Stephen Colbert, president maker or breaker?

This just in: the Federal Election Commission (FEC) has given Comedy Central's Stephen Colbert, host of The Colbert Report, permission to officially form his super PAC, the Colbert Super PAC. (Click on the link to make a donation!)

You can find out more about the ruling and Colbert Super PAC, including video clips, here and here.

Colbert will also be discussing his victory on tonight's Colbert Report, but in the meantime, here's a clip of Colbert reacting to the news:



Frankly, I'm a bit stunned, and sincerely hope Stephen Colbert uses his super new powers for good and not evil.

The breast defense is not always a good offense

Alternate titles: 1) And that's why new moms shouldn't drink and drive. 2) So that's what breast milk tastes like.

What did we do before smartphones and RSS feeds?

So last night at dinner (on our way home from a lovely long weekend with friends), I was checking my email on my BlackBerry and decided to click on my RSS (news) feed when I saw a headline about a nursing mother arrested for disorderly conduct... for "allegedly" spraying breast milk at a couple of cops. Which I, of course, had to click on.

The deal: a husband and his wife, who was nursing, go to a wedding, drink too much, and get into a fight. (Not exactly news.) The wife gets pissed off, hits her spouse, and locks herself into their car and refuses to come out -- while the husband calls the cops. The cops show up and try to talk to the woman. However, and I quote (Delaware County Sheriff Walter L. Davis III):

"When deputies attempted to remove [the woman] from the vehicle, she advised the deputies that she was a breast feeding mother and proceeded to remove her right breast from her dress and began spraying deputies and the vehicle with her breast milk," Davis said.

[What did she say to the cops? "I've got a loaded breast and I know how to use it!" "Back away, or the little guy gets a face full of titty milk!"]

Eventually, with the help of additional deputies, the cops were able to remove the woman, a teacher at a charter school, from the car (and, I assume, the breast milk from their uniforms) and arrest her, though she was eventually released on her own recognizance after pleading not guilty.

And the moral of the story... ? Let me know what you think via the Comments.

Gone fishing

Am about to shut down the computer, give the cats a little extra food and water and love, herd the kid, help the spouse finish packing up the car, and head off on vacation for a few days (assuming we don't miss our ferry -- ever the optimist).

Although I have now been informed there is WiFi at the place we are staying, computing (including blogging) is frowned upon. So you may not hear from me for a few days.

So until then, I wish you all a glorious weekend. (Especially to my readers in the Northeast, where it's supposed to clear up and get warmer.) As for me, I'm looking forward to some biking, hiking, not making my bed, and not cooking dinner for a few nights. Woohoo!

I want my NFL

Ah, summer, when those of us with lame baseball teams (figuratively and literally) begin daydreaming about football. But thanks to a bunch of greedy, spoiled, self-centered millionaires and billionaires, there may be no 2011-2012 professional football season -- or else a protracted one.

And I say, enough already. It is time for the National Football League's players and owners to come to an agreement, so that come September I -- and millions of other fans -- have an excuse to estrange our families and weasel out of chores on Sunday afternoons.

Btw, it's not just the fans who would suffer if there is no football this fall. According to NFLLockout.com, the State of Maryland stands to lose $40 million if the season is canceled. And Maryland isn't the only entity that stands to lose big bucks if the NFL lockout isn't resolved soon. Think of all the restaurants, bars, and sporting goods stores that stand to take a hit if football players don't suit up in the fall -- and all the ordinary Joes and Janes who could well lose their jobs if football players don't do theirs. Ditto all the people who actually make football games possible -- from the people who work at the stadiums to each team's back-office and front-office operations to the guys who operate the TV cameras to the guys who squirt Gatorade into players' mouths.

All because a bunch of guys can't figure out how to divvy up $9.3 billion. (FYI, if you are interested in learning more about the history of the dispute, check out "NFL Lockout for Dummies: Explaining the NFL Labor Dispute in Layman's Terms.")

Now comes word that NFL owners and players have made progress toward a new Collective Bargaining Agreement, or CBA, where players would receive 48 percent of all revenue -- but that an official agreement is probably a week or two away, assuming there are no surprises (which is a big assumption to make). SIGH.

In a week where it was just announced that initial claims for unemployment insurance rose by 9,000 to 429,000, and that companies still aren't hiring, and that housing prices are still in a slump, it is nauseating to hear about millionaires and billionaires squabbling over a million here, a million there.

Still, all that said, I want my NFL. So come on, NFL owners and players: let's sign a deal soon so there will be football this fall -- and less unemployment.

What's worse than the sound of whining?

According to a new study, not much (if anything).

This finding, of course, comes as no surprise to anyone who a) has flown on an airplane with children; b) tried to have dinner out (at a restaurant other than McDonald's or similar) with children; c) gone on a long car trip with children; d) spent more than a few hours with a child; or e) all of the above.

Indeed, what is amazing to me is that anyone would need to conduct a study -- and got funding to do so! -- to figure out that whining (as well as the sound of a baby or child crying and parental baby talk) is highly annoying and distracting. I could have told you that for nothing -- as could any parent or any non-deaf adult who has spent a few hours with a whiny child (or teen).

Btw, the spouse is so going to throw this post in my face. (Whining, it's not just for kids!)

[To read a short summary of the study, click here.]

Ruffled feathers (aka my swan post)

While at the annual Father's Day Picnic at my in-laws' club yesterday, I spied two swans and became obsessed with getting a picture of at least one of them. [If you click on the picture directly below and squint, you can see two white dots through the railing of the bridge. Those are the swans.]















Finally, after hours of watchfulness, one of the swans finally floated within range of my Canon PowerShot S95's zoom lens. Only to proceed to groom itself for what seemed like an eternity. Stopping but briefly to catch its breath and/or adjust itself. It was during two of these intervals (as I ran back and forth along the water trying to get a good angle) that I managed to snap these three pictures. I am particularly happy with the middle one.











































They may have nasty dispositions, but swans sure are beautiful.

Paradise by the dashboard light

True story. Make that true pathetic story.

So the spouse and I are driving back from an absolutely lovely dinner, where I have imbibed an entire glass of excellent rose (which is about half a glass too much for yours truly), and we are listening to the Mets game, as we are both Metsochists. And it's the bottom of the fourth inning, the Mets are up and Jason Bay singles and the announcer, Howie Rose, is screaming something like "And Angel Pagan, who had just stolen second base, is rounding third, he's heading for home, and..." and I scream out

Stop right there!
I gotta know right now!
Before we go any further,
Do you love me?
Will you love me forever?
Do you need me?
Will you never leave me?
Will you make me so happy for the rest of my life?
Will you take me away and will you make me your wife?
I gotta know right now,
Before we go any further
Do you love me?!
Will you love me forever?!

Which, for those of you who weren't around (or conscious) in 1977, was the bit sung by the girl in Meatloaf's classic "Paradise by the Dashboard Light" after the famous baseball bridge -- narrated by former Yankee shortstop, announcer, and pitchman for The Money Store, Phil Rizzuto -- which everyone in my cabin that summer of camp had memorized by the time we went home (much to the delight of our unsuspecting parents).



Btw, I had no idea -- until the spouse informed me in the car tonight -- that Phil Rizzuto narrated that classic bit. Apparently Meatloaf was a big-time Yankees fan and asked Rizzuto if he would do the honors. (I also wasn't aware that I still recalled the lyrics. Amazing what the mind retains.)

Even better, the Mets are currently up 6-0. Now if they could only get above .500, that would be paradise.