it is essential to cut government spending (which would include assistance for veterans)?

Do you believe that women who are raped and become pregnant were really asking for it and should therefore be forced to carry a fetus to term?

Do you believe that the separation of Church and State is an outmoded idea and that religion should trump civil law?

Do you work for the Koch Brothers and cannot afford to lose your job?

Does the idea of a guy with brown skin, who didn't get that way via a tanning parlor or summers in the Hamptons and weekends in Palm Beach, being President of the United States scare or anger you?

Btw, if you answered "no" to two or more of these questions, you should not vote for Mitt Romney (and Paul Ryan) but should vote for President Barack Obama. 

Romney's tax plan explained!

For a detailed explanation of how the Mitt Romney - Paul Ryan tax plan is able to cut taxes by $5 trillion without raising taxes on the middle class or exploding the deficit, click here.

Or you can watch former President Bill Clinton explain how Mitt Romney's tax plan works, below:



As YouTube commenter Bill Tierney wrote, "No one explains political arithmetic better than President Clinton."

[H/T to John Cole of Balloon-Juice.com and J-TWO-O commenter Fact Lovin' Democrat]

Brief guide to the second presidential debate of 2012

Or "Mitt Romney vs. Barack Obama, the Rematch: The Tussle in the Town Hall"*

You've got questions. I've got the answers.

Q: When is the second presidential debate of 2012 again?
A: The second presidential debate of 2012 takes place on Tuesday, October 16th, at 9 p.m. ET -- and goes until 10:30 p.m.

Q: And who will be moderating this debate? I hope it's Martha Raddatz again. She kicked vice-presidential ass at the last debate.
A: Sadly, only one debate per moderator (which, in the case of Jim Lehrer, is a good thing). This debate, which is being held at Hofstra University in Hempstead, New York (aka Long Island, or Lawn Guyland), is being moderated by CNN's Candy Crowley, an award-winning political reporter and host of State of the Union with Candy Crowley (who is not to be confused with conservative Fox News babe Monica Crowley).

Q: So what's the format of this debate?
A: Per the Commission on Presidential Debates: "The second presidential debate will take the form of a town meeting, in which citizens will ask questions of the candidates on foreign and domestic issues. Candidates each will have two minutes to respond, and an additional minute for the moderator to facilitate a discussion. The town meeting participants will be undecided voters selected by the Gallup Organization."

To which I say, Did you people at the CDP and Gallup not see the Saturday Night Live skit about undecided voters?



Seriously, a bunch of people who cannot or will not make up their minds, who are forcing the candidates to pander to their idiocy, are in charge of deciding the fate of this country?

Moving on...

Q: Where can I watch the second presidential debate?
A: Really? Do you have electricity? Do you own a television, or a computer with Internet access, or a smart phone? Then you can watch the presidential debate. FWIW, my favorite way to watch the debates is via Twitter. The commentary is brilliant, and it provides near instant fact checking (see below).

Q: What if I don't want to watch, or can't stand watching, the second presidential debate? Is there anything else on?
A: Well... there is Chopped over on the Food Network, which seems somewhat appropriate... King of the Hill over on the Cartoon Network (again, appropriate)... The World Series of Poker over on ESPN... The Men Who Built America over on History (do you sense a theme here?)... and something about Alaska over on the Discovery Channel... as well as reruns of House and The Real Housewives of New Jersey (check your local listings!).

Q: Any drinking game suggestions for this debate?
A: It depends, how snockered do you want to get? If you want to get good and drunk, take a sip (or a shot) of booze every time you hear the words tax cuts, the wealthy, the deficit, Benghazi, Libya, Iran, and Obamacare. Of course, you'll probably be passed out by 9:30, or in an emergency room due to alcohol poisoning (hope you have good health insurance!).

Q: Will there be fact checkers at this debate?
A: Like most voters care about facts. (That would be sarcasm.) While there will not be fact checkers present at the debate to taser the candidates when they lie (though Martha Raddatz did a pretty good job of keeping the veeps in line with just a look and a word), the usual, non-partisan suspects -- Politifact, FactCheck.org, and the Washington Post’s Fact Checker blog, as well as many news outlets -- will be reviewing all statements made by Mitt Romney and Barack Obama for accuracy and reporting in via their websites and Twitter.

Q: So how do you think Mitt Romney and Barack Obama will fare in this debate?
A: It's just a hunch, but I'm guessing Mitt Romney won't act like he just snorted coke (seriously, did you see the man's eyes last debate?), or BBQ sauce , though you never know. And President Obama will not look quite so bored or disinterested, though I don't expect anyone to say he killed it, unless by "it" you are referring to Osama bin Laden.

*H/T to Chuck Todd for the "Town Hall Tussle" reference

UPDATED 10/16/12: For those interested, here are some of the rules for tonight's presidential debate. (Click on the link.) Also, the New York Yankees are playing the Detroit Tigers in Game 3 of the American League Championship Series, starting at 8 p.m. ET over on TBS.

Enough with the presidential polls already!

Seriously, enough. This whole polling people about whom they are going to vote for president has gotten way out of hand, as Jon Stewart so brilliantly demonstrated on The Daily Show Wednesday night. 

The Daily Show with Jon Stewart
Get More: Daily Show Full Episodes,Political Humor & Satire Blog,The Daily Show on Facebook

Did we really need to know two years in advance -- heck, one year or even six months or three months in advance -- who people planned to vote for? And who are these people? I don't know about all of you, but I don't answer my phone unless I know the name or number that flashes up on the Caller ID screen. And if for some reason I do pick up the phone and it's some pollster, I typically dismiss the person.

So who are the pollsters polling? Yes, yes, I know about the whole "registered voter" versus "likely voter" versus "undecided voter" thing. But what about "lying voters," which must make up a large percent of those polled (i.e., people who just want to f**k with the pollsters, and I've known a few)? So how do we know we can even trust these polls?!

And the frickin' survey results rarely change! Yes, they may vary by a few percentage points, but we're pretty much talking margin of error. And should we really trust people whose opinion changes every time they see a new ad or watch a debate? More importantly, weren't most people's minds made up long ago?

So please, Pew, Gallup, Rasmussen, ABC, NBC, CBS, CNN, Wall Street Journal, New York Times, and the rest of you, we the people are begging you, give it a rest. We don't need a poll every other fickin' day.

Guide to the 2012 Vice-Presidential Debate

I just love a debate for and about vices, don't you? And I bet the vice-presidential debate will be way more entertaining than the snooze fest that was the first presidential debate.

As per usual, as a public service announcement, I have put together a brief Guide to the 2012 Vice-Presidential Debate. And if there are any questions I did not answer, just leave me a comment.

Q: So, who's running for vice president again?
A: That would be current vice president and proud Amtrak rider Fightin' Joe Biden in the Democratic corner, and Marathon Liar Man Paul Ryan, Congressman from Wisconsin, in the Republican corner.

Q: And when and where will they be debating?
A: The debate will take place Thursday, October 11, between 9 and 10:30 p.m. Eastern Daylight Time and will be held at Centre College in Danville, KY -- or as NBC News Chief White House Correspondent Chuck Todd put it, "an hour from anywhere." As with the presidential debates, the vice-presidential debate will be aired on all the networks (ABC, CBS, NBC, Fox, PBS) as well as on the the cable news channels (CNN, CNBC, Fox News, MSNBC) and streamed live on several news sites (pick your national newspaper or political blog) -- though for a really good time, follow the debate on Twitter.

Q: Excuse me, did you say Centre College in Danville, Kentucky? WTF?
A: I know. It seemed like an odd choice to me too. But apparently two former vice presidents attended the school -- John C. Breckinridge, who was the country's youngest vice president, under James Buchanan (before the Civil War broke out), and Adlai E. Stevenson, who was VP under Grover Cleveland. (More here.)

Q: Who's moderating this debate? Any chance it'll be Jon Stewart or Stephen Colbert? I really like those guys.
A: I like them, too. But sadly, the answer is no. While Jon Stewart would have been my pick, the Commission on Presidential Debates selected Martha Raddatz, Senior Foreign Affairs Correspondent, ABC News (who couldn't possibly be as bad as Jim Lehrer, could she?).

Q: And what will the vice-presidential candidates be debating?
A: Per the CDP: "The debate will cover both foreign and domestic topics and be divided into nine time segments of approximately 10 minutes each. The moderator will ask an opening question, after which each candidate will have two minutes to respond. The moderator will use the balance of the time in the segment for a discussion of the question."

In other words, it will be a no-holds-barred smackdown. All that's missing will be a ring and funny costumes (and Linda McMahon refereeing).

Read more here: http://www.kentucky.com/2012/10/05/2361046/two-vice-presidents-educated-at.html#storylink=cpy

Q: So why is this debate important?
A: Because it is the duty of candidates running for President and Vice President of the United States to give the late night talk show hosts (particularly Jimmy Fallon, whose "Mister Romney's Neighborhood" is must-see TV), Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert, and the folks at Saturday Night Live new material. And the vice-presidential debate should not disappoint. [Alternative answer: It isn't really, though some folks think it's important we know the guy who would take over running the country in the event something happened to the President.]

Q: Will there be fact checkers at this debate, you know, to keep those politicians honest?
A: LMAO. Uh no, but the usual suspects -- Politifact, FactCheck.org, and the Washington Post’s Fact Checker blog, as well as several news outlets, including The Associated Press and ABC News -- will be monitoring and tweeting or blogging about any untruths in real time (or within 24 hours after the debate has aired). Like it matters. (Weeping)

Q: What about vice-presidential debate drinking games? Any ideas?
A: Excellent question! I recommend you check out the Cloture Club's Vice President Debate Bingo Drinking Game. (With six vice-presidential debate Bingo boards to choose from, everyone can be a drunken loser -- or winner, depending on your point of view.) There is also DebateDrinking.com's Biden-Ryan Vice Presidential Debate Drinking Game. FYI, if you're looking to get really snockered, just take a sip or a shot of booze any time either candidate says middle class, the wealthy, tax cut, or small business. I guarantee you will have a hangover come Friday morning.

Q: What else will be on Thursday night?
A: You've got Beauty and the Beast on the CW (which is not code for the vice-presidential debate), Return to Halloweentown on Disney (also not code for the vice-presidential debate, though the thought of watching Biden and Ryan yapping for 90 minutes is pretty scary), Gone in 60 Seconds over on ABC Family (hey, are these channels trying to tell us something?), baseball playoffs over on TBS, Jersey Shore on MTV, and Project Runway on Lifetime. (In politics, one day you're in, the next, you're out.)

O Mitt Romney Style (political parody)

This Gangnam Style parody by CollegeHumor.com, titled "Mitt Romney Style," is brilliant.



Why is it so brilliant? Because in the original Gangnam Style, the singer, PSY, is making fun of wealthy, status-seeking, out-of-touch people who live in Seoul's Gangnam district, i.e., people like Mitt Romney!

And speaking of Gangnam Style parodies, here's one for all you Star Trek fans, titled "Klingon Style."



Any of you speak Klingon? If so, let me know if the translation is accurate.

A guide to the first 2012 presidential debate

Or, everything you wanted to know about the first presidential debate of 2012, but were too lazy to look it up on the Internet yourself.

Q: So, who's this debate between, again?
A:  President Barack Obama (D) and Republican presidential nominee Willard "Mitt" Romney, who will be debating former Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney, who will be debating the former head of Bain Capital Mitt Romney.

Q: And when is this debate?
A: The debate takes place at 9:00 p.m. Eastern Time on Wednesday, October 3,and is scheduled to end at 10:30 p.m. ET.

Q: Where can I catch the debate?
A: Much like the flu, the presidential debate will be hard to avoid, at least between 9 and 10:30 p.m. ET on Wednesday, October 3. Indeed, if you own a television, a radio, a computer, a tablet, or a smart phone, you can catch the presidential debate. Indeed, all of the networks -- CBS, NBC, ABC, Fox -- as well as CNN, C-SPAN, MSNBC, and probably a half dozen other cable stations, will be airing the presidential debates live, as will National Public Radio (NPR). And the debate will be streamed live on the Internet. Just pick your news site. (Not interested in watching the debate? No problem. You can watch Trading Spouses: Meet Your New Mommy over on Lifetime, Family Guy on TBS, or Dirty Dancing over on ABC Family instead.)

Q: Who's moderating the first presidential debate?
A: Jon Stewart. Sorry, just wishful thinking. It's actually Jim Lehrer, the Executive Editor of PBS NewsHour (formerly known as The MacNeil/Lehrer NewsHour, back when news was actually news and people still watched the news on a television).

Q: What will the candidates be debating?
A: The candidates will be debating six domestic policy issues, specifically the economy, the economy, the economy, health care, the role of government, and governing. (And no, I am not making this list up. Jim Lehrer did.)

Q: What is the format of this debate?
A: The debate is, in theory, divided into six time segments/topics, each of which will be allotted approximately 15 minutes. Per the Commission on Presidential Debates, "The moderator will open each segment with a question, after which each candidate will have two minutes to respond. The moderator will use the balance of the time in the segment for a discussion of the topic."

Q: How can we tell if the candidates are lying?
A: Their noses will grow. Actually, I was hoping there would be fact checkers on the scene to taser candidates when they told outright lies, but I've been told that could kill Mitt Romney. Instead, Politifact, FactCheck.org, and the Washington Post’s Fact Checker blog, as well as several news outlets, including The Associated Press and ABC News, will be monitoring the debate and alerting followers to any untruths or partial truths.

Q: More importantly, what color tie will each of the candidates be wearing -- and will they be wearing American flag pins on their lapels?
A: You bet your patriotic asses they'll be wearing flag pins. I believe that's now mandatory attire. Regarding tie choice, this is just a wild guess, but I'm thinking President Obama will be sporting a blue tie and former Governor Romney will be wearing a red one (or a green one, cause that's the color of Capitalism, bitches).

Q:Will Michelle Obama be there? And, if so, will she be wearing a sleeveless dress?
A: I don't know about you but I would pay to see Michelle Obama wrestle Ann Romney... as in wrestle... in a ring... Have you seen the First Lady's arms? They should be registered as lethal weapons. (I'd suggest Linda McMahon as the ref, but I suspect she'd throw the match for Ann Romney.)

Q: Any more questions?
A: Leave a comment.

And now a word from Samuel L. Jackson re the 2012 presidential election

Samuel L. Jackson is m*therf**cking pissed, people. And he wants apathetic Democrats and so-called undecided voters to wake the F**K up this November 6 and go vote for President Barack Obama. Or else.

[Warning: In case you cannot tell by the title of this video, which is "Wake the F**K Up,"* due to the use of a certain four-letter word beginning with the letter "f," and a version of this word with "mother" placed in front of it, this video may not safe for work or viewing with young children.]



Consider this your presidential wake-up call, people. Trust me, you do not want to piss off Samuel L. Jackson.

*The title is a sly reference to the infamous parody of bedtime stories titled "Go the F**k to Sleep," which Samuel L. Jackson narrated for the audio version. To hear it, click here. 

Top 3 2012 Presidential Parodies for the Week of 9/17/12

Combing the Internet (and YouTube), so you don't have to.

First up, Obama Time, or "U Didn't Build That by MC 'Bama," a clever mashup of President Barack Obama rapping about various campaign issues and Mitt Romney to the tune of MC Hammer's "U Can't Touch This."



Next up, Obama's Anger Translator on the 47 percent:



And finally, Randy Newman, who is dreaming of a white president.

Which half-naked man would you rather have as President?

This guy...















Or... this guy...

















Re the picture of Republican presidential candidate Rick Santorum sunbathing in Puerto Rico (at top), who has since apologized for frightening God-fearing Christian families with that shocking photo,which folder would you file it in, "pornography" or "contraceptives"?

Re President Barack Obama, I think I speak on behalf of women everywhere when I say, now there's a chest we can believe in.

Similarly, I think I speak for Americans everywhere when I say, please, Newt, keep your shirt on.

[Re the tags, maybe I should create one titled "political uncoverage."]

Obama should hire this Gingrich guy to help run his reelection campaign

With GOP attack ads like these, who needs to spend money on their own ads, eh, Mr. President?



So much for Newt Gingrich not going negative! (Though I am not complaining.)

On a related note, if you all haven't seen Jon Stewart's commentary on the pack of GOP presidential candidates rabidly attacking one of their own -- Mitt Romney -- after proclaiming the need to stick together, take a gander.



I love when Stewart says "You're mad at Mitt Romney? For God sakes, it's like Mitt Romney answered the Republicans' eHarmony ad and now you're saying it's unfair, that it's not what you meant." Yup.

Should a Democrat challenge Obama?

If the Democrats want to retain the White House in 2012, should they consider running someone against Obama? And if so, who?

I've been thinking a lot about this, as apparently has CNN's Jack Cafferty. Not that another Democrat -- including Hillary Clinton -- would do any better under similar circumstances. (Bill Clinton, maybe, but probably not Hillary.)

But still, like a lot of people who voted for Barack Obama back in 2008, I am frustrated and disappointed with the Obama administration, for a lot of reasons, including not focusing on job creation from the get-go, as well as President Obama's seeming inability to stand up to Congress and letting the debt ceiling debate get way out of hand.

That said, I am not frustrated or disappointed enough to vote for any of the current crop of Republican presidential contenders -- though if a moderate Republican candidate with specific, concrete, actionable ideas for getting Americans back to work, improving education, and controlling health care spending while not leaving millions of Americans, including children, without decent coverage, emerged, I would seriously consider voting for said Republican.

But what about another Democrat? What if a Democrat (or Independent with moderate fiscal but liberal social leanings) emerged to challenge Obama, someone with executive experience, and a solid track record of accomplishments, who wasn't beholden to corporate interests and wasn't afraid to fight fire with fire? Would you vote for that person? And do you know of any such person?

Stephen Colbert, president maker or breaker?

This just in: the Federal Election Commission (FEC) has given Comedy Central's Stephen Colbert, host of The Colbert Report, permission to officially form his super PAC, the Colbert Super PAC. (Click on the link to make a donation!)

You can find out more about the ruling and Colbert Super PAC, including video clips, here and here.

Colbert will also be discussing his victory on tonight's Colbert Report, but in the meantime, here's a clip of Colbert reacting to the news:



Frankly, I'm a bit stunned, and sincerely hope Stephen Colbert uses his super new powers for good and not evil.