The Belgian Dilemma (World Cup Woes)

As Team USA prepares to play the Belgium National Football Team in the knockout round of the 2014 FIFA World Cup this afternoon, American food and beer lovers face a dilemma.

Belgium is, after all, the country that gave us Belgian waffles (or wafels)...

Belgian chocolate...

Belgian beer...

And moules-frites...

Or what is known in my house as the four basic food groups.

The dilemma: Are we Americans being disloyal if we imbibe Belgian beer with our moule-frites, or anxiously pop Beglian chocolates into our mouths, while watching the World Cup? And if the Belgium National Football Team knocks out Team USA in this afternoon's knockout round of the 2014 FIFA World Cup, do we show our solidarity with our beloved American footballers (aka the US soccer team) and boycott Belgian products? And if so, for how long?

More about Belgium here.

Where's a beer drone when you need one?

Forget those ridiculous Coors Light ads with the mountain climbers delivering ice-cold Coors Light beer plucked from ice caves to bar patrons. You want an ice-cold beer delivered to you, to your door? Then you, my friend, need a beer drone.

(Take that, Coors Light!)



Now when you run out of beer on game day, no more having to suit up with a coat, hat, gloves, and boots. Just have the beer drone deliver a nice cold six- or 12-pack to your door!

Btw, I am not making this up. Lakemaid Beer really does deliver beer by drone. Or did. (The FAA has since grounded them. Boo.)

Speaking of beer, even though I am not a fan of Bud Light beer*, I have to admit that the Bud Light Super Bowl XLVIII ad, titled "Ian, Up for Whatever," is pretty awesome.



All I can say is, Ian Rappaport, you are one lucky dude. Cheers.

*With the hundreds of beers available, why would anyone choose Bud Light? Unless you are broke and it's the only beer you can afford.

What would Spock drink?

[Alternate title: To boldly go where no beer has gone before!]

Finally, someone has managed to combine two of my favorite things: Star Trek and beer! Just in time for the opening of Star Trek into Darkness!

Introducing Vulcan Ale, the first “officially licensed alcoholic beverage” of Star Trek -- and "A logical choice for a palate pleasing libation."

Though I'm not sure a Vulcan ale should be Irish Red. (A pale ale would surely be more logical. Also, I thought Vulcan was known for its port not ale.)

More about Vulcan Ale here and here.

(Though why Vulcan Ale is only sold in Canada seems highly illogical.)

The beer your beer could taste like?

For those of you who have ever wondered what happened to beloved Old Spice pitch man Isaiah Mustafa, he is now shilling for Maccabee Beer. (Though sadly, fully dressed -- and not on a horse.)



["Look at your beer, now back to me."]

Never heard of Maccabee Beer? Me neither. Until now. But in addition to being tasty -- make that tasty tasty -- it is a pale, pilsner-style lager made and sold in Israel and also distributed in the United States.

Tasty as Maccabee Beer may be, though, the spouse and I are sticking with Newcastle Brown Ale... for now (even though it received lower marks from Beer Advocate than Maccabee Beer).

So what beers (or lagers or ales) do you find tasty?

And The Best Use of Coors Light Award goes to...

During Hurricane Irene, we here in the Northeast were hit pretty hard. Indeed, that first Monday, 82 percent of my town didn't have electricity (and running water in most cases) -- and many of us were without power for six days. Fortunately, we were enjoying a bit of a cool spell, and the spouse and I figured if we kept our refrigerator and freezers closed, and added ice, our food would be okay for a couple of days, maybe more.

But after a couple of days, even if you put your perishables in a cooler filled with ice, you begin to wonder, is my food really being kept cold?

Sure, sure, you can check the temperature with a thermometer. But what fun would that be? Also, it's really hard to read a thermometer in the dark.

Fortunately, you don't need a thermometer. That is, you have a bottle or can of Coors Light with Super Cold Activation!

True story: While listening to the local radio station a few days after the storm, a woman called in saying she had a great easy tip for knowing if your food was being kept cold during a power loss. Her tip? Insert a Coors Light with Super Cold Activation into a cooler with ice and periodically check it. If the SUPER COLD and COLD strips are blue, your food is okay. If not, you need to add more ice.



She also recommended having at least a six-pack of Coors Light around, in case you had more than one cooler -- and a six-pack of a beer you would actually want to drink, in the event you got thirsty.

Feeling Naughty

I love a good beer -- and a good beer label. So when I saw the Naughty Nurse display at Whole Foods, I could not resist.

Anyone care to play doctor with me? ;-) (Love me a good cheeky amber ale.)

















Per City Steam's (really lame) website, the Naughty Nurse is a best seller (though I'm guessing their summer ale, titled Blonde on Blonde, will give that amber wench a run for her hops). But I think if they had a really great tagline and/or advertising campaign they would sell even more ale.

Think of the possibilities!

"Take home a Naughty Nurse tonight!"

"Naughty Nurse, it goes down smooth!"

"Grab yourself a Naughty Nurse!"

[I am restraining myself -- barely -- from typing some of my racier taglines.]

But why should I have all the fun? What do you think would be a great tagline for Naughty Nurse Amber Ale? Let me know via the Comments (or on the J-TWO-O Facebook fan page)! I may even treat the winner to a beer!

I could use a beer about now (Cinco de Mayo post)

I've been so busy freaking out about planning and packing for our trip to La Jolla, California, I forgot today was Cinco de Mayo -- until I heard the latest "the most interesting man in the world" radio ad for Dos Equis beer:



I'm not sure why but I love the line "He can open a pinata with a wink and a smile." (And, for the record, dicing onions makes me cry, which is probably why I'm not the most interesting man in the world, besides not having a penis, but it does make for good eats -- diced onions, not a penis.)

Well, gotta fly (literally).

Happy Cinco de Mayo. (Just hope it doesn't turn out to be a stinko to fly-o what with Obama in town.)

UPDATED: It turns out the most interesting man in the world is a Jewish actor from the Bronx. (Thanks to friend of the blog J. In La Jolla for sending me the link to the New Yorker article!)

How far would you carry your wife for a beer? How about a keg of beer?

Would you carry her for 832 feet?

That's how far 55 apparently very thirsty men, hailing from 15 different countries, carried their mates -- through water and over hurdles -- this past weekend in the 15th Annual Wife-Carrying Championship in Sonkajarvi, Finland.

The things some guys will do for a keg of beer. (The winning team is rewarded with the wife's weight in beer. And no, I don't know what kind of beer or if the winner gets his choice.)


Watch CBS News Videos Online

More about the 15th Annual Wife-Carrying Championship (including some fabulous pictures) here. (How can I get a job writing for The Daily Mail? Those blokes have waaay too much fun.)

Bummed that you missed out on this year's Finnish wife-carrying competition? Never fear! The 11th Annual North American Wife Carrying Championship will take place Saturday, October 9, 2010, in Newry, Maine! Sign up and start practicing now and a keg (or two) of beer and glory could be yours come Columbus Day!

Want to learn more about the sport of wife carrying? Click here. (FYI, per the "rules," "The wife to be carried may be your own, the neighbor's, or you may have found her further afield; she must, however, be over 17 years of age." Also the wife must be at least 49 kg [107.8 pounds]. If she is under 49 kg, "the wife will be burdened with a rucksack containing additional weight such that the total load to be carried is no less than 49 kg.")

Super Bowl ads (sneak peek) + Great ads, lousy beer

This Sunday, as (almost) all of you know is Super Bowl XLIV (or 44 for all you non Romans), which can mean only one thing: lots and lots of ridiculously expensive and ridiculous ads. But I bet you didn't know there was a website dedicated just to Super Bowl ads. The site's name/URL? Superbowl-ads.com.

And right now, if you go to Superbowl-ads.com, you can see previews of many of this year's Super Bowl ads, some of which look to be very funny. (Being a former big-time Chicago Bulls basketball fan, I am particularly intrigued, and a bit saddened by, the remake of the Michael Jordan - Larry Bird McDonald's ad, now starring LeBron James and Dwight Howard.)

And, of course, it wouldn't be the Super Bowl without lots of Bud and Bud Light ads. Which only makes me wonder: How can a company that makes such great ads make such lousy beer? Seriously, just imagine what the real men of genius behind Bud Light could have accomplished had they poured the same amount of money they do into advertising into developing a light beer that actually tasted good.

In fact, some of my (and the spouse's) favorite commercials of late have been for Bud Light. (Those Tailgate Tested, Tailgate Approved! ads crack me up.) And I think Bud Light's ad agency (in this case DDB Chicago, which also produced the Real Men of Genius campaign) may have outdone itself with this latest ad, titled "Clothing Drive":



[Hats -- shirt and pants -- off to DDB Chicago associate creative director Galen Graham.]

I also really like DDB's Bud Light ad titled "Swear Jar":



Though really, you're going to spend all that money on a case of Bud Light? Aren't there, oh, at least 100 other, better beers you could be buying?

ANYWAY... Here's to a great Super Bowl -- and lots of great Super Bowl ads.

Football, beer, and dogs. Does it get any better than this?

No wonder they call dogs "man's best friend." Not only can he help you crack open a nice cold beer*...

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

he's the perfect tailgate companion...



And speaking of beer and football and tailgating, enterprising 21-year-old inventor, football fan, and beer drinker Dan Klavoon, from Lockport, New York, this week won the Bud Light "Tailgate Tested, Tailgate Approved" contest (a free trip to the 2010 Super Bowl) with his must-have tailgating invention the Beer Sphere. (It's a football! It's a beer chiller! It's the Beer Sphere!)



Of course, as both my teams -- the New Jersey Giants and New Jersey Jets -- have practically no chance of making the playoffs this year, and I don't have a dog (except when it comes to the sports teams I root for), and I have not gotten so lazy that I cannot simply get up and get the spouse a beer, I do not (currently) have use for any of these marvelous products. But they make great stocking stuffers! Order yours today!

*I love how Bark4Beer calls its product "The Best Dog Collar Bottle Opener," so you won't confuse it with all those other dog collar bottle openers.

What's a bear gotta do to get a drink around here?

This Thursday evening, like many other denizens of Hayward, Wisconsin, a 125-pound black bear wandered into a local liquor store in search of a six pack, causing a bit of a scene.

While the non-ursine shoppers were ushered out of the store, the bear strolled the aisles for over an hour before winding up in the beer cooler, where authorities administered a breathalyzer test and took him away.


No word on which beer the bear chose, or whether he was a Green Bay Packers or Minnesota Vikings fan.

You could win an ultra chic, ultra comfy recliner just by reading this post!

Okay, technically it's a "glider," but no matter what you call this uber comfy chair, it's perfect for nursing a beer or a baby -- and it could be yours, for FREE!

Here's the dealio.... Our good friend, "Jake," who owns the store Mini Jake, the coolest, hippest children's (and parents') store in all of Brooklyn -- deemed New York Magazine's Best Kids' Furniture store in 2008 -- has this new promo for the month of September, the Great Glider Giveaway, and he asked me to spread the word. And I am always happy to help a friend.



Per Jake, the Monte Luca Glider is "a super comfy, great looking $950 chair we're giving away that you or your husband could fall asleep in surrounded by an empty six-pack of Pabst Blue Ribbon [or the beer of your choice]. And it's good for nursing moms too!"

You hear that, people? It's a chic yet super comfy $950 value, perfect for nursing a beer or a baby -- and it could be yours, for FREE, just by entering the Monte Luca Glider Giveaway Sweepstakes over at Mini Jake. You don't even need to live in Brooklyn, or New York. You just need to fill out an online entry form (click the link in the previous sentence to access it) by September 30.

Btw, while you are there, check out all the other cool stuff Mini Jake has on offer. His toys and other items make lovely gifts -- for kids of every age.

Oh, and if one of you wins the glider, you have to invite me over so I can check it out. I'll bring a six-pack of Pabst Blue Ribbon.

It's a documentary about beer. What more do I need to say?

"Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza."

--Dave Barry

Last night, after a delicious pizza dinner, the spouse and I watched Beer Wars, a most excellent documentary about... beer, specifically about the "war" between the big guys (mainly Anheuser-Busch) and the little guys (mainly Dogfish Head).

I wrote briefly about the film, which was written by friend of a friend (hi Amy!) Anat Baron, a beer industry insider (she was general manager of mike’s hard lemonade) here. And like most (all) of you, I didn't get a chance to see it when it was shown for one night only back in April. So I was THRILLED to find out that the DVD, available only on the Beer Wars Movie website, was now available and promptly bought one. (If you use the coupon code YELP0626, you should get 20 percent off the price. Btw, all proceeds go to support the independent filmmaker and help bring much needed exposure to some great little and medium-sized brewers and beers, including my beloved Fat Tire Amber Ale, which you still cannot get in the Northeast -- and the movie tells you why.)

If you like a good beer and/or you like a good documentary, I highly recommend you buy the Beer Wars DVD. (It also makes a lovely gift.) Just be sure to have a six pack of your favorite American microbrew handy (and maybe some pizza or pretzels) when you watch it as the film will make you very, very thirsty.

A documentary about beer? I'll drink to that! Beer Wars opens this Thursday!

Recently I was pinged by friend and reader of the blog Amy S., who asked if I would help promote her new movie, Beer Wars, "a no holds barred exploration of the U.S. beer industry that ultimately reveals the truth behind the label of your favorite beer." My response? Hell yeah! (A toast and some burping may also have been involved.)


I am always happy to help a friend -- and a worthwhile cause. And as my readers well know, I am a big fan and supporter of American brewed beer (though I have been known to quaff the occasional Stella or Bass).

Btw, for those of you who have been following the blog since last summer, this winter we finally finished up our stash of Fat Tire Amber Ale, which the spouse and I "discovered" on our Pacific Northwest bike trip last July. However, because Fat Tire is impossible to get on the East Coast, we had a back-up plan, or rather, beer, Black Dog Ale, which some friends in New Hampshire introduced us to, and which I highly recommend. We've also been drinking American Ale, which, as you probably know, is made by... Budweiser. I know, I know. Yet it is surprisingly refreshing and delicious. (It's all about drinkability, baby.)

But getting back to Beer Wars, the movie, if beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy, as Benjamin Franklin is attributed with saying, a documentary about beer must mean that Hollywood loves us and wants us to be happy -- or at least drink more beer. And personally, I see absolutely nothing wrong with that (in moderation, of course).

Btw, the movie, which is being released on April 16, looks pretty good:



So this post's for you, Amy, and to beer lovers across this great nation. Cheers and best of luck with Beer Wars the movie.

And to everyone reading this post, make a date to see Beer Wars this April 16 (or soon thereafter)!

Now that's what I call a party animal... Plus NFL playoff predictions

Being someone who cannot hold her liquor (what in the old days was referred to as "a cheap date"), I was quite impressed to learn of the tiny Malaysian pen-tailed tree shrew's ability to subsist "on a diet roughly equivalent to 100 percent beer"... without ever getting drunk. Now that's my kind of shrew. [Insert "shrew" jokes here.]

Per the article, "The discovery is particularly intriguing because the tree shrew is believed to be very similar to the last common ancestor of all living primates. The researchers hypothesize that this ancestor may have consumed alcohol at moderate or high levels, which could explain why humans have some tolerance for alcohol." (Clearly, the researchers have never been to a Jets home game.)

And speaking of football.... As many of you know, this is a very important weekend for professional football, that is, if your team is in the playoffs, which mine -- the New York Giants (although they play in New Jersey) -- is. However, I am so nervous about this weekend's big game (Sunday at 1 p.m. ET on FOX) that I am hesitant to make predictions or even talk smack against the other team (from the misnamed "City of Brotherly Love." Brotherly Love my Giants-thong-wearing ass).

To date, my track record for making playoff predictions is worse than the 2007 - 2008 Mets' bullpen's ability to win a game. I was SURE it was going to be the Colts and the Giants in the Big Game, Manning a Manning. But Peyton and the Colts let me down. As did Matt Ryan and the Atlanta Falcons... and Chad Pennington and the Miami Dolphins. Indeed, the only game we correctly predicted the winner of in our Super Bowl Pool was (shudder) the Vikings - Eagles matchup, and we LOATHE the Philadelphia Eagles, though not as much as we loathe the Dallas Cowboys (though I used to like Tony Romo, before he started dating Jessica Simpson).

My first round playoff picks picked off (so to speak), I still have the Steelers, Panthers, and Giants -- and believe the Tennessee Titans will clobber the Baltimore Ravens (though I currently don't have a bet on that game).

And if my beloved Giants (Brandon Jacobs is back!) lose to the Eagles on Sunday, I may be heading to the Museum of Broken Relationships, to donate my Brandon Jacobs t-shirt and my Giants thong.

But if they win, I will party like a tree shrew. Go G-Men! Go Big Blue!

A toast to my good friend, Tabitha, for my 20 bottles of 22 oz. Fat Tire Amber Ale

Cheers!

Sometimes a picture is worth a thousand words (give or take)...


But, being a writer, I must add a few words, mainly of thanks, to my dear friend, Tabitha (and her husband, David), for giving me a gift that will keep on giving for many months to come. Thank you. Your generosity and willingness to risk a prison sentence on my behalf are greatly appreciated. A toast, to Tabitha and David and my 20 22 oz. bottles of Fat Tire Amber Ale!

As for the rest of you (those of you who were not willing to risk a prison sentence to ship me my beloved ale across state lines, who chortled at my plight, or wanted to know what was in it for you), you are off the hook. You can keep your Fat Tire. I got mine.

On biking, beer, and Brett Favre

So that guy over there to the right is Nate, who led our six-day Bicycle Adventures cycling trip (perhaps the best bike trip the spouse and I have ever gone on, in terms of organization and quality of bikes and gear) around Fidalgo, San Juan, Lopez, and Guemes islands in Washington State. Isn't he dreamy? (My fellow cyclist Judy S. and I sure thought so, and teased him to no end, though it was all in fun. Then again, maybe Demi Moore had the right idea.)

It was an amazing trip. A wonderful trip. A fabulous trip, despite some (aforementioned) inner thigh soreness, a blister in a most unforgiving place, unseasonably cold weather (with a side order of clouds and rain), and the sad realization that despite working out every other day I am not in as good shape as I thought I was. (The words "not another effing hill" were my mantra.) But the scenery was gorgeous, the six other people (all Canadians) on the trip were lovely, and we had some wonderful meals -- and beverages.

Which leads me to my next topic, beer, more specifically Fat Tire Amber Ale, also known as Nectar of the Gods, which the aforementioned Nate introduced me (and my spouse) to one night after a ride. In a word: YUM. One sip and I was hooked. Had it with dinner every night thereafter.

Had I known that YOU CANNOT GET FAT TIRE EAST OF THE MISSISSIPPI, I would have purchased a 12-pack in Seattle and lugged it home with me (or had it shipped). But I only discovered this annoying fact this afternoon, after nearly grabbing the guy with the frizzy ponytail over at Elmer's by the shirt collar and imploring him to order me some. Cannot be done. So now I will have to resort to begging or bribing my friends out West, particularly those who happen to live in Colorado and happen to be heading East to attend, say, the U.S. Open (hint), to bring me some Fat Tire. (Please?)

Btw, you cannot get Fat Tire in Wisconsin either. And you know what else you soon may not be able to get in Wisconsin? Brett Favre. Even though the NFL just reinstated him and he reported to training camp today. But ya know what? I hope former-backup-now-supposedly-starting Green Bay QB Aaron Rodgers hands Favre his ass (which last week Green Bay was willing to pay $25 million to stay retired).

Now don't get me wrong. As anyone who knows me knows, I am (or was) a HUGE Green Bay Packers and Brett Favre fan (though not as much as that guy on the left). But this "poor ole Brett Favre" BS has got to stop.

The guy, who is 38, which ain't young in NFL terms, said he was retiring. Green Bay said "Are you sure, Brett?" I don't know, like a half-dozen (or maybe it was a half-million) times, telling him repeatedly how much they still wanted him and would do practically anything to keep him, yet No. 4 refused the crown each time. As a result of which, Green Bay reshaped (or began to reshape) its franchise.

And now, months later, Mr. Three-Time-MVP (though not in over 10 years) wants back in, which is understandable, but just rubs me (and a lot of other folks) the wrong way, even though thousands of Cheese Heads are now dancing in the streets.

Stay tuned, sports fans, this soap opera (or cheesy melodrama) ain't over yet.

Something's brewing at DNC convention... Utah town comes unstrung at thought of bikinis... More...

As many of you beer devotees and/or politicos may have heard, Molson Coors is donating fuel made from beer to the Democratic National Convention this summer.

Apparently, Molson Coors is not only one of the world's largest brewers (making, among other brews, Molson, Coors, and one of my favorites, Blue Moon) but a large producer of beer-based ethanol. And lest any of you worry about perfectly good beer not being put to proper use, calm yourselves. Molson Coors ethanol "is made from beer lost during packaging [visions of Lucy filching chocolates off the assembly line are now dancing in my head] or rejected on a quality basis at the company’s brewery in Golden," according to an AP report.

On a related note, Molson Coors will also be providing beer to convention goers, which has fueled speculation that some may not know the difference.

In other news... The town of Kanab, Utah, is considering lifting its recent ban on bikinis, claiming the ban was unintentional. "We were so engrossed with safety and health issues we overlooked the wording," said a town official, according to an AP report. (Note to self: How do I become an AP reporter? Those guys are having waaaay too much fun.)

Of course. Doesn't everyone thinking about health and safety issues immediately think "first ban the bikinis"? Though considering some of the over-30 bikini wearers I've seen (both male and female), the folks in Kanab may be onto something (or at least doing the public a service).

Now, however, due to intense pressure, town officials are planing on rescinding the ban -- yet are warning locals that they will still be keeping a sharp eye out for string bikinis and thongs. Yeah, I bet they will. (Per town officials, bikinis made with a large quantity of material, like muumuus?, are OK, as are men's Speedos. No word yet about excessive chest or back hair or medallions.)

And this just in (from the Associated Press, naturally): "Bitch Screwed by Judge, Barking Mad." Okay, that was my headline, which I didn't feel I should put in the title, though it's true. The story: apparently a Manhattan surrogate judge has ruled that Trouble, the late Leona Helmsley's beloved (albeit troublesome) Maltese, who is now nine, will now only have a $2 million trust fund, not a $12 million one. And where is that $10 million going, you ask? According to the report, it is going (or has gone) to the Helmsley's charitable foundation, proving, once again, that life really is a bitch, in more ways than one.