Ya got treason

[With apologies to Meredith Wilson, Robert Preston, and The Music Man]
Well, either you're closing your eyes

To a situation you do not wish to acknowledge
Or you are not aware of the caliber of disaster indicated
By the presence of a traitor in the White House.
Ya got treason, my friend, right here,
I say, treason,
Right here in the Capital City.
With a capital "T,"
And that rhymes with "P," and that stands for Putin!

And all week long in your Capital City
Journalists be fritterin' away,
Fritterin' away their days,
Tryin' to get a straight answer from Sarah Sanders.

Oh, yes we got lots and lots a' problems.
Right here in the Capital City.
Problems with a capital "P"
And that rhymes with "T," and that stands for Trump!

Now, I know all you folks are the right kinda voters.
So I'm gonna be perfectly frank.
Would ya like to know what kinda conversation goes down,
How the White House is gonna cover up the same old lies to the American people?
Sure you do!

Oh we got treason,
Right here in the Capital City!
With a capital "T"
That rhymes with "P"
And that stands for Putin,
That stands for Putin.
We've surely got treason!
Right here in the Capital City,
Right here!
Gotta figger out a way
To keep the country from going down the tubes
Treason, treason, treason, treason... 

Russian PM congratulates U.S. on Donald Trump's big win

Greetings Comrades Citizens of the United States of Russia!

I am writing to congratulate you on your glorious revolution stupidity election. We have spent years grooming Donald J. Trump for this important position, and we are overjoyed to see that all of our hard work has finally paid off.

We have to admit, we were momentarily worried when our good friend Paul Manafort was dismissed as campaign manager. But we were delighted to see how incredibly gullible open the American people and Congress were to our other efforts to get Mr. Trump elected. (And here we thought you Americans were not so easily duped.)

Rest assured, we in Russia will do everything in our power to help Mr. Trump plunge the United States into chaos succeed. Our Syrian representative has already met with Mr. Trump's son, Donald Trump, Jr., and assured us of Mr. Trump's -- and the United States's -- future cooperation on important world matters. And our fearless leader President Putin is very taken with Mr. Trump's charming daughter, Ivanka.

Here's to four years of close cooperation between our two countries.

За нашу дружбу!

Dmitry Anatolyevich Medvedev and all of your friends in the Russian Federation